Keith Eats Everything At Panda Express

- In 1973 Panda Inn was founded in Pasadena, California. Ten years later, a sleek, sexy businessman showed up and said, Hey, can you launch one in my mall but do it quickly? And in 1983 Panda Express was born in the Glendale Galleria, which is the mall I go to. That's my shopping center. Let's dive in. (dynamic, engaging music) (gong reverberates) It's been a week since we ate

everything

at Burger King and now we're back. This week we're eating another menu item, Panda Express, which in itself is a hilarious name because

panda

s aren't known for their speed or their sheer numbers. (The guys laugh) So we'll go in and have one of

everything

on the menu, which I think is only 26 things.

The way we're going to change it today is that I'm going to eat until I'm bored. Everything, black pepper chicken, fried rice, white rice, Beijing beef, chow mein, lots of things. It was five minutes. I'm so excited to have this visual menu be my guide today because sometimes I get it and think I don't know what this burger is. I don't know what the hell that is. The fortune cookie, did people always say that if you don't eat the cookie you won't get the fortune? - That's true. - I'm going to hell. (crunchy cookie) This is so sweet and dry. - I'd like the other half if you're not going to eat it. - Oh, I love it, yes, I just have to have a bite, so.

Your passionate heart will find a matching llama today, Panda Express. Does this mean I'm going to fall in love with Panda Express? - I think so. (Gong resounds) - Let's eat the Panda Express menu! Yeah! The egg roll, it's like the best frozen egg roll in a college dorm. Egg rolls are definitely something you never get bored of. - The egg roll was probably invented around the 19th century in San Francisco. - No, the egg roll was definitely invented deep in China. I was just informed that the egg roll was invented in the 1930s in New York, but you already know a lot about ancient China.

My favorite and my mom's favorite, the crab Rangoon. (engaging music) Mm, it's like a Chinese cheesecake appetizer with a slight crab flavor. I love these. (rangoon crunches) This is the vegetable spring roll that is normally just in rice paper, but they did us the honor of frying it and I appreciate it. It's like the vegetables turn into goo, but the outside is so crunchy and the flavor is so good that I can look past the goo. It's like an egg roll is a squirt. These are fried lo mein noodles. Enjoy our crispy noodles in salads, soups or with your favorite food.

They're even delicious straight out of the bag. (crispy noodles) Wow, those are some crispy noodles. Did you see how far that one jumped out of my mouth? Jesus, the tension about that. They're good, they're soft, I think they'd probably be better in a salad or soup. And now that we have finished a plate of the meal, of course, I will have a fortune. Be curious, be present, embrace uncertainty. And we'll do just that because we're moving into these boxes and they all look the same. So let's start having uncertainty and accept it. (gong reverberates) White rice, I mean, it tastes like supermarket rice smells, a little woody, a little powdery, a little stuffy.

This guy is going to hang out. He will have friends joining him later. Broccoli, he could use a little more time in the steam bath. Oh fuck yes! Everyone loves lo mein! (engaging music) Well chewed, not too much oil, definitely has a much better texture than rice. I would never get tired of eating lo mein. I'll keep this because it's also essential to the dining experience. That was chow mein, not lo mein. I guess chow mein and lo mein are the same thing. Fried rice, you already know it is perfectly simple. It is better than white rice. (mumbles) Today I'm at home like in the Taco Bell episode.

I have a new painting. All of these sides are largely carrier pigeons of a larger message and the message is meat. Brown rice, it's so moist. Can you hear it? I mean, look how together they are. (engaging music) It's glue. Remember in The Matrix when they eat that soupy cereal? This is probably what I imagine you know. Because they say it's very bland and very rude. - It's a plate of snot. - A little quick research: chow mein is supposed to be when the noodles are fried and a little crispy and lo mein is when they are boiled and probably stir-fried so they are quite chewy.

These are chewy noodles, they're lo mein, but I think Americans just call all the noodles and stir-fried vegetables chow mein, and I, you know, chow is a better word for Americans. We like to eat but we also like to bend over. . (Gong reverberates) Honey walnut shrimp, look at these walnuts! Let's try a nut. Mm and these are like candied nuts. This is the unhealthiest form of nut I have ever tried. Nutty, nutty, nutty, these Panda nuts are nutty. Let's try these shrimp, I really want to do it. I've never eaten shrimp from there. I'm always wary of fast food seafood.

It is quite pleasant to eat. It's very rubbery. They're not the best shrimp in the world, but they taste a little like shrimp. So there's something vegetarian on the menu which is tofu and eggplant, what's it called? - Literally just eggplant tofu. - This is also the one that leaked everywhere, that with Chinese food there is always something that spills in the bag and then you take it all out and it is covered in some kind of brown sticky substance. So that's part of the experience. Tofu and eggplant, I think I could make bubbles with this.

It's like eating a manila envelope. It tastes like pieces of paper are floating around my mouth and slowly becoming soggy. Let me see. Very similar experience to boxed food. Shanghai Angus beef, straight from Shanghai, very tender. Just look, this is beef. Okay, I didn't do what I thought I was going to do. My teeth just sank in like butter. I know I have sauce on my face. Okay, I need a towel; It's on me. Well, Shanghai beef really holds its own. It's pretty good. I'm excited about this little mushroom. Look how perfect that little mushroom looks.

Wow, that's an excellent mushroom. Green bean, what the fuck? What's wrong with this dish? - Keep kissing your arms. - No, there's sauce on my arm. I'm not going to kiss my arms. - You're doing it a lot. - It's like a good version of the terrible Taco Bell meat. You should try it with noodles. Maybe that will help calm his anger. Mm hmm, mm hmm, so you need to balance this with some of these sides. I feel like I need to take a bath. (blows nose) This is beef and broccoli. I know this because it has beef and broccoli.

Thin strips of beef soaked in sugar and oil, a little too moist, much tougher meat, with that fried rice, solid dish. You can't go wrong with beef and broccoli. It's a little bland but it's definitely what you expect it to be. I see myself getting bored of this. Let's introduce the first guest of the day, Eugene Lee Yang! Yes Yes Yes Yes. - I dress in black and white because I'm a

panda

. - Oh, that's so cute, you love pandas. - Yeah, I mean, I'm Asian and I must like pandas. - Yes. - Many Asians and people like to say that places like Panda Express are not legitimate Chinese food.

Chinese-American fast food is in a category of its own. I would say it's its own kind of cuisine. - Yes. - And Panda Express was created by Asians. - Yes it was. - Yes. Let's eat the Kung Pao chicken. - Yes, I'm already eating. - Careful! Good flavor, it's spicy... - I mean, it's not super authentic, but I don't really care. - Yes. - Yes, because it's delicious. - You know I'm not going to eat those peppers, are you crazy? This pepper is just screaming, fuck you. - The fried rice could use a little more flavor. - It just needs a little salt. - Mmmm.

I like chicken, very fatty. - Mm hmm and like when you're at the mall, don't you want to eat the food that has the reputation that you'll be hungry again in two hours, so you can buy a pretzel later? - Yes. - Let's open our cookies. - But you have to tell your fortune in an insert added at the end. - Oh, you will put your trust in others and you will be rewarded in bed. Wow, it seems like it's just for that. - Yes, your unlimited heart will make room for one more in bed. - Wow. - Wow. - Does that mean you're going to... - Fuck a lot of people? - Do you have a threesome? - I feel that this will be the least harmful to your body.

Eat the menu so far. - I think I might be hungry. - Maybe you want more Panda Express. Usually the other Try Guys would be invited. - Yeah. - But since this is Asian food, I mean, who needs more white people commenting on Asian food? I think you should invite all the other Asians in the office to come in. - Okay, well, I guess I'll have YB and Alexandria show up. If you sign up for Patreon, you can watch YB and Alex eat all the food I don't eat in these videos. Because everyone says like Keith, you're wasting food.

I'm like uh ah, I'm making my employees eat it. - Oh Lord. - You have a little pepper here in your tooth. - I have a lot of problems. The beautiful Eugene Lee Yang. (hyperbolized applause) - Wow Asia. - Teriyaki chicken, this meat was recently cooked. It was roasted, it has that browning. It smells amazing, I'm excited. (engaging music) That's the taste. When you walk through that food court you're going around just to get an extra bite every time you turn around and hope he doesn't remember who you were. Oh, thank you, mm, oh yeah, maybe he'll understand that and then I'll leave.

If you made this and only that, broccoli and white rice; It's probably the healthiest thing you can do at a fast food restaurant. I need some noodles. Mm hmm, oh oh, these two are best friends. Ladies and gentlemen, this is our editor, she's amazing. Welcome YB Chang! (applause) - Yes, hello. - YB, I have a very special dish for you. - Well. - I think it would like you. It's the meat of Beijing. - Yeah, I like to go back and forth between this and the orange chicken because it just tastes good. - So if you were to make a combination, you would make Beijing beef and orange chicken? - Yes. - And then noodles, fried rice or white rice? - Noodles. - Yes of course. - Chow mein until the end. - Yeah. (jazz music) Oh wow, it's so soaked in sugar.

It's like breaded like fried chicken but mashed and it's a piece of meat. In the south this is chicken fried steak. This one, I won't get tired of eating it... - Right? - It's really quite good. - Okay, that's why you go between this and another chicken or anything else so you can eat more and more and not get tired. - Why do you want to be called Food Babies? - Because it is cute. You know it's like we have food babies because we eat a lot, but you know we're also... - You too? - Like... (both laugh) - Please explain to me.

Are you saying you're sexy as a baby or that you're sexy as a baby? Alright, thanks YB, see you next time on Eat the Menu! - Oh, am I supposed to open a fortune cookie? - Shit! - Oh, don't you eat it? - No. - So you don't eat your fortune. - Is magic; It doesn't matter. - Nurture your dreams. - That sucks. - I know. - In bed. - In bed. - He who has hope has it all in bed. (YB laughs) - Well, thank you. - Okay, you're welcome. - Bye bye. - Goodbye YB!

YB Chang everyone, yes! What are you doing? - R. Kelly was just charged with aggravated criminal sexual conduct. - Okay, yes, we have it! Wow, I can't believe it; We are a news organization. Chicken with mushrooms, damn, it's delicious! It's a terrible name for how delicious it is. It's very tasty, oh wow. I could eat all this cardboard. - You already know that the Chinese takeout carton unfolds on plates. - Unfolded? - Yes. - But how am I going to fold it? Eugene, oh wow, oh look, it's like origami. I, wow, wait and then come back.

Wow, fuck, China. Salty, amazing, I would never get bored. Chicken with green beans and onion too. It was a nice piece of chicken. This one tastes like at the end of your Chinese food when you've mixed everything together, it just tastes like that. From production, Second Try LLC welcomes Alexandria Herring. The other half of the infamous duo, Leftover Ladies. - No, no, no... - I don't want to call you the Trash Girls, but if you insist, the Trash Girls. - Hello, I am half of the Food Babies, like a child of food. - That's close, that's better than because you know we're-- - Also yes, because you know, you know. - Well. - Know. - Okay, I don't quite get it, but comment below if you like Food Babies, Leftover Ladies, or Garbage Gals, which I doubt even if you vote for that one, we won't pick it because it's bad.

Dumpster divas. (both laugh) - I love it. - Pepper chicken. This is my dad's favorite. He always loved pepper chicken or pepper steak, shout out to Donald Habersberger. - Dumpster Danny? - Dumpster Danny, my dad, my dad is not part of the Dumpster Divas. - Health. - Hmm. - Mmmm yes. - You have that nice chewy texture of the chicken but then the nice crunch of the celery. And I love my crisis. - Oh, this chicken is very good, is that gum? - I don't know why you don't like this. This is delicious. - It's just Alexandria sugar. - But it's a little spicy, a little pineapple. - Take a drink. - Do you want to take one with me? - Yes, good. - Health. - Honor the restaurant. - You better do it, I'm watching you.

Hmm. - Oh,uh... - Very good. - Oh, yes, very good. - It burns very well. - It tastes like a terrible shot of gelatin. - Oh, I don't feel well. - Oh, goodbye Alexandria, thanks for, oh no, damn, I can't try to say goodbye. I want all the fortunes for myself. I love fortunes. - For success today, look at yourself first-- - In bed. Say yes, in bed. Alright, thanks for stopping by Alexandria. See you later! - Bye bye guys, thank you, bye. - See you at the after show. They were here; We're at the end of the menu and we're finally where everyone wants us to be: the pact, the golden, the impeccable, the perfectly incredibly delicious orange chicken.

Pow, orange chicken, the only fried... (chicken smells) It's the only bite of fried chicken so delicious you'll want to eat it twice. (engaging music) Mm, oh yeah, it's so good, God. Orange chicken, you can't screw it up. I don't know, I feel like when you walk into a Chinese restaurant it smells like orange chicken. You can smell the oil, you can smell the sugar, you can smell the orange; Everyone is having a good time, people are dancing. The Asian women walk quickly between the tables, wiping the plates as hard as they can and then people get big plates and little kids say "wow!" And then everyone says the orange chicken is here.

And like streamers fall and everything goes black and it's just you and your family at the table, and you're there and you feel good, and everyone takes a bite, and all the arguing stops. (sensual and attractive music) So there are a lot of smiles too. (Gong reverberates) There were about five or six things that I thought were really amazing, but I think my winner is going to be the chicken with mushrooms. It had a terrible name, but I thought it was actually the best balance of salt, sugar, and flavors. I didn't find it very greasy and I think people haven't tried it because it has a bad name.

So I'm trying to bring that to light. Try that chicken with mushrooms. Tell them Keith sent you a 10% discount. No, no, don't do that, but you can tell him. My least favorite, without a doubt, the eggplant with tofu. What a rubbish vegetarian choice. You have to give them something more Panda Express; Cashew vegetables, I would eat a shitload of cashew vegetables. That was the only bad thing; I ate the box. Of all the fast food places I've tried, this is probably the best, simply because I don't feel like garbage. There's enough variety that you feel like there are a lot of options, but it doesn't overwhelm you with all these crazy slight variations.

Everything was very different. It's simple and I think that's why they are so successful. See you next time! This has been Eat the Menu! I ate the menu, be sure to join Patreon to watch the leftover girls/food babies/garbage girls eat everything I didn't eat this week. Also, I'll make them buy more food because I actually ate a lot more than normal and they really need to do the dirty, you know, eat too much food, you know? Alright, see you next time. (attractive rock music) - ♪ Beijing ♪ Beijing pork loin fat, ♪ ♪ Beijing duck ♪ ♪ Beijing deer ♪ ♪ Beijing fish ♪ ♪ Beijing tower ♪ ♪ That's the end, pow ♪