The Best of Jim Lying to Dwight - The Office

What is this? How did they get out? Sorry, Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes. “I was in Jamaica and I got lost and it was getting dark tonight and then out of nowhere this guy came with a cart and he was selling these,” Dwight told him. He told me things about myself, but there's no way he knew that and that's a common trick of scammers, probably, so I bought some. Turn the corner. I feel like an idiot, so I go back to get my money. He was gone, so you want to sell me. Magic Bean Correction I don't want to sell you Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes Nice try No correction Terrible try Jim told me you could buy gaydar online that's ridiculous you know you probably didn't say much honestly let's call it get the website definitely what is gaydar oh okay , honey, yeah, no, I think they got it with a clearer picture, oh, you know what I can check for you, no problem, it's out of stock, yeah, sorry, it's a bummer, dude, they're out of stock, damn Well, try Brookstone.

I'm just saying that. You can't be sure it wasn't you that's ridiculous of course it wasn't me marijuana is a memory loss drug so maybe I just don't remember. I would remember it well, how could you just erase your memory? how it works no, how do you know how it works? Enough, okay, I'm interviewing you. You said I would be conducting the interview when I came in here. Now exactly how much marijuana did you smoke. What's going on here? Dwight, thank you. God, you're here because it turns out that one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master and I have to play with him tomorrow or we'll lose count.

You can help? Will you help me practice? I told you all my heroes. They are table tennis players, hope this helps, what are you doing? Shh, be afraid, it works. Hi January, it's Jim, it's around 11:15 and I wanted to know what you were doing tomorrow, which is the 15th and it's Saturday, so just. Let me know what you're doing for lunch tomorrow, Saturday, okay, we'll talk to you soon, today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday and that's what I'll be working on this afternoon, hey, Jim, hey, how's it going? Oh my God, did you see?

Apprentice Last Night, of course, is every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? Can you believe Trump shot? No, that was amazing. Who was he? Who shot? You didn't see it, no, when I got drunk with my laser equipment last time. night I don't want to have to read this tomorrow yeah, who wants to come on a Saturday? yeah, what's 12:20, where the hell is the joint? um no, I never missed a day, my ass saved them, I'm so sorry, Pamela put them all up. Just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans, legumes?

Dwight, you're just going to make fun of me, so why would I know where this ends now? Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being rejected? White Andy says welcome. back and he could use a hug, okay, tell him that's not true. Dwight says that he actually doesn't know a single fact about bear attacks. Well, no, Jim, yes, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim, tell him that's too much. Damn, how's he doing? Well, he's gone from completely desperate to just miserable. Get this, even though Spencer works well 80% of the time, he's so nice, so he should schedule the rematch with Daryl now.

Are you ready? I'll make the call wait a while. minute Daryl is the client no he works here idiot right you know I majored in public speaking in college you did mm-hmm the first thing they teach you is that you have to be true to yourself and that everything is authority. yes, I am the great orators throughout history, we don't tell jokes, they were passionate people, so if you want to do well today, you must do what they did, that is, wave your arms and have a fist bump many times , so it's to emphasize your point.

Well, I didn't actually specialize in public speaking, but I did download speeches from some of the most famous dictators in history, like this one originally given by Benito Mussolini. Well, look, I know you're giving this speech. on your own, but I wrote some talking points for you to check out, hope you don't mind. I'll take a look. Only blood moves the wheels of history. What the hell, my God, that's impossible. It's true. I mean. impossible, okay, I'll take them, they're probably worthless, I'll probably leave the telescope. I started with a thumbtack and changed my way to a telescope, but in a way, the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all, no, it was this package. of beans, so I changed the telescope for it and I can.

I can go buy another telescope. Do you know what I bet? Grizzly Man and he went to the wrong movie theater, you know, I just wish I had the investigative powers to take out some of these guys, you know one more time, Jim, I'll take care of this, I'll set up the wedding crasher defense that way, I won . I don't have to give you a gift, excuse me sir, how do you know the happy couple? Who are the bride and groom? How are they called? Oh no, I'm not sure I understand. I get it, come on, Harry Loder, let's move it.

Oh, where are we going? I'm supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He's older, he has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very worried. It is a very serious situation. Ask on the Internet. There are several different options to get to your house. For tonight's party, why just Michael? because it is a surprise for everyone. Wow, you are the option. It's okay, he keeps talking to her. If you reach a position, you have a perfect ball. What's that? You buy a bag. I don't want to post bags. they're for girls Dwight, that's not necessarily true, okay, you read GQ, no, okay, I do, they're like mini briefcases, okay, a lot of guys have those, yeah, listen, you're spending too much time talking, okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom and no, I don't need the bathroom you already have it, this is going to be fine hello, my name is Dwight rude and I would like to buy you a bag, good sir, look at these bags, this is something special, oh God.

God, it's this Salvatore genius, oh, definitely, definitely, it goes in and out of him like that temperature. Dwight Schrute, how old is Kelly? Who is this Mose? She doesn't know how to use a phone, so she jokes with you. What's going on? Oh, she's asleep. Probably narcolepsy. Hey, now open your eyes and describe it to me I don't know it has four bedrooms something that's the law oh my God now she's up yeah and she's trying to describe how to properly kill a goose but she's having trouble getting it right Sydney yeah Sydney Sydney waits her neck towards back insert the knife under the jaw bring it all the way around give me a good amount of blood don't let that bother you you have a bucket there for the blood and the guts and the feathers I know, I suck yes you do Dwight says Yo, no, no I say hello Pam, I say hello louder, listen, we're still good for this weekend, right?

Hey, can you go to I'm fine? What are you writing about me? I'm going to write to both of you for not working I'm going to write to you for not working well, well played, neither of you are well, the other for not working, I could always win it or what, oh, really, mm-hmm, yeah, how would you do that? My control, you can. Seriously, hey, seriously, ever since I was a kid of eight or nine, I could control things with my mind. I don't think you continued, it was just little things, you know, like I could make something shake or I could do. a marble falls off the counter, you know, just little things, that's ridiculous, you know what?

Why don't you move that cutting rack? Excuse me, everyone pay attention in the

office

, please, Jim is about to demonstrate his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence, go ahead, okay? I'll try oh my god