Stephen King's Salem's Lot - The Cinema SnobJun 09, 2021
If you don't have Return to Return to Newcomb High, also known as volume 2, in your collection, then you should because your copy of Return to Horror High needs a new neighbor to witness this epic battle to eliminate the most corrupt evil forces in Traumaville. and worldwide you can get this double disc on Blu-ray today at tromadirec.com, which contains a feature-length film including documentary interviews and more, plus not only can you watch the film by subscribing to troma now, but you will also have access to all troma greats past and present at watch.troma.com friends, we are certainly living in the age of miniseries, no, no, not that many miniseries are being made today, but we are all stuck at home with lots of free stuff.
We have time on our hands, so why not revisit some of the best miniseries from the past? Not long ago we highlighted Stephen King's booth in an oversized episode of
cinema, but if we're going to see more King miniseries, we have to start in The Beginning with King's first miniseries, Salem's Lot, which aired on CBS in 1979, like many King TV adaptations, this 400-page 1975 novel certainly went through a few different screenwriters. The Warner brothers had the rights to make a film version of the novel. The film's producer, Sterling Silifon, attempted a draft, as did Robert Getchall and Larry Cohen, who ironically made the film's sequel, but adapting it to a theatrical feature length turned out to be a failure, so Warner Television Ta
kingover the feeling that the property would be more suitable for a miniseries, the script was written by Paul Monash, who had previously produced Carry for King in 1976.
Naturally, some changes had to be made, such as omitting certain characters or even combining some characters, but with a large cast for the adaptation. It still retains its quirky but haunted small-town atmosphere. Directing duties fell to Toby Hooper after producers were impressed with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which explains the miniseries' original title. Salem Cheesehead. David's soul leads a stellar cast of characters including returning novelist Ben Mears. to his hometown in Maine to write a book about the Marston house where something very evil and very James Mason resides, yeah the plot doesn't sound very Stephen King and I'm not getting a real apocalyptic end of the world vibe here, so You could probably just get up and do this episode in front of the signs, ah, much better, oh, the first part of this two-part miniseries aired on November 17, 79, where viewers retreated to a night of horror and a night of joy they are in beautiful hand sorry back then we had to travel to guatemala to get our lighter colas straight from jesus oh no we made a mistake this is pepsi blue they found us again i don't know what's going on but i guess dr pepper is behind them, you can say this is a
kingminiseries because that tells you how many times I'm going to make this reference.
I'm already predicting the twist that evil was residing in the Bates house all this time and I can already tell that this town is tormented the credits haven't even ended and the moon has already disappeared too r.i.p. fred willard it didn't matter if I chose the
salemlot for today's episode or space force 1978 it still would have been a very fred week it's strange to see the Two years ago, when they used this trick sporadically and stylistically, unlike now , when every other movie you see does so because the producers have no faith in their product and the attention span of their audience, Ben seems to be scouting out potential filming locations.
Myers, but unfortunately Walt Disney already made an offer and moved out. I'm sorry, but applicants need a lot more chest hair in that suit if they're going to get this house. Damn, I already know the title. This also makes up for the fact that Today's Movies doesn't even show you the title. Once I love this city, this is a place where no matter where you go, you will have the best burger you have ever had. James Mason is the owner of Richard Striker's antique store. I don't trust this. boy he got all his antiques from leland gaunt you better check out crockett realty it's right next to tubbs automotive and there's crockett himself he's holy he's michael mckeon fred needed a job here after silver street crashed his office at Union Station, instead of Ben.
He has to stay in another house before James Mason Marston's house had been empty for 20 years because of this horrible blue beast that lives in the attic. I heard we don't bring candy to james marston. references around these parts and in case you didn't. I don't know, this is James Mason oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I'm James Mason, I love Ben. He's so 70's that every time he shits, he has wood paneling, but something tells me he's really here to steal all of Richard's lolitas. Hey, that's Bonnie Bedelia. santa holly mcriggs ben realizes that susan is here reading his book.
I do the same. I go to the park looking for anyone watching movie
snobepisodes on their phone and when I see them I yell at them, that's an idiot anyway. I feel a love interest. Which? It was that dinner that I would love and then a haunted pig killed it with an axe. I'd like to think that Stephen King wrote this book just hanging around James Mason's house and why isn't it terrifying. James Mason doesn't need a guard dog. James Mason has a james mason this whole town is strange it's hard to tell if it's elisha cook jr or jeffrey lewis they're both in the same movie which shows they've been in the same room together.
I'm going to assume he's jack nance, wait, wait, wait. I'm already stuck, this is jeffrey lewis or charles cipher. Damn this town is confusing, meanwhile that's jj's biggest gabrowski fan, well I think I found this town's leo johnson, don't get drunk, I wanna have some fun. tonight you know what happens when you drink too much that's a look that says honey there's no way my dick is going to work on the Leland Palmer part of the story I don't mind telling you she was a great dish we used to eat children. Watch her ride down the street on a perfect Segway.
I'm actually here to borrow some binoculars, and besides, she stole her mother's glasses. Something here has to break the tension in her date. How long has it been since your wife died? Perfect, those are the magic words, I guess let's turn up the temperature and get some steam out of this water. I feel like every unsolved mystery segment starts like this, but like any writer, you get distracted with a kiss and suddenly your jack goes off, soon he'll be yelling at the lady. miller for bringing him a sandwich everyone here is having a stressful day fred has to tell the city to open the beaches because there's no way the sharks are getting to the
salemlot plus he has to arrange for some men to pick up a shipment for richard I don't need to take notes, no matter what it is, it will definitely be evil and I'm sure it has nothing to do with his invisible business partner, Kurt Barlow, wait, what's going on now?
I think this miniseries just lost its 4 million budget. 1776, the winds of revolt swept through. through Jerusalem Township, it's the Salem lot and it's the '70s, so you know, those are real loaded guns, no matter where they are, everyone in this town seems to be about to tell a story about how a man murdered his wife. with a baseball bat 30 years ago look at these two picking up trash cleaning up the cemetery probably talking about how 40 years ago a homeless man got drunk and hit old widow jenkins with a bowling pin i don't know who this guy is but if this was directed by mick garris, it looks like he would be played by
stephenking, but I know who he is, kenneth mcmillan, years before
stephenking knocked him off a ledge, very similar to the stand that all the actors in this movie have, so I can't make references to all of them, wait, it was that Joe Bob Briggs, these two were doing a great job collecting the top prize from James Mason, it's a lamp made from the evil lady's leg and for the last time I'm not Stephen King, I'm Barney. mcfadden that box is freezing and moving on its own, so naturally they want to open it.
I'm sure nothing is happening inside the city. Oh wait, come to think of it, something is happening in the city. This is all you need to know. circa 1979 in one picture, this is a world rich with memorable characters who all want to kill the fool, just as this restaurant is rich in flavor, look at the best burger I've ever had Ben learns from his old teacher, Mr. Burke, no only about how evil the marston house is but also about the pet cemetery and that his brother Roland died in his car. Christine Ben has her own pass with the house, although as a child she may have seen the ghost of former owner Hubie Marston, who may have been a child molester because of the house.
It attracts all kinds of evil, she looks, I told you an episode of unsolved mysteries, although this opens up more questions, but if a house attracts evil men, why did it attract me? Because it collects souls and that's literally your name. The best kings miniseries deserves the highest caliber of jokes now. Let's take a commercial break so we can write more dandies. The Salem lot will continue as we return to the Snyder cut to follow that bird. I know someone else in this city who can make referrals. That is this? He is Phantom's tall man. Am.
I'm sure that movie will appear on the program soon. He is a true horror fan. He has Michael Caine's hand on his wall. Meanwhile, Dad wants Mark to get out of his terror phase. They are a comedy family. That must be why every room in this house. It's filmed like the Partridge family, but meanwhile in the silver bullet, part of the king's verse, guys in this kind of wind and fog, the chances are 100 that you'll run into a witch or some kind of mythical creature, while 10 dollars says it's baby huey. In that thing we have a monster here killing children.
Do we really want to open that box? I've seen a spooky sight that will make things worse. This is the kind of universe where everyone needs a beer after a long day of drinking. Charles Nelson Riley Hitting Your Wife's Hair Have a Beer Did your son survive a vampire attack and his brother is still missing? How about you have two beers? Although the delivery of the package is indeed correct, Richard will add this to his collection; Collecting very dangerous things and jagged pieces of wood is a strange hobby, but you'll thank him when the vampires show up.
Wow, these are not the Cuban cigars he ordered. Sounds like old Huby Marston finally got a package delivered a little late. There's drama elsewhere, though Cully overhears someone. Making sweet love with your Coors Light bottles oh sorry I thought you were here with dolomite, keep going you two, he barged in, tried to rape me, he was, are you real? this mini series has everything vampires, james mason drama, cheating wives, this satisfies my horror craving and my soap opera craving two major cravings when I'm locked up, I'm sure you could talk about, for example how did this slob drinker get married of beer with a model that you wanted to come out of a poster on your wall?
There was a big brother code. In the 70s, if you sleep with a man's wife, then that man has the right to make your pants. Would you like to borrow my cup? Okay, let them kill you. I'll keep my cup to myself. There is a much happier romance. at the lake just guess you guys are having a better night than bonnie and cully here comes the bad bear you know you two should probably go on a trial separation what fred willard good god he's blocking everyone look at this they're giving this kid has nightmares with going on bad dates uh okay I'm definitely the one who's going to need a cup god that creepy show the skeleton was creepy even when I was a kid look that's why it was easy to kidnap people in the 70's I don't know. it matters if that's your brother don't leave that thing in your house it's okay though the end of the scene music that will save him for the love of god that's not georgie well anyway apart from the dead guy I'd say we had a really good quote, but seriously, although this city is weird and it has to be someone's fault.
I believe that my coming here acts as a kind of catalyst that awakens evil in this city. No, no, everyone in the city already has their torches lit to scare Richard away. Don't blame yourself now that there is another child in the hospital and he has a mother who is resting, what have they done to my baby? The whole town is helping to try to find the missing boy, although I think they're mostly just searching. Richard's lost keys. Everyone here is very friendly, especially when Richard is under suspicion for looking like Mr. Rogers gets the death penalty for foul-mouthed puppets.
It looks shocking. We know that half of the items in this office are made of bone. Just tell us where they are. glick boy is ciao sheriff ciao is a familiar Italian expression thatit means goodbye okay if you're not mixed up with vampires then you're definitely hannibal lecter everyone's sure he has something to do with it looks like a piece of his suit may have it They found him in the woods and he's a creepy guy who lives in a house that was once owned by another creepy guy, but that's no excuse to touch anyone's daughter.
Now everyone knows that you and Susan were at the lake and I think you respect Susan. I think she respects herself, she could have been a little more discreet, right? Sorry, sir, next time we'll go to a hotel, anywhere that's far from anything scary. I have my mug on hand again, as much as people like to say, it looks poltergeist 100. Like a Spielberg movie, no, you can also say that Toby Hooper directed it and if you didn't learn the first time not to leave entering Satan's hell beast boy, that makes even Damien say he's a creepy kid, you get what's coming to you, unfortunately, Richard ran.
More than 30 other children are looking for an alibi for the death of this other dead child. Sorry ma'am, the potty is full and mine is about to be too. He has better things to do. He is loading up on some black suits so he can play a snobbish character on a horror show. I believe Richard is under suspicion not only for the missing child but for every crime within a 20 mile radius. Goodbye agent, unfortunately we can't arrest him because he's too cool and I hear his the store is opening soon, too bad the prices will be too high, what's the best price, the best bird watcher themed pinball machine you've ever played .
Susan has an interview in Boston because of her impressive portfolio. Wait, this is also the small town of Independence Day. 83 makes sense we already saw diane wiest blow up poor rob lowe wow what a great day so far of course a funeral this wouldn't have happened if Murray Fred Willard hadn't demanded opening the beaches on the bright side as it's So. one windy day the weather can push the whole earth towards the grave man god really hates this kid take that bastard even in the hell of death this is an angle that says do i open the thing or do i just pee on it? the correct answer is why didn't this little bastard used to knock down tombstones every weekend?
Dude, close that thing and yeah, here's our story, continued for television audiences a week later, on November 24, 1979, when the second part of the Salem slot machine miniseries aired, giving viewers viewers a lot. of time to clean up that distinctive, cuppy smell from their homes that is unfortunately still present in mine and viewers needed a reminder of what they were watching. Hell, I thought we were in Castle Rock. Hey did you hear about the guy in his mug inside a closet other people may be dead but that guy is a loser meanwhile Tommy Jarvis is working on the theory that it could be the werewolf who is terrorizing the town while his parents are worried about his obsession with horror movies that dad is subjecting him to. arrest for not having a single image of oliver reed curse of the werewolf i'm just kidding they're coming together by magic he wants to tie me up no, i don't think so i can get out of any knot try my hands behind the back no, this is getting Weird son, why can't you be normal like that stronger boy Harold?
I can't explain it, it's my way of being. I feel like I'm watching the kid's version of Stephen King where young Stephen King is about to meet old Stephen King the cops aren't any help they're busy eating the most mediocre turkey sandwich you've ever had Ben and the kid's dinner mister burke it's much better they're in the second round make it a double cheeseburger this time unfortunately like most dinners in this town they are ruined by gravediggers yes it could be that mike was bitten by a vampire but that's what it is as it's always a Friday night, annoying everyone, I found my dog dead and there was the funeral yesterday, you're being a downer Mike, although these marks on his neck prove that yes, definitely ticks.
Have you been bitten by a vampire and have night terrors about evil eyes and bloodlust? Put your head down and have a beer. I can think of other tips to give it, don't open that window because there is a shark boy outside, good sir, these evil characters are so scary that they make their corn children look like the sand lot, please, I'll tell mom, luckily you scare him by reminding him of that horrible killer 33 ad movie if he's crying now wait until his obsession with frankenstein takes him to see frankenstein island there are no hot air balloons to take you to safety in that too son your demon seed friend It's scaring your mother, tell her to stop doing that.
You scream and fall asleep I'm sorry, do you want something, Dad, could you not be the creepiest thing in my room of horrors again, there's not much difference here, that's how everyone in town acts during their Saturday hangovers with all? in a coma from vampirism ben can really write well at that pace you'll finish that page in a week i really feel bad for the side characters who should be given some context for these conversations well no no i was a baptist you got a um uh a rosary or a crucifix yeah in my room oh wait do it why isn't there an exorcist in town so ben has to go shake some of these people awake mike mike wake up okay god.
My, there has to be some way we can attribute this to Richard, could he have died from a virus or something? No, no, I don't hear it, don't fear the Grim Reaper anywhere, it has to be something else, get a real doctor here, let the medical staff check it out, let them find it. the cause of death, yes, just as I thought, poisoning from eating one of those burgers outside of town, now it could be ghosts, witches or vampires, but the evil soundtrack again says that Richard is involved somehow and his store It's open, even though it sounds like Norman Bates.
It's her first customer everyone in town is here except bonnie bedelia she knows not to go into evil antique stores despite this amazing collection english is a fork any scene with james mason he's a friend of mine i've always been curious about that place Maybe I can satisfy your curiosity Are you inviting me on a date? Surprisingly, the scariest thing that happened to Ben today isn't that Richard invited him to the Marston house, it's Stephen King's lookalike who just beat him up for having an affair with his best lady. All in all he still looks great with just a knot on his head and no messy hair with this mystery still going on the city is terrified Scooby-Doo and his friends will start running through the halls oh thank goodness just another vampire in a world from The Scariest Vampires I've Ever Seen, this is the direction he would have taken if there was a third party going around, but I think Mark gave him some horror movie advice on how to deal with the situation.
Well, it's time to check the hospitals. You'll be fine. I'm on my third heart attack after watching this movie and I'm still kicking the old man. Meanwhile, Randall Flagg is about to be visited by Randall Flagg to see if he can eliminate Mark in the name of Pennywise or something much more. OMG scary, he suffered a death sentence by drowning in his own feces inside his cell, also Barlow returned to town, that scene was so terrifying that it caused characters elsewhere to faint from fear. Ben finds out Ned is dead, which is good. news: Ben will win that second fight when he goes to the morgue and punches Ned's body in the face, even though the morgue is closed, so he goes to Mr.
Burke's room and punches him. It seems a little stupid. More bad news, the day after set radiation is affecting the churches, what's going on here, you know, it just occurred to me if you think of ben as an adult bob, this is kind of like dr. sleeps in the house next to the cemeteries, the shine, although the real problem is that robbie osmond benson partridge's horror obsession is causing the whole city to see monsters, yeah, I don't care that we live next to an L train and don't look inside that thing. I only have one cup and it's already full.
Jesus, on second thought, Mark doesn't want that life-sized Richard. o'brien action figure whoa whoa james mason is evil i would like to return the silver baking pans i bought at your store thanks barlow is played by an uncredited reggie nalder who has been in everything from the man who knew too much to mark the devil and here it will be etched in your memory as the creepiest vampire of all time ben couldn't be there because he finally walked into that morgue i will fear no evil but it has proven to be too scary to hit any of these big monsters and now she It's going to kill kids by luring them to candy houses.
It doesn't take much to get rid of it. Everyone would rather disappear into nothing than gag while using a tongue dispenser. I, for one, am going to take a break and kick myself for not doing it. thinking beforehand about buying an air freshener oh don't fool me once the salem loft goes on that was crazy we should probably do something about these vampires we have to get to barlow during the day and put a stake through his heart rude what about the forward right? It's too cool, we'll leave it alone, time to go to plan B.
Maybe we should just move out of this town to somewhere quiet like Chester's Mill, but first, you read correctly, I need a beer and vampires aren't the only thing going on . Here, you damn evil clowns, I think you're actually having a hard time determining who's a vampire and who's just being lazy. If Ben is too busy playing with the police. I guess it's up to Susan to die alone. It is not like this? The dick of the house, oh man, I'm sure this is the kind of tribute video King was envisioning when he wrote this book.
She interrupts her before reading Ben's manuscript which says that all hamburgers and too much beer make Ben a bloated boy. Everyone in this town is creepy. and drunk, oh my god, maybe this is apocalyptic. I should have been reviewing this sitting on the floor. Too bad the ground is now covered by my back. Ben is still gone, so she continues to get herself killed. Leave whatever is alone. Oh, it's just Mark returning those. wooden stakes that Richard lent him for his Van Helsing cosplay after deciding whether or not to save the boy or just let him learn things the hard way.
I guess she should go after him. She arrived at the right time. Turns out she has some issues. cards for a new cleaning service in his pocket oh cool look at the mess you made hey at least some things are smart enough to get out of here no no no no no now I think all the rats want to leave, we've been stuck here for weeks, oh my god, bring us some candy to chew on now, where's that brat? You just want to stab anything, right? I'm sure that together they can fight this vampire. Well, I think we all saw this. one is coming oh I'm sure mark will be fine yes yes yes you won't be fine and I'm still james mason they're all alone there's no police force anymore because they're moving up their trip to Disneyland ahead of time Ben is angry because he's leaving instead of confronting at Barlow, but in reality the sheriff would have just breathed gravy and Barlow's face and that's not going to work here, just shoot him in the dick, so we have a plan, but not before going to the church and bottling a liquid form of In the opening scene, we're in the epic final showdown where Mark also wants to get out of there but doesn't want to look like a coward in front of Hutch.
It's okay, even if Mark isn't there at first. Ben has done it. Mark's signature move of just wanting to murder anything is making Richard and Barlow's job easier and here's why James Mason doesn't need a watchdog. It was an honor to be killed by you. James Mason Mason is wonderful in this, which makes it even more impressive because of how much I can really tell that he loves playing this role, since he loved the script. Mason jumped at the chance to play the role and was even the producer's first choice for the role and if you're sad that his character is dead don't worry he will be resurrected as a crowy duffy cat I can't live without you anymore chloe even without richard yet they can die because well, mark can do some dumb things sometimes idiot you're embarrassing me mark you're not going to laugh at me for falling off the steps anymore, oh no, they found the room with the best corpses you can drink and whether I'm awake or asleep, Barlow will still scare the hell out of you and with his business partner dead, it's Barlow's turn now. be the face of the company and I really don't know if I want to buy vintage coke bottles from this guy, oh, even though they staked the scary vampire's heart, that's no excuse not to look at the evil to cometowards you from behind, you should Definitely just cut your losses and set the place on fire.
Kudos to production design who designed the Marston house as a shell outside of a smaller house already there, although it might be a little hot in that smaller house right now. We're all trapped now and we're back at the beginning of the movie. I love this movie, so I don't mind that we're starting over. I'm looking forward to seeing Ben and Mark as vampire hunters traveling the world. A lot has happened in Two years ago, Mark changed his hairstyle and Ben became Rudger. It's like it's a pilot film being prepared for a weekly monster-of-the-week TV series.
I would see this as the episode where he has to bet his long lost love. She comes across as quite an Enigma, she is terrifying but much sexier than Barlow. I guess anyone would have to think twice. No, no, I don't want them to bite my cock with their fangs. Thus ends the best episode of the weekly Salem's Lot television series that exists in my head as In addition to the miniseries itself, one of the creepiest vampire movies ever made and the best Stephen King miniseries of all time, the Not only was the series a hit with audiences and critics, which still makes it a beloved miniseries today, but it also means there's a sequel, yes. released in theaters a return to Salem's Lot I heard wonderful things about that Barlow on the cover and surely the cover wouldn't lie.
The original 79 Salem's Lot also had an abridged version on video with a limited theatrical release in Europe. The film was shortened to 112 minutes and even had alternative versions of some scenes such as Crockett with the shotgun in his mouth this time, many video stores sold this version, which is the first one I saw as a child and since it is a miniseries From King, that means it had to be remade in this 2004 version where Nick Andros faked his own death and moved to the Salem lot to learn to talk and fight vampires. I'm sure Lloyd approved of that version and now it's time for another bonus heist focused on the 9-1. 1 lone star clip of the week oh no no you don't want to see me lying down and this has been a bonus lone star clip of the week 9-1-1 bass centered give me season two I'm missing out Here oh , and I think they're remaking it again because, of course, they are.
Oh wow, I think that was such a great miniseries. I would like to continue with more miniseries. I think David's soul was at that time. What is a good David Soul series? My orders have to stop you this time, the game can't be stopped, wait, that sounds familiar. God, it's finally happening World War III is here. I'm going to get on the floor with my cup, look at it.
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