"Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal)Feb 19, 2020
class="paragraph">We've been traveling all over the country, it's been a lot of fun, you know, in places like P.E and Cape Town and East London recently we went to Durban, which was a bit tricky for us, it was really difficult because it was raining a lot. . and then in addition to the flight delays that you have to contend with, there is also
overbooking, which is a problem, I don't know if you know what
overbookingis, but basically it's a legal process where it's a practice instead of airlines booking more tickets than there are seats on the plane, so they book more, like a taxi, but then they won't let you on when you get there, so they just hope you don't get up like please, please, please agh, yours here.
class="paragraph">You know, that's what they do, so we flew to Durban, and it was the most fun of all: we were standing in line, everyone was fidgeting in line looking at their watches, and they were calling us forward, they were like next, next please next! so we go to the counter and there's one of these women there with her glasses and hair relaxed *typing* and she says "can I have an ID please?" and you're like IDs, everyone writes them *writing* "Where are you flying to?" and we're like, Durban please. She's like, "Durban" *Typing* "Durban?" Yes. *Typing* "Are you flying now?" Not tomorrow.
This is a practice run. you are flying? We say yes we have to fly now "Okay" *Typing* and then she starts typing frantically *Typing frantically* Which I never understand, because when I book my tickets all I have to do is click. It's click, click, click, click Johan, it's okay. Click. Ah Durb. Ah, that one, click. and then it does everything. She's there *Typing frantically* I bet she wasn't even busy making our tickets anymore, she's like clicking there, she's probably on Facebook or something updating her status. "Me, another, another is here. I'm dead, dead, dead, dead, another is here, dead, dead. me because of your fop-ha the airline was kind enough to upgrade us on the next flight to
businessclass They say, we're sorry about what happened here you go
businessclass I love business class you know you can go to a special lounge where everyone is very "business" No it's because when you're in business class you hear conversations and they sound totally different you know that you hear people say things like "Yeah, well, the mergers are coming.
I mean, if you look at the companies that are, you know, people walking around, well, I mean, if the numbers are right, we'll definitely get going." that stock portfolio, just people walking around, like No, I deal with the situation to make sure the Shareholders are happy and then we'll introduce management and it's going to be a delivery of what you know you only hear as things of business We are where, like when you're in economics, it's just a large group of people that you usually hear conversations like, "I thought you put it in the stock market! you said you put it in the bag!
It was in it, I asked you to put it, why isn't it in the bag?" oh wow, so we're going through the airport and then we're going through security, and I love the security in South Africa, it's the most relaxed security what you will find anywhere in the world is like south african security you know we work on an honesty system in this country you know the security guard he is there to enforce but he is more honest look this is up to you this is the place of honesty this is where we all admit our sins do you have anything to declare it's that kind of place abroad when you go through customs it's the craziest thing you've ever had to take everything off you gotta take off your shoes and you take off your belt you know you can't wear a jacket or a hoodie or a cap or anything you have to take off your rings nothing nothing or even coins in your pocket even if you have a big filling then you're in trouble, yeah You know you're like, but it's my teeth and they're like, you're going to have to do something you know, and then some people are like, "excuse me" ha ha ha ha, whereas in South Africa sometimes I feel like these security guards security you don't actually know what their team knows they are very relaxed about it because you will go through airport security and you will get there and the guy will say go to number 4 number 4 and you go through and you stand there and the guy will be waiting , he'll give you that bucket and say, "Hey, what's in the bag?" What do you mean? he's like, "Laptop?" Yes. "Out, out, take it out, laptop out, out, please put it by itself, put it in there, yes.
Any other laptop?" You're like, no "Laptop out!" you're like alright, alright, what did you do? okay, there's "okay" and my gun? "no, it's fine. Just the laptop" "Looking at you" is so funny when you go through the metal detectors that I swear to you either don't work or these people really don't understand them at all, you go through the metal detectors and it's not only at airports, no matter where they are in this country, you walk through a casino with a metal detector, a school, a government institution and you'll walk in there and it'll make that sound but then I don't know if they know what that means because you walk by and it will be like *metal detector beep* and you see how the security guards smile because they get ready, they are going to use the wand, they love the wand, you can see they wait all day. "Yes, my time has come Excalibur, I'll call you" is like what the hell is going on? "Yeah, just stay there, yeah" He pulls out his wand, those black ones, he just pulls it out *lightsaber sound* Okay it's not, sorry it doesn't really do that, it would be great if it did though *lightsaber sound lightsaber* although it would be weird, it would be weird, you know, for a guy from the township to have a lightsaber *lightsaber noise* wouldn't work at all, right? no, it would be like Darthvader it would be like "Bravida" *light saber sound* "Ah, bravida ______" *light saber sound* it would have been the worst Star Wars if it had been in South Africa, wouldn't it?
Lightsaber sound* as the turning point, the moment that made the movie never happen if it was in a township in South Africa because what township boy would claim a child after so many years. The guy would be like *Lightsaber sound* *Heavy breathing* "Luke" "Yeah, what is it?" "No, he looks there. He is your father." *light saber sound* *laughs* *light saber sound* but it didn't, sorry. I'm rambling the wand, the wand, the wand comes, I'm sorry, he comes out with the wand and they always do that, they go around and we don't know what it's supposed to do or not do, you know *Beep* Beep* *Beep*" any weapons?" so what was that for? even if I have something, I'm not going to tell you now, you've obviously been defeated. "Any weapons?" No. "Okay" and that's it, we like working on an honesty system in this country, wherever you go I'd like to meet the genius who invented the honesty book.
Ah yes, the book of honesty, yes, the book of truth. No one can lie when they write in this book every time you visit someone in a townhouse or office complex we have the book of truth please fill out the book before entering First name oh yeah last name hm phone number and address Reason for visit, private We'll just do that, look at all the other Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt Pvt. and I once asked the security guard, what's the point of this? Why am I filling this book? He says, "No, it's for security reasons." I said I figured it out, but what is it about?
It's like, "it's so if you can do something bad in there, if you can maybe rob or kill someone, then we can find you." Oh right because I wrote my real first and last name the honest killer strikes again! it's just ridiculous i was like ok i kill someone and what are you going to do? He says, "then go there, we can call you and tell you to come back" "Yes" "Same time"
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