Podcast #157 - Snake Oil

you our protection services about candy protection services we are police police officers candy carts buy our services a little policeman for you know why you don't want us, we will serve you and protect you and we will take care of the candy are you still making movies with your producer? it was all just a facade we were undercover cops these are all fake stories this is to help you get out of the hostages we invented this belt candy company specifically To get you out of the situation you were in no one would let us go anywhere if we told them We were police, we had to disguise ourselves as a production company and then as a ride-sharing service to get every step closer to you. and now we are here we only have 30 seconds left they come we need you to get in the car we exist only for you we respond like a video game character to save you from the hostage situation potentially dangerous for you Ok, we saved her, we did it for Candy now it's disbanded we're fine buddy we're cops honestly what happened is we just needed to rescue you and I had to think of a hundred different reasons to get past all the security and we did it happily.

To keep you home, son, I'm going to take the hostage because I sold him. Oh well, I can't believe you're right about that, that's like real garbage. I'm a paparazzo, okay, sell it to me, okay, Julia, just like a threat from papa-paparazzi buh-buh-buh-buh I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you love me papa-paparazzi stop singing to me Lady Gaga so as a paparazzo what's the difference between paparazzi and paparazzo is that plural and singular no, it is our male and female species in no way the paparazzi are feminine the paparazzi are feminine in no way wait, they are both funerals, what the hell not?, the paparazzi are plural, the paparazzi are unique, okay, well, otherwise, they don't know the gender after taking the pictures, right?

You run around the city and find. You take pictures of these celebrities doing cool things, yeah, then it's time to honk and call all the magazines and say I got these pictures of this person or sometimes the other way around where the celebrity will call. and create a look that people still don't understand, like wow look at all these beautiful photos of someone looking so far on the beach, oh I can't believe it's just paparazzi calling them to show up and take pictures. close them, no, I always find it very funny when the same people complain about the paparazzo joking around and bothering them, they post those photos on their Instagram, will you ever see that?

No, I've seen the same people complain and also repost, okay, no one calls the paparazzi to show. get up and talk to them and perpetuate paying attention to me, but because we're not really playing right now, this was all just to explain to you that that's what's okay, we want you to know the truth that sometimes it's the paparazzo. arranged by the person themselves, although it's okay, so after you take photos of your celebrity, a person, whatever you're doing and then you have to honk, you have to call all the media and say, "I have these pictures of this person doing this." things and you know, depending on the pictures you have of them, they can be really valuable, but then you're in a bidding war and then it's like, oh my gosh, and then you have to go back and forth on phone calls.

Oh, who's going to have it? You have to do it quickly because you just snag them on the last minute photos. I have to go now. You know, I say yes, but what if there was a place for you to simply upload your photos completely securely and privately to all users? media outlets that could bid immediately, like eBay, on who wants them for what and could pay you immediately. Like, that sounds easy and not cpgs, just a photo, honey, then everyone feels more sorry for me, you don't have to do anything. Safe is more doing the things you love than standing around doing the party work you don't like we are just selling them for a high price actually doing the work so I have a question how safe is the sky photographic?

It sounds really really safe. I'm talking about safe experience. Why is it called Photo Heaven? That means my photos are dead. Not with anything. It's just the place where you go to upload your photos. Do you have an app for iPhone and Android? Of course, we do it very well. Yeah it's perfect, beautiful, see if they get paid monthly, you'll listen, we designed photo paradise with paparazzo angels, listen, we know that And on the beach in Tahiti follows Gigi Hadid, okay, it's not like this isn't a computer desktop, this computer is there to be exactly that.

You have wireless charging to upload photos from my camera, phone, music, fight and then you have to use the mobile app, so we have designed it to be very easy to use for people like you on the beaches of Tahiti, sweating, following to Gigi Hadid who is at least 45 years younger than you you have to pay monthly as a membership for the servers yes it's about two dollars a month for you to use and for the websites it's about $15 a week just to me, yeah, for you It's that I'm getting a special price because you're fine, so it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, amazing things that you love, like being on the road, I was good, that was the best part of your sales pitch, oh thank you, you're welcome.

Okay, it's my turn, grab it, grab, ah, what's the difference between the blue side and the green side? Is there something I didn't read enough in the instructions to know? Come on, I think there are just different cards. I don't like that one. Alright? is your profession I am a priest do you know the definition of hard work I encourage and motivate many people mm-hmm every Sunday that is me in church yes sir many people many people yes A lot but yes what happens when it rains you can't go to church when it's raining because it's impossible to understand that no one is trying right it's Sunday you have Sunday drivers you have wet roads even in the name of the Lord you can't get to church sometimes because it's raining too crazy, okay, and when you're in the rain, yeah, you're thirsty, you need to drink water even though it's falling everywhere, which sounds like when the priests are trying to get to church and it's pouring rain and you grab your umbrella.

I'm parched, yes, because there is water around you, which means that by osmosis it is leaving your body and you need a recharge, you need to refill the water in the umbrella, which is a water bottle that passes through the water filters of the umbrella and up through a straw into your throat well you only work on Sundays if you go to church oh will it help me get to church? Sometimes you rush, okay, there's a lot here and you park somewhere, you say. I thought this is much closer to the church but it's far I have to run but it's pouring rain you need water with an umbrella because when you run from your car to the holy house you need high curtains you really need to hydrate in the rain you forget about water because It's all around you but what's happening? it gets in your mouth to be the highest paid and highest performing priest you need water normal water doesn't work with umbrellas it just falls out and is wasted and then goes down the sewer and goes to Pennywise and there's not even anyone around you need filters of water the umbrella not only protects you from the rain it gives you the rain to nourish you and your holy spirit on Sundays it only rains on Sundays why didn't you sell it to me as well as we could instead of buying our holy water we could go out and collect it from the rainwater with them because I am a brother the water is not certified holy water you cannot baptize people with umbrellas one is a stays in the umbrella there is no tap you put your mouth on the umbrella and it goes away you drink It cannot be taken out of the umbrella, there is water through the umbrella, it is a patented technology that we did not create, we stole it from my friend, the water seeps through the umbrella and instead of going out to the ground, it goes back in and then rushes and filter like a Brita, it's my own brother, I don't need it, we own Brita, this is Britta, it's something you've read like a new church, I know you have a lot of management, shrewd management, encouragement, okay Brita.

Brita likes five at least depending on how many refrigerators her church has, these are Neuwirth, but what does the umbrella have to do with all the umbrella water? That umbrella water is the company that is under the same umbrella as Brita, which is why it is called umbrella water. I'm not going to let you get away with this this second I want you to drink from my bread I can of candy we are no you are not like I hear in your ear your voice how thirsty you are and we have the water we have the hydration, okay, all the Sundays you're up there shouting, okay, we make, we make a podium, a podium that has a water fountain attached, that's Britta's new invention, we haven't really talked about it, we can't launch it yet, but while you. you're up there doing your sermon it's what's called a sermon while you're doing the sermon and you're inspiring all these people on a beautiful rainy Sunday you need to lean over your podium with only three hands free okay we have a sensor water fountain of movement install the podiums the best politicians use it and now we bring it it is a church and you were the first priests we want to use it nothing is more inspiring believe me, I have seen it it is magical, no, no, you are not going to escape, there is no nothing worse in church than having to pause so the priest has to take a sip of water from the water bottle like he's some kind of non-special human, he's a special human and he needs to drink.

Hands-free is like that, well, he, I, he, he, he, is talking, he needs to stop doing what he is doing and he needs to drink water with an umbrella. We are creating a giant umbrella that sits on top of churches and provides water for all church production. 40 feet high, this is green, just give me your hand, okay, we'll finish here, good job last Sunday and look, do you want the people in your church to have water from the umbrellas and the ceilings to come down to the seats and we have individual water fountains at each seat in the church, do you want them for hydration or not?

It is necessary and you need it. Bring your own water. We don't waste all these plastic bottles on this beautiful, beautiful earth we have. You wouldn't have to do it if you had water with an umbrella, dear sir, well done sir. Excellent doing business with you. Yes, I will visit you next Sunday. I'll set up the umbrella. Change it 20 times. The

snake

oil thing. Alright? You have to be clever with your sales pitch, you have to be able to switch, jump and move laterally while selling, because one direction may not work, you have to jump and take the other angle, that's what it's all about, that's where I created this game called Snake Oil Guys and you can buy it right now, discontinued because of the manufacturing lull, actually, actually the manufacturer discontinued it, how did you get it?

I pulled a few strings here and there, you know, I have UNPO skates, was that at Toys R Us or something, okay, we delivered it right to my house. It was amazing, it's like nature barking when it's delivered right to your house. You don't have to make anything every month, simple ingredients, no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners, delivered right to your door every month. you can buy them one by one, it doesn't matter, okay, you can have a subscription service or you can just buy them, you know, whatever you want, they have over 100 snacks that taste great and actually better for you.

I know we all want to do it. eat better, but when it comes to snacks, they generally taste good, but they're not good for you, that's where the nature box comes into play. It's okay, you can feel good about what you're eating now. Jen and I are eating this strawberry lemon soda. fruit star we still have them we still have them they are still in our cabinet and also just salt and pepper lentil loops are really good those are a nice little salty snack guys you will definitely find your new snack obsession at Nature Box and like I said, they are constantly changing their snack options with inputs inspired by the latest trends from professional chefs.

This is no joke, as Nature Box has been around, they are thriving, they have great snacks everywhere, okay? head to naturebox.com/tyler room right to your door risk-free if you've ever tried a snack you don't like boys don't eat it, okay, Naturebox is like, okay, maybe it's not for you, okay, maybe it's not for you, them. I will replace it for free with this knife you like right now. Nature Vlog offers you 50% off your first order. That's half off guys, you can't say no to that, okay, half off snacks. We all have snacks. Extra money, accomplice Jenna Julianne. thank you and when you're looking to do some Christmas shopping probably for your dad or maybe your brother Matt wife or maybe your sister dad or maybe your daughter maybe your steps are maybe your granddaughter whoever is in your life that wants something You want to buy them a watch with a movement because watches with a movement look great and areabout REE Drummond Hi, I'm REE Drummond, this is what's going on at the ranch.

I'm going to pour 14 sticks of butter into the cereal bowl and then eat it, oh boy this game was fun, man this game is fun. if you have a Julianne in your life who loves to make everything pretty, yeah she likes you too much I literally almost got up and left when you were doing that Umbrella Church yeah talking about Umbrella Church right now guys you know yeah you need to tell me. someone something no one else can find out just get yourself an app get a secret a napkin secret you can write whatever you want on it that's a napkin even though it's a napkin secret you know what happens to a napkin secret is once you find it you write whoever touches dies immediately it's mixed with poison no, we're done, we're done Julian spits cheese you need to spit cheese because sometimes when you spit on the floor it'll just dry out too quickly you need Lee to leave some cheese marks that's disgusting it's a drag of cheese he's not just a cheese genius he just spits it out what you say cheddar cheese gruyere and he just spits it out at you ready, we're done with the book soap Julian, who's going to wash your books? they need to wash their books they're not going to wash themselves they need to be washed you specifically need them to be mopped but that's how it's done is with the books up oh wait urghhh so I hope you enjoy this

podcast

.fun I like it this game, maybe we'll do it again with a third party, it could be fun with her, yes, with more people, it's like cards against humanity, but with more discussions, yes, we can too.

I think they gave us blank cards to write on. some extremes, yes I'm fine, thanks everyone for hanging out for another pound. KS, yes, yes, yes. Bui, see you next week for another one. Seriously look, movement watches, really incredible things. Look at the links below. Nature Box and we'll probably be live on Twitch all week so we'll see you there or something, well not Tuesday night, let's go to the Streamys, pray for me. I don't have anything to wear, you know? wear anything, yeah, mow the lawn, we like it, I'm legit, I don't have something anyway, we just didn't do it this weekend, we didn't go buy something to wear, you're supposed to buy this week and we didn't people like to dress up and we're supposed to get clothes and we didn't, yeah, okay, I'll talk about it, okay.