Lester Holt Cold Open - SNL

NOW WE GO BACK TO NBC'S "NIGHTLY NEWS" AND THE SECOND PART OF LESTER HOLT'S INTERVIEW WITH PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP. HELLO, SIR. PRESIDENT, I KNOW YOU ARE A BUSY MAN, SO THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. THANKS FOR HAVING ME JAZZ MAN. BEFORE I START, I JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ETERNAL LOYALTY. NOT YOU, SIR. THE STORY IS JAMES COMEY. I WON THE FAIR ELECTION AND SFAR. YOU SAY THAT LITERALLY ALL THE TIME. IT'S ONE OF MY GREATEST HITS AND MY FANS LOVE IT WHEN I PLAY THE HITS. FANS DON'T WANT TO HEAR BEYONCE'S SINGLE WOMEN.

HIS STAFF INSISTS HE WAS NOT FIRED BECAUSE OF THE RUSSIAN INVESTIGATION. NO, I DID. WAIT, WHAT? SHE RESEARCHING RUSSIA. I DO NOT LIKE THAT. I MUST FIRE HIM. AND ARE YOU ADMITTING THAT? HU-HUH. THAT IS OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE. HU-HUH. DID I GOT IT? IT'S OVER? NOTHING MATTERS? DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE MATTER? ALRIGHT. NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME BECAUSE I HAVE THE REPUBLICANS IN THE PALM OF MY RAND. WATCH THIS. YOU CALLED ABOUT ICE CREAM. HERE ARE TWO BALLS. PAUL RYAN? YES, SIR. I AM VERY EXCITED TO BE WORKING WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP ON AN AGENDA THAT BENEFITS -- SAY IT, LET'S GO.

HE FEEDS ME DOG FOOD. MR. PRESIDENT, LET'S MOVE ON. AFTER THIS WEEK, MANY ARE MAKING COMPARISONS BETWEEN YOU AND RICHARD NIXON. I AM NOTHING LIKE NIXON BECAUSE I AM NOT A THIEF. I bet they only gave him a scoop of ice cream for dessert. I HAVE TWO BALLS. TWO SPOONS. YOU ARE ALSO VERY DIFFERENT BECAUSE THE POPULAR VOTE WON. LISTEN, O.J. YOU ARE BEING VERY BAD. YOU DON'T ASK ME ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS I DID WITH KELLYANNE. I ALSO INVENTED A NEW PHRASE CALLED PRIMING THE PUMP. YOU DIDN'T INVENT THAT, SIR. THAT IS A FAMOUS ECONOMIC PHRASE.

NO, IT'S NOT. IT IS ABOUT WHEN I TALK TO MYSELF A HALF HOUR BEFORE MELANIA ENTERS SO I CAN FIND HIM EASILY. THAT'S NOT WHAT PRIME THE PUMP MEANS. YOU JUST WON AN ANDERSON COOPER EYE ROLL. TAKE IT AWAY. THANK YOU. MISTER. PRESIDENT ON THURSDAY YOU TWEETED THAT JAMES COMEY BETTER HOPE HE DID NOT HAVE TAPES OF THEIR PRIVATE CONVERSATION. DID YOU RECORD HIM? I DON'T KNOW. I RECORDED A LOT OF PEOPLE. I RECORD WHO I WANT, WHAT I WANT. SOME PEOPLE CALL ME A SERIAL GAPIST. AM. WHEN YOU ARE PRESIDENT, THEY LET YOU DO IT.

WELL, MOVE ON. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT WHO WILL REPLACE JAMES COMEY. CAN YOU ASSURE ALL OF US THAT YOU WON'T PICK SOMEONE CRAZY LIKE JUDGE JUDY? WHOM I CHOOSE BONKERS, YOU WERE JUDGE JUDY. ARE YOU TROOKING US? HE MET WITH THE AMBASSADOR OF RUSSIA IN THE OVAL OFFICE. YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN THE OPTICS IN WHICH IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE. DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT OPTICS? I SIT IN EACH CHAIR LIKE IN A TOILET. LOOK AT ME. GOOD POINT, SIR. IN THE FUTURE, CAN YOU STOP AND THINK ABOUT THE OPTICS? EVERY DAY IS SOMETHING CRAZY.

HIS PRESIDENCY IS LIKE THE CRAZIEST SHOW AND IT IS 24 HOURS A DAY AND WE CANNOT KEEP UP. TOO BAD BECAUSE IT WORKS FOR MONTHS. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CANCELED MONTHS AGO. WE HAVE LOTS OF TWISTS COMING SOON AND FAVORITE CHARACTERS WILL BE BACK. SIM JUNG UN, PSYCHO STEVE MILLER AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP TOO MUCH BUT WE WILL KNOW IF KELLYANNE HAS BEEN DEAD ALL THIS TIME. WELL? I JUST WANT TO SAY I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE PRESIDENT. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!