Pranking My Father | Bill Engvall

I'll tell you what my dad told me about them as they grew up. You know, Grandma and Grandpa couldn't leave the house much, so Dad put him in this group called meals on wheels, which is a wonderful organization that serves meals. of elderly people and people confined to their homes, just as Grandma grew up, she started visiting people on other planets that we didn't know existed and one day her meals were on wheels, her lunches were late and my Grandma got so angry she called 911 Wouldn't you have loved it? Having heard that 9-1-1 telephone conversation.

What is your emergency? Well, we're about to starve, if that's what the damn emergency is, ma'am, is anyone dead? There will be two people dead if we don't get some sandwiches. real quick, well, my

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told me this story, well, I'm a comedian, you can't give me a loaded gun like that and not think that it won't go off at some point, well, my grandparents passed away about 15 years ago, well, one morning . A couple of years ago I got up and called home, I remember this little town in Texas and my mom answered the phone and greeted me and I said ma'am.

Engvall, she said yes. I said this Sergeant Johnson from the Georgetown Police Department. She said, "Oh my God, everything is fine." I said, "Oh, yes, ma'am. I'm sorry, everything's fine. I said, listen, we're just cleaning up our books for the end of the year and we know, we had to send our emergency vehicles to your mother-in-law's house because she called to 911 on wheels lunches were late, my mother is leaving, you need to talk to my husband, I mean, she threw him right under the bus, we're sorry, we'll make it right, sir, it's his mom, deal with him. and I said, well, is he home? and she said, well, yes, officer, he is, but he's in the shower, and I said, well, ma'am, yes you could get it, that would be great, okay, and she hangs up the phone, you know, when people hang up the phone, you can still hear the conversation and I hear my mom say "

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," it's the police, they want to talk to you about your mom and I hear my dad yell from the shower my mother is dead and my sweet mother who never raised her voice is gone I know she's on the phone well now I'm about to wet my pants because I have a vision of my soaked

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holding the towel and while the damn police call to my house on Saturday morning about my husband who died 15 years ago, but my friends got on that phone and he was very nice, he greets me and I'm trying to stay calm and I told him Mr.

Inbal, he said yes, I said I'm Sergeant Johnson from the Georgetown Police Department and he says, Oh, how are you today officer? That's all. I'm good, thank you for asking. He said: What can I do for you? I said, well, sir. I hate to bother you and your family on this beautiful Saturday. I said the word is clearing our books by the end of the year and we know we had sent emergency vehicles to your mother's house because she called 911. Meals on Wheels. late and it becomes official, that woman was crazy, this is what mom is talking about and I said, well, sir, that may well be it, but that's not our department, I said, listen, we just have to issue a little ticket and we'll get out of your hair he said what's the fine for and I said well sir we had to send a fire truck and an ambulance because we thought something was wrong he said oh yeah I understand he said how much is the fine ?

I told him, well, that's up to him. He said on the wood and I said sir, do you remember what they had for lunch that day? and there was a pause, so i figure he's following me, you know he's going to leave,

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will shut up and say, sorry, i said fine, whatever they had. by lunch that day it will be determined how big or small the definition is and he said, well, I've never heard of that and I said, well, it's something new we're trying, he said, well, how does it work and I told him , well, it's funny, you should ask. ice, okay sir, let's say they had a bowl of soup for lunch, well that's about $10, but they ate like a meatloaf sandwich, sir, have you ever made this.

Her wife cooks her meatloaf on a Monday night and then you cook the next day. your cold slice of meatloaf with mustard mayonnaise pickles lettuce onion he says oh I love those sandwiches I said well that'll be a little more money can you understand he says yeah yeah that makes sense really and this is a man Polite, aren't you an idiot? of the sticks, so I said, if you could just think about what they had for lunch, they'll clear up this whole mess and you can get on with your weekend, he was a kid. I'm just trying to think, officer, because I remember what they ate. lunch that day I said well, maybe your wife knows and he said, hey, good idea, and he said, hey Mary, what did you have for lunch that day?

Hell, I don't know, that was 15 years ago, officer said, we can't marry dad. for lunch that day, that was too far back, I said boy, I said we really want to clear this up, sir, I said think really hard, I mean, did they have a salad? Because well, so that's only $15, but if they had like a Turkey Sandwich, sir, have you ever made this? His wife prepares Thanksgiving dinner for him. So, the next day, take us out to eat that turkey with some dressing and cranberry sauce. He says hail, that's my favorite sandwich ever. I said it, well, it's going to be hell. a lot more money because I bet he is and I'm not even disguising my voice, this is his only son talking to him in such a way that he just searches, thinks real hard, man, what did you have for lunch today?

We will clarify all this matter. Get up and you can continue with your weekend, he becomes official, look I'll tell you right now because I can't hear what they had for lunch that day, it's just too far behind, he goes, let me do this, he said why. Do I not pay the largest fine and that will cover everything? And I said sir, I wish we had more people like you in the world, but you can see how that ruins our books and he's like, "Oh, hell yeah." I guess he would win it, yeah, I was finally dad, it's me.

Someone go to hell.