Taylor Amarante - Comedy For Portuguese-AmericansJun 06, 2021
Anyway, my name is Tammy Robinette and I'm one of the most well known brows here in the South Bay, I got these big guys, if you guys recognize it you don't care, anyway I just got back from being on tour with these guys in Toronto. Canada or Canada as the Portuguese say and they are obviously very happy there. I know because they've been NBA champions, they beat our warriors, but every year what's it about, but it's okay, it's been 25 years since one. of their professional sports teams won a championship, meaning this was the first time since 1993 that they had a parade in Toronto that did not include dosa singing. excuse to be out all night, Portuguese dad, we were afraid that they would return with a 6-foot-9-inch basketball player from the night, not at my house, which back in Toronto, of course, these people act like they love basketball forever. give me a break man just baskets we love our baskets that pop say excuse me I know it's true yeah in Canada these Canadians are like Portuguese Americans but they're polite right?
And I know you're taking even people away from someone. Come on, it's nice anyway guys, the best thing about being there is when we're done with the shows and everyone who performed is done, we all go out, talk to people after the show and it never fails when I, Canada, is always . A guy who approaches me is a super nice guy to his family and wants to know if I know his only cousin who lives in the United States. Member haleyss approaches me. This last trip turned into a good job. Good job. There are no special needs.
No, my dad. California. Because I thought maybe it wasn't my dream and I wondered where he lives, like New York, who knows silver and silver concrete well, if it's not gold, it's still wet and I think it's catchy, it's a trick, someone crazy, oh Yeah, I know that guy. he says, oh yes, you may know, no, I don't know, I don't know that guy, first of all, the United States is huge, do you know sir that you here in Toronto are closer to Ponta Delgada San Miguel and then I I'm the Bay Area? New York is like nothing to sing sing I'm like Google marginal I'm like very small Silva Joanie well a second thing is that you're already swollen Silva lives in America I have three on my street only three there are 12 Silva with the fruit trees that there are Well, never pushes that little Silva back and then there's no slowing down around Silva who starts every conversation we have with the word NZ bubble gum it's the three wild Silva, all three of them probably poured concrete in their lives, none of those three this nice New York pudding and once you're done playing, you know?
My three, it's the second most popular game that people in Canada like to play with me when I'm there and it's called, let's talk about Donald Trump. These guys always come up to me and want to. to ask me what I think about Donald Trump, but they do it in a weird way, like trying to manipulate my answer, and say, hey, that guy obviously wants me to tell them that I think Donald Trump is no good, so we'll leave that aside for tonight, but they always do that and I'm like, dude, I'm not even going to answer this question.
I don't want our television to catch you talking about that, let's be real, he watches a lot of television, the boys travel a lot, I don't. I need that kind of drama, we have someone here with some ego, those guys they sequence age surprisingly like snails there instead of solving the problem, what am I going to say? How many people can say about Joel? That's how I am up to this point, I can't say. Guys, I travel a lot with these guys, very rarely is it so George that doorway, so it's nice to see my son George in the house, it's usually like two of my cousins in the right corner, but it's funny because every time you make an island you shout.
There's always a guy who messages me on Facebook after the show like you've forgotten the flaws, anyone you can close fantastic, yeah, you, the one looking at the headlights tonight, very good, I'll wait for you to write I see a couple of tables here, pull the ladies, the boys are outside. talents or does he do it through Jamaica, do you all know what Jimmy does? Yes, English friends, like the Portuguese version of girls' night out, have to do something for the guys too, because guys need a night out. We're just eating meat at the table, that's fine, but the addition because it's something we're growing up with.
I was always curious to know what the efficiency is because I was a little kid and from time to time we had the freshest meat pies, cakes and cookies on the team and once a year I go have one of those cookies and my mom would give me slap on the hand, don't touch, that's for D auditioning, yeah, what is it?, sounds so important right?, you're starting to wait a minute, a room full of Portuguese Women, this sounds pretty dramatic, does it? TRUE? I start to imagine the plot lines. I'm like, wait a minute. Eve the jamika could literally be the title of tonight's newest Portuguese reality show in a brand new episode of dear Jimmy, get a room full of friends who aren't really friends tonight on the Jimmy J would see it making noise if you know which is a room full of rants or I'm not bringing someone in there, someone.
I'm here for some kind of reason, thanks buddy, imagine like you. I know that next week of the edition we will finish the lady had problems with this seating chart, suddenly they are in front of a whiteboard, they are like okay, but she can't be next to it, she has to be next to the buffet because she has a van here but she doesn't want to sit next to Mafalda Mafalda Haseley if one of those doers attracts she needs a safe sound since the hours you separate yourself from the door because she gets goals it should be good I always thought that the stories I heard I thought it was necessary for Janina to be something I thought it was like you were with your girls You're in the limo You stopped at the building vsj man hall missing You see the line Don't wait The guy pulls links You wait again The edition you look near the sample it's a photo of you and you're a medium like what the hell are you doing in the whole club there are red lights confetti bubbles everywhere the beat drops when you walk in it's a group of guys or someone hands you a baby you take a sip they guide you to the VIP someone is waiting for you wants to play a game one on one day should be good if that comes vision vision you guys most of the time it's a chicken dinner with rice so I think it's a little bit talk about a stab in the back and there's so much sober driver, it's Well, it's like, how was it?
Oh okay, shoot, the clothes are weird but true. I'll be honest, I don't go to strip clubs much anymore, obviously. reasons hello honey, how are you? my fiancé keep it a secret if you saw me there, you saw me there anyway, but every group of friends has a friend who really likes the strip club, right, he's usually single, which is usually mad, right? because this is a place where it happens, so you go to the right and the strangest thing about the strip club is the space for lap dancing. Have you seen how all the guys who do a lap dance look like your uncle, some zorse who sits at the table with no shirt on, speeding in a car like that's the happy road absolutely maybe that's how they said Friday Friday because you want to believe in magical Portuguese strip clubs, right, you go to a strip club here, disgusting, change their names, they don't want you to recognize them well, although Every once in a while, I'm your neighbor, Veronica, from the street, but they go out and the boys always like the ladies and Joe, and they put their hands together for Bambi, my girls' things, not Bambi.
I know that girl well, but they always have. these names like uniform community cats I'm pretty sure that's not what she says on her passport right, but I get it okay, but what about the strip clubs in the eight or do I support you? Do these frozen teasers change their name even though they are like one? for eggy from over imagine going out dancing he likes the notices you know put your hands together for but he and the puppy were like or change her name to it's like she was yours put your hands together for there are no Portuguese supers Back, to anyone who don't like it, it's because the Portuguese spank children while they grow up, we don't have swords and that's why we're good dolls, right?
People do this to adults right there, it rains when you're 30, but objectives decent at the moment. I have five nieces and nephews for about two weeks. Now I'm an uncle until 5:00. They are a small five piece chicken McNuggets. I am surrounded by children a lot. I panic. I'm like the SEAL team of six. there I am on the playground making sure we're not the next story on Dateline right, I wouldn't sell it, they'll kidnap one of these kids when I look at them, but hey, I know they're watching my surroundings, I realized a huge Lo What's wrong is that there are a lot of shitty kids out there guys, there's a lot of her out there Eddie, don't lie because non-Portuguese parents are moving away from spanking, where's your spirit?
Oh no, you'll always get spanked, right? Portuguese parents are like Tom Brady. from the Space Needle stealing it after all these years exactly still waiting for DS Maddox still spanking this still not Portuguese parents man I was on Facebook the other day I saw the article that's it, the spanking era is over I was like a bull like if it was An era of making trouble is over or something like the era of losing your Portuguese parents because that's ridiculous, so I click on the story and sure enough, they interview a bunch of middle-aged white women or barons like Tech guys right next door. passion, 31 years old from Phoenix or like Mary, 36 years old from South Dakota, where is Manuela from New Bedford?
We talked to Maria from Brooklyn, so no, there's nothing that busy, they said they're not even raising them to be tough anymore, nor that the kids won't be raised to be tough when I was a kid, my cousin came to take care of us and he brought movies like The Predator, let's warn Jaws, the closest thing they have to Jaws is mom Charlotte Swamy, shark boys, baby shark, oh wait, I was older or younger, dad, stop. No, no, no, no, no, dad, stop doing that. I can't have a friends shark teach the kids that in the ocean in Hawaii by kicking it, dad, it's a shark, don't do it kids. these days you want a safe space, right, a safe space, they don't even get punished, they get punished now I'm using this, back off, hey, keep it up Tommy, I'll take away your iPhone and your iPad when I was a kid.
I guess my brother got our asses kicked in the church, a church, everything goes well for the first machete, but then the choir shows up, okay, you can try it from the choir, they were selected, they are the choir and they start, but also There are The Portuguese ladies in the audience make it look better than the ladies in the chorus. My brother Church. I'll apologize on the way out, please, man, when you have three kids like my dad had every day for two weeks. Someone deserved alabaster. 30 children. 3 Years of hard work, someone has reserved it.
I imagine my father coming home from work. Back then he was expected to get home because someone was going to get hot walking like that. Okay, no, from a very hard day's work, he'll take number one. He knows his oldest son, Jason, today he took six Spanish classes to go hang out in the park with his brother. Contestant number two is first law and today he lied to his father about who he is going to the movies with later this Saturday. The last but not least is the contestant number. three Taylor today they punished him for telling his teacher to scare her relax now he finished his speech I was going to receive it tonight on that's my show on that you know, they tell you your whole life place frosting go away go to college but they I can't help you with your homework.
I'm sorry, when we were younger, it's convenient because my family needed me now. Good luck. You couldn't even come home with a normal math problem and my father even sat down to solve the problem. We were already able to start. I diagnosed it right I read it's ok dad Peter has hundreds of cows so who's going to milk all those policemen that's a lot of cow a lot of man power right now these Portuguese dads are telling the UK that Go to Google, hey, Alexa, tell me to go. Google again, we may have had that in the past, so we were fighting against the tide, but they wanted us to go to college and then when you were finally able to go to college, can you say I'm going to college?
Did you get in trouble? my sister left and told my family she was going to go to college, they said she was fine, she went to college when she came back during christmas break, they caught her on christmas break, she was leaving to college and they said no, no, but then my older brothers my older brother was gone for a little longer than we were right, about eight years, he finished school, he was down, a beautiful wife shows up, etc., but when he returned he was a changed man, he was a changed man, he wanted everyone to know him well.
Like my father has always been my father, he has the same rules, the same kind of things, right, we all know it's like living under military knights, my brotherHe also came back from college and let my dad know, here he is like dad, I'm alive for now, yeah. I want to learn a lot of things for a lot of different people, not just you and Home Depot, even if I go to college. That's the new nickname my dad gave my brother when you went back to college, it was being a college kid any time you have. discrepancy my dad was on the losing side like them I don't know you know you're the college kid then my brother shows up it's like he's different now dad you know so yeah how's that big boy Where do some things go from university? let's change here number one I'm not going to eat meat anymore that was like wait a minute but you're still the Navy's coma harness so they might respond in the strangest way possible but you're still below fish already that I bought fish with low levels of mercury and he goes and guess what else dad, I'm not going to consume dairy anymore, it's like, he says, yeah, did you know that we are the only species that drinks another species?
Bill with dad, if I find out about that in college, I said, well, yeah, you. learn that in college but you're the last one to get arrested by your mother you like milkman cookies in the middle I'm going to say yes dad different now I woke up yes you're welcome but this morning at 9:00 p.m. When I needed help in the backyard, you were asleep, you understand a lifetime to go because you'll be back now you're awake, let's do it because I need your help tomorrow morning. Did you go to a man to make more without ice cream and yogurt?
No, hell, even Mark raised his head, I don't know, she's like that, she's a surcharge without a surcharge, so I didn't have cheese, no one else lasted, but no less important, I'm not going to church anymore, dad and my boy starts to take off. his belt, so I'm not going to church anymore, don't lie because Jesus and the church are great, okay, we found out it was tonight, thank you very much.
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