McDonalds Is The Best First Date. Mike Paramore - Full Special

Mike, what do you want to get at Wendy's now? I need to feel better because I recently got dumped so I don't really like happiness and touch right now. I think it's stupid. I think that's mainly why you get on my nerves. like you hug her like she's making a mess kidnapping my partner, mister legal. I just don't like happy couples because happy couples make it look easy and it's not easy, it's hard to choose. I am a bad selector. I don't discover it. everyone likes things, so their way of labeling anything stacks up correctly. I already went out with you and then I can do it.

It turns out that I like home, but you like it and she could argue, unlike the willingness to argue, it gives her another. I would say what. I'm not talking about me, I took this young lady out to get something to eat, she really wasn't that pretty I'll be honest so we ended up at McDonald's, don't judge me, I'm sorry I didn't see her. okay, you don't know, you don't know what I have to go through, well at that time my car my car didn't exist I was broke I didn't have one I didn't know she wasn't Driving we got to the fall it was a very romantic trip, they are very good illuminated and everything looks perfect, she orders our food, but the friend couldn't hear, he said, excuse me ma'am, can you speak?

That's all she said. She went completely crazy for no reason she started screaming immediately How did you get a job? I know your mom won't let you. I said pickle nerd. She went crazy after talking about the McDonald's drive-thru guy. She will turn to me. Talking with your mouth, so Mike, what do you want to get? Wendy's now like this. I saw this movie it doesn't work to its

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potential there. I left myself well, let me. I'm not going to use you. She caught me. Oh, that's what she started. going really crazy it started inside me telling me I'm not going I'll never be anything telling me I wasn't going to make it in life telling me I couldn't read well because you don't know it's about literary skills, they're okay I practice carrying my cards with me at all times still I think I look good what I'm going to do Irregular I still have it in me man, getting to the point now I think that men and women on opposite ends of the spectrum I really do I think that men are very stupid and very simple and for some reason ladies I don't they want to understand that we don't like that from birth, that's not something we can help with, I probably think the reason why you can't understand dick is different, you know there are opposites to you, you are much more complicated , so much more for you and I don't even think it's your fault, not really, I think it's because as soon as women were born you were born with responsibilities, so you were born, you are given little babies, little fake babies for you to take care of and little vacuum cleaners and rocks, then you start looking at us like who is going to help me with this lady, I'm seven years old, no Worry about that baby I don't know why he's crying, take the batteries away, how to give it to you, my GI Joe, don't cry, you're wrong moment and you wonder why women mature faster than boys while we play fantasy things. like ninja turtles, you learn to take care of babies and bake little brownies with light bugs and stuff it's stupid, don't act like you know I had that easy baking thing ridiculous.

It took me six weeks to make a brownie mess that didn't get done. a half was a good race it's like I feel like they measure the women from the jump that's what I feel I feel like they make things difficult for us immediately the swimmers are born they start saying things to them as if they were a pretty princess Your little dresses and things like that They make you look like a princess, don't let anyone tell you that you're not a princess, you're not a princess, even if you were a princess, ladies, what makes you think I want a princess, do you know how hard it is? is getting a princess keeping a princess little princesses are three fairy tales star princess in the middle of the forest surrounded by seven dwarfs and witches is trying to poison a fruit why don't people try to kill you lady what did you do? no, not kissing, you ate a poisoned apple that fell ready to wash your face and stuff I just don't believe, I just don't, I just don't understand it, man, I just don't, that's why I've never understood it.

I never understood the social norm of men choosing women it doesn't make any sense ladies you should never let a man choose you it's almost irresponsible to let a man choose us we're stupid what are we doing? I do not know how to do that. I was with a girl for years and I hated her guts, she made up words and it was very annoying, but she's pretty, so I let it go, you know, I'm talking, sir, I'll tell you the last straw, I couldn't stand it, why ? I had the final straw with a patient who was on her way to bed one night, she came up to me and said baby in the morning, I'm going to start a diet.

I told her baby, you are beautiful, I love you, you don't need to start. a diet she says I don't need it but I want it I said okay I'll be there for you I'll support you in what you need to do you need to weigh yourself right now get yourself a base weight starting point so you can track your loss of weight baby, I'm going to work out with you, we'll do it together, she tells me, I can't weigh myself right now because this is my night, guys, let me explain something to you so you don't like it.

Your wife, how I dislike your wife, there is an old-fashioned woman with the impression that they weigh more when they go to bed than when they wake up in the morning. She said that's true, who is that? Raise your hand, so I don't want something. Shut up, man, Shut up, that's not what. that's right, that's a voodoo man, that's some bleach shit, if it happens to you, you're a sorcerer and you're fine, if that was the case, they wouldn't be fat women, just start waking up, don't get out of bed, sleep, why are you awake? If you burn the calories and lie back down I wish I heard a woman tell me, well, ice needs to lose like five pounds a month, we'll go take a nap, we'll lie down on the couch.

I think my problem is, man. Actually, I'm desperate. romantic like I really like the idea of ​​love I would love to have someone to share my life with that idea is just intoxicating I love it it's just that being the hopeless romantic and single together makes you creepy like me a creep I'm a creepy guy I do a lot of things creepy in the name of love how I look at women a lot all the time aggressively because I don't want to miss the winner's eye moment from movies like What if my soulmate is late to the locker?

I don't want to be too mature, I unblocked him and I missed our moment before we had a chance to be happy. I just think we speak different languages, man, really. I don't think one is better than the other. Men and women speak different languages. I think we spend so much time trying to get the opposite sex to understand us that we fail at trying to understand the opposite sex. That's why we always miss each other. another another, you give us our compliments, we always miss each other, men, we compliment women on things we like versus something they want to receive praise for and I think you do it with the ladies.

This happens to me all the time and it irritates me. Me to death oh hey Mike you can't be cute you look like Winnie the Pooh no doubt Wiki taboo is a fictional bear with no fingers he has fingers I hate honey and I have wonderful pants that I wear everything time. It's not a compliment let me stop telling myself that no one wants to

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them beating them and if you want to take Winnie the Pooh Oh, that's just my problem, officially old man, not only can't I, I don't have much patience. The

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thing you should do when you officially get old.

Oh friend, I know what you're going through, sir. I plan to turn 35 this year. Man, from here I hear you whisper. I know what you're saying if you're older than that, Mike probably says it, if you think you're old at 34, then what does it do to me, mom, be honest. We're not talking about you right now. Why are old people so selfish? You had your time. It's not so much the number. Manas. Feeling like old things have to make me feel old, for example, I read the article not long ago. Society says the average 27-year-old man should be married.

It's very depressing, so I don't think society takes into account things like maybe me and a wife right now. A moment in my life can come together and fit in my mom's basement because this mistake is over and this damn Shayne doesn't want to do it. I just can't relate anymore, man, that's the worst thing about being old. I can't identify myself anymore. a man, Swami and a woman, I can't get out of a car because I can't text. Girls love texting and they have the same language, guys, so it's something called text language that they invented. my own stuff and that's frustrating because I didn't take that class.

I broke up with a girl because she texted me to literally say this was thick that's all I said lol ILU ttyl I've never been in the military I don't know what that means why me Do you text launch codes for no reason? Even if he was in the military, he wouldn't have such a high clearance, how did you get such a high clearance? I can't

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someone so frivolous about national affairs. security once these codes fell into the wrong hands my sister uses my phone all the time I hate Facebook I loved Facebook he goes on Facebook all the time some of my favorite things to do and I can't stand Facebook mainly because you guys are getting on me from the nerves you yes, sir, you are taking Facebook too seriously, it is a game, it is a fantasy, it is not real, you have 500 friends and you don't know half of those people, you have 500 friends, but you are still in the bathroom mirror. taking photos of yourself what you can't do what Oh 500 was busy everyone has something to do at the same time no one can help you take a photo too quickly no one no one no one Facebook is too emotional I get lost all the time come on leave a comment about someone , post it, someone else left funny comments, so click on that person, check them out, see who they are and Facebook suggests someone who could be my friend, click on them, check them out, see you there, see you a girl with you, you know? great personality click on her to see what she's like people this process goes on and on and on and before you know it I'm looking at a hundred and thirty-seven photos of a cookout I wasn't even at because These children waited.

Two hours go by, this is stupid, I mean, I like it, oh, but I'm going to last one of my friends without kids or babies, so it's hard for us to relate, we don't do the same things anymore. I approached my friend, Jeff, at home to visit him and his children. I enter the house. Finding Nemo is on TV that was supposed to be on TV. You have to see each other, kids. I don't care that I'm actually a big kid too. enter Finding Nemo this is my favorite belt buckle. I'm also very successful, so I didn't have any problems with that.

Feel. In fact, I get into the movie. Here's why I got angry. Well, we got to the point where we almost found Nemo before he realized that he hadn't seen my son yet. Jeff were the guys he's saying, oh, maybe they'll listen to him. They took over my house. Okay, so why are we seeing the tribe amiibo at the door along with that Campbell over there? I don't like it, it's uncomfortable and you should have told me I still have it in me, man. In fact, I thought he would have kids and babies by now. I really thought he would have kids and babies.

But it turns out not. Not really, I don't really like children and babies, the children of a nasty man and I have a rug. I can not do it. I take care of my nephews all the time. Stop doing this. Our children are unpleasant. My niece is a very pretty girl. long hair everyone always says she'll be a heartbreaker when she grows up guys will chase her you have the observer, yeah you're probably right today find out how messy this girl is I'm taking care of her one day she goes to the bathroom so I heard heard turn on the water, so I guess he washed his hands of it, but I felt like I should be a dad a little bit, so I thought of a question.

I asked her and I thought she would get it out of the park no problem, she came out of the bathroom I said Sara, did you clean yourself? Her response was: I'll be right back, don't you feel it, it's a good push and at what age are you no longer okay with mudbud? I have to move. My nephew is just unpleasant, but like me. I said it before. Men are stupid from birth, so their unpleasantness is kind of funny. Girls aren't stupid, so it's just disgusting. My nephew came home from school one day, he walked into the house and saw me the

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thing that came out of his mouth.

Uncle Mike. I farted at school today. that's how he opened the conversation man this isn't what made me laugh who made me laugh it's that I was really worried oh come back I farted at school today but don't worry I smelled it all so someone else can that's probably what Dum

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thing I've ever heard in my life is farts, but often that's all. Hey, you like the fool. I'm a man. I was at the appointment. Triedthis. She smelled it. I don't think she doesn't feel like she was mine. guilt later like she smelled very aggressively like wow why do you smell so fast on the first day?

That's stupid, just as selfish as other patients. Men feel that I am an emotional guy. I feel it is a mistake to think that men are not emotional men. we're very emotional we're just situationally emotional like men are generally more emotional we break our wings we don't have money when we can't provide we're very into our feelings women are generally more emotional when they're awake for some reason hey stop that no I know, it's very alarming, I don't know, yeah, while you're doing that, I'll be honest, man, it was my fault, I lost a good woman because I was broke.

It was my fault. I'm man enough to admit it was my time. life why I didn't have any money but I had some free movie passes and I was like a man this is my time to shine we're not going to watch this movie after movie we're not going on a romantic walk and we're not talking because both things are free plus everything was going according to plan planned we're in the middle of the walk a homeless man jumps out of the shadows he asked me to change like hey man, you're ruining my life right now.

I tell him: no sir, I have nothing. I turn around and leave she stops, she looks for her in her bag, her hands, this man changes immediately, I'm angry, like you. He saw me, she was there, he saw me looking in my center console for change for the parking meter and he didn't say anything, he was quiet, no need to see words now, all about the change, now it will change, ma'am, now he works for Obama, listen , this is my man, this is my man, because you're trying to embarrass me in front of his spa, he's going back to his hobo community tonight and when they cow him around the bonfire telling me hobo stories for today, he'll have the

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I'm a vague story because he knows that the guy who dates women has a lot more changes than him. I'm mad because ladies, we're a team if we go on a date and I don't have changes, oh we don't. I have changes I just don't have it in me men emotional that's probably why I'm still single? It's easy to get on my nerves, e

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ly the ladies, because I like them so much that I won't get on my nerves hmm, I feel like they get on my nerves more because they do things they don't have to do.

I feel like they do it just to get on my nerves. nerves like this, this bothers me, ladies, stop pressuring me with body wash. I use soap. I'm a bully. There are two reasons why I like body wash. One thing when I get out of the shower is that I feel like it's still in me. He uses words I can't easily relate to, like exfoliation, which don't even ring a bell. positive, why do we do that to ourselves? It sounds like you lost friends because of me. I overheard a conversation, now you know me and Mike was great, we grew up together, he was like that, but since the peel he's not the same.

Because I'm wet, that's why I get the wheel, right? I don't like it, man, there's another thing that bothers me, ladies, what do you do if you have a child and that child is older than a year and I am. I ask you how old that child is. Can you explain it to me in years? Please, that's not funny. I'm tired of doing math in places where I'm not supposed to. I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about. I was in the park not long ago, a ball hit Men Lake, he turned around when a little boy thought he was cute, so I threw the ball to him, but he missed and his nose started bleeding.

It's not my fault, why would you let a stranger think that the ball he took here you have to be a better father, he is extremely aware of that and I don't care what you want me to do, I do it in secret, where is your dad? So I approached the mother and asked her how old he was. He's the little man that's all I told her her response was that in a couple of days he'll be 106 weeks are you mad at me? Calculator. I'll check on a little man who's holding two fingers like this. It's not the first time he's hanging up.

I thank you too. He speaks well. I just don't have it in me. I do not have patience. I have bad luck. Things happen to me for no reason. I travel a lot. very frustrating I go on cruises all the time I do comedy on cruises and to be honest there are a lot of old people on cruises. I can alarm them to say it's not a bad thing, you just have to look, you know where you step, you know, no. I probably don't have to listen, I'm old myself, I get it, man, I can show you this, I ain't got no more, okay, so how do you know who you owe it to if, if you don't, if you're at the top, you don't .

I don't know if you're old or not, that's how you know if you fall and no one laughs, you're old, since I know it happened to me at home. I feel like everyone else is fine, man, you stay away from me. I'm Radley, I played college baseball. Get off the last cruise I went on, man, I love the water, the water is the best thing in the world to me, it calms me down, I can't, I could just look at the water all day, that's why I love going on cruises, everything about the cruise was amazing everything about getting to the cruise is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me in my life it's a very long day I was supposed to arrive at the port of Miami at 10:30 am. m.

I didn't arrive at the port at 3 p.m. They delayed my flight several times They canceled it I had to take another flight to get there What they didn't do was put my luggage on that new flight They tried to do the entire cruise without my luggage They literally had to take I went to the theater department to get me some t-shirts and they didn't , I do not want to talk about that. My brilliant idea was to go to different ports in different countries and get myself some t-shirts. I didn't know that foreign countries don't make fat people shirts.

First we thought it was Honduras. I asked the lady where the two exes were. She looked at me as if she had slapped her son. I got off the boat. Honduras. I got into a taxi or what I thought was a taxi which eventually dropped. I backed away so I assumed it was a taxi. What was confusing was because when I got in the taxi I said sir, can you please go take me and get some shirts? His response was no problem, we just have to stop at my house. real quick, no sir, I don't want to stop at a haunted house in Ourian, real quick.

I feel like that's how you end up behind Orion News. Three things I didn't know when I told this man to come and take me to find a jersey number. one Honduras has no traffic signs or traffic lights at all nothing they also number two they do not have any speed limit or speed limit signs at all they don't care about life the third thing I didn't know is sir please go take me to find some t-shirts sounds exactly like sir please kill us both because I was stuck in Fast and Furious 8 for about an hour on my way to what he called a mall that ended up being three stores in a Plaza and it didn't have any t-shirts like that I didn't get any t-shirts in Honduras.

The next stop was Belize. Belize got off the boat. I said I'm going to go get some t-shirts. But I didn't know. When I got off the boat. Belize is that the universe hates me and it started to rain sideways and I never believed that. seen something like that it didn't have a point of origin it got down it stopped and left like that I was under an awning that low I still got wet from down here so not only did they not give me shirts from Honduras they lowered me a shirt in Belize the next stop was Cozumel Mexico got off the boat in Cozumel I'm like forget about these shirts and I didn't start the universe I'm not going to do it I'm going to go find myself, a restaurant, look for something to eat, something I can't pronounce and be sure, I thought so .

Just then I arrived at the restaurant, I found something on the menu, I said, ma'am, can you please have the club sandwich? autarky without ham, have you done it? - What a club sandwich is is a sandwich with turkey and ham I said oh turkey without ham she leans towards me and says the phrase that changed my life forever she LAN told me she says sir the turkey is ham are you mad at me? we in the womb I don't know, I just lean back. I thought, ma'am, there's no spoon. I know it's my fault. I will do it and I understand it.

I have these problems all the time and I find things. about me and my environment that I don't like, for example, guys, I don't know if you know this, but if you only make minimum wage as a man, you can only talk to girls who make minimum wage, you really can't. venture beyond that you don't have money you have to mess with girls with problems problems just girls going through things you know, I mean, like you know, girls who suffer from chronic dry eye, it's a lot more annoying than you think, so yeah I haven't been through that you don't know it looks like you have a very wet you know I woman right now you snorted just don't be cheeky a badge of honor man comedians we want to make you snort, cry and pee if I Could make you pee.

I will receive a prize. I'm looking at a dead woman right there. She's been crying. COC two steps away from Pinyin. I'll tell you when I find out about this. I myself went to the bank, to the bank teller, probably one of the sexiest girls I have ever seen, I walk in, I stand in her line, I'm looking at her, she looks good, I'm looking, I noticed that she He looked back. I looked at each other like we had a little moment for a second, that's what she smiled at me. I'm going to be honest, I peed on myself a little, no shame ma'am, no shame, not a lot, just enough where I can.

I'm not saying it didn't happen. I feel like you all are being very critical right now. I approach the counter. I give you my account information. Everything she's doing. I just couldn't handle a Vietnam. I think, excuse me. Lady, the next time she is hungry, I would like to be the man to feed her. She looks at her monitor and replies, "I don't think we both made $1.00 in 30 seconds in my account and you all could." I care more about you