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The Haters Guide to the 2022 NFL Season: AFC Edition

The Haters Guide to the 2022 NFL Season: AFC Edition
welcome to another

season

of nfl football where perfect matchups and talking points are totally not manufactured to maximize ratings would you expect something as prestigious as the shield to nudge things in the right direction that's crazy talk best to simply go over the 16 teams in the afc and call it a day hopefully if there's any good news they will no longer have a built-in excuse for collapsing on defense in the final 13 seconds of regulation however despite the cries of football fans everywhere the bills are going to have to try to get back to that mountain again no checkpoints in this game it should be easy to get back there come on with the offensive weapons they have with the hopefully legit belkalo running back this

season

to complement devin singletary with that defense near full strength adding von miller to it minus an injury to jordan boyer it should be as smooth as the way buffalo handed them a new stadium on a silver platter however as buffalo knows from experience there's a honeymoon period on a team success if time passes and the bills still can't get over the hump optimism will turn into vitriol those are the dangerous vices of expectations and the line between those two emotions is much thinner than we'd like to admit kind of like the punk god matariza he was beloved until allegations of being involved in a gang rape came to light these accusations are heinous get the out matt go right to jail right now perhaps we can tamper with the...
the haters guide to the 2022 nfl season afc edition
dolphins fortunes like steven ross tried to do with tom brady and sean payton imagine being too and mike mcdaniel in that locker room after hearing that news they could never prove that blatant tank in 2019 was ordered by that bumbling at the top but miami loses a few picks including next year's first to go with other punishments while everyone and their mother thinks that tua can't throw the damn ball longer than 20 yards miami is hoping to tune out the noise and win games maybe it happens with mike gasiki maybe not their offensive game plan is going to be sending tyreek hill and jaylen waddle on 10 billion crossing routes in the neo-west coast offensive paradise hopefully their offensive line won't be complete ass like it was last year also it's totally a coincidence that steven ross is allowed back to games when they play the steelers you know the team brian flores went to at this point i hope they fail because of ross when the team tries to keep the glory days alive several outcomes are possible first they continue their winning ways if mack jones progresses from his strong rookie campaign if a defense with a bunch of leaving and moving parts can mesh into a strong unit if devonte parker can stay healthy enough to fulfill his potential maybe they can return to being insufferable the other outcome incredible denial that the window is slammed shutness drifting into the abyss new blood to call plays on offense that's some poppycock right there the pets...
the haters guide to the 2022 nfl season afc edition
need are two absolute hacks whose self-exaggerated genius rivals every 16 year old know it all a competition between detroit's most hated pencil pusher and qb sneaks near your own goal line on a third and nine with the no line without dante scarnecchia to coach it mac jones is getting the justin fields experience isn't he someone get belichick out of the film room so we can realize the situation meet the new team probably the same as the old team last year's jet squad was immediately undone out of the gate due to a ton of injuries to key players but what about this year if mackay beckton has anyone to go by they're probably replaying 2021's tape dwayne brown is in to replace becton on the line but he was a key piece to their developments denzel mims might have been a piece as well but he's requested a traitor release from this house same situation for zack wilson the good news is that he did not tear his acl sad that only being out for a few weeks is seen as good news for the jets it's not an indictment of what they're doing in east rutherford i like the structure they're trying to build the gods of fate may destroy it before it even gets the chance to grow as much of a gut punch as tyrique hill openly on the jets when they tried to trade for him can this team get a break please everyone isn't filling hospital ward so far that in and of itself is a drastic improvement over last

season

okay gus edwards is still on the pup list but...
the haters guide to the 2022 nfl season afc edition
perhaps the ravens will finally be able to have enough cornerbacks and running backs to finish the

season

none of that matters though what really does is paying justin tucker in his leg of 24 karat goal he only became the highest paid kicker in nfl history not bad business but the question now goes to lamar will baltimore pay him what he will desire or do they steal a buyer's remorse about joe flacco jackson shown flashes of brilliance in his time by the chesapeake but has countered them with complete duds in the process this year is critical for so many pieces of the ravens the fan base has long been ready to chuck greg roman into the shark exhibit at the aquarium if things go south again they might want to throw john harbaugh in with him super bowl hangover is very real even for teams that come up just short in the end yes the bengals weren't supposed to be there but it attacks its unwitting prey all the same for cincinnati they knew their problems and tried to address them the offensive line revamped with major signings more weapons for joe burrow added reinforcement at nearly every position an indoor practice facility being constructed it's almost as if the bengals are once again relevant start to stomach for a certain rival of theirs in the same state no i didn't make that quick because joe burrow had an appendectomy i'm not that callous just like the new name of their stadium cincinnati is beginning a new age it may have been thrust upon them...
prematurely but with the weapons they have at their disposal plus with jesse bates playing on the franchise tag they should be a threat once again in a way it kind of feels good not to have the same stale talking points about a team hey i like winsteam from dark souls as much as the next man but that gets boring after a while it takes tremendous effort to go from a downtrodden underdog to a cancerous franchise everyone wants to see fail this is why i don't feel bad for many teams you give them enough oxygen and they will become toxic the browns are no exception maker mayfield stubbornly playing on a major shoulder injury was apparently the call for change and what better way to do that than by not only trading for desean roethlisberger but delivering a fully guaranteed contract to his doorstep baker is finally free of this hell for pennies on the dollar but desean is going to be suspended for six games in the process let me make a correction it's now 11. now the browns won't only have to deal with jacobi brasetta qb for the foreseeable future but nick chubb is going to be running to the ground so fast you think his nickname was boxer are already down jake granted several centers to year-ending injuries so if they fail again this

season

who gives a cleveland's thrown away many of those in the past but the rewards they believe will justify the means jimmy haslam dreams of lombardy many of them some things always stay the same in this case endless drama and...
coming out of berea check this team's carbon footprint it's probably violating the paris climate accords world without the leader of men it's a relief for me if only so we can avoid the intense propaganda campaign the league ran for him last

season

a new era has begun for the black and gold brigade one where hopefully the only drama will be chase claypole being overconfident about his abilities at least until george pickens begins as antonio brown the steelers are finally moving into the 21st century guys like chris boswell minka fitzpatrick and deontay johnson were given hefty new extensions that are guaranteed money past the first year a revolutionary concept in pittsburgh i know besides an offensive line that will probably be complete the future is in the allegedly small hands of kenny pickett yinzers merely tolerate mitch trubisky as the current year's tommy maddox a convenient injury by week six should set the succession plan in motion let's be real no one in houston gives a all the texans will do this

season

they're really watching cleveland in the hopes that deshawn crashes and burns having the brown's next three first round picks tends to help there as well okay there are a few things houston is interested in seeing mostly if davis mills promise is something legitimate or a mere flash in the past perhaps it can be made of teflon just like jack easterby seems to be don't worry if the texans suck this year they can just pray the failure...
away like they always do move on round and round the hamster wheel indianapolis goes last year's failure is solely on the feet of carson wetz not on the kocher gm that brought him in it's as if they're paying for the sins of something sinister that happened in the past as they yearn for a time long loss the next short-term stop gap is matt ryan will hopefully throw for a better qbr than four in a must-win game against the worst team in football it doesn't matter what the cults do what kind of talent they have throughout the roster or the vision they see for the club if they can't get a long-term solution under center they will be doomed to an upside-up wildcard loss it's desperation to save jobs at this point not a long-term plan don't argue with me andy you know what i say is true you guys are going to have daniel jones as a starting qb on a year or two and you'll enjoy it it can't get any worse than they did last

season

for duvall right sean khan may still be a clown that gets pushed over at the slightest breeze but they have respectable nfl coaches leading the show this time around plus trent balky but it'll hopefully get mauled by a bear in the opening act or something 2021 was pure stagnation and the hope in

2022

is to see some kind of progress the damage that urban run on this franchise was deep developing trevor lawrence is paramount saving james robinson and travis ctn is paramount proving that breaking the white out market for...
christian kirk wasn't a hilarious up is paramount the last ties to jacksonville's brief relevance are gone the time for a new era to emerge has come hopefully soon dealing with more is bad for business but hilarious to the rest of us all right hannah hill still her quarterback yes that means the titans are still limited in what they can do if last year's choke against the bengals didn't prove that i don't know how the hell i can convince you if it means anything i love derrick henry and i wish him only the greatest of hell seriously having him shut down long term isn't only a death sentence to tennessee's ambitions but to the league's likability itself although i wonder what they're going to do at wide receiver aj brown is gone and someone's gonna have to step up to become the big game target he was feel for traelin burks he's gonna have such a microscope on him that it'll burn an entire ecosystem of ants to be fair the entire team is under pressure to perform this

season

2021 felt like a wasted opportunity plus with how bad their stadium looks after only 25 years of wear and tear a championship run is always good for opening up the public coffers members problems last

season

were so easy to identify a toddler could do it terrible quarterback play and god-awful offensive scheming both of these issues were of critical priority to them and the hope is that they've been fixed with two moves the first their new coach the aaron...
rodgers whisperer and his new protege russell wilson he's currently opening up roughly the 422nd craft beer new american restaurant in the city there's a reason why they broke the bank to trade for wilson the broncos have roughly everything else they need to get to the promised land a strong running back tandem unsung offensive line elite defense if some wide receivers can emerge to greatness they've got a chance to win their division it won't be done with kim patrick though he tore his acl bomber i'd be giddy if i'm in denver they wanted aaron rodgers here but to be fair this isn't a bad consolation prize the king always has to deal with rivals threatening his reign the chiefs have been at the top of the afc west for what seems like an age in football years we remember when they overthrew the past lord of the division in the broncos but now they get to experience what denver did they are the ones that might be withering they are the ones being threatened by those eager to take the crown they are the ones losing talents left and right tyree kill was a game changer for their offense and now he's gone now mvs and juju are quality receivers but nowhere near tyrique there's also the orlando brown junior situation he wants paid but kansas city doesn't have the cap space to meet his demands the situation will be critical soon with mahomes they should still be competitive but with questions at a lot of positions not to mention wondering if the...
defense can maintain form with that drastically altered secondary it's not as secure as it once was now watch me be wrong and they get the number one seed in the afc tensions are rising for the recessive la team the demise of becoming the clippers of football continues with every passing day the rams won a super bowl and they're now the event where self-important celebrities appear to be seen all the chargers can get probably some d-listers and masochists from san diego it won't stop them from trying to shore up that awful awful defense of theirs from last year derwen james despite his health concerns is a talent worthy of keeping around he's now the nfl's highest paid safety the title he will hold for about two months the big fish of jc jackson and khalil mack added to the fray star power that's well known for terrorizing the afc west but jc is going to be out for a few weeks and hopefully khalil won't break down like a mercedes-benz and be stuck in the shop for a month nothing will suffice besides a deep playoff run not even making the dance we'll cut it this time not with their offense not with the success of the rams you know what to do now if the chance comes to tie-in make the playoffs don't call a timeout unless you run defenses and pure bringing in assistance and executives from the new england patriots is advice many teams foolishly desire they're like a bug zapper you know they will lead to your team's untimely death but...
the light is too compelling from your insects to comprehend so while you may fall you get a nice jolt in the process josh mcdaniels is now leading the charge doll of denver is cackling in delight indianapolis might be as well but they're probably more pissed at him being a snake the serpent will have some nice new toys to play with this time around mainly devontae adams reunited with this old college quarterback in derek carr you better perform here he got paid big time for the defense they now have chandler jones to terrorize offenses alongside max crosby this might have been tom brady and gronk in the past but john gruden got cold feet and ghosted them before the threesome they were a tough team to gauge last year was really fluky won five games up the leg of daniel carlson and it was damn impressive considering all the drama they went through this year they fired another president under shady circumstances really you couldn't go just a few months without creating controversy can we just focus on the damn football not have you go through a shitload of adversity again the afc just like last

season

is going to be a bloodbath you can make the argument for nearly every team to be able to reach the promised land of the playoffs and it's a fan of the game you can't ask for much more the afc east is pretty cut and dry though buffalo would be taking that division with ease the afc north will go to baltimore considering that they're finally healthy and able to...
field a respectable team should do wonders for them to me the afc south is a coin flip between india and tennessee and i'm going to air on the side of the titans for the time being it's very close though just like the afc west every team has a shot at winning the division and for my sake i'm going to go bold and pick the broncos i know insane but they actually have a qb and hopefully non-shitty play calling that's all they needed and as for the wild cards it's a tough call but i'm going gonna go with kansas city the chargers and the bengals i personally can't wait to see how wrong i am in these predictions as always maybe they'll be as slow to develop as my vid schedule you