Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations | Unraveled

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. A game that takes heroic and evil characters and forces them to form brotherly bonds in the crucible of battle. Because for those who can

smash

magnificently, there's no better place to make friends than on the battlefield. Is that the battlefield? Oh really? How did they get permits for that? That's irresponsible. Hi, I'm Brian David Gilbert, safety fanatic and bureaucratic wunderkind, please address me as such, and I've spent the last week and a half poring over regulations from the U.S. Department of Labor's Occupational Safety and Health Administration. United States, also known as OSHA.

I'm here to hold Super Smash Bros. accountable. Because when you take over 70 beloved characters and force them to fight for our entertainment, the least you can do is make sure the buildings are up to code. So let's go ahead and FIND EVERY OSHA VIOLATION AT EVERY STAGE IN SUPER SMASH BROS ULTIMATE. First, let's explain the process, we have to start by choosing the right regulations and unfortunately there is no OSHA guide for "blood sports" so we'll just go with construction, form 1926. Because that's close enough. . The main thing to note here is subsection A of 1926.10. I'll read you an excerpt so you can understand the basic concept of this video, and also the hell I had to go through last week: “no contractor or subcontractor hires for any part of the contract work” – that's a real line – “will require that any worker or mechanic employed in the execution of the contract works in environments or under working conditions that are unhealthy, risky or dangerous.

Basically, we're here to create a safer experience for these characters, because when you enter an unfamiliar space, I want the first question on your mind to be: There are approximately 350 regulations on Form 1926. How many pages is it? Approximately 684. Don't worry, this is... this is just a visual aid. They are all blank. I wouldn't waste paper like that. *thinks about how many times he's wasted paper* Most of these regulations are irrelevant, but I still had to read all 684 pages to know which ones to cut. Which reminds me, the idea for this video came from commenter nshady16, so if you have an idea for Unraveled, why don't you go ahead and leave me a comment?

And thanks, nshady16, for making me read 684 pages of OSHA regulations, you piece of trash. So I removed all the regulations that were just definitions, not related to the stages, not mandatory, redundant or about personnel safety, because again, we are not talking about helmets, we are talking about the stages themselves. Unfortunately, this also meant that I had to delete the entire R subsection. Steel Mounting. That's about 80% of the jokes in this video. Of those 350 regulations, we're left with 46 that actually relate to the stages of Smash Bros. And again, we're just using the 103 stages you get when you start Super Smash Bros.

Ultimate. Any secret stage that emerges later is probably just an underground fighting network, which is a different form of illegality. I will explain all of these OSHA

violations

as we go. But I just want you to keep in mind that there is a maximum fine of $12,934 per OSHA violation. We'll talk about that later. Let's take these OSHA

violations

into consideration. BAM! That's all the OSHA regulations we'll discuss today. Let's start with the codes that violate almost all stages. General health and safety provisions. I left these three here because they are dangerous in general and don't have many other specific violations.

Safety training and education. It seems that most of these people have no security training. Especially in Moray Towers, where they literally shoot you as you fly towards the stage. Registration and notification of injuries. Wii Fit Studio is a gym, so I would expect it to have documentation if one of the gym members gets injured. Unfortunately, all the gym members are injured. Means of exit. In most places it is necessary to have exit signs. And also, you have to have exits that do not involve plummeting to your death. Emergency action plans for employees. It is very important to have an emergency action plan.

Especially if that emergency action plan is for the event that a mountain top breaks off and slides into the ocean. Look at this polar bear! He has no fucking idea what's going on! Accident prevention, signs and labels. Just put a wet floor sign anywhere and I'll let it pass, okay? Must have fall protection. I mean, uh... there's no drop protection. How difficult is it to put a harness on someone? General requirements for stairs and ladders. Anything over 19 inches tall needs a ladder or stepladder. Not everyone can double jump. Sanitation. Most sanitation has to do with potable water versus non-potable water.

But a lot of it also has to do with bathrooms, and I have yet to find a Smash Bros. stage that includes a bathroom. And I need to know where Donkey Kong urinates. So almost everyone makes mistakes. Which means we already have about 900 violations. Oh! I feel a bit bad having to take on all these stages so hard, so I'll be a bit lenient on 1926.50. Medical services and first aid. You have to provide first aid if someone has been injured. And I'll let the tomato max fulfill that requirement. 451 states that unstable objects cannot be used as support.

I'm going to call all of these scaffolds because there is no OSHA guideline for levitating floors. Jumping on an awning causes it to break on Onett. That is totally irresponsible. 452 establishes that it is necessary to have transverse reinforcements. Kongo Falls has so many things that are not reinforced. 453 has to do with aerial lifts. You must stand firmly on the ground while it moves. Stop jumping! Internal cleaning. You have to clean up the debris. I don't care if you have a big dog running after you... put the... put the blocks away, that's rubble! Put away your toys, honey!

Exposure to occupational noise. I'm ignoring the fact that they're fighting on top of a plane and instead thinking about how loud those planes are. Put on some earplugs! Gases, vapors, fumes, dusts and mists. All of these stages have clouds that you can stand on. Which means they are incredibly dense. I don't care what it's made of, you shouldn't inhale it. Lightning. Those torches don't do anything. I'm going to trip and stub my toe. Ventilation. Many of these scenarios need more airflow, better ventilation, but in Pictochat 2 there is too much ventilation in the form of this man blowing air.

Who hired this man? I don't want it in my workplace. Hazardous waste operations and emergency response. In Flat Zone X, someone spills oil and then leaves it there. 1926.150, 151, 152 and 154 have to do with fire protection. Most of these regulations are self-explanatory. You need to have a fire extinguisher. It must be easily available. You can't have ignition hazards out there. No more than 25 gallons of flammable liquid may be stored in one location. By the way, I include magma as a flammable liquid. I know they are referring to petroleum-based substances, but I think that is simply a lack of imagination on OSHA's part.

But 154 is about temporary heating devices and how they should not be stored in enclosed spaces. Sort of like the Charmander on top of Saffron City. General requirements for electrical equipment. They must be kept free of hazards that could cause death or harm to employees. The large aircraft flying around you in these stages are not just electrical equipment, they are designed to harm and kill you. Rape. Equipment and facilities for specific use. These are elevators and escalators. WarioWare Inc. is a great elevator. You don't need me to tell you it's broken. Helicopters. Is a shy boy a helicopter?

I think so. You're not supposed to work under a floating ship. Even if they bring you fruit. Transporters. That includes stages that move back and forth and also all scrolling stages, which are the quickest way to die in Super Smash Bros. Tools and material must be secured to prevent movement. Do not move equipment unless it is safe to do so. They are on a live race track. All things are moving. Marine operations and equipment. It is necessary to have a lifebuoy on a barge and provide a passage between the docks and the ships. Paper Mario dissolves into a boat, but that doesn't count as a walkway.

And there isn't a single lifeguard in Donkey Kong's residence. I don't care how good you are at surfing, FUNKY KONG. Underground construction. If you are working underground, you must have a five-person rescue team on duty. And although Super Smash Bros. Ultimate does allow up to eight players. None of them will save you. Work on or near exposed energized parts. Does a Pokémon count as an energized circuit? According to OSHA, yes. 1926.1052 has to do with stairs. If you have a staircase that rises more than 40 inches, you need to have a handrail. I imagine Mario is about 40 centimeters tall, and this is at least four or five times his height.

Rape. Rape. RAPE. RAPE! Confined spaces. These are places where you are building and where it is difficult to get in and out. You must specify acceptable entry conditions. There are no acceptable entry conditions into a space with an acid-filled pit. Disposal of waste materials. If you dump waste materials more than 25 feet, you must place them in a chute. Clock Tower: it is all rubble that falls infinitely. AND IT MUST be in a conduit. 850 is about preparing the building for demolition. You're supposed to remove any glass that might break. And in Dracula's Castle, Death flies in through the window and breaks the glass.

I don't give a shit about Death, you should have taken down that stained glass first. 853, you cannot destroy a total of more than 25% of a floor, and in Find Mii, destroy half the stage. Manual floor removal. You can destroy a lot of things on Shadow Moses Island, but you shouldn't be under them. Tower cranes. There is only one stage that violates this. It's literally the only stage with a tower crane, and you screwed it up! Explosives must be stored in a magazine when not in use. And in Wrecking Crew, they're simply available for you to hit until they explode.

Triggering the explosion. You shouldn't be near the explosion. You should also not be in the cannon that is causing the explosion and projecting you into space. 1926.53 and 54 deal with different types of radiation. Ionizing, which is nuclear, and non-ionizing, which is like lasers. The final destination is simply flying through random parts of space. There is no protection. You should be less worried about being beaten into oblivion and more worried about cancers. In Gamer, your mom shoots lasers at you when she sees you playing. I'm not here to discuss her qualifications, but you're not allowed to shoot those lasers at employees.

LET ME PLAY, MOM! Stairs. Suzaku Castle? Did you think you could get away with that fucking ladder? Those rungs of the ladder must be uniform. They should be evenly spaced. It is necessary that they do not break. I know that staircase is there for aesthetic reasons, but THAT'S A RAPE, SUZAKU CASTLE. YOU CAN'T HIDE YOUR STAIRS FROM ME. That leaves us with a stage. The one that has violated the most regulations. But I want to point out Boxing Ring. The only OSHA compliant stage. It's almost as if it was built to allow people to fight in it safely.

Sakurai, I know you worked really hard on this game and I really appreciate it, but you could have stopped at just one stage. YOU SHOULD HAVE STOP ONLY ONE STAGE. Finally, considering 23 OSHA violations, it is 75 m. I'm not 100% sure if this had so many violations just because it's a construction site so it was easier for me to find all the defects. Obviously, Brinstar is probably more dangerous, but I don't know how to classify Mother Brain. What pushed him to the limit were material hoists, personnel hoists and elevators. They must be closed at all times. People can just get on and off these material elevators that are there.

That's so irresponsible. There's fire. There are jacks that are thrown around the stage. There is a great ape. Again, I couldn't categorize that, but I know he shouldn't have been there! 75m is the most OSHA violating stage in Smash Bros. And if you have to get rid of one of them, that's the one you have to get rid of first, and then you have to get rid of the rest too. Because, again, OSHA doesn't stop after one stage. Let's remember the beginning of this video when I talked about violation penalties. I mentioned that each serious OSHA violation carries a fine of $12,934.

I forgot to mention that each repeat or intentional violation costs $129,336 per violation. I'm going to pretend that I found all of these violations on the same day and that they didn't have a chance to fix them all, so they don'tthey repeat. But there are still 1,317 violations. Or $17,034,078 in fines. That's why I'm sending you this video, Masahiro Sakurai. Surely you can't afford $17 million in fines. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. OSHA does not need to hear all this evidence I have collected. All you have to do is send me 50 US

dollars

. I'm in a really tough situation right now and I just need to get through the month.

Please. You could also send me Kirby's phone number. I know he's real. Where do you hide it? And I have yet to see a Super Smash Bros. stage that includes a bathroom. And I need to see where Donkey Kong urinates. *Pat and Brian laugh* And I need to know where Donkey Kong pees. Oh God, he was so close! And I need to know where Donkey KongHHSHSS urinates. *laughing* I'm sorry, this is... *inhales* AHHHH