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Ricky Gervais On What Counts As An Act Of God | Universal Comedy

Ricky Gervais On What Counts As An Act Of God | Universal Comedy
thank you so much i i should i i should explain something straight away usually when i come out on stage it's amazing i'm doing cartwheels i'm doing backflips it's looking spectacular but i've hurt my back um that's true that is true i've pulled a muscle in my spine playing golf i know

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you're thinking certainly right for playing some stupid games golf but um no i've been in agony i'm on painkillers right now so if i suddenly start talking like kerry katona you'll know why i'm not drunk i'm not drunk mother of the year one year um when the doctor gave me the painkillers this is true he said no you can't drink alcohol with these and i went i don't want him then and he went

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i said give me some you can drink alcohol with and he went we are not meant to drink with any painkillers oh you're my mother just girl so yeah i've been walking around like the elephant man but without the big obviously i assume he had a big elephant's to go with the head so i don't then it would balance things out no because then he'd look in the mirror and he'd go oh no

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zippy

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the was that no shut up so no then it's all go oh no oh look at that head hold on though

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's going on down here swings and roundabouts let's celebrate the buns are on me um don't you hate that when an art is cancelled you turn up you go concert canceled dude a sore throat or i couldn't go on i was depressed ah...
ricky gervais on what counts as an act of god universal comedy
can you imagine a labourer trying that going oh i've got a little tickle on fed up ah move the bricks mate one artist has had a good excuse to cancel a concert in recent years and that's michael jackson everyone else is a malinger never cancel i had a gig in dublin a couple of months back um 02 arena dublin 10 000 seats sold out way in advance getting towards the gig looking forward to it a few days before all the planes start being grounded because this volcanic ash cloud a volcano goes off in iceland and we can't get on a pla

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's the point of iceland really i thought it went bankrupt just get rid of it it's no good it's not doing just put into fill in the volcanoes with concrete in fact tarmac the whole country and make it a car park for real europe waste of space so yeah um and sort of like pop stars not coming to england were cancelling i couldn't get out of and i think i can't cancel i can't cancel i've got to get there so i hired a helicopter to and from dublin cost me 12 000 pounds just because i couldn't bear to let anyone down or take the ferry yeah they were still running fine sure i think there were extra ones they'd put on but that would have meant mixing with the general public and this is about as close as i ever want to be to to no offence scum i don't know if anyone was affected by the volcanic ash cloud but i had friends all around the world that couldn't get back they missed weddings and funerals and...
ricky gervais on what counts as an act of god universal comedy
they had to put themselves up in hotels they hadn't budgeted for for weeks on end and they couldn't get their money back because the airlines were saying no we can't pay you because the insurance companies won't pay us because they're saying it's an act of god

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isn't an act of god if you believe in god that's sort of a definition of him isn't it that he does everything he's he's all-powerful and he's everywhere he invented everything he was a before he was around there was nothing he invented times by everything okay so he's across it all nothing happens by mistake no he's not absent-minded a volcano going off it's not him going oh i left the oven on that doesn't i know these insurance companies that know

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is and isn't an act of god how do they decide have they got a hotline to god they call god up do they and go ring-ring hello hello um can i speak to god please speaking oh

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i didn't think you'd answer the phone yourself

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do you want um sorry that volcanic ash cloud was that you yeah yeah oh yeah that was an act of me all right so i shouldn't pay out don't pay in a penny son no oh geez while i've got you here um did you make a tree fall on steve baxter's car a lot of steve baxter's um to acacia road houndslow it happened on the 3rd of june 2 15. third of june 215. no that wasn't me i was in africa then giving aids to babies he does everything i love books...
ricky gervais on what counts as an act of god universal comedy
of quotations i saw i read them um for pleasure i've got a few of these compilations and one of my heroes is winston churchill and uh when i read give us the tools and we will finish the job i thought how inspiring and when i read never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few i thought how patriotic and when i read it is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations i thought you cheeky fat git people say that oscar wilde is the greatest genius that's ever lived let's test that is one of his all women become like their mothers that is their tragedy no man does that is his that sounds a bit gay to me just i don't know give another go isn't it i couldn't help it i can resist everything except temptation that sounds guy as well i want to start that with an ooh i want to go oh i couldn't outfit you know and i want to end it with i can resist everything except temptation chance would be a fine thing do you know i mean and when he went through customs all those years ago in new york and the customs officer just doing his job said have you anything to declare oscar wilde famously said nothing but my genius it's not witty he planned that i bet the first time i went through customs in a foreign country it was all yes sir no sir any declare no on you go thank oh i just thought of something brilliant to say excuse me can i go but no no oh god he had to wait weeks in those days back on a boat to england...
planning it anything to declare nothing about my genius i'll be in the book of quotations winner so he gets there again finds the same bloke goes on that goes on you go i didn't even ask me that time excuse me they didn't ask me if anything's clear random random back on the boat three weeks we're planning anything playing nobody's gets there again right gets in the same bloke's queue this time he looks all shifty so he gets called out and the bloke goes did you buy anything that's not the question just save you anything to declare have you anything to declare nothing but my genius who's the butt plugs they're mine you