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Losing a Best Friend

Losing a Best Friend
this is my idea they're both looking after daddy Grayson you always look at your daddy with adoring eyes he does Ethan what is it Ethan come on good tackle oh good there's something in a year what so what it might be a fuzz hey you don't sitting in my dad's room next to the hospital bed that he said goodbye to us it is Sunday January 20th 2009 teen the day after the passing of my

best

friend

I don't know how he did it going through every day knowing that the next his
losing a best friend
condition may very well be worse and so maintaining a positive outlook and the hardest of times he showed no fear such a selfless man he knew that if he was where his family would be - he protected his family at all costs and I know he will continue to do so forever my father was approaching his final days I told him I'm sorry dad I don't know how you do it I wouldn't be able to withstand half of what you're going through right now my dad replied yes you would easily the man I
looked up to you so much believed in me like I believed in him the confidence he showed in me gave me strength that will live with me forever I'm no longer asking myself what if this what if that I am now remembering my dad for the amazing man he was during that only his journey while battling cancer but his journey throughout his entire life a part of my heart is empty but I know that that missing piece in my heart is going to be filled by my father but for that reason I encouraged my heart
to make more room my dad is my

best

friend

and role model I'm just glad I was able to tell them that as many times as I did today is January 19th 2020 running a little late rushed out the door to our first well I guess it's our first therapy session since yeah first therapy session since our dad passed away last year on this day it's been a full year today I don't know this whole users been at battles trying to feel for me and I had to be able to talk to anybody not that I
haven't been able to but I've kind of procrastinate been talking to somebody they helped me I guess rally my emotions or my lack of emotions so we ran to therapy I don't know how that's gonna go yeah not our first one but I mean it's something that we probably should have done a long time you know yeah today just doesn't feel really I guess everything we're doing and everything we have ahead of us process really filming this today is it feels right yeah and suddenly I
know the dead would want us to do I just know how like he doesn't want me to be sad and that's for sure yeah we kind of just realized that we haven't told anyone that were really filming this documentary besides everyone on the team and we have until our family most importantly we didn't want to just throw it on the before it was real but it's definitely real now so we want to let them know that word we're gonna be filming this for our dad so we're clogged dad's
parents right now my grandma grandpa hey grandma hi Grayson are you doing just doesn't really feel really you know we wanted to tell you guys is that he said oh no you have been working on a documentary that we're planning to to talk about dad's life and everything and the type of man he was and what a good guy he was when he was here and right because we we know dad loved helping so much with everything he did guys in so we're back in Jersey and we'll be filming for the next
couple days but yeah I'm really excited for you guys to see this it's I feel like this is gonna be really touching and it's gonna help a lot of people I think and it's some of the people in our situation that's Google you know yes I think Dad would love it all right guys well we're gonna head to therapy right now but just yep you need anything let us know today okay that's good we'll see you soon all right love you so uh I guess what I want to ask you first of
all is what is it's bringing you here today and what is a goal you have so today marks one year since our dad passed away something that's been bothering me this whole entire year is that I kind of feel like my dad was our

best

friend

um I was pretty much just as close to him as I am to Grayson to lose someone like that and then I I just like haven't been able to really get emotional or as emotional as I thought I should but have been able to wait I feel guilty I don't know if
I'm afraid to face my emotions head-on but we have like each other to talk to but we're both feeling the same way so there's nothing we can really benefit you know you know first of all I just want to tell you what about grieving is a separate journey you know your twins are extremely close but your journey through this it's gonna be very different nobody grieves the same you you are known this is an inner you went through a trauma okay and when you go through a trauma there are
symptoms like numbness panic attacks anxiety mood swings we have nightmares and you know that is a very real part of processing trauma yeah I have been having panic attacks and that was actually something that my mom always talked about how she would have panic attacks and my dad as well and that's something that I wasn't fully convinced was even like real as of like recently I had like a couple like I couldn't breathe I thought I was having like asthma or something for the first
time and I was like okay well yeah that's real sometimes you're very like passionate about something but then when you're grieving you just lose interest I've lost interest like and a lot of things this year sometimes I feel like I can't like even be there for my

friend

s because I just like I'm just elsewhere through your day you know what you're telling yourself like I should be doing this I should be feeling this or you know I should be there for other people and
that is that's really asking a lot of yourself I don't think that's fair to be expecting you have unrealistic expectations yeah so you can never quite need them because you it's not possible you need people to be there yeah that's kind of hard for me to accept it is very hard especially the type of person that my dad was there was never time where he was dealing with something so that he couldn't be there for us every time I got upset I just think about him that he like
he never let his condition even even when he got as bad as it did like get him down at all we make him upset and it was just never about him I never wanted to be looking about me I'd never cried around him but I started to cry and just like his emotion when he saw me crying I just like he did seeing that look on his face like he was like like I never really saw him get upset about this cuz he's never less condition bothering but like when I got upset he got upset and how the tough thing
was like since my dad got diagnosed he never thought that it was gonna take his life and when we got word from the doctors that he had two weeks left like I didn't I felt guilty to believe that because I knew that he didn't believe them so you're having difficulty forgiving yourself yeah that's a big piece of accepting loss forgiveness and it gets to a point where like you see something you love in so much pain and when you're told there's no way they can possibly rebound
you think okay maybe passing away is the

best

option so like for me to see my

best

friend

and so much pain and the way he was living is really no way to live unconscious then wakes up to throw up then passes back the messed up part was that the only option was either continuing in that phase or death there was no getting better and because getting better wasn't an option like you have to almost hope that they could just pass away in the most peaceful way and that's just like I had such a
hard time accepting the fact that like some part of my brain was hoping that my dad passed away again you were your is your love for him and you know there are no words really to express what that's like yeah the only times that I've really been able to feel emotions are times where I was like triggered by a memory or a memory hit me harder than it normally would and that's happen from photos video one time I always last night sometimes they're not ready to do that yeah just
think because I'm so like tired of feeling numb I kind of I might be ready for that I think this is just a wonderful wonderful thing to do because I don't think in our culture we talk about death it's something that happens to everybody yeah sure you know it's it's a very unhealthy piece of our culture that I think you're helping to change which is pretty awesome thank you very much this was a great start I think to our journey through this thank you very much a lot of
self-awareness and your like I said you're right where you need to be thank you thank you really appreciate it I just like coming out of that I thought I was gonna be a lot more in tune of my emotions but for some reason I'm just still numb and I just kind of wanted to induce my emotions I wanted to be able to feel something today so I think we're gonna do something today that we've been kind of avoiding for a long time the first week that my dad passed I was just always looking
at photos and some of them would trigger me it was just too much and then that's when I got really numb and ever since then I've been like avoiding looking at them because I just don't want to not feel anything and not be able to remember I just like had this huge block because it's kind of been happening for us mentally we put off looking at any photos or anything so today we felt like we take a big step and look at photos and talk about the memories that they would hold so
we're going to look through these and do our

best

to recalled memories this is us and who else is dead damn it's really crazy like the feeling of the photo can bring back right away alright it just doesn't feel real at all to me right now at all yeah yeah it's never felt real and I don't I don't know when the my brains would be able to process it but it just doesn't feel like he's gone yeah we'll get these photos and he's just so from know it's just
so familiar like someone like that's so familiar to you and then you just like can't see them again but the second you do is just like it's like you saw them just a second ago my dad was our Vice Principals principle that was the only year that we went to the same school that her dad worked at but this is the first day of school ever for me and he and we're having the sheet and the same shoes on and just a little bit different kind of like our shoes now I remember this night when
the Giants won the Super Bowl we're big Giants fans this must be a school yes talk dude voters you talk his hate cry because I feel like see that missile dude like such a good person she looks so happy at his job there it's kids took him away from that so that's why I guess I guess apply i've been subconsciously putting off photos because there are they are hard here's a student so weird because like I had this photographic memory and I can remember literally doing this
remember that - I remember the Snowman we'd start up in that ramp this is - we were in until we were three years old and I remember going up by a tram and that was where we'd start and my dad would run us down the yard and fling us was my dad playing the drums taught me how to play the drums yeah I remember me and my dad each had a drum set at the house that I grew up in when I was younger not this house and it was in the same room in the basement so just me and him would go down there
and we heavily drum offs all the time and he had like a big set and I had a mini set I guess this is a photo from my dad's band yeah that is a CC vegetable or something they were playing he was a singing he was already and he always told me that I'd be able to sing one day because he could not good I think my issue is like that I also don't want to get upset in front of Ethan so it was really good today to hear the therapist say that like grief is something that should be done you go
through your own journey with grief yeah and a whole entire lives you've gone through that did you know we've walked on the same path yeah we've lived synonymous life styles because we're so close and I think it's our bond is so strong and also because of what we do I think because like when we were talking about the extremes there's either complete isolation or there's diving into too many things at once where you can't really focus on your emotions if you're
kind of concerned about what's going on around you I think like just right now it might the minute I got emotional like my first Augustinian run out of the room me right Ethan that's all because he's going through it too and just like and then there's a feeling of anger with myself because I don't want to make him upset when I talk to him now I kind of like to think of it was like more my age and a

friend

because I guess there's no saying of how old you're allowed to
be in heaven but it just it's a nice that were able to experience things on a different level and even closer than we really were ever able to while he was here there's a good guy did a lot cool shade he really did it all he was good at mo he's good at everything he did too because he did it with care look love I learned some new things just looking at these photos just past couple minutes I don't know he played the piano they kind of want to go through these photos some more
although yeah you don't have to go through the rest it feels good to go through the not to be thing I'm not exactly sure why I was even putting off going through photos like if I wanted to be emotional I was afraid of being emotional it's just so many thoughts that like hit your brain at once you can't process anything you don't know what you want to feel or why yeah I think it was just hard for me especially the beginning to like validate how I was feeling and understand
that that it was fine it's easy to feel wrong about anything you're feeling but just like I'm feel wrong when I'm crying for making other people upset and then I feel wrong for not crying it's not talked about enough it's not so I know I just had no where to look I want to talk to you so I'm really glad we're doing this with cameras off because hopefully it's hard but it's worth it hopefully some of it that's watching it's in it in the dark place
like I was can get a little bit of help from this and maybe be able to relate most helpful thing for me throughout this whole entire year is just when I learned that I was on all of this and that other people have gone through the same thing and had the same exact feelings that I did yeah as far as I was looking at the photos I like having physical tangible things to remember our dad so I went through this bin and I found this letter that I remember him actually receiving in the mail and we sat
down together at this very table and he read it to me he received this letter from a student when he was sick and I remember being really touching so I'm gonna read it for the first time in probably two years hello mr. Dylan its David Williamson I heard you weren't feeling so good I just wanted to let you know my sister Emily and I were thinking of you and hope you feel better soon I don't know if you remember my sixth grade trip to Fairview Lakes while I was attending burrow school
I can't believe it's been four years since that day I had a really scary time that night I really had never been away from my parents and I never felt good enough to be away from them for one night I got really bad headaches and an upset stomach the anxiety to be away for even one night was overwhelming me I decided though that I had no choice but to go because my parents would have been disappointed in me as well as me to be disappointed myself I woke up that day for the camping trip
put a happy face on and went off I was going really good until it was time to go to sleep it was very uncomfortable for me I was scared and this is where you come into the story remember my mom said talk to the principal because he was very understanding she said you were very caring and had kids of your own so I took the chance and told you I didn't feel so good and I need to listen to music on my phone I needed my gift of music to come from me you not only let me listen to music because
you understood how I felt you took the time to sit with me and make sure I feel safe and comfortable you talked me through it all even this past spring I used my music to help me get through my terrible pain I was on first base playing baseball for Morris on high school and it was the first game of my season I was very excited because I was voted team captain and I was ready for a great season during my first at-bat I missed a curveball and my right leg collapsed I dislocated my kneecap and my
losing a best friend
leg broke the next thing I was I was in tremendous pain you know what got me feel up that terrible night my music it was a long night but the next day came and the pain was a lot better mr. Dolan please take my headphones for my 6 K camping trip and listen to your music if you get scared each day will get better when you feel you don't get the headphones anymore please pass them on to someone who needs them I look forward to seeing you come watch me play baseball they scream because I'm
working like how to get back in the field please do the same and get better soon let's hold it you know II think I could just let her head on my dad in our family after David told us the full story behind the letter that he'd written to our dad we were inspired to learn more from the people we had shared his life with we felt that hearing stories about our dad that we had never heard before to be a good way to bring us closer to them my name is Scott roach I am a longtime

friend

of not
only Shaun Dolan but the entire Dolan family and I just wanted to thank you integration for let be part of the documentary today means a lot to me just going back the first time that I met your dad was in the early 70s through Little League baseball and you know from day one Shaun was always the funniest guy in the team he was big with impersonations he impersonated the coaches he impersonated other players he impersonated me he was just a kid that everybody kind of gravitated to he had a
contagious laugh he had just that million-dollar smile and somebody that everybody wanted to be around and hang around and every time we were together we were always in stitches and you know I was blessed I lived on the same block as as Shaun I actually named my two boys Evan and Shaun my sister-in-law and my nephew live in the house that Shaun grew up in to this day you know if there was one thing that I could just say if you think about Shaun you think about his life he was a real renaissance
man and I said this to Grayson the other day because he was so many things he was a dad he was a brother a father a son an educator a mentor a coach he was a musician he was a poet he just encompassed so many different things and anything that he put his mind to he was great at and you know even in his journey and his his you know his his battle with cancer as I look back and I reflected all the text messages between me and him he was always the one consoling me instead of like the other way
around and he was just he was just a beautiful soul and a good person to be around he always made you know hey just he always made me feel good even in the way things are today with the way kind of turned out with cancer it didn't stop Shaun because he just persevered to this day because you touched so many lives anyway you guys go whoever you talk to everybody loves Shaun and you know he's sincerely missed but he's certainly not forgotten I like it I could feel that he's always
with us you know even today she was a great teammate I was lucky enough to compete on wrestling with him and football and he was somebody that you could definitely look up to which I did he was a lot of fun to be around as it turned out our senior year as the video that I gave you guys Sean actually scored his his first touchdown against Wallington and I know for him it was kind of like a big deal it was a long run it was big night and it meant a lot to him meant a lot for me because he was
part of the team he loved it he was you know in this town growing up football means everything and Sean love to be a part of highschool ball I was going through a really hard time he jotted this thing down on a piece of paper because I know you're not feeling too well so I wrote this for you here if it's yours can I read it yeah please all right it's called a fierce believer he stands a true believer he stands marked to steer the lads he meets from cross conventions of loaded fans
owns all the fairness and plenty marked to complete those lads he'd be many many lives above the timid tribal 20 takes the

best

of our falseness be

friend

s our date today men who mask him pretend to sit in front of his mirror but only one comes to bow during curtain calls a fierce believer he's throned crowned to keep the lads he meets clear from the cross conventions of loaded master plans to me that meant a lot at the time and so when I look at this I see this I see this is not me and
I appreciate his gesture and I and I love them for it you know but what I see is I see that this is a this is him writing himself this was himself this is your dad I've always kept it with me and he didn't even know you know he was a good

friend

and this when he wrote here I've always seen it as this was him and it was something to live up to he went on to be a great man a great father he achieved so many so many things and you know a lot of people achieve a lot of things and
sometimes those things they achieved me nothing but what he achieved in his life every every single bit of it meant something every single bit of it made a difference in his lives his family's lives his

friend

s lives you know even the little things that he thought was little and you know when I saw your dad when I when I saw your dad before he died I kind of surprised him with this and because he didn't he didn't realize that it kept it all these years you know we talked about it and
it's funny because we shed some tears unfortunately we said goodbye and then we immediately started making jokes about he did about things we used to joke about when we were 20 and we started we spent the rest of that time laughing with each other yeah which is who your dad was but you don't need me to tell you that so you know how close I was with him he was like a father figure to me there was times I needed he co-signed for my color I don't know if you guys even know my parents
will cosign of my to college I had no creditor I had student loans and I call you pops and he's there 30 minutes I say you know so he was always there for me your dad was like probably like my number one coach and like to this day before every match I think of him like before every single match and I used to love coaching Ewing like just like really believe in you and I always did too he was like such a coachable K so determined so disappointing he just had a really great time coaching you
man I had a great influence here at night Lakes with the wrestling program and they've been a lot in the while at school he really he he impacted so many kids he knew every kid's name you know what they did he knew their families you knew you know when you sent your kid to that school awhile would that you know they were gonna be safe with Sean Dolan there so yeah I'll never forget him I remember like the first Northwest teen 41 I remember I was the first match and it was the first
time I ever cried from the match and your dad was there you just like hugged me and like just told me go out there yeah I just kept trying this is sad it's I can't believe it's been a year you know yeah but I know he's so proud of you guys looking down in these and he's just just keep on making them happy you know our bonds forever yeah but I miss him in a Louisville the last time I ever saw him before he passed was in the summer of 2018 and it was after football practice
and I was just tired laying around the house my dad said that one of our family

friend

s is having a party for the parents and yes if I can go pick up your father and I accepted right away I knew he was incapable of driving at the time from the illness he was enduring but then we get in the car and he was saying it was always his dream since he drove through with your mother it was always the stream to live there someday after everything was said and done he wanted to live there at some point his
life that's I also didn't really even know that like where we last where he last live was the place he always wanted to yeah I know we liked that side of town I just didn't know that was always a good dream yeah cuz he grew up near the city and he was like he liked the country then yeah it happens the spot so I just like I didn't even know that so thank you for sharing we continue to drive and what seemed like a 25 minute drive at most seems like an hour long it was worth the
time and I don't know he's just so easy to talk to and he always connected his like his sense of humor to every conversation that's what like made him so intriguing to listen to him talk to I remember pulling up to the house got enough car and he gave me a hug and he said I hope he man and that was the last time I ever saw him pulled to the side of the road let's try for a couple minutes it's really hard I think in that car ride when he spoke about how he wouldn't let it
get to his hat Howie every day fought to get better and better they keep going even it was even if it was like a little amount of yard where he continued to progress every day - where's more hours on hours on hours - the house that he always dreamt up he always told me to believe myself and have confidence and that's really how he shamed me today to have confidence in myself and everything that I do and and that's I think what almost appreciates it for him for just off by saying like
the moment we met him you just treated us like his own kids you know and we were just so grateful to have him in our lives and he was just such a good man and when we got the news that he had cancer I broke her heart it really did break our hearts and he was just like our father to us and like when we got that news you were just like so impacted by it and like she's like

best

friend

s with my father my dad but my dad got diagnosed with cancer your dad was just so like helpful for us and he
was just always there for us and even though he had cancer too and he was he was fighting he always made sure that you know we were good and you guys were good and I mean a month later my dad passed away I mean Joe and I were just so so broken so we just didn't know what to do our lives your dad was there to help us it was a father figure their relationship really showed what I mean what I with Joe and I wanna be like more older wolf we want our kids to be like and the food you guys the

best

role models you know I mean it wouldn't be got the news that we were in Florida I woke up he texted me that your dad passed away I was just I was like why I was like why why us why you guys this happens to like such good people you know yeah and it really broke us mentally you know I feel like that brought us closer together and you I think that's what our dads want us to do be strong for them and take after what they you know more or less after definitely way thank you guys for being
there for us after we went through it thank you for being there for us too all this other he was saying like fellow Lea's coming from a

friend

but also had like the maturity and the wisdom lesson like that you would hear from a dad and it just felt like really nice to like see them mr. Dolan has like a

friend

too like an extension of just like you guys he loved when you came over all the time it was like a court house awesome and he was a big fan of you and we hung that and she liked that so
that's sick thing you say that so I was getting physical therapy for my torn ACL and all of a sudden the my physical therapist was telling me that she had some that may know and then I also just heard your dad coming from behind me saying in Cordele and I was like why I just mean didn't like me it was like talking and catching up and that was like after yeah like all the tattoos that he had and I was really cool to see him since I had seemed just a long time I do really feel like when we
all had he was like a third like a third

friend

you know what I mean or like an extra

friend

just like cool to hear things like what happened at physical therapy you know I would have never know because I can no longer ask him but like it's just cool to still learn about him and it's been taught here for me personally because the times when you would count on seeing that 3 o'clock in the morning text and now it's not there yeah yeah yeah for me it was when we moved in I guess and
it was probably one block parties he was like dude we should do some and then I think I became like you dad scapegoat with your mom as you know the Porsche shortly after my dad got sick I didn't know he met up with Todd and he secretly bought a Porsche good time he had he had all of the ideas so he helped me you know my son has some you know big issues as far as learning those sorts of things and your dad was education background calls me a lot of that I mean you feel better about this mist
I always remember that also meant a lot you'd go out of his way for you you know and we would forget to the last year's Ben Ben touches cuz you know I guess a your Netaji expected to hang out I go to some of the scene spots we sang out five years oh yeah just cuz I wanna you know fill its his presence and I felt that a few times be honest with ya we all know your dad obviously from tour Kappa Epsilon paternity down in Glassboro and you know through that fraternity we became closer than

friend

s we became brothers he was a diligent guy he got a job on campus he was working in the bookstore now a little thing about our pledge pledging is we strut we stressed togetherness you know by the time there's a bunch of guys that don't know each other by the end of their pledge ship they're

best

friend

s and it's our job to get them there to keep our fraternity tight which is why we're still sitting here now so when we were off campus or we were looking to like have some
fun with the pledges they were hard to find because they were always scurrying around and hiding from us all we got to do is go to the bookstore and get dollars I just remember you just always just freaking solid guy like there's a few people in this world that are silent like just good-good down on us all people that that was your father like you can't can't get much better than what he's what he what he brought to the table and every time you were with the man he always was
more concerned about how you were doing than what he was doing that's true and it was bewildering to people because when you you're going through something like he was going through you would never know it cuz he talked to you like everything was cool right show me his tattoos we went out in his Porsche you know he's doing his bucket list obviously in hindsight and also canoe trips we organized a June canoe trip where we go down to Delaware and he's showing up for the last three
and he was hurting and I was in that canoe with him smoking cigarette oh yeah I'm like I'll put the butt out you give him cancer I already got the cancer so I never planned on going the Audi I never got a room and they say I would just go down on the fly sleep in my car if I had does that guy but your dad always got a room he was that kid that always got the room I had the car figure he's good and he would always call me I was like you want in on the room I don't know if I'm
going whatever get sure enough that day I would always call my hey hey that room like of course you can exceed the room so I go up in the room I go into the room at 3 o'clock at a Moy I'm a gambler let's leave it if only to the movie clock you know your father sleeping on the floor with a pillow and a blanket so I could have the bet so I can have the bed everywhere I go oh me too I can't come over and get in the bedroom oh no it's okay you could use that kind of guy and they
bought the room and the boys room I bought oh no no you get breakfast you know who's just that guy but uh yeah there's a rough road in the end for all of us for all of us but you would never know he was sick you didn't know never know who's sick the other thing I really admire was that he followed up on his book yeah making writing the books that was very you know and that helped a lot of kids I mean he went around from school to school and I was following him on Facebook while I
was sick going around and helping people with actually publishing his book you know a lot of people say they're gonna do something you did you know and that's that that's that's Shawn that's Shawn so this was an office I feel like his desk might have been there I don't know if I remember last was here that was probably like 12 years old but this is where anything I used to come visit him on take your kid to work today that was our dad we wanted to get out of school you
losing a best friend
know so we definitely took that opportunity and we came to his school dang it really feels like yesterday I was sitting here playing with like a Rubik's Cube or something like that it still looks like his office I think they went out when he was the principal Wow we met in this building okay we were hired together the same night she was hired as a principal I hire superintendent and we hit it off right away and then found out that we actually coached in the same school at different times
with different people so we called each other coach as a result and that's where that came from we did a lot of things together and contacting each other and if we even got sick together he got cancer right after that I did he helped me through chopped up thinking about it but he really did a lot when I was going through what I was going through and ice trying to help him as well we contact each other right to the end and I really don't that he was a broom

friend

I miss him terribly he
smiling somewhere I think what strikes me you know most about your father was that he his involvement his people skills were like above and beyond I mean I'm a people person and I have a good memory I think I remember lots of about lots of different people but your father always he knew every kid's name in this building he knew a story about everyone and he knew it quickly I love your dad he was an amazing principal and person the day I met him I kind of made a fool myself it was over
the summer and I came to get the library mail like I always did because I'm a nerd and I went into the office and the secretary said oh the new principals here and I see this guy just dressed very casually and I and I went up to him I said Oh have you seen the new principal he said I'm the new principal I'm Sean Dolan and I said I thought you were this summer help and we shook hands and I thought oh no I'm doomed but I'm just from man on he was just so supportive and present
for everything just always present for whatever you needed he was literally the wind beneath my wings just a really really great guy all around well your dad had such a vibe you know when you meet someone and you can just feel their positive energy that's what I felt from him the first time he walked into this very room and on the very last day of school every year he would take a table and put it outside his stool and who collect her keys and give us our last paycheck shake her hand and
tells to have a good summer and we were all like what is this like Sean's Lemonade Stand he was like aha welcome to Sean's lemonade stand so the following year he brought lemonade and he got on the PA and he was like attention everyone make sure you come to Sean lemonade stand and come you know hand in your key and it just grew it became this big thing the next year he had likes tea and lemonade and it was like so funny and it was just the cutest way to like send everyone off it was
perfect recently another teacher had approached me and said you know I I think we need to do a memorial mural outside of his old office and I was like yeah that's a great idea she said cool you run that's can't she was I think it should be a lemonade stand after Sean retired he reached out to me and he said hey Kirsten what's up you know I wrote a children's story would you like to illustrate it and I was like of course I would and then something that stood out to me which
was funny there's a character in there these things blaze Barnstone or something like that IL straited him I did the character mock-ups and he was like can you make his jaw line a little more square and I was like shorts on for an overall them whenever you want and if you read the book you'll notice the opening page is the last page and it's also the back of burrow school we would have meetings and he was like Carson this is gonna be big it's gonna be big we're gonna go on
tour we're gonna have a tour it's gonna be called sketchbook live his whole plan and he wanted to make this whole thing where we go to different schools and talk to them he was just so thoughtful and everything that he did this whole project bought him a lot of happiness after he retired he I call him he should really focus on things that made him happy and he wanted to write a book this year with children and go on tour and read it to them yeah so thank you for me he made it a point he
was going to know every single student and every single parent so he would wait outside like when the buses were coming and a lot of parents will drop loved kids so he would greet them introduce himself got to know every single parent and then at lunch he would go in and sit with the kids so you know he could tell you the name of every student within a couple of weeks he taught everyone that doesn't matter what position you're in that everybody plays a role and that we all need to work
together he was a true believer in that and then even last year we did a walkathon in his honor which we will continue to do thank you thank you so much this heart was always vision for the kids that's what he did with the the talent show I was gonna say yeah my husband in him had this idea to just surprise the kids at the end of the show so they read the closeout and your dad and my husband did a little drum battle and so they're just taking you know turns back and forth you know do
what they're doing but the kids we're all standing up I was fangirling in the audio video and I was just like it was the

best

thing because they get to talk about that for years personally I got to play some golf with him it was for a student a charity and memmer and so a student that we lost unfortunately battling cancer there was a putting contest it was a toughest putt you could do but if you got close you could win some money so I thought I was gonna win because I was like four
inches she had were extremely and we're stupid okay they're announcing the winner of the putting contest and it's Sean Dolan and I'm like you couldn't make a putt the whole day we were out there you're hitting them on the roof and you win this putting contest we're just laughing hysterically he goes up and he didn't even accept the money around and he gave it back to the organization no matter what got in his way or what you know no matter what was hard for him he
always wanted everyone else to be strong and he was always focused on everybody else your dad always just really listened to all the big ideas that we had but he always wanted to see those things through and a lot of things he did he just got big ideas so it's been a full day since we talked to all of my dad's

friend

s and employees and people who's coached and our

friend

s and it's really so crazy what you can learn about someone even though they're not here anymore that to
me was one of the

best

forms of healing then I that I've been able to practice since his past yeah not going to it was tough I dug up a lot of emotions and things that I was thinking about all night things that kind of kept me up a little bit but I enjoyed it it was the only time I really felt any satisfaction from grieving yet learning all those things about my dad that I'd never known before kind of showed me how similar I am the fella game team it did feel like he was here
there's endless amounts of information of keep learning about him I think that brings his spirit to light people more I'm really excited for our family to watch this portion of the documentary to see all the amazing things that he's done in the impact that he's left in every community that he's been a part of and just I don't know I think it'll be a good way for them to heal so today we want to keep learning more so we're gonna go talk to our family today's
gonna be hard hey grandma it was just a lot of things your father he was just a great guy and I miss him so much you know sometimes I I feel like I should call and I can't you know he was it was my

friend

so you know there's just my son he was my

friend

and in the last two years of his life he got even closer to him you know and I wish I could have got even closer before that but he fought through everything he always wanted to be independent and he never put his burden on anybody
he's that type of guy and this is what your father was he was like he was gallant you know he was like true blue he's like a marine no I was loyal he would do everything to make things happen positive he never felt hard from something he was real sick like that the last time we went to the hospital with him it was there was something going on in New York and your father just started crying in the car you know I'm in the back I'm trying to soothe them I said Shawn what's wrong
he said these people are making such a big deal about this nonsense that's going on when in New York they were supposed to have this rally for kids with cancer he was so upset but he was crying because of the little kids that have cancer and and they want to live another day and these other people are are protesting and fighting was nonsense absolute nonsense and nothing that's important then a little kid wanting to live another day well my son wasn't delivered another day he gave me
strength strength he really did he was set to keep going he he was just so strong he fought to the end so strong he was but what he gave me is strength to understand what's going on what life is all about really and I try to think every day I'm trying to do the

best

I can strong so I don't I don't hurt your spirit by just morning constantly I'm trying to just keep going on like you would want me to as faith like unbelievable faith yeah where I didn't have it I always had
it but not as strong as I do now unbelievable the amount of faith I have in him and his spirit in in what I believe now is stronger than whenever I believed it yeah because I took from him man and maybe that's what he left me more than anything more than material possessions or anything just the spirit of belief that I'm gonna see him again you know but it'll be with him again I'm gonna miss him forever and tours I'm not on this planet anymore cuz he was my child I just want
to say I'm really proud of you guys for being this strong yeah well thank you for this even your Grand Canyon you know generations okay I'm so proud of you guys thank you I want you what you guys know whether you know it or not strength rubs off on me oh good thanks good good thank you I just love you too yeah you can tell you how proud of you too and Cameron you would everything to him come a long way you guys worked your way up to it's all part of the deal it's buttered the
dole is the whole topic over Sean was selfless he was never worried about himself he was worried about everyone around him and their well-being more than himself when I struggle I think about him and what would Sean do and what Chando he plug away and go forward and try harder it's kind of like a my motto now just keep on going just keep on pushing and things will be okay you know it's tough talking about it's just it's just tough I call his voicemail still just a hero which is
tough but in honor of him it's about pushing and going and moving on forward yeah it's all he did he never complained the day before he passed he he said I'll be all right and I looked at him like you'll be ok and to me it put me a piece a little bit that he's not worried about the next step yeah he was my older brother and he pushed me and I thought about him all the time he was a jack of all trades and a master of all I stay positive your father would not let me slip slip
down like your father would not let me slide no matter what he would always stayed on me to be to always work out to always be in shape to always be tough even when I was at college he had the

best

talks with me that anybody could and I think that his belief that he had in all of us is what honestly keeps me going now that he's not here you know I always say he's still he's still doing it for me not only better yourselves better people better other people Ryan's by inspire
greatness and others you guys are always those people your father was that person always if you asking me what impacted me the most was as as you guys know Shawn and I had talked a lot during his process as he got sick and going through all this horrible that knocks your brains out being 72 years old I've been around men that have passed and I've seen guys react differently I've seen one guy die it's angry as I've ever seen him I've seen other guys die like mutes and
Shawn was he didn't hidden only get out of the dugout man he took the bat and got in the box I guess what I'm trying to say is she was the strongest guy and I'm saying it says a lot this is in my mind my bones my heart every time I hung that phone up with him and paid attention to his attitude and really understanding as we all knew how serious it was and so did he he didn't act that way he didn't act that way but I can't tell you guys man how much he'll impress me
with that whole background that I had and once thrill palookas real so-called tough guys fold up like old beach chairs when I hit the wall with something this is serious not him apologize to me because he had a pukin pan sorry Uncle Joe he said that to me I want to jump to a window Shawn please stop welcome to the bathroom because he had to stop and lean on a couch sorry Uncle John man Shawn please man I hope and I see in you guys that strength had toughness that man that's man a guy
that's strong polite aware of everybody else and I'm telling you firsthand I seen a lot of guys go and when I would drive home I said man well my time comes if I get something laid on me like this where I linger please give me 10% of what that guy had 10% because I think I could do it I mean that and I think a lot of myself I got a ego I've been up against it but I've been up against that sick sick and aware of everybody else prior to that ratings books for kids going to
classes Kelly it's rooms and all that no I sure was a special guy man special just say a part about special for me is you don't know it until like this happens so much goes over your head if I could do it all again all over again man and I hope it happens to you guys everybody in his room is you pay attention every day you got pay attention dig down deep though you're dealing wit know and appreciate what's good about it Square them up whenever I want to step on it balls but
just pay attention because men you don't want to see it all near the end and that would to me showing that was the true essence of what he was and who he was and none of us really know how sick he really was when we saw him on his feet but can just imagine because I heard through the grapevine that bone cancer was painful it's the worst is the worst he had the worst and didn't act the worst so he asked me about him but I think about Sean I only hope that I could be that much of a man
I don't say it had to be traumatic this is my feelings I made a mistake the other day I get this guy I gotta call his name is Sean Hogan and I dialed Sean darling and I heard his voice message that me up for two days so if you ask me man I never have forgotten I think of it weekly weekly I think fit so impressive but anything for me because of my upbringing about all that macho that's gone horseshit anyway cause it ruins your life when you get caught up in that too much to me
everybody had mattered to him in his life was around him yeah and I think that's that's a real gift what he fought I've been around a hundred debts at least never never never never ever seen anything like that just racked me to my bones I think hearing story that we don't know a better debt from our mom who's gonna be really nice to hear but at the same time definitely the artist she she wanted to make a contribution to this documentary for my dad actually feels really
strongly about that but I just don't I just I'm afraid that it's seen me too much for so you set out for this moment it's much appreciated I feel so much more comfortable in this room that I have this entire media like I feel good I think a lot of times I was like I don't know if it just gives us three but it could be the room mm-hmm like here it feels good do you know what we've been filming with everybody have you told you we've been asking stuff no just like
stories about that that we've never heard before I've learned Justin we talk to so many of dads

friend

s and co-workers a lot of the stories were very similar because he was such a consistently good person mm-hmm but I learned somebody knew things about a meeting if it was just like a goofy story they can think about it all day long you know memories so those it feels like memories not fade but when they're there for so long they stick around and then when you think about him again
you don't get that like raw emotion but when you hear something new that you've never heard before it's almost like you're experiencing it for the first time and it's almost like that they're not even God because you're experiencing something there with them so I was wondering if you I know this could be really hard we could practice it and I want to keep doing this but if you had any stories about you and day because you guys bending you guys were together for you
know I mean you helped things with it were years and it wasn't with of your life that's good at today through this very fear no it just hit me cuz like it's unfair that we live on like then numbers gonna change I haven't been able to cry so I think it took this yeah we were never going to sit down do it this has been so hard and draining but like it feels so good it feels so good for it to feel real again whatever some points I feel you never even knew we can feel you don't
know your

best

friend

anymore does it stops feeling real and you get so numb that you don't even remember them and it's the first time that it really has because I dug up so much during this documentary although everything's stirred up and my emotions are crazy like if like feeling he's here that I could miss him again it was such a natural gift to him that he didn't even realize that he did it you mean he didn't do it with intentions of doing it it just to me was you
know like and where it'd be even you can talk about going to treatments but you know the lady at the glance was only when you check it out the

best

the person was driving the car the proton radiation you know knew the guy's name the first like he always greeted posh treated and greeted everybody the first player ladies who did chemo I realistic I think it lit them up when he came in doing me yeah we haven't had a conversation with this this past years not once sitting this close to
each other in the cash talk like this how do you talk about dad what in a group of this I haven't I've done it with you and I've done with you but I haven't done with you - I just hope he sees this video so he really knows how many people he helped in it how worthwhile is his life and everything that he did was if he had all these things that he wanted to do for himself and he was talking about them but he pushed him to the side always if you think about it that we always really
why don't you do me what you always taught me I was taught we walk but but he was pushing it to the side not because he didn't believe in himself because he didn't prioritize himself he gave him for that we did we remember right oh you want a pizzeria you're gonna open a ppl these dreams open these restaurants and doing music tours and book tours and he push him to the side and we always gave him for but it was that's just because he always wanna do stuff for other people
before himself a hundred percent without jumping from car trained for things well that is station and I feel like with us with his sickness he did that in a sense where he was feeling like he got hit by the train at times and you didn't say anything bad for us yeah they just you just want a missed pray this guy but the fact that he can spend so much time with you even looking at the video it's like he was there for everything that's the most important people yes he said he
didn't have any hobbies you guys for his hobbies Swedish he's gonna be so happy and doing this because I do all day no picture me school cuz he's so proud of you guys look I'll tell ours after hearing all these amazing stories a better dad that we had never heard before from many different people that he'd lived his life with we realized that they all had one thing in common he was always helping we're starting this Cancer Foundation this meant something I wanted to do
for a really long time see and I just didn't know when the right time was gonna be or you know the proper way to do it but we had been working really hard on getting this thing organized and to be able to make the difference that we've always wanted to make and the difference that our dad would want to continue to make we partnered with yeah basically ëif does is they allow people like us to set up foundations and target causes that we really believe in and that are personal to us and
our family so we had a meeting with the if' back when we were in LA and we kind of explained all the ways that cancer directly affected our family and those who we care about how it affected our dad and then also ways that my dad would like to help people that's what love from Shawn is so when you donate to love from Shawn all of the proceeds are going to be distributed to all these cancer organizations that we really really have a strong personal connection with it's just things
that were real to us things that we really went through and these charities are fighting these problems and trying to find a solution for the families and the individuals that are suffering from this horrible disease so for the first charity I want to start off by sharing a statistic about 1.7 million people are diagnosed with cancer in the US per year and in the u.s. there are about 1 1,500 cancer centers it's just heartbreaking to think about all the people that are sitting at home because
they have no way to get to these facilities now luckily for my dad he had a really loving family and and

friend

s that would take him and be able to drive him because he he didn't have the ability to be lost the ability to to drive and to walk because the medication he was on and because the cancer spread to his brain there are some people out there that can't get there and just have to sit look at a hard mint they said to sit there knowing that this disease is in their body and it's
gonna take them and they have no way to can't help they know the money to get there or they don't have you know the vehicle or the the person they just don't have the resources to make it to these these care centers it and they just had to sit there and just live with the thought that this disease is taking them so the first charity that we that our foundation loved from Sean is lining with he's gonna help these families in these individuals who are battling this disease get to
these treatment centers for charity number two I want to start off with another really disturbing statistic nine point six million people are diagnosed with cancer worldwide every single year nine point six million that's larger than the population of New York what actually dude nine point six million people worldwide died due to cancer every single year and for my dad situation it's not only affected us five it's affected his family and his extended family the members of my
mom's family all of his

friend

s all of his students all of us faculty members and that's almost in the thousands yeah and that's just one case of cancer in one individual people don't realize how terrible this disease is not only for the person battling it but for all those around that person who care about them sometimes

losing

someone to cancer can leave a family in a really unfortunate financial situation my dad had cancer for about two and a half years and by the end of his
the road in his battle with cancer he received close to if not over three million dollars worth of cancer treatment it's three million dollars there's families out there they can't afford that the second charity that love from Sean is going to be partnering with helps to get these families who are dealing with this trauma into therapy sessions to grieve and receive the proper help they need the third charity that love from Sean is going to be partnering with is stand up to cancer I
want to share another statistic again 206 people have been diagnosed with cancer since you started watching this documentary and every single day about 5,000 people are diagnosed with this horrible disease it doesn't feel right to this we're just letting the disease outnumber us we only have more people are diagnosed in in a day in our country then there are facilities to help those people by making this documentary it was part of my goal to to spread the awareness of this awful disease
so that we can outnumber it yeah because right now it's outnumbering all of us I just wanted to tell a quick story so a year into my dad's battle with gastro esophageal cancer in the fourth stage he had gone through chemotherapy he had gone through radiation both forms of cancer treatment countless amount of times his body was breaking down because of the treatments and there was just no way that we can continue and there was no other treatments left chemotherapy stopped working and
radiation stopped working so when you hear that your dad has two weeks to live I mean just it really just sends you into shock when I heard that I just prayed for at least another week with him by a miracle there was a treatment called immunotherapy which had just been passed for his form of cancer so this was a trial drug basically a trial drug is they're always coming up with new treatments for this disease because of cancer research and charities extended the cancer they're always
actively trying to find the cure for this disease and new treatments to help these people and it was it was my dad's last bit of hope and our family's last bit of hope so my dad began with immunotherapy after he got passed for his form of cancer about a week after he was given two weeks yeah and just soon after starting immunotherapy they started to see a very large decrease in the amount of cancer in his body and his in his tumor where his cancer started from and it looked like he was
on the road to full recovery you know just a week after he was given two weeks to live just because of that one trial drug and because of that one trial drug we got an extra year and a half with my dad and for about nine months of that year and a half he was able to live symptom free one point where they found so much cancer in my dad's shoulder that he couldn't lift his arm up anymore and his bone was gonna shatter from it so he was gonna have to have his arm amputated and I remember he
just was like he was like dude I'm not gonna be able to like have a catch with you anymore it's like throw the football around she's young enough to start learn how to throw with my other arm Wow and then about you know a couple months after immunotherapy I was hanging out with him and he you picked his arm up and he was able to move it around again so sad the cancer is doing amazing things for these for cancer research and that's why we decided to partner with them with the
foundation that we've created with our dad so the fourth cancer organization that love from Shawn will be donating to is sloan-kettering memorial that is the Cancer Center that my dad got all this treatments at and it is actually ranked as the number one cancer treatment center in the u.s. in the u.s. so we're so fortunate to have lived 15 minutes 15 years sloan-kettering Memorial they're really supportive of their patients and our family as well they would check up on us and ask us
how we're doing even after

losing

our dad this is a very special organization our heart that we're gonna donate so they can continue to save lives and give families and individuals extra time here together together v charity that love from Shawn will be donating to is st. Baldrick's st. Baldrick's is a charity that is fighting to end childhood cancer it was always the hardest for my dad to see children fighting the fight that he was fighting and as we learned it all the schools
that my dad either taught at or was a principal or superintendent at he was all for the kids so for my dad to see you know children who he sees playing outside and learning new things and you know just growing up having to have all that stripped from them because they're battling this terrible disease that he was battling it was extremely difficult for him and another really cool thing that st. Baldrick's does is that head shave drives which is to you know raise awareness and show
solidarity with these kids and kind of take the stigma away from

losing

your hair the one time I saw my dad insecure in his whole entire life was when he lost his hair to cancer he was like man I feel like I look sick dude and I think it was because you didn't want people to think that he was

losing

hope like he saw himself being bald as like oh people are gonna think that I'm kind of giving up or I'm fading away and I was like dad it's just hair man and at the time I I thought
about shaving my head for him and I talked them about it and usually now don't do that it's fine like he'd be upset he's I'll be upset if he did that I want you to do that for me I'm battling this thing on my own it's fine but he was really appreciative and I should have just dammit so for these kids and for my dad and everyone who is

losing

their hair and just you know feels alone or upset from that I'm gonna shave my head those are all the charities that love
him Shawn will be donating too so when you guys donate to love from Shawn these are all the foundations that will be receiving your proceeds all right Greg can you come clean it up for me yeah holy hell yeah I think it looks pretty cool I with it I like it all right let's go clean it up that looks sweet clean it up it does dude I've always wanted to like do this can't believe I actually did it look at this great it was so long I know pick up with the back alright easy it's
gonna be so much easier to have this haircut yeah a little happy I did this I'm really happy that I'll have a story that I'm proud of when people ask me what I did it although the pain of

losing

a

best

friend

will never go away we've made a lot of emotional progress with him in this manner by continuing the conversation over her father's life we have found a way to keep our bond with her

best

friend

girl I came across her dad's old cassette from when he was in a band
with our age and we wanted to listen to it for the first time Oh to make your donation to love from Shaun visit love from Shaun org we'll click the donate button below no donation is too small if we all team up and make a donation together your donation is going to save lives yeah to start with the foundation Ethan and I are making a personal donation of $50,000 so we wanted to kick-off Foundation and epic way so we got a big check yes elevator