The Woman Behind Controversial Dating Guide ‘The Rules’ | This Morning

Now, in 1995, our next guest, Sherry Schneider, co-wrote one of the most infamous and

controversial

dating

manuals of all time, designed to help women find their perfect match. The

rules

included advice like never talk to a man first and never show him who you are. I'm interested, well it quickly became an international bestseller with Beyonce admitting it worked for me while Blake Lively was rumored to have used the

rules

and caught Leonardo DiCaprio but with an updated version coming out later

this

year does the rules really translate to 2023 well co-author sherry schneider joins us now sherry nice talking to you

this

morning

so you co-wrote this this was with your friend ellen and so fact it all came out of many many conversations over dinner chatting together and noticing the women meeting and keeping men and this is where this came out yes we were like sociologists in new york city this was before sex in the city we noticed that the women who were chasing the Manor were too available were dumped and the ones that were hard to get husbands and at that time in 1995, I mean, there was a lot of criticism, even then saying that, uh, it encouraged women to essentially play with the men well some people said i wasn't a feminist but we think feminism feminism is about equal work you know equal pay for equal work that has nothing to do with

dating

dating is completely biological men like love the challenges they need to chase you have to be hard to get i guess um there are some people who would have been looking back i did it originally in 95 and i said well yeah ok but we've come a long way since then some of the things seemed a little old fashioned you know the rules which include things like not looking at men or talking too much don't accept. on a saturday night the day after wednesday stop going out with him if he doesn't buy your romantic gift for your birthday on valentine's day you think those things still work now they're still just as important they're just as important the only thing that's changed It's technology now we can message men and make friends with them and follow them on Instagram.

We have new ways to break the rules, but biology hasn't changed. We still need them to chase us. The men must chase us or it doesn't work. changed the dating scene everything is out there everything is transparent everyone is an open book there is no mystery and dating depends on mystery a man shouldn't know everything about you women date and like to spill their guts you know for seven hours or them I'm chatting online for hours in the middle of the night no mystery on the guy's board and he goes on to another

woman

so he's had an update though and this isn't you going to go back and change all those original rules as you say you stand by that but this suggests that actually these rules may apply to more areas of your life, to more relationships, more than just romantic ones, yeah we think that if you are a sensitive person, someone you listen to easily. mother-in-law for your sister for your coworker you need to make the rules you need to keep busy walk away don't confront people we live in a very confrontational society where people call each other and say "hey i can" don't believe me you didn't call me I called you twice we're cool we're like we're busy we treat everyone who can hurt us like men we just get to work let them chase us if you haven't heard from your sister or your mom or your friend just wait you know get on get to work just look left and look right whoever loves you is on your left or your right you don't make things happen we don't force anything the rules are spiritual in that sense what about going out for the first meal and who pays the bill by dividing the bill?

Yes, he doesn't pay romantically, he doesn't like you, but what about what you don't think about out of respect? I'm not going to assume you want me to pay for you because you're the strong

woman

who makes her own money. Actually, it would be disrespectful to suggest that I'm going to pay for you. I mean, because there is that element now. for a man where they might be doubting themselves because they might go to God, what am I doing here now? Well, if they're thinking about the bill or they're thinking about respect, they're not thinking of you in a romantic way.

So no, it's not, it doesn't mean anything, what you, it's just all this, that's why we had to write the manual. The women are being fed. work and so telling a woman to eat all she wants and lose weight we don't buy it Dating has to be disciplined he chases you he pays picks the plays he does all the work and so 2023 update uh give us Give us some of the key points you've updated, well one of the things we talked about is you have a higher self and you have a lower self. example with marriage you know if your husband says something nasty many women just respond worse you know or they will say divorce we say just keep quiet until you are ready to discuss it calmly you know george clooney says he and all of them have never had a fight and it I think not because they are rich and could pay for all their problems, but because they live as a higher being, they are philanthropists, they seek peace, harmony contribute to society while people who fight, you know, couples who fight against their self inferior, they're selfish, they're petty, they have to have the last word, that's not what it's about so we'd rather be diplomatic, we're not being doormats we're being diplomatic so there's this in course five says the rules uh for creating marriages respectful and associations and instead of thinking happy wife happy life should be happy husband happy wife when a husband is happy he stays when he is unhappy he leaves or is miserable i mean i feel like that is like going back in time a little bit shouldn't be mutual respect both people should be happy for a happy life not just one yes but both people should be happy but we are writing this book for women and a lot of women have clients and you know a lot of them are in the uk they get married and all of a sudden they want another house or they want a bigger car or they just get insatiable with other things or they don't like their mom and they refuse to have anything to do with her whatever it is they're just out of control and we say if you want to have a happy marriage think about your husband's needs for example what he wants you know maybe he is sociable maybe he loves his mother you should meet his mother more often too many women worry about themselves , they're thinking Botox, tummy tucks, housewives, and designer handbags, it's like they're not.

That is what it is about making your husband happy and in turn he will be kind to you. It is like you reach out and return. It is too selfish in marriages. It is like I can get. It is not that you can give. The wonderful thing about human beings is that we are also very different in the mix of humans on the planet who hang out and don't hang out I mean you can't do a one size fits all relationship can you believe men and women are biologically different and our book is in 27 countries we have done consultations with women in germany and italy and it's the same as men need a challenge that's why they like sports and bungee jumping and you know all kinds of fast cars like women don't like those things women they like security women look you just talked about sophia richie it was like about the red dress she was talking about her three dresses you know it's like women want the dress and the wedding men want the chase right?

I think this is going to be just as

controversial

as the last one. I mean it's the truth, the truth is not popular, but it is the truth. If you want to hear fantasies you know you can go online and watch the guys tell you or you know the coaches say call man ask them out look what their mom is like it's like it's all a lie I mean if you want the truth , make the rules, if you want something more, it's a free country, do what you want, but this is the truth. Dating and Marriage The rumor is that Meghan Markle used the rules with Prince Harry, well she actually talked about the fact that she read the book in high school in college and said she didn't really think she had to do it all but we think she did some of that I mean she said she didn't know who he was which are our rules for dating a celebrity if you want to get a celebrity pretend you don't know who he is because that will pique his interest because he's so used to that girls throw themselves on it awesome thank you thank you thank you the rulebook the updated one will be out later this year thank you so much let me talk to you thank you so much sherry