Kevin Hart on White Water RaftingFeb 19, 2020
I'll tell you a funny story, Frankie Rago. I'm about to do a show where I'm going to do everything they say black people are afraid to do. I come, bungee jumping, skiing, skydiving, I have dinner with my family and the TV is turned off. they say people back off, i don't, i'm about to, but before they gave me money to do the show, things i can't, we know you'll do it for sure, we don't want to do it. give you money to do it and then it's time to do it you don't do it you don't do it and I have to tell you what I'll take my own money I do it with my own money okay okay okay let's do so me my wife my son 19 my friend Nate we're all chatting new in town i'm about to do a theater closing tennessee i was like you know what we don't
raftingi said but listen i can't no one act we all gotta be ourselves i'm a movie since the items may be everything we like now the only black people in Chattanooga Tennessee at the time no other black people there but before you either go
wateror you have to drive a car in a car takes you to the bus you take the bus that takes you to the river we are late for the bus so all the seats on the bus are taken except the seats in the back now i'm a comedian i'm a fool so i start walking i i lay motherfuckers still racing without waiting for a black bump to appear ha ha hee hee i'm kidding we sat in the back of the bus i don't know where the bus driver got on it's like you guys in the back don't try to jump off the back door because your Park Rangers are out there and they will shoot. if JA was right this is a group thing oh that's my guy on IO stop whining man we're trying to do this for you we're trying to make you mine and my good whatever I'm not gonna say nothing. get off the bus and get off the bus your instructor is waiting for you he has it Lin here with one arm in the air it's like hearts with a heart on I'm like Rita the heart is like eating in you have to bring the board with me I walk over to he this arm was in a cast from here to here all this was wrapped up and he had the thing holding it he's like come on guys you guys are going to go in the water with me so yeah i looked at it i thought i probably won't go if you're going to keep it up because I know, trust me, you're good, just spend doing something else, you're fine. that's all we know let me let me talk to my family real quick so i approached them like me hey look at them before we do this i just want to tell everyone i'm not doing it again what's ok?
Yeah, I don't think I do. I really don't feel that comfortable. You know you do. You have a cast, so now the goal is to stop being men. We are doing this. we are trying to make you money, yes i am saying that you are the one sustaining your success, ok you are right. she was giving like t he guides the right basin she was informing us of what we should know when we are at the border, but she was like she was an idiot like she had no patience at all. Honestly, I'm talking to us. everyone gather please today you are not the only group today um listen i'll just say it once it's ok first of all if you fight people don't stand up our people don't stand up because your face can get calls to myself be called a face flood you'll die your foot get under the rocks of the water get on because your face is coming i'd step over your death we hadn't been through well um also listen now listen listen you fall rat people you must be a part of your own rescue what which means you need to help us help you ok you don't want to help us help you you can help yourself that's your choice we got paid ok it's all up to you right now i am me. i have to say it didn't take oh here is the last but not least it has a lifeline the lifeline looks like this life ne seven feet long if you fall off the raft we can throw you if you are within 8 feet it should reach 7 that's the only way we can get you back in um said this have fun enjoy yourself so i turn around everyone buckle up and put on their headphones while i hey look y'know before we do this just I want to tell you this all this time, I won't, yeah.
I'm serious. I'm not talking about if I'm at 8 feet, I better take all seven. I can't reach it without you little one, now you tell me you can't reach me. I long for it. I'll break it down nicely. I'm going to be in front since you're so damn tough now man I won't stand in front of the rain right we are here my wife is here my maid is here Lance is always in the back now for those people don't know that the whitewater
raftingis really dangerous like the water goes 40 50 miles an hour you're like a pinball in a pinball machine every time you hit a rock you bounce that's all that's all so we're in the water but we're not doing bad we're doing good we're doing pretty good come on oh it's fun it's scary but it's fun we hit a rock we bounce I turn around I don't see 90 no more here's one my closest friend so now I'm scared I'm worried, ooh where is it Amen.
I turn around. The foot is caught in the brace on the rat's side and we're dragging him, but he's so scared he doesn't blink, he's just watching. I hell well so he lifted me up man lift me up now I couldn't lift him up because he was laughing at me. i can't man i have a cramp pull real i'm serious this hurts like hell man yeah dream blink bleeding so i can stop laughing ok stop huh finally h started he blinks to stop laughing i got him back in a rash like y'all thats everything take me back I won't do this anymore I will you I won't do this the more you made me do it we're going to break up no I'm serious we started arguing Lancers in the back because you better focus because hell is going up. the only way out of the hell hole you have to ride the way you don't ride the wave you get stuck in the middle they have to come and cut you off because all the water floods they have to get you out good I'm having so much fun.
I start to talk. I'm so small I can lean against the front of the Rev like a hood ornament. It was like hell. I didn't want to tan. I wanted to be original. I'm serious, everyone focus, focus, we're going to hell. The spearmen, like everyone else, row, row, row. we were going to make it out of the hell hole so we all looked into each other's eyes at the same time we all jumped off the raft we all jumped out i was saved i didn't care about anyone my wife nobody i hit a rock i hit myself turn around, saw my wife was doing a weird kind of doggie paddle trying to get to me but when i saw her i didn't want her to see me because then she would want me to go back in the water and go find her she wasn't there i will so i gave up back as if he had never seen her.
She's like Kevin. Hey where are you? You have to be part of your own rescue. You have to help me help you. This is the second time I have left someone for dead and they survived well once again. It was an awkward moment. I did not know what to say. one here none of that right so she climbs on a rock bare on the rock Lance is like a marine has his oar in his m off he throws the water he doing the doggie paddle we went on gets on a rock I'm like okay where's my I say my best friend I'm worried right now I don't know what's up because my friend is Here I'm like Lance where my friend says don't worry he's underwater he'll show up wait with you what what do you mean it will appear as if it were to appear dead? we can bring him back to the woods wait what do you mean we're going to bring him back man come on we have to go find him at the right time now he doesn't show up right he's so scared when he shows up he doesn't move his hand he's looking straight ahead he has his life jacket on his paddle like this and he's just looking straight ahead and blinking he's blinking like that's how I was scared this is the rock honey like right where you are that's when I don't miss I'm like you're going to get on your stomach to get to the rock.
I know he hears me because he's blinking, but I'm like, I hope he's not trying to give me more, as cold as some. like this because i don't know moriscos well so i'm like his stomach is turned he's on the rock this is still floating past the fucking rock i'm looking at him he's looking at me blinking like he's like what are you? doing he starts waving his paddle oh and the air breeze me waving his paddle in the air because he wants someone to take his paddle and lift it up I'm not tall enough to grab his paddle I'm not even about to try to reach out and I fell, so I make sense of the same situation as him.
I didn't want that problem, so Nate was like throwing in the lifeline. doing this with the panel of him in the middle of the river, going back and forth because he wants me to grab him, pull him, and like I said we're the only black people there, all the other white fans like semi-pros. they do this all the time they're like professionals some parents were like using their kids as paddles they were He's doing tricks like he's serious. I'm serious. Now his name is Muslim. Here is why I tell the story of him. He is muslim.
He has been a Muslim all his life. Muslims who read the back of packages you know talk about like hey man you want to start popping lemme see the package give it to me mm-hmm read that look that's pig right there i told you man sport he one of those muslims right is for that i tell his story he is in the middle of the river waving his oar back and forth this white man is going straight for him the white man hit his oar on the road move man you are ruining the road i saw it with my own eyes move you messed up the way, man, not a m-- without hesitation, he was like jesus, please help, he didn't even ask allah for help, hit him, he went straight to christianity, it was like it wasn't the time, wait, rat man, he is. like jesus salt i told him he's a phony you should eat a pork salad to kill yourself i Immediately Hey you all have been a great crowd thank you all I appreciate you.
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