Romano Tours - SNL

CULTURE. HISTORY. SPAGHETTI. THESE ARE THE THINGS OF A COUNTRY CALLED ITALY. HELLO, I'M JOE ROMANO FROM ROMANO TOURS. I HAVE BEEN OFFERING TRIP TO ITALY TO PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. BUT MOSTLY FROM NEW JERSEY. THANK YOU, ROMANO TOURS. EXPLORE THE OLD COUNTRY WITH OUR TEN-DAY VACATION PACKAGE. SEE VENICE, THE CITY OF HUMIDITY. POINT AND LAUGH AT THE TOWER OF PISA. AND PLAY WITH A DOUGH IN NAP NAPOLI. PEOPLE LOVE US. FROM TIME TO TIME PEOPLE LEAVE US A COMMENT THAT THEY WERE DISAPPOINTED OR DIDN'T HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS THEY THOUGHT. WE ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR CLIENTS, IF YOU'RE SAD NOW, YOU CAN STILL FEEL SAD THERE, OKAY?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT? THAT MAKES SENSE? OUR TOURS WILL TAKE YOU TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACES ON EARTH. HIKE TO THE CLIFFS OF THE AMALFI COAST. FISHING WITH NETS IN SORRENTO. DO THIS, I DON'T KNOW. BUT REMEMBER, YOU'RE STILL GOING TO BE YOU ON VACATION. IF YOU ARE SAD WHERE YOU ARE AND THEN YOU GET ON A PLANE TO ITALY, YOU IN ITALY WILL BE THE SAME SAD AS BEFORE. ONLY IN A NEW PLACE. MAKES SENSE? VACATIONS CAN DO A LOT. HELP YOU RELAX. SEE SOME DIFFERENT LOOKING SQUIRRELS. BUT IT CAN'T SOLVE DEEPER PROBLEMS LIKE HOW YOU BEHAVE IN GROUP ENVIRONMENTS OR YOUR OVERALL BASIC MOOD.

THAT IS A WORK FOR INCREMENTAL LIFESTYLE CHANGES SUSTAINED OVER TIME. I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU. WE CAN TAKE YOU ON A WALK. WE CAN'T MAKE YOU INTO SOMEONE WHO LIKES HIKING. WE CAN TAKE YOU TO THE ITALIAN RIVIERA. WE CANNOT MAKE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE IN A SWIMSUIT. WE CAN PROVIDE THE ZIPLINE. WE CAN'T GIVE YOU THE ABILITY TO SAY IT AND DO IT SERIOUSLY. YOU ARE NOT YOUR SISTER. WE CAN OFFER YOU A WINE TASTING TOUR THROUGH TUSCANY. WE CAN'T CHANGE WHY YOU DRINK. OR THE PERSON YOU BECOME WHEN YOU DO IT, OKAY?

I'M SORRY BUT IT IS TRUE. AND OUR FRIENDLY TOUR GUIDES ARE HAPPY TO TAKE A PHOTO OF YOU, BUT REMEMBER, IN THE PHOTOS YOU'RE IN YOU WILL HAVE YOURSELF IN THEM. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HOW YOU LOOK AT HOME, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET BETTER IN A GONDOLA. JUST BEFORE ENTERING THE VATICAN, HE TOOK MY FACE IN HIS HANDS AND SAID, IF YOU FEEL BAD IN A CHURCH AT HOME, THE VATICAN IS 100% CHURCH FROM WALL TO WALL. SO WE WENT FOR 20 MINUTES AND THEN WE CAME BACK TO THE HOTEL AND WATCHED "PADDINGTON 2". THE BEST. I LOVE THE VATICAN.

THIS MAY SOUND RUDE BUT I'M TRYING TO TEMPER EXPECTATIONS. I HATE SEEING PEOPLE HIT THEM ON MY TOURS, IT REALLY AFFECTS ME. AND PLEASE, IF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE HAVING PROBLEMS CONNECTING, WE GUARANTEE OUR TOUR WILL NOT HELP. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH EACH OTHER AT HOME, REMEMBER THAT IN ITALY YOU WILL HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS. LOOK, ONE DAY IS A LONG TIME TO FEEL HAPPY. FOR ALL OF IT. MOST OF US HAVE 45 MINUTES IF WE'RE LUCKY. AND THAT IS OUR MOTTO AT ROMANO TOURS. Announcer: ROMANO TOURS.