Robin Williams - Live 2002 [Full Album]

I'm in a cup I'm in a man, yeah, and I'm talking about the girls with the sneaky neck, do that, watch your mom leave, go down the stairs like she never had your neck. I'm on my hey man, it reminds you or if you really want to have grandma. crazy, fool around, bangee, come home, go, mom, dad, it's a CD player too, now you get on a plane, there's usually a sweet southern stewardess, we'll go if you get on a plane in Georgia and let's go , ladies and gentlemen, before us. get on this flight we're just going to have some random baggage checks these are totally random I'm just going to read some names not a human leg has been seen it's not Judy Smith 14 Arabs and a blonde and all black men in every Hispanic man in the room is going thank you God we are off the list get ready Habib it's your turn now and now they search everyone who takes knitting needles ladies where am I going to knit an afghan you are cutting a five year old child he goes what are you doing You're not priests, let me go I see, so have you had Father McNeeley in private? patent chat with all rights always amazing it wasn't just how they would catch him then they had that you know divine witness protection program here's the priest here's a pedophile find the priest find a pedophile find a priest find a pedophile moving it moving around he finds a home away from Rome here we go here we go there we turned around they move on Don't ask Don't tell or you'll end up in a room inhale go lunatic and move but even the Pope got all the Cardinals together and what do they do, the problem It's that he's dressed like Liberace doubles and his bag is on fire because you gotta remember boys and girls, it's not just a sin, it's a serious crime, now let's get back to our in-flight movie, remember when you used to get on planes before of September 11.

The pilots would come and tell you all that Chuck Yeager. Hey, everyone had a couple of cocktails and felt pretty good. Let's take this fool to the end of the rink and see what he does. now they come and go I love them all we are family then the stewardess comes out and leaves in case of an emergency in the cabin a small Louisville Slugger will fall from the ceiling remember to take it with both hands and by the head, groin and knees. Keep hitting the bully Jill, now he's unconscious because now on the red-eye flight that used to be, you take whatever medicine to your head and say, hey, you'd wake up in Tokyo, hey, this isn't Cleveland, no, it's not now. people. the red eyes are wide awake looking around the entire cabin looking for anyone who ordered the Houmas scary because now we are under the auspices of Homeland Security we had to be very careful when choosing that name you couldn't say homeland security because everyone the Germans are That's very good, but Homeland Security sounds like homeland security that England was during the World War.

Two old men with pitchforks and colostomy bags defending the home front. There they were. I captured Rudolf. His plane crashed. I threw away my colostomy bag. I covered him in shit and he said, get out of it, is that you? and now I discover that Winston Churchill, the greatest orator of all time, was so high on champagne and cognac that he may not have made some of his own speeches, they were made by a BBC man who did . Winnie the Pooh we will fight them on the beaches, in the air, on the land, he or Antigua once again we look to England for great oratory Tony Blair militant liberal here in the United States george w bush compassionate conservative I don't know what that really is It sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack, I don't know what, okay, Tony Blair, a man who must address the House of Commons, which is like Congress, with a minimum of two drinks, they shout at him, he's like my worthy opponent, oh. out of every site, bastard, keep going, will someone eliminate the lady?

Thatcher from the hallway please, but after 9/11 it was Tony who said that this atrocious incident has brought our civilization to the brink of oblivion, but we will endure it and there's poor W. I can't even save a damn, you know , you are watching. he has a short attention span, he's going to know our economy all over the kitty, he has a backup head basically, if you look at it in the classical sense, he's the second cross, george ii, a boy king, a man who we thought would he could only lose, but somehow he won because of confused Hebrews yes, yes, some men are born great, some achieve greatness, some get it as a graduation gift, that's okay because here's the thing, notice he doesn't speak well, Cheney's drinking water, check it out with Cheney, although even when he had angioplasty, you I know blessed are the peacemakers, they protected him.

He left and the next day he was there ready to come back. Some people would let it heal. No, he says I'm perfectly fine and there's Ashcroft on the last line. He works the arms you pinch. He works the arm. I have to remember one thing: John Ashcroft is a man who lost to a dead man in Missouri. In Missouri, the options were dead man John Ashe Hall and the people of Missouri and their wisdom repented. John and I have to vote for the dead man. 'cause he scares me less than you now I'm not scared that W said hello to Stevie Wonder, that's fine, oh come on, Stevie's just been blind since he was born.

Stevie, even Stevie does that, waving at me. What scares me is that W almost died from a pretzel we have billions of dollars in national security secret services talking up our sleeves they have f-18 spy satellites flying air cover for Washington and he falls out of the sandwiches the secrets are They're over the game it's over man Gilligan is down Gilligan is down what do we have to do? Does anyone have to sit with him and make juicer, now pour liquid, even his own dogs didn't care? They looked at him through the sole. You need a dog that cares, a dog that will go get help like lassie, a dog.

I'll go, what's wrong? Finally, the president swallowed something and we have to do the Heimlich, although what else is going on, girl, sir? Cheney's meeting with the Enron people and granting tax refunds. Oh, and there are plenty of former Enron employees in the White House. Whoa, whoa, sorry girl, we're going to have to put you down now because remember the first day they caught him when he wasn't ready. and they said mr. Bush, what are we going to do? He said well, we're going to go after these people and carry out a crusade and everyone in the room is crazy about the whole Middle East, they're going to go back, hide the women and children in the number zero and then he said let's bomb, they got Kenny back to the Stone Age in this Kenny win.

Oh, it gets better, great, as we see here, today's bombing has widened the hole from yesterday's bombing. We have moved debris from here to here one block to the right. corner a goat, possible Taliban member or concubine, we fired the hundred million dollar cruise missile up the goat's ass and were successful in the operation, the extreme redundancy continues and then we started dropping bombs, food, bombs of food and here's the fun part, some of the bombs. They were little yellow bombs and the food packages were little yellow packages, so now you're playing survivor, the real one guessing what was in those packages, pop tarts, peanut butter, everything you need, a honey baked ham and you have a southern Christmas, why they throwing pop? -pies and peanut butter in a Muslim country, firstly, it is very difficult to call jihad with a mouth

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of peanut butter, secondly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture and anyone who has been friends with the hookah will go because what we are trying to do we are trying to win hearts and minds how do we do this? we built a big muslim amusement park called muslim lamb with gaddafi duck no we have a wet burger contest no we play cat stevens records all day we don't we have a kids show called saudi dude.

I know what you gotta do is get a sister to go there just a Shaniqua drop her butt there and she'll be gone girl you don't have to dress like a beekeeper we're looking for we're looking for a man Osama bin Laden one of the 52 boys even Freud would say he has problems he is a six foot five Arab on dialysis why is he so hard to find look for someone attached to the luggage he is Also, as we have seen on the tapes, a psychopath and I went to How do you fight this Acrobat? Wait a minute, we've got some of our own in San Quentin, we've got some good guys with some time on their hands.

Theodore Kaczynski sitting there with nothing to do Ted has played with a beautiful mind the game at home gives Ted some tools and a mailing list Kennels like that you tell Ted these people are bad are they bad oh so bad? I need us to know what you need here they are, we will de

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r them to you, they are damaging the environment. Oh, horribly, there's Charles Manson, a good organizer, excellent with the girls. We have a very fundamental problem with this fundamentalism in a jihad that sounds like a country-western term, but in the process of a jihad if you die in the process of killing an infidel, which I am sad to say is that you will go to the heaven and you will be greeted by 71 dark-haired virgins.

Now anyone who's been with a virgin is going for my share of talent. no, no, no, wait a minute, but recently in a New York Times article, a Quran scholar said that it is not 71 dark hair versions, but 71 crystal raisins, a slight difference in translation, it's like finding out that you will not kill. the quilt and the armor are going, we could have had weapons all the time, killing easily is like someone committing suicide, he goes to the gates of heaven, he goes to the gates of heaven, one of my raisins goes because I think one day summer will appear at the gates of heaven.

There will be George Washington standing with a little bat saying: how dare you desecrate what we create? and he starts to wobble on his butt and then the other 70 members of the Continental Congress come down and start kicking one summer and Osama says what disease where the virgins 71 Virginians you in Louisville economist I must talk to Jesus place where Jesus Christ is and say Peter go di Jesus you called a taxi aha I see we've crossed the PC line it's okay to kick him out but no Don't make the ethnic joke aha because I don't understand the whole fundamentalist thing.

Yes, I'm an Episcopalian, that's Catholic, of course, you know the same religion, half the blame, you know, Catholics, you know you have a confession. I got Thanksgiving where Dad had a couple of gin and tonics. I never loved your mother. You know it now, yes, but that's because the Episcopal Church was basically a Protestant church. It was Henry VIII. I mean, Pope now lol, but then there are other Protestants. that he thought he was too lazy and then they formed the Puritans, our ancestors, people so uptight that the English kicked them out. How anal do you have to be for the English to say, get out, take your pimp shoes, get on the sunflower and go and them? land in America hello we bring you guilt syphilis and alcohol and the Indians go oh we have a gift for you for us it is a medicinal and sacred herb but for you it will be an addictive carcinogen enjoy and I think you will enjoy tobacco for many years 7ki our first tear this is My wife sits with a

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house welcome to the groups a casino that cares now it's time for the white man to get drunk and we'll go back to the land you took from us there look at it Is that what's up with their religions?

Its fundamentalists basically take the word at face value. It cannot be interpreted. It's not a metaphor like I said. What happens to Genesis in the beginning? Let there be light. Could it be a metaphor for the Big Bang? The creation of? the universe in that instant not God just clicked. I believe there are miracles in the Bible. I'm talking about Moses and Pharaoh. Yes, that time Moses said, "Let my people go, where I can de

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r Pharaoh in your dreams." Sir. The big shot called God, God, hello, I need something big and the zogs fell from the sky, maybe they fell from the sky or maybe it was just a bunch of Jews with catapults now and thank God it was the Egyptians and not the French because The French would go to lunch, why should we let them go?

They are excellent caterers. I like these people, but I thought: wait a minute, maybe that's what we should drop on Afghanistan, not bombs, food, but frogs, lizards, hamsters, gerbils that they haven't seen and if you want people to come out of the caves , a couple of New York grass, oh, some New York shit is better than any cruise missile since I hired or hired the guy, the rage, haha, like literally ready, no, but back to the Pharaoh, it took further. boils and still the pharaohs say I'm angry but I won't let you go finally the firstborn dies that's all choose out in the tooth go well all man Ishtar will be upset he will leave don't wait for the bread to rise just take the cookies in the skin of your penis, we're going to travel, come on, why skin on a penis for people who travel, we don't want sand there, we're going to travel through the desert to get the Ten Commandments, those will be adjusted as we go, so.

They reach the sea and then they leave, what happensYou're just happy to have it. On Sunday you are all out two days in a row, divine love, great spirit, sorry, we can't find a virgin to sacrifice, but we thank you, could you take a very pierced person instead? Don't be afraid, it's good to say that people are demonstrating. People have come out again, what are you protesting? Don't know. I'm unnecessarily supportive of United's newest party. In fact, don't support us. I don't want your support as a minister. Nothing. I don't promise you anything. Nothing, don't vote for nihilism.

I was thinking about giving up coffee, but this isn't the city. I guess it's like opening a Betty Ford in Columbia. It's not a good idea. Hey, so you want to quit drugs. What a silly idea to come here every day. five feet Starbuck yes please yes yellow better yes baby Drona cappuccino now I want an L Pacino I want hot coffee of course if you know and give me the steamed milk in the ass and that kind of man Dewey meanwhile Jared passes dressed as a woman to the other side city ​​No, yeah, people who don't know it was a man in a thong looking for Eliot Ness trying to find John Dylan, just a dick to put in Einstein's brain to have someone who could all night and talk about it for the rest of eternity.

What does that mean? Wow, we have deaf signing, people in the wrong seats, welcome to Portland, close it, this is nice, hello friends, don't be afraid. I don't immerse myself in the stage, yes, I like it. Punk history museum here, that was. It's really nice to see people with an ananka mohawk. Well, things I haven't seen since '78. It's nice to be here in your lovely city. I guess you guys are having a problem. They are trying to keep his suicide assisted. and I saw the Kevorkian chicken place, okay none of these chickens took their lives, don't be afraid, no bad karma, let's go down to the Kevorkian chicken sign, they put Kevorkian in prison if he basically uses lethal injection, is that ? applies his work well, studies well if people play golf Mayberry is an Ashcroft I won't let you do that's like edge+ going, you can't kill people, I can, damn it, we're in Vegas, you don't need drugs, there are pyramids and castles here of fairies like oh what's up man, there's a pyramid and a Caesar, and even HG Wells is going kind of wrong every time, periods here making money and then Siegfried and Roy, at that point I'm doing well, game over, man , it's like Liberace meets the Discovery Channel it's those cats, those cats are the closest thing to those eyes you'll ever see.

It's nice to be here in Toronto or, as I like to say, in this heat and garbage in upstate New York. God bless you. Welcome to our world. Canadians working. trying to be rude you still haven't got it yet you haven't got all that nasty stuff you're still trying we're having a big problem in America right now with the Pledge of Allegiance you can't say anything nation under God so it occurred to me one solution, one nation under Canada aboveMexico, thank you, I know, but God bless your mayor Mel, he has certainly done some great things.

Hi, I'm Mel, the last one. Come to Mel's house to pick up trash. Something in the way. Incredible. Gail came. I'm a little one. man with bad hair, come on, you're in trouble and it's hot too and Mel says the garbage strike will last until October the first time you get a couple of rats is there anything else we haven't eaten yet? I think Mel knows that. Now that we're here for a while, Mel maybe you should get a flute and try to take us to the lake. I guess you lost Raul Mondasey, they're trading him for two minor leaguers, which should be great for his ego, and you lost.

Cujo it's just for the name that's the good idea okay I didn't pay for it don't look at me with a name like Cujo as a goalkeeper is Cujo hello I know you're having an economic crisis but it's hard to take you seriously when you say the dollar Canadian is down, oh I'm so sorry for you crazy, what's up with this suspect and the grabby? What happens if you have animals in your money? I was surprised that I even made it to the country, immigration is so strict. Do you have a title? You don't just speak two languages.

Bonjour, but of course you have a prime minister. Juncker. Can you talk with one side of your mouth tied? Okay uh don't cook and the only man I don't need a Secret Service a guy is going to hit me I knock him out hey I'm not afraid I hit him I knock him out but I come from Quebec who still wants to separate from Canada but they still want to keep the currency oh oh that's really good Move, it's like a child leaving. I'm leaving home, but still, could you send me money? I still want to be on mom's stick.

Okay, but that's your egg. You can't have it for everything you know, but it's hard to beat. I do not do it. I don't mind speaking like him, enough. I also want to thank you for building Camden Yard, which is a very nice stadium. You did a good job, thanks to you. Across the country, people built new baseball stadiums all over America, including the ghosts of Babe Ruth. It's going to be so good to be here in Memphis today. I went to Graceland or, as I like to say, the club, medicated. I didn't know Ray Charles had a decorating license, but there really are some wild colors, there are colors in there that don't. look in the light of day on sunday i will give myself my gun bob goulet there is no indication that you can buy a shirt like this and don't care there are things in there that are fer tacular the jungle room is designed to be made by people with a big chainsaw that Elvis bought every The time I was so nice, she built that pyramid.

It's nice to have a Colosseum that you can see from Uranus. I like to drive into the city, our dear Christ. Yes, that is our Colosseum. We have to stop until sunset. Soon the chicken will be ready and we will take care of you. let Mike fight here, that's how it's done whoo oh yeah. Mike likes it so much that he's going to open a barbecue place that's going to be called Mike's Bucket of Ears, come on, this is Music City USA, this is nice, but right now I guess you're wondering. you're going to have to make money somehow you'll be welcome to the Tennessee telethon we're going to raise money or the state is going to shut down it's 6% or a big bake sale we're going to lower a bullet tax I don't know what and it's a good thing Al moved back and bought a $2.5 million mansion here in Nashville just so he could be around people.

Amen, yes, welcome to the air of Tennessee. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, a bottle of Jack Daniels will fall from the ceiling, damn that will eliminate the lack of oxygen at this point, even my penis is gone. I forgot if you make that noise here it's a call, isn't it? It goes back to the great misunderstanding, isn't it the Civil War? all about product placement and labor relations Robin, you just had better weapons you bastard and a lot of people died thanks. I think I learned my lesson. It will be like making money.

This is how the movement begins. You have to be very careful, I want to thank you for not making your cell phones ring tonight because it can be a little hard, some doctors leave, some people may die, but it's okay, cell phones don't make the same noise as before . It was okay, but now either custom phones that are just for you, like mine, or get one for your grandpa that says yeah, you see people now that they have hands-free phones, they're standing on this corner, oh yeah, yeah, They seem like you're crazy a poor homeless guy leaves that's my app people don't give me money now they think I'm on a mobile phone I'm talking to myself I'm not talking to anyone else you know who your computer is talking to you now it's him you have that happy voice you have lady they are never police officers an attitude go you have a letter what's fun in the corral shut up to leak leak leak every Mercedes I got in the car was are you Jewish why?

Can you ask just one question? It was not my fault. I know which Porsche built it depends. Good. Can we start the engine now? I would like to go downtown. Should I take a direct route? Yes, go ahead. I want to go left. You always go to the right. no, sure, I'll inflate an airbag every five seconds or you'll get that new GMC truck that says thank you, hits something you might want to return, it might be good to eat because your appliances are now talking to each other about you, you don't want to be 3 in the morning yes refrigerator open please no Robin I talked to the scale your butt is huge refrigerator Haagen-Dazs 3.0 override code don't scrub until you clock 2.2 hours on the treadmill, the treadmill, that is. something really difficult, that's where you can really run and get circumcised.

Wow, there is a product for the Jewish man in gold. A tread. Can you believe it? I'm losing weight and losing my foreskin at the same time. Call now. more Hill, but who cares it doesn't matter because science is your friend double espresso machine Robby you seem tense, no, not tonight, me for that, good TV, sir. Williams, you've reached your porn limit. No, can I ask what Snatch Adams be Claire Door is? Information technology that is interesting. You can actually look at that, read it, and imagine things even better than the 3D graphics, which are pretty wild.

They mapped the human being. genome, that's wonderful, remember that the first clone was an exact duplicate of a sheep and said: Wow, who could tell the difference before, but wait, I'm sure there's a Scottish farmer, Gordon, that I know, oh, I know the difference oh yeah everyone is unique in their own way and then they cloned rabbits and I said why would you clone rabbits all they do is duplicate it's like making a photocopy of a photocopy why would you do that and then they cloned a cat and I know that there's some redneck corn oh them You're cloning.

Can you make one that doesn't talk? No sir. Clinton, we can't move forward, come on, step forward.