The Best of Jim Lying to Dwight - The OfficeFeb 27, 2020
What is this? How did they get out? Sorry, Professor Copperfield's Miracle Pulse. I was in Jamaica and I got lost and it was getting dark tonight and then out of the blue this guy comes with a cart and he's selling these Dwight, he said. he tells me stuff about me but there's no way he would know and that's a common scammers trick probably so i buy some i turned the corner i feel like an idiot so i went back to get my money he he was gone, so you want to sell me. magic beans correction I don't want to sell you Professor Copperfield's miracle legumes nice try no correction terrible try Jim told me you could buy gay radar online that's ridiculous you know you probably didn't tell much of the truth let's call it get the website definitely whats gaydar oh ok give yes i don't think they have it in a sharper picture oh you know what i can check for you no problem it's out of stock yes sorry that's a bummer dude they're out of stock dammit try brookstone just saying that can't you make sure you didn't go you that's ridiculous of course it wasn't me marijuana is a drug for memory loss so maybe i just don't remember i'd remember well how you could erase your memory that's not how it works no how you know how it works leave it alright i'm interviewing you you said who would be conducting the interview when i walked in here now exactly how much weed did you smoke what's going on here dwig ht thank god you are Here it turns out that one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master and I have to play with him tomorrow or we will lose count.
You can help? Will you help me practice hell? I told you all my heroes are table tennis players. I hope this helps you, what are you doing? Shh be scared it works hey Jan I'm Jim it's around 11:15 and I wanted to know what you were doing tomorrow it's the 15th and it's Saturday so just let me know what you're doing tomorrow Saturday for lunch worth talking with you soon today is Thursday but Dwight thinks that's Friday and that's what I'll be working on this afternoon hey Jim hey how's it going oh my god did you see The Apprentice last night of course it's every Thursday night so how could I miss it?
Can you believe Trump didn't shoot? that was awesome who fired you didn't see it no when i got drunk with my laser tag team last night i don't want to have to read this tomorrow yeah who wants to come on a saturday yeah what is it 12:20 where the hell is the joint um no never I missed one day my ass put those away really sorry Pamela put them right just out of curiosity what were the claims of those beans legumes Dwight you're going to make fun of me So why should I know how this ends now?
Jim, could you inform Andy Bernard that he's being turned down? White Andy says that he is welcome and that he could use a hug. Okay, tell him that's not true. Dwight says that he doesn't really know. Just one fact about bear attacks ok no Jim yeah tell him bears can climb faster than they can run Jim tell him and that's too much dammit how is he doing well? He has gone from completely hopeless to just plain miserable. Check this out though Spencer works fine like 80% of the time so she should schedule the rematch with Daryl are you ready?
I'll make the call. Wait a minute. Daryl is the client. No, he works here. you have to be true to yourself and you are all about authority yes i am the great speaker throughout history we are not joke tellers they were passionate people so if you want to do well today you have to do what What did they do? What are you? you have to wave your arms and you have to bump your fists a lot so just to emphasize your point ok i didn't really major in public speaking but i did download speeches from some of the famous dictators in history like this dice originally by Benito Mussolini okay look I know you're giving this speech on your own but I wrote some talking points for you to see.
I hope you do not mind. I will look at it. Only blood moves the wheels of history. I mean, it's impossible, okay, I'll take them, they're probably worthless, I'll probably leave the telescope. I started with a thumbtack and changed my way to a telescope, but in a way, the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all, no. it was this pack of beans so i traded the telescope for it and i can go buy another telescope you know what i bet love is an old Wedding Crashers in a way Trevor is a movie of course i saw it i saw Wedding Crashers i accidentally bought I got a ticket to Grizzly Man and I walked into the wrong theater you know I wish I had the investigative powers to get some of these guys out you know one more time Jim I'll take care of this I'll track down the defense of Wedding Crashers which way I won't have to get him a gift excuse yo sir how do you know the happy couple that the bride and groom what are their names?
I'm supposed to ask if anyone's seen Uncle Al. He's old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very worried. It is a very serious situation. Ask online. There are several different options for going to your house for tonight's party. because it is a surprise for everyone. Wow, you are the thing. It's okay, just keep talking to her. If you hit a stall. You have a perfect ball. What's that. You buy a bag. ok you read GQ no ok I do they're like mini briefcases ok a lot of guys have like that yeah listen you're spending too much time talking ok I'm just going to use the bathroom and no I don't need it. the bathroom you got it go this is going to be good hi my name is Dwight rude and I wou I'd like to buy you a bag good sir look at these bags this is something special oh my god it's this genius Salvatore oh it definitely, definitely goes in and out of it like that temperature. how to use a phone so it's a joke on you what's going on oh she's asleep narcolepsy probably hey now open your eyes and describe to me how to properly cut a goose down but having trouble finding it ok sydney yes sydney sydney hold his neck back, insert the knife under his jaw, carry it around, give me a good deal of blood, don't let it bother you. keep a bucket there for the blood, entrails, and feathers.
I know I suck, yes you do. go to I'm fine what are you writing a About me I'm going to write them both for not working. I am going to write to you for not working. Okay, well played, neither of us is doing well, the other for not working. I could always win it or what, oh really mm-hmm. yeah how would you do that? my control you can't be serious hey seriously since i was a little kid like eight or nine i could control things with my mind i don't think you'd go on it was just little things you i know i could make something shake or i could make a marble fall out off the counter you know little things that's ridiculous you know what why don't you move that cut off shelf?
Excuse me, attention everyone in the
office, Jim is about to demonstrate his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence, go ahead, okay, I'll try, oh my god
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