Rodney Carrington 0221 Potty Mouth
dad telephone but would you get that me and your mom and playing cards I'm finally winning oh I have to do everything hello Hamilton residents he can't come to the phone right now he's beating my mom can I get a message oh hey this is ready
RodneyHamilton Duke Lewis son of Bob records you heard of us scent of vibe records yeah uh yeah yeah I've heard of you what's this about well
RodneyI want to offer you a record deal uh a record deal well that's great what is it it's Barry it's playing a joke just offered me a record if you give my husband a record deal I'll do anything you desire less flattering sweetheart but I got plenty of girls uh honey I think it's really the guy ah hey sis really soon the vibe records yeah what's going on over there are you high cuz I don't deal with addicts no no I'm completely sober I'm a family man and I go to church every Sunday be the comedian that sings about his penis that's me so here's the deal you come to Nashville you make a record I pay you fifty thousand dollars un-uh give me a second to talk to my people you must offer me $50,000 does he know I was kidding about the sex either way we're in right all right boy so this is your dad's business meeting so don't interrupt okay when dad's famous are we gonna get free stuff that's not how it works oh and my friend Franklin's dad got famous for winning the lottery you got a new mom hey honey you think when...
they give me the $50,000 they'll give it to me one of them giant sized golf tournament chicks I don't know sweetie with that much money they'll probably just do a wire transfer no no I'm gonna want the big chick sweetie you're not getting a big cheque well then what am I gonna do with this
RodneyHamilton that's me Thomas root incentive vibe records I'm Duke Lewis's right-hand man I'll be with you every step of the way I'm your go-to person anything you need you go to me well I don't need much just change Nashville to write any bill we're good oh we just want you to know how excited we are to have all of the Hamiltons in the cinah vibe family Jack Bo Trina how did you know that we know everything Trina like Jack is 12 and Bo is 7 am i right I made I just had a birthday sorry that'll never happen again I just fired my assistant ah that's handy I could use one of those here take mine no Trina I want you to know that I will take extra special care of your husband I mean it I'll treat him as if he were my husband hope you like Harry soap who here likes violent video games thank you it's starting I bet you guys are excited about your dad becoming a comedy superstar huh ah superstars a word it's kind of overused let's go with SuperDuper star
Rodneyas you know my boss is quite enamored with your dirty songs dad sings dirty songs hey can I hear one no I downloaded one off the web about your grandmother working...
in a bordello what's a bordello yeah it's a word your daddy had a hard time coming up with a rhyme for let's go to bed let's go to bed jacket mm good night good night right
RodneyI'm sorry I didn't realize you don't let the boys listen you're right no not really it's kind of dirty I mean they've heard all the words but never in a song about your grandma whoa
Rodneyhi I'm Emily I'll be with you every step of the way I'm your go-to person anything you need you go to me what happened to Thomas he's no longer with us he he died no he made the mistake of giving his opinion before he was told what it should be they're ready for us Duke Lewis this is
Rodneywelcome have a seat wait take my chairs bro
Rodneywelcome to Cinna five records where the artist is king you are gonna have total creative control on your project we work for you you mean I'm in charge well in that case you're all fired yeah just kidding they can stay now
Rodneyas I mentioned to you before you're going to be getting in advance of $50,000 of course as per the standard industry formula that's recoupable against future royalties I'm just curious ah this $50,000 is it does it come in a wire transfer any way you want we had one idiot that asked for a giant check this is the CD that you recorded yourself which sold about 400 copies as you can see we've scratched out the offensive words if we remade this album as is...
we think we could sell two to three thousand two or three thousand who else is thinking of names for their new boat huh but with just a couple of tweaks a change the r-rated bits to pg-13 we can get you on the radio now bring that down to a straight PG we're selling
rodneyhamilton in the national chain stores then I got to admit I like big
Rodneybut I don't know about changing my act bite your tongue no one wants to change your act we're just talking about inconsequential things like say instead of a naked girl running for a bus it could just be a girl mr. Lewis Jeff Scott legal fares I'd advise we use a word woman instead of girl which could be viewed as demeaning good catch we don't want to piss off the girls they do the shopping but she can still have big breasts she better Cheryl we discussed your look here a couple of ideas I don't like it it doesn't say comedy oh that's better what do you think running well uh uh-huh really I don't know if I can get my hand I guess I can why do I have to change my look to sell Rutgers SC you you're just too good-looking it works for me because I'm in a position of power but you're a comedian people got to know you're funny but we had a dial back on the handsome good luck I do have one more sketch oh so they came up with this whole new look for me you are really good actor Bruce together I thought you were serious well howdy Sheriff did you catch those tiny bandits I got an itty-bitty...
purse that would look great with that teeny tiny head so you don't like well you do look it's a new way for the record company to promote me it's like Steve Martin with the arrow through his hair or Ellen and the whole gay thing Edgar company did not make Ellen gay maybe not now once they figure it out she could do it they encourage you to run with so you had a good meeting huh it was a great meeting I mean they got this whole plan about how to sell me a national chain stores I mean all I got to do is change my act a little bit change your act just a little bit just mostly take out the dirty stuff yeah but then what do you have left you know how you doing folks thank you and good night all right no jokes they just got to be clean honey if you're sure that's what you want to do Horsham sure no I was hoping for a little support from you guys I'm sorry buddy look I'll support you but if you take all the dirty stuff out of your act you might have to signal me when to laugh maybe you could just wave your tiny hand
Rodneyyou need to get down to Jack's school what happened he brought one of your songs to school and played it for his friends how did he get one of my song he downloaded it off the internet I thought you were gonna get those parental controls yeah well you were gonna run a 5k we all got big plans sorry dad tell us a joke when he gets here I don't think he's gonna be in the mood I just want to hear swear words I've been nude...
for that Jack Hamilton you are in trouble mister sorry what'd I tell you about listening to my material you know those jokes are for adults your song was really funny Thanks I gotta tell you it's a cute story how I came up rod knows mr. and mrs. Hamilton thank you for coming have a seat thank you um mr. Pratt we are so sorry about this yeah look Jack really is a good boy I don't know what's gotten into him well it's easy to see what got into him that song of yours that he downloaded is very funny disgusting Wow mr. Pratt you know Jack knew that he wasn't supposed to listen to that and he will be punished yeah it's meant for adults I'm an adult and I don't find it funny at all sure I mean did you listen to it all the way to the end cuz it explains it I found it offensive well I'm in the process of cleaning up my material you know I'm taking it from an are down to a PG well I'm glad you're changing although it may be too late mr. Pratt who's in trouble here Jack er us well Jack did something wrong but I can't blame him for questionable influences he gets at Hope hang on a second I feel for you mr. Hamilton it could not have been easy having a grandmother of dubious were cute or a mother with a penchant for displaying her permit mammaries but I do not believe that that just for at that none that happened I made it all up why would you do that because it's funny yes well the word funny can also be used to describe...
something that smells bad are you trying to tell me that you don't appreciate a good dirty joke you don't have a favorite Limerick about a girl in a duck honey I don't think I should make it rule I'm tired of people trying to judge you I don't think mr. Pratt was trying to do that actually I was you know something you've never even seen
Rodneyperform audiences aren't offended they laugh people love him because he's honest and he doesn't filter his thoughts before saying them he'll half the time he doesn't think at all more than half although that's you know that's aggravating sometimes that is the man that I fell in love with okay not some goody two she was in a tiny cowboy hat you really feel strongly about that yes I do hmm I'll I guess your eyes I mean crazy to change my act a tiny vest and a hat would be a lot funnier if my jokes were dirty yeah well we'll talk about that outfit later mr. Pratt I'm sorry about Jack but uh I can assure you it'll never happen again when I'll wait a minute so you're not cleaning up your act oh hell no there thanks for driving hey are you kidding now when you make it big I can honestly say that you couldn't have gotten here without me
Rodneywe're ready for you hey you still got your job why did you hear something
Rodneyhi welcome you look great are you done working out well you when I go on long drives I've scrunched my butt cheeks together about every...
four miles well it's working mr. Lewis I wanted to talk to you I first of all I want to tell you how excited I am to be a part of the son of my family and we're excited to happen now let's ink this contract but I uh I don't want to clean up my songs I don't want to cut out the dirty words I just don't want to change my act that's great I love artists with integrity they make great waiters look you don't want to talk about it we just did now right if you just grab a pen oh no hang on a second you told me I had creative control
Rodneycome on creative control doesn't really mean anything's more of a catchphrase like I love you but you don't need to worry about that fortunately for you we know comedy let me show you our latest market analysis no no look look I don't need any more charge mr. Lewis I know what works for me and we want that you just can't be a
mouthwhoa whoa whoa back up a minute Liberace was gay her I need you to come in here and tell these guys why I should do my act the way I've always done it oh sure buddy you know you're a very attractive young lady you should stop spreading rumors like that uh mr. Lewis this is my friend Barry Martin oh you his opinion and I I think you should listen to him well nice to meet you people um listen I've known
Rodneyfor a long time and I've seen his act probably more than anybody on earth and he is one of the funniest most talented comedians you'll...
ever hear and I swear to you if you let him do his record the way he wants to do it it will be the biggest seller you people have ever had have you done market research we have our Estelle's us at 72% of the people who buy comedy albums are turned off by coarse language 72% damn you should just do what they say we didn't tell me that market research you know you know I respect science that's how you befriended do you really think I should change my act look I don't know who your market researchers called but I know they didn't call me and it sounds like they didn't call anybody like me but you know what when I go to a comedy club I want to hear a comedian that's got the balls to say what I wish I'd said and you know something else it's not just men that love him it's women that love him too and they love him just like he is and you ought to respect that thanks bear mr. Lewis I am I appreciate the fact that you want to make a record with me but uh I just can't do it this way it's not what got me here you're really gonna walk out on $50,000 well you know I don't see that I really have a choice sorry to hear that
Rodneyhow'd you get to be such a tough guy oh um I'm not fact I plan on crying aw boy whoo how's your homework coming okay be a lot easier if I could use the computer yeah well you can't use the computer cuz you're in trouble dad look Jack you disobeyed me and your mom you know but I got to...
tell you the thing that most concerns me is that you don't even appear to have any common sense you don't take stuff like that to school if you have to share one of my songs with your friends you memorize it you sing it to him on the playground you think Jack you think you sorry yet and I'll tell you something else you're gonna do you're gonna teach me how to download a song Duke Lewis Center five records Oh Hamilton of course you are you look fantastic do you lose some weight we've never met where's those boys those are for us right yes they are Thanks it's starting again mr. Lewis what are you doing here
RodneyI came to bring you back what you're the first guy that ever walked out of my office and didn't come back I respect that hmm would you respect me if I told you you were full of crap even more so what do you say what can we do to bring you back into the center vibe family well a couple of things I want to do my act my way dirty words and all you got it what else Oh well I'll tell you what else good I want a snowcone machine in my dressing room with uh with cherry and orange what I'm walking all right a snow cone machine and he's not wearing a tiny little hat yeah just a tiny fast no tiny best new tiny vest wear whatever you want and as an act of good faith I brought along an advanced check for $40,000 mm-hmm I thought you said it was $50,000 I'm letting you cus cut me some slack what do you think it's up to...
you was your gut say I think you need to take that back to Nashville and put it on the biggest check you can find and we got a deal heavenly