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The Goonies 1 & 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

Mar 18, 2024
It's the start of another AVGN year and can you imagine how




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Wick 4 is only available in South Korea or deep horror movies like Evil Dead Trap are only available in Japan. I'm always sure I can find what I need with a little help from my friend expressvpn. Find out how you can get 3 months of free expressvpn by going to Cinemassacre or clicking the link in my description below. I know these guys must have died Konami, a Legend


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s were like treasures that kids searched for after Emerald Adorn ruby ​​red shooters beat it UPS Diamond Lace platformers and they all hit the NES library like a armada and of course we're talking about such great classics like Contra Castlevania, it had so many other gems like Buyo Haare and Life Force and you had Metal Gear and Bio Billy Castlevania 2.
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More Interesting Facts About,

the goonies 1 2 angry video game nerd avgn...

Top Gun and then you have Goonies one and two, so The Goonies is one of those essential '80s Quin movies about a group of kids who embark on an adventure to search for hidden pirate treasure in hopes of using the fortune to save their homes from being converted. a golf resort while at the same time being pursued by a family of escaped prisoners, the Ferelli. It may be a little dated, but it sure has that fun spirit and nostalgic vibe that you'd expect from the Spielberg brand and of course with something so beloved. a rule that must be blurred in the form of


games now there were several versions on the numerous home computers of the time such as the commer 64 but the versions I speak of are the ones that were made for Nintendo systems now The first is the original Goonies , which were on both the Famicom and the Famicom disk system.
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Let's start with this and try it. Here's that beloved childhood adventure that everyone knew about that has turned into a repetitive scavenger hunt where you flip and kick. Giant mice come out to get bombs, open skull doors to collect keys, blow up the walls around you once you have the three keys, you can unlock the next level, but that's not all in each level, one of your friends has been kidnapped and you have to find them, he plays the character Mikey which is not very obvious and all he does is kick, but you can also find a slingshot, it seems like they lost a lot of potential here, why not play as data?
the goonies 1 2   angry video game nerd avgn
That was the character that had everything. the cool gadgets that would have been better than just a cliché slingshot the enemies are no longer ghosts inspired skeletons bats come on why does every game have to have bats? Oh wait, bats were in the movie, okay, then, and it also has criminals chasing them. I guess it's the Ferellis, so I guess the movie follows, but the bats were probably just a coincidence. One thing I have to praise is that they actually use Cindy Lopper's song from the Goonies movie, they're good enough and it actually sounds pretty cool as chip tune anyway there's not much else about this game you just kill the mice you find the keys you unlock the doors you find the keys you know it's starting to feel like I'm playing the same levels over and over again in In fact, I think I'm playing the same levels over again.
What's going on? Did it send me back to the beginning? That's right, they are the same five stages that are repeated endlessly. What's worse than playing a shitty game? Playing a shitty game that never ends. I'm trapped trapped forever. trapped forever and ever wow, actually what happens here is that if you forget to rescue any of the kids, the game will let you keep playing until stage five, but after that it will send you back to the beginning, what kind of What should I do? It doesn't let you pass any of the levels. It should say: go back and look for the child.
No. Instead, it wants you to keep playing just to waste time on the screen. It tells you how many children you have saved, but not at what stages. you're from so if I'm on stage four and it shows that I saved three kids, that could mean I missed the kid on stage one or two or whatever, I don't know, that was ancient history ago. I've been running around for so long. a lot of time searching for keys so after you have completed stage five with five kids saved it will allow you to go to the sixth and final stage the boat is very short all you do is jump fighting mice and flying fish.
I would argue that none of this ever happens in the movie, but that's no longer the problem. The game has no bosses. You find the girl and the game ends. All you get is a shortcut scene of The Goonies looking at the pirate ship like in the movie and then it says. in the end congratulations oh and you want to know what happens next that sends you back to level one in case you want to play again well that was the version of The Goonies that we don't get here in the United States it was in the arcades but no on home consoles, so they spared us that one because you know why we deserved much worse.
The Goonies 2 was one of those


game movie sequels before there was a sequel very much like Top Gun, the second mission, well of course Top Gun did. will eventually get a sequel, but so far The Goonies haven't made one and if you're hoping it's nothing like this, the main villainess from the first movie Mama Fory has returned for revenge and this time she's kidnapped Annie, well her name was Andy, but I'm going to assume it's a new character because this is Goonies 2, the gameplay is similar to the first Goonies and it even has the same song, you just go around fighting bugs, but this time with a yo-yo, what was it with? the video games that used yo-yos as weapons? star Tropics Earthbound yoid Where did that come from?
Has anyone ever hit someone with a yo-yo without any problems getting the yo-yo back into their hand? That would be awesome, that didn't happen in the movie, but remember this is Goonies too. You still get bombs, but now you can get Malov cocktails too. That is fantastic. A 14 year old boy runs around throwing Malov cocktails. It's good family fun, but this isn't like the movie because this is Goonies 2. I'll be honest. I'm going to tell you straight up, as a side scroller, that this is a totally good game. If you were a kid in the late '80s and rented it from the video store like I once did, you wouldn't find anything wrong with it after you finished.
On your assignment, you kill some time yo-yoing with some spiders for a couple of hours and call it a day, but if you're trying to get somewhere, that's another story. Oh, let me tell you what I mean, see? These doors I bet you come in through there. I say no, leave it alone if you want to have any hope of enjoying this game at all, just forget about the doors, sure that means you won't get very far, but the trauma isn't worth it. don't go through the doors is like The Shining with the Forbidden Hotel Room, kid Danny is warned not to go in there but he does it anyway because otherwise you wouldn't have much of a movie and here I guess you wouldn't.
I have a very


y episode because the other side of these doors is where they hid the fucking game. I wish I didn't have to do this, but it is my duty, so I will go in and show you the inner workings of the Factory you open this door with the key of humiliation Beyond is a completely different game a game of a game of horrible visions game of torture for the mind you're submerging yourself in the ass of the most toxic disgusting substance of idiotic ideas you just crossed over into the diarrhea dimension now all of a sudden it feels like we're playing the cabin stages in Fry the 13th, but yeah Fry the 13th was shit and I know I already said Fry the 13th was shit, but no.
These rooms were designed without any common sense programmed without laws of physics. I don't know how to explain it because I can't even fully understand it. I push up to enter a door and the next thing I'm back to where I was so I thought it must be forward so I try and I still don't know where I'm going. The left and the right don't seem to do anything. You think it would change Mikey's perspective like in Friday the 13th when I'm using a game that already sucks as an example of what he should do. You know it's a bad sign.
I can't understand the design. There is no logical sense of space in this stupid architecture. I didn't even know how crazy a video game could be. until I realized that Mikey can only look forward left and right if you're going through a side door, but wait which direction I'm looking now, how is this room related to the one I was in right when I entered the door ? my perspective turned 90 degrees or I entered the room sideways, Mikey actually strafed the next room and I remember when I tried to go in through a door that was right in front of my face but I ended up outside the door, I went in, that's because I walked back through the first door.
You have to imagine a theoretical door in the fourth wall where he walks backwards through H. Does that make any sense? I'm trying my best to put this into words, but I sound like a crazy person, basically, you can. Don't turn around so you can never see the door you came in through, but wait, that doesn't explain how I moved back. Well, if you look at the corner, you see Mikey inside that kind of directional compass, if he's facing us, that means. down will move him in the direction he's facing, while up will move him backwards, so essentially what I'm saying is that you press up to walk backwards out of a room as soon as you get used to what's next. on your back, so now up. is up and down is down I know 3D rooms in video games were a pretty new concept at the time, but wouldn't that be the easiest way to program it? perspective and reorient the controls correctly, instead this game seems to think of the d-pad as a fixed direction, so down will always move you to one side of the room etc, the manual tries to explain it and even says : "Hey, no one said this." It was easy man, they did it right even when you understand, why does the character have to look in different directions?
I think it happens based on how you originally entered the room in relation to the Overworld map, but why was it necessary? How they did it? They manage it so poorly that I'd say it's highly unlikely they ever made a video game before this, but there was a Goonies one h H anyway what's the point in these rooms why are we here? Well, this is one of those point and click ones. walk around and discover types of games, but in bad mode, where all you're doing is playing a blind guessing game, who is this guy? It doesn't help in any way, so how about I don't know, I just hit him in the face, what are you doing, what should you do this to me, you can even hit him with a hammer.
That's brutal. Remember that scene from the movie, not The Exorcist but The Goonies, where Mikey beat up an old man, of course, not because This is Goonies Too. Every time you collect new items, enter the tools menu to access them. You have to fumble with some really awkward controls to move the cursor left or right. You can only press up and down to cycle through the tools. It would be perfect. It makes sense to press left and right, but that doesn't do anything, plus to go to the second tool page you have to press B, which would usually be the Cancel button.
The Cancel button is to start. What kind of sense does that make that makes you press Start to go back? The real secret of the tools menu is that we are not in control, the game is bothering us because we are the tools. I don't want to sound like I'm going to complain and it might seem like a small thing, but that would be like if you rented a car, you got in and the gear shift was on the roof, you'd say oh, okay or you'd say why is it up here? , what makes the tools menu even stranger is that when we're in Sid's scrolling stages.
Upon starting, a whole new menu appears, one that's more traditional, more like what you'd expect from the NES, some of the same tools are here, such as the hammer ladder sail, etc., but they are not called, they're called implements, because the same tools appear on two different menu screens that work in completely different ways, it just leads me to believe that there were two different games that somehow got mixed up like two different dog turds running through The grass cutter. but if you ever get used to these rooms and the tool system, that's only half the battle because it's a puzzle within a puzzle, every door, every item, every thing you're trying to find is hidden, you have to activate them to appear usually by physically hitting each small place it can be the wall it can be the ceiling it can be the floor and it can be with the fist it can be with the hammer it's like Milon's secret castle where you have to break the blocks to find everything except imagine If you had to try each block twice while switching weapons, it would take twice as long.
It's a pixel hunting nightmare that never ends. Oh, you can get special glasses that make everything visible, thank goodness, but wait, it only works in certain places, in fact, it barely works at all. What a joke and there were no special glasses in the movie, but that doesn't matter because this is also Goonies, even when you find something like when you sometimes find a hole in the ceiling. You can only get to it with a ladder and if there is a hole in the ground sometimes you need a diving suit because I guess it's full of water so you'll have to come back later when you have those items now if you dig a hole. and then you leave the room and then you come back the hole isn't there anymore at least I think it's gone because it looks like a different room so they don't even have the damn courtesy of letting you retrace your steps if they saw the hole they had to be able to tell that was there where the hole is you want to know what hole I'm thinking of when you get the ladder you go up by pressing up makes sense but you want to know how to go down the ladder by pressing up that means you're actually going to fall head first.
Have you ever gone down a ladder face down? It doesn't work, so they have the nerve to darken the rooms, so now you have to get a candle. You have to go to an endless scavenger. Hunt by hitting and hammering every wall in every room until you run into an old man who says get out of here if you have nothing to do, how about I punch him in the face? Yeah, so I punched him three times and nothing interesting happened. but just in case I hit it a fourth time and still nothing good. I'm pretty sure nothing's going to happen, so how about I hit him one more time?
The candle appeared. How did you come to that conclusion? What do you do when you see? an old man meditating, well punch him in the face five times of course if that's your first instinct it really says a lot about you its like punching people in Roger Rabbit you don't expect it to have any effect and why five times Normally I would. Take three, when would it be five? Man, I've played tons of games and that never happened anyway now you have the candle, you walk into a room and guess what, it's still dark, what am I thinking?
Of course, the sail is not automatic. You have to click on the tools and then select the candle, but when you enter the next room, guess what you have to click on the tools and select the candle again and then you go back to the room you were in and you have to do it again. new. Because? Does Mikey just not leave the candle burning? Does he turn it off every time he enters the next room? That doesn't make sense and that wasn't in the movie either, but this is Goonies 2. What I find most notable is how all of these simple shitty things seem related to each other like they're all working together like a urine stained diarrhea machine alright. oiled as one of the data gadgets.
It's a chain effect. Hitting the wall influences navigation disorientation that influences darkness. on the rear controls it's just a big circular spectacle, so I'm honestly impressed. This takes frustrating game design to a higher art. It's one of the most psychologically oriented brains I've ever played. No, I'm too young. I need a beer. Where is? There is a beer on this wall. I would drink it without a doubt. Oh, I know it's hammer time. Oh yeah, there's a lot of elder abuse in this episode, nerd, you're still here, uh, you're still here. What did I do? I just spent the last 8 minutes talking about the simple function of moving through rooms.
It's amazing how the game goes from good to horrible as soon as you open one of those doors. How did they get complicated over something so stupid? normally you wouldn't even have to think about such a big part of the game and that's most of your time just finding your way through rooms and clicking on menus to do simple things that could have been done with the press of a button . It complicates everything, imagine if you were playing Super Mario Brothers and every time you go down a pipe it changes to something completely different, like some kind of 3D maze with a mess of menus and controls that make no sense, but what happens when you do? do you achieve?
These rooms you thought would be the end of the whole bottom of the barrel. No, the rooms are simply the means of transit to the other side of the map. Yeah, I haven't even talked about the map yet. Who knows the mouth? said you could translate translate right here yeah translated yeah now we're really getting down to business. It's nice that they have a map, but it's pointless because you never take a direct path to go anywhere, instead you go through these 3D rooms that act as a shitty tunnel to get from one shitty kingdom to the next on the other side. you find on the back of the map that's right the map turns over let me show you on paper it's like you're trying to solve an ordinary maze except once in a while Often there's a place where you have to pierce the pen and on the other side there's A completely different maze, as if you have traveled through a wormhole, so now you have to find your way to the next wormhole and flip the map over and over again. but that's simplifying it because every time you get to one of those wormholes you would have to switch to some kind of 3D maze and find your way blindfolded and only be able to point at One Direction, the idea is to rescue your friends like the first game, but the map won't show where they are unless you find a locator device for each of them.
When you do, friends are represented by a blue dot, which just means they are inside a room that is in that area. They are represented by a red dot, so you head towards the blue dot and check the map from time to time to keep track. The next thing you know, the blue dot disappeared. What happened? Oh, am I in it? That's right, the red dot can cover the blue dot so you can I have to move a screen just to make sure it's like you're reaching for the TV remote and you suspect you might be sitting on it so you have to get up and move , they didn't know how to show a blue dot and a red dot at the same time, couldn't they just make a purple dot?
Maybe so I walk through the room, knocking on the wall to find a door that leads to the friend in a cage. Luckily I have the key, so I open it and they say Mikey, you're late. They almost killed me. Well, give me a break. I had to get a scuba suit so I could go down a ladder and find a safe hidden behind a wall behind a door behind an invisible door that I walked back through. Then I had to kill some birds until one of them dropped the key. I had to bombard a bunch of random spots on the wall in order to find hyper shoes.
I had to jump across a bunch of poop platforms and slide on the ice like someone I ever liked that Trope, so I had to fill my health with Konami, yeah Konami, unless yes, hit him on what ever will forget it and will never give you health again for the rest of the game, that's true, I had to swim. in a lot of underwater caverns and meet creatures from the Black Lagoon and fight a group of dragons. Remember Gilman and the Dragons from Goonies, of course not, because these are Goonies too. I had to go through a secret room to get to another secret room. room to get to another one and another and another and another and another and another everyone rescue your friends and think about how disturbing it is that there are children in cages talking about being killed in a NES game that is dark, one positive thing about This game is that you can continue as many times as you need, which almost makes it worse because without finished games I have no excuse, there is nothing exciting at the end, there is no final boss, nothing, you open the last door and that's it, you saved Annie, what's happening? by the way, being a mermaid, reminds me of the mermaid and the Goonies, no, that's because this is a lot of things.
Can I ask why the mermaid is topless? Specifically, my question would be why they actively chose to have a mermaid with a blank chest instead of giving her one. the typical shell bra like in Peter Pan and that will soon become famous a couple of years later with the little mermaid. Am I asking too many questions? If they make a Goonies 2 movie and it's anything like this game. I'm going to Truffle Shuffle until my pants fit. It's crazy to think that the first game is the one we were denied, it's like a rhino comes up to pee on you and then turns around, oh thank god, and then you shit on your face, it's an unfortunate situation and this is a. one of the worst sequels ever Konami really gave us number two, it has many layers of depth, it starts off like a super Pitfall, you scrape that layer off and underneath it is Friday the 13th and underneath it is Milon's secret castle as you go towards the center. of wet, smelly dog ​​poop now I don't know for sure if the core of a dog poop is worse than all the poop that hasn't been tried yet, but I'm going to try something else right now

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