Joe Rogan Experience #1446 - Bert Kreischer

This and that could be so irresponsible, and I just write everything in capital letters, what they want, they don't care, what they want. and they're drunk in Mexico like they're leaving here, you know they want to go, where they're in Florida on spring break, kind of me, they're in Cancun or they're in, you know, there's people in Texas, there was this thing. about these kids from Texasy they were, they were piled together in this this area, it's like that I don't know, we look like an outdoor party area, but they were just piled there like sardines and the people were holy like, yeah, yeah, you didn't .

You didn't raise your kids right, even if you did, if they're with other kids, they're screwed, they're going to be ruined, we all did that. I was involved in a lot of really stupid things because I was with some kids that were sketchy when I was a kid, you know, especially when I lived in Jamaica Plain Jamaica Plain was like that, this area where we only lived there for about less than two years, it was like a a year and a half and it was like an urban section. of Boston which since it has been gentrified apparently apparently is nice now back then it was sketchy it was like everyone else Irish kids Italian kids black kids Puerto Rican kids but no one was being good parents everyone's parents smoked people were drunk like their chaos the people it was like it was strange, there were wild people, like the whole block was full of wild people, they were bad people, there was a dangerous crime infested neighborhood, it was sketchy and everyone was a mess, everyone on my block, my neighbor.

Neighbor, we've talked about this before. They were a punk-rock band called Death in the Shopping Mall and they used to play in the basement, so they put these thick layers of carpet in the basement, so they had carpet everywhere. the door mat, the whole ceiling, many, many, many layers and these guys could shoot each other and they were playing guitar and screaming and I guess I was 11 not 13 yeah I was 13 because I was in the middle. high school right before I went to high school I was 13 and I was fascinated because I was just becoming a teenager and I was living next to these savages, these savages were just playing really loud music and you didn't see punk rock.

A lot of people back then. I remember there was a kid at the bus stop on Dale Mabry and he got his punk rock haircut every morning. As he drove up to the school principal, he looked at him as if he were a Mohawk. His mother let him have a mohawk. Well, I went from San Francisco to Gainesville Florida, which was a college town, I went to Gainesville, yeah, I was in Gainesville, Florida when I was like 11 to 13, you and River Phoenix, so we lived there for a while and that It was like college people and in the apartments we lived in it was just normal people, it wasn't crazy at all, you didn't really see too much crazy and father in terms of crime or sketchy people, they were all pretty normal, different races, different backgrounds, but now you know, just people who live in apartments, you know, yeah, but Hell, we moved to Boston, man, those kids were wild, they broke into warehouse buildings and on this day everyone knew how to steal a car, they had like 13 years old, everyone smoked, everyone smoked, I immediately got into this crazy environment. of whoa whoa whoa whoa I was like my dog ​​Marshall and like a room full of rabid German shepherds.

I thought: Hey guys, can we talk about this? I'm from an apartment complex. I'm not used to liking semi-urban kids. an interesting transition as a kid it was tough, man it was tough when he was 10 years old. I moved to a neighborhood where he was very aggressive. Sam, same kind of situation, yeah, we lived in it, we lived in a real white trash neighborhood, but my dad was nice. He protected me a little bit and then he moved away and there were all the kids like they were a little older than me and I remember I learned the word very quickly, the first thing I learned and how to hold an ice. cube in my really important things to have it.

I remember coming home and being a member of my sister, yes, you can, you certainly can go broke with bad kids and no one knows that other than dads like Dad they see you hanging around with sketchy kids. Hey, I don't like that you hang around that guy like dad, look where those things go because sketchy kids commit murder, you know, I'm saying sketchy kids joined gangs. Sketchy kids stole cars and killed people by driving drunk and set warehouses on fire, that's what sketchy kids do. Sketchy kids can lock you in like we did a lot of sketchy stuff when I was 13 and I remember thinking, "wow, these guys have been doing this their whole lives and they're 13." I kind of stumbled.

I just want to be friends with someone, you know, it could be this, that's one. I started fishing. I really got into the fish away from these kids. I did not have. I didn't have your brain. I just learned. with them always man I didn't feel protected when I was young and it's one of the reasons I value community today when I was young I felt really disconnected my parents split up and then my mom moved in with my stepdad and he's A great guy and all, but we moved around a lot so I was never around kids I knew for a long period of time and I never felt safe because I remember kids always starting fights like kids.

I moved to a new neighborhood. Boys always want to start fights, especially if girls think you're cute. Girls think you're cute. The boys want to lift you up. I mean, and then when I was 13, I thought I had to get away from these kids. and I found this lake that was near me. I really got into fishing. It was called Jamaica Pond. I made a dish and they stocked it with trout and there were bass there, all kinds of fish, but you can fish there. I met this whole community of people who fish, they're mostly like old people, they would fish there and, but you learn about fishing, I start fishing all the time and everything is fine, you know, that says a lot about who you are because that doesn't It's Who I Am dove in as I remember, I remember being totally against marijuana and then my friend came in and said, "You want to get high," and I was like, "Okay, I'm in and we'll get high at the Sal Pier." I also had friends like that, there was a friend named Victor.

Navigate key. I will never forget that he was the most criminal of all our friends and he sold marijuana when we were 13 years old. He was dealing with pot salad at 13. Just call him. He had the weed and he was like a guy you like to see, some like even 13 wasn't bad or anything, he was a good guy underneath, he was just like what's up man? Everything great, guys, great, yeah, that confidence, I've never been like that. guy who's been great at a party like you're better, better that guy just said won't he? Sun is aware that no one should be sure that you are a jelly bag made of human skin covering these fragile bones and there is no roof over your head, you are on a planet and there is no roof for the planet so you are just exposed to the universe and it's an asteroid shooting gallery out there and the only thing protecting us is the thin layer of gas over our heads you shouldn't be sure exactly what you are you should be exactly what you are you just need better coping methods than alcohol but your way is a good way of being is not such a sure thing It's not good, yes, it's good if you have specific goals, like if you want to be a fighter, you have to be confident, but then, you know you surpassed Evans, of course?

Yes, the former light heavyweight champion is an incredible guy, he is a totally different human being. He was crazy, I had him on my podcast and now that he retired as such when he was a wrestler, you have to be a little bad, you have to be a specific part of your dog, he was a beach guy, well I think you think about a riot, racist, no wait, I know you shot Evans, I know, yeah, what's the fuss? You're right, you're right, you're definitely right. I'm so sorry, listen, I'm a racist. I'm so sorry, you just had a big fight. why those two are connected because they were both Ultimate Fighter trainers at the peak of their popularity, yeah, and there's one of the most heated exchanges of all time, when they're standing an inch away from each other saying, call me and I was like you.

I remember and they were going back and forth with each other. I think, oh my God, these guys are going to shoot on TV. It was very, very tense and Rashad won that fight, but I think you have to be confident. being that guy back then you know being a light heavyweight champion being a guy who knocks out Chuck Liddell with one punch you have to be that but what you won't do that anymore now we're shots like this really spiritual guy is vegan, takes psychedelics and He is very intelligent, it was really a pleasure to sit and talk to him because you realize that you see the metamorphosis, the evolution and the maturity as a man, he is like a different person now that he abandoned his old man. own skin the old skin of him should say and become a new person like a new very different person like a really peaceful guy, really friendly, really nice, he was always a great guy, but now he's more at ease.

I think that's what you said when they were talking about me turning into a boo person and all that, I don't know if it's that much, but I had a conversation with Ali Wong, she said you were very torn and I was like, yeah, I was on my head, yes. It's kind of weird, like I had a job like that when the special came out, that it was so natural that I didn't pressure any press to not do the Cup. Patty's Day, you know? I had that huge st. What was planned for Patty's Day and the call to the store, the work schedule, I had all this press like all these marketing ideas and then it was like, hey, the world stopped and I took a couple of days of depression or to go like, man, what I am.

I'm going to do with this special. I have to promote it. I have to go out and then I think it was a perspective where I was walking to the garage one night and I was, you know, distressed. I should make a video for Matt, let everyone. know my specials on Netflix, you know that in my head and then I was like, wait man, there's a lot going on in this world, my space will be washing is not the most important thing and I don't think you have to do much either, I mean. I think by having some conversations like this what you're looking to do is, yeah, yeah, they're holding back the Internet, that's what they're really worried about, they're worried about the infrastructure there, they're really worried about the power grid. they are really worried about the internet like they have already started speeding up the internet because there are so many people streaming simultaneously.

You have to think about how many people are at home right now and how many people when you leave them at home they just watch Netflix, we watch. I saw especially with my girl at my daughter's house last night just imagine oh oh they didn't see your parts they saw I don't know the parts before they didn't know it oh I don't want to say anything other than that she had it period, oh yes, yes, yes, yeah I see what came out of Ruff, she was like the poor girl popped her dad, which they reacted to, yeah they made me put my dick on the shoulder of her ass, there were a lot of them that were touching, come on . but we, what we just saw, we flip through quickly and then, um, and then we look at big cats, big cats or King cats, what's that holy Joe?

What is it? This is talk about false confidence. He is on Netflix and could be. The most amazing show I've ever seen is about people owning big cats like tigers, but it's all about petting the Cubs. Petting the Cubs, no, no, so these guys make a living petting Cobb, so they bring the Cubs around everyone's car and then what happens is the Cubs grow up and then they end up with big cats, right? TRUE? I won't tell you about that. I'll let you watch it and enjoy it with someone who says that once you've seen it, there's no reason for me to tell you and even if you treat your cat very, very well, you keep it in a cage, the cat doesn't want to be in a cage. cage, no, he doesn't want to be in a CodeRed, someone scammed Brenda. arm, it's someone who ripped someone's arm off, Joe, you've got to see it, that's a hundred and eighty-seven cats on our property in Oklahoma, oh my God, I'll save it for when you see it and then we can rip someone's arm off. she went back to work seven days omg no arm so now her stump is a little stuck oh my god im still working with Big Easy that's crazy can you imagine if they started eating a part of you and you would say that I still have. in my leg I get this part of my foot the only guy who found a job on Craigslist feels like he's never seen anything like that if you had a job like that people would sign up no matter what it is oh you.

I have a job to go out and neuter wolves. There will be guys who like it. I think I can do it well. Oh, by the way, we haven't even gotten to the reviewer. This isn't even the crazy part when you get into these guys' lifestyle. This guy married one the first ever. I look gay, he married a guy and then they brought in another guy. They have a couple who is not crazy. A guy who lives in South Carolina and has nine wives that he grooms, so this is it. Look everyone, my special Hello guysgreat on Netflix, but watch this show first.

Wow, that's high praise. It's Tiger King. I'm writing it. I put it on my phone. The girls and me. The girls looked. Hello big boy. It was funny, we laughed, we've talked about whatever at the end of the credits I put like all their things of theirs they put the Iowa vintage party cake I put the I put in the credits I put like she tastes my dad howling like a owl and and then the big cats show up, big king, what's the name tiger king, tiger king, that and in 15 seconds, George and I say, okay, everyone's where we found our show, it's good, it's good, there's something about Crazy giant people and animals, loving people. to keep those animals as pets like there's thisA Russian guy, I think he has a polar bear and he swims towards the polar bear, have you ever seen him?

No, there is no swimming pool with a polar bear, it's like being with a thing hugging it. I was like, what are you doing, but you? I don't relate to that one bit because yeah, I definitely do it the way I do it, but big dogs, but I think it's cool, you know, watching because it's not killing him, you know, it's like watching him, he's hugging him, he's kissing up It's not okay, I think if you can, bears are a different animal because if you keep them very well fed, they're not just predators, they're omnivores, so if you keep them very well fed, they're probably pretty calm and I wonder If bears are like people.

I think if you feed people just vegetables, I really think they probably become less aggressive because I think your body probably doesn't think you need to chase and kill things because you're not eating animal protein, so everyone's like, "Oh, We could just relax and walk around, just pick berries and eat grass and stuff, you know what I think, if you did the same thing to a bear, maybe if you gave it to the bay like apple and blueberry pies cool, yeah bro, It's so big, I would love to, I mean, here's the thing: I would love one, yeah, I don't think you can have one for a good reason because there are a lot of people that should have dogs, man.

You've seen bad dogs and people have. bad dogs There are a lot of you Lucian who have special dogs in Los Angeles, yeah, well there are a lot of people who like it, right, they don't train their dogs Wow, and their dogs are like really. aggressive and jump on people you know, imaginative like a bear that did that just as a responsibility, look at the length of their neck, it's so crazy that they have such long necks, but what is it, you know, what an animal it is. Does it seem ridiculous that you should be able to have that in your backyard like it's a polar bear?

Do you know where that guy lives? Where is that? Oh, it must be Ohio, one of those towns, a guy who shot himself and let all the animals out, yeah, they talked. about that part of the reason it's illegal to have a big low head I hope this is that guy. I'm in Ohio and I'm racial. I would like those savanna cats like Anthony ku Mia has Yassir Vols bracelets, yes, like those. Isn't that what they are called? Serve all cats. Yeah, apparently they're never really tame. They never really domesticate our dogs, although hey, I think maybe it was John Jones.

I think John Jones has a couple of them, but he was feeding them like that. It was John Jones or someone else who had them. I know John has a big cat that you don't want. He goes to the Dark Lands. Can you forgive me? I only party with Jon Jones. Jon Daly, you would have an episode that you would call. I, look, I left him, I left my show called Network, but yeah, so he was giving her chicken bones. I'm not sure if it was Jon or someone else, but it's crazy because the cat starts making these crazy noises while he's hitting whoever. the guy was giving him the chicken bones while he was giving these bones to this cat, the cat is getting very angry, it's very scary, like you can jump on you and bite you like primitive, yes, they are not usual, like if you give him a normal cat, a chicken bone, they'll pump them out, but they won't go away, yeah, crazy cat noises this thing was making.

I wondered if you could find a serval cat growling while eating like a viral death and tik-tok, oh okay, every time they feed him every day, I've seen, I've seen our cat catch rats, oh, thank you, usually, I mean, I put it on Instagram a lot, but little cats, rats, they bring them into the house and then they release the rat, which is exactly. Why do I want this cat and for you to see it in a rat is fascinating, it's Brooke incorporated, it's like you can't ever get that out of that cat's brain, it's not integrated, it's integrated into the system, yes, that comes, no matter what. let it happen The cat's life is like you can have a little bait.

I had a ragdoll cat and she was just a little fluffy ball of fur that you would just let her fall back and pet her all the time and she was that was all she was interested in until she saw a bird and then she was locked in OH locked up and she was making these annoying noises yeah I have a little bit about that in my act oh wait I think I'm special. I was all about vegan cats because a lady was mean to me and I went to her page and searched for the hashtag vegan cat.

I thought, "Holy, this is the thing," and then I started diving down this rabbit hole of people with animals and cats in particular, how cats are, they're the strangest animal we have. as pets and I have two I love cats they are sweet my dog ​​my oldest daughter doesn't have one now mm-hmm she's my middle daughter she's allergic but when I'm around them I love them I love them but you have to do it do something weird with them first of all you had to neuter the males you have to groom them all like my dog ​​Marshall he's not groomed he's fine there's nothing wrong with him he's not going to get laid he's around me all the time and he does it with his energy and it's irresponsible to have dogs or testicles and just make them have a bunch of babies, unwanted babies, you're absolutely right, but the idea that that's the only way has to be that he said the dog has to be fixed or you're you. you are irresponsible in the dogs they go a lot and make babies no, you can be a responsible dog owner and the dog is not groomed and the dog has more energy like you, the police dogs, they did it, they were groomed, there are four reasons why they are groomed , they stopped producing testosterone, there are a lot of problems because we groomed our dog Priscilla when she was young, two bull mastiffs and later we discovered that when you groom a dog, a bull mastiff attaches itself to the young heads of any ball mastiff owner who can with its joints. yes, maturity, yes, you have to reach physical maturity, yes, your potty needs the hormones that it was born with, I mean, this is the idea behind you, you know, like being a young, healthy dog ​​and then, if you you cut the dog's balls, you are changing what the dog is and you can do that.

My point is you can do that with dogs or you can't do that with dogs like you can have dogs that have testicles but with cats you have to do it if you have a male cat they are all groomed or they will pee all over your house mate it's disgusting. I had a male cat that was a feral cat that I raised and I had to corner him in the bathroom to catch him and take him to the vet to get him fixed. while he was cornering him, he peed on the wall, raised his tail and peed all over the walls like, dude, what was he and me having.

I threw him a towel or a bathrobe or something, picked him up and fought this cat. with him and put him in a laundry basket and took him to be fixed you have to fix it man fighting with a cat that's when you showed yourself how weak you are he's so small - he wasn't a big cat and at that moment he didn't even She wasn't even a year old, you know, because I was fixing it, so I think you fixed it like seven, eight, nine months, something like that, she was ready for me, man, it was hard, I saw that I had to corral it, bring it.

In this basket launch, take it to Dr. Craig was my vet in Encino before he passed away, rest in peace, he was a great guy and then when I brought him in, he's there, can you guys get him out? They want me to stay and they tell me no. I think we're going to be able to handle it and then I came to pick up counties like what - feral cat you'll just say yes - Rick getting a kid one time and I said, hey, can you help me get a cat? cat out of the tree and I was like, yeah right, once and then fight a cat, a tree can't do that, cats in a tree, man, first of all, without a ladder, you could fall, yeah, and even with many of them, you could fall.

They might jump on you and bite you and you might freak out and freak out like a cat scared of its life up a tree and doesn't know how to get down. You know they could, they could, they could cut you off, they sued you and they will sue you. once they get hooked on you they get hooked on you and just start trying to gut you yeah my cat who was feral was a trip I would never have a feral cat again but I had to like a crazy connection with him because he was, you know, he was a good wild cat, like when I first got him.

I had to lock myself in a room and hang out with him for a few days, just reading books, having a litter box, and bringing food in there. so it was just me and him together because he was very small, yes, but when I pet him he would be fine, he would purr very loudly, he would be fine, but as soon as I left him, he hissed at me and ran away. and trying to raise the curtains he went crazy, so he had a spare bedroom in this house. I was living in Encino and I just set up the bedroom.

I prepared it just for me and the cat. I'm like, okay, dude. Let's get to know each other. These are shitty things you do when you're 27. I'm going to live with this cat for a while. Me and this cat are going to hang out, so he just reads books for two days. locked in this room with this wild cat and he would calm down a little, let me purr, let me pet him and he would purr and I would let him go and he would hiss at me and run away, this lasted two days. and then finally at the end of two days it was already pre-chilled, but then within two days this guy seems to pet me and give me food, you know, so I could always go up to him and pet him.

He always could, but no one else. no one, none of my friends, no one could come and pet that cat, only me, I was the only one he had an agreement with, he was super cool with other cats, like when I brought other cats and I stayed with him for two days then i introduced him to my other cat spaz spaz was the furry dog ​​cat and then they hit it off instantly like yeah he was like cats. I can trust cats and she says I don't know any other cats. Something cool, it's like trains and planes. and cars, a common candy, this other cat I had since I was 25 and that cat was no one liked her, but man, she was just a Conti cat, she was always a Kunti cat, she was just a weirdo. cat, some cats are just weird, man, you know, and then my other cat, the fluff ball, can't he love everyone?

Everyone who showed up, I would rub your leg and you would pet her and she would purr. Everyone loved her. You could pick it up. You lift her off of her and start rubbing her belly and she purrs. Anyone can pick it up, but uh, cats have their own little things. Each of them has their own ideas of personality. At one point you talk to him about her cats. At that time I don't know how many he has now, but he had eleven cats like a two-bedroom apartment and I thought that's crazy and they all had personalities, all of them, some of them, like he was the only one I could touch. and others, you know, they were very friendly to everyone, cats are, they are a trip, but you have to fix it, that was my point: dogs, you could have a dog that has balls and they are cool like my dark Marshall. he is great, he is not aggressive at all and he is three years old, he seems like a great dog, he is the sweetest, but you can't do that with cats, you have to groom them all, they will pee all over your house if you want.

Have I ever seen a male cat that hasn't been groomed lives like on a farm brother they don't even look the same are these big heads they are big pit bull heads really yes yes stray cats that aren't groomed or barnyard cats are famous for being animals fierce and ferocious they are different they look different they have balls they are thick they have muscles yes they have thick heads I guess I've only seen cats and kittens when I think about It's like my wife my wife lived in her grandmother she has a bar like a big farm and always There are cats here, but I think I only see females and kittens, yeah, you've probably seen females, kittens and fixed males, you know?

Neutered males are different, they don't urinate everywhere and they are calmer, friend, if you see a barnyard cat with its balls as if they were incomplete animals. No, I don't think I remember that in the past. when you were like a cat sprayed on my car like that, that doesn't happen anymore, but in Florida you just leave the windows down. A cat sprayed my car once and I was like, it smells good spray everywhere, they spray you. home I would like to open my gym bag my cat peed in my gym bag oh we had dogs everywhere I remember one time I was in the car with my girlfriend in college and we had a dog Thelma that peed everywhere I was with my little sisters in the back and this girl has four and there's like a brown spot on her back, come on, hey, what's in the back?

Your shirt goesfit and healthy and I watch my weight so I'm not dependent on a pill and then if I don't have it I have a stroke, you can tube Bert, it's not outside the realm of possibility when you consider how well you're doing while you drink as hard as you are, yes, I think you probably and you always like to be sober on the first of October. year I was worried, I was like man, I don't know how he's going to do and some people were actually telling me like a man I might die. I don't like it when guys drink a lot and then stop drinking, it's really bad and apparently that's what killed Amy Winehouse, everyone kept telling me that in that house you killed Amy Winehouse, you know?

Did you know that, brother? It's one thing when you host a podcast and you have thousands of them, people aren't going to tell you that you haven't done it. I heard before, so one of the things that people love to tell you is that you could die if you stop drinking, you can die, you told me that and you told me when we were leaving, it was like you gave me a hug in you. You don't have to do this, man, no, I was like I was crazy, I was worried because I was like, damn, imagine this is how we killed Bert, imagine trying to burn me healthy, how it turns out you killed him Amy Winehouse style .

Dude, I love Amy Winehouse, oh she was dancing. I'll release her on an album and listen to her like I'm in rehab or some of her great songs. oceania authenticity there's authenticity in her voice it's unmistakable like ease in her voice she was wild grass York I used to love Bjork yeah Bjork is too cool man - she's in a totally different way like she has a pause like she's a totally different kya sounds but yeah but authentic yeah yeah she's such a sexy man like Bjork she was so sexy and she did her thing as music electronic at this time when it wasn't sold here, but it was as if you had a song here, it's so calm, not by Björk. oh that's amazing, have you ever seen Bjork?

Yeah this person thought he could confront her directly with a camera just because she's famous no permissions this is not a great app you just show up where a person is at the airport with their son Yorkers with their son yeah how do you deal with that ? Most of the time I like if someone wants to interview me at the airport or somewhere I'm not, you know, I don't expect it, it's just not smart, so I don't do it. I do this well. The way you have conversations should be your thoughts, which will be seen by millions of people, not something you say when you have your first cup of coffee and maybe you.

You're half-eaten on a grocery run and you're picking up your luggage and you weren't expecting to run TMZ and they say, what do you think about the corona virus? and you like to stop eating bats, but you're you know you're there at LAX at 7:30 in the morning picking up your bags, yeah, if that's the problem, it's just not smart and then something strange happened during the Roseanne Times and Roseanne was going to do the podcast. for the first time, for the second time, and she had this crazy controversy and she got kicked off a show and the whole thing, man, they were showing up in places where we weren't with cameras, they were showing up in the comedy store. with cameras trying to capture I guess if, oh, you got me on camera, I have to talk to you, I guess, oh yeah, what the news is like, if you watch the local news, there's a bunch of people pointing cameras at things and then freely applying journalistic ethics. to see what they talk about, what they don't talk about and what they feed you for the next half hour and they want to be number one in the ratings because you know Channel Seven is kicking our ass at the moment and I really feel like we have than to get on the scene faster and this is your invitation, this is not necessarily the information that there are personalities and jobs that are at risk and that there are so many contributing factors and you like moving what you hear and see in a certain direction no It's the news, it's a news show, it's their interpretation of what they think is the most important thing to focus on for the next X minutes because life is too crazy, yeah, we have access to everyone, right?

We're going to take down the entire world in 60 minutes. It is an editing program. Because you can't show everything. There are millions of fascinating things happening right now, positive and negative, so they balance it out. You know that they are? I'm going to ask a Calabasas woman, not the hard way, you can't woo the puppy that shows up urinating on her. Now back to murder, death and robbery. I told someone. I told him: Do you think the Verona virus coverage is based on the news like saying we're going to take down the news that someone was like no man, they started getting their asses handed to them for so long by Trump, so this is where They're getting their money back and then you're like, wow, how I like it.

Chris Cuomo I like it I actually like it I like it I see you get angry when that guy gets angry about Fredo I got angry for him I would like to be there I'll go Don't say that Don't do it Say that, don't say it's not like then or not do that I get that this guy is a jerk and you're allowing that no, he can't be a jerk to you, but let's relax, he was provoked and he was trying. To get out of this like you did, you know it's like doing jujitsu and you make a terrible mistake and also when you're trapped in someone's triangle you just have to tap out and you have to live to fight another day, they got you.

Don't raise your collar and when he was trying to save his ego when the guy called him Fredo, first of all, the guy who caught him frayed is because there is a move to do as a passerby, they did it for the George Lopez of Hooters once like some guy Lopez who did it someone did it George George Lopez said something like build a wall or something on George and the videotape, but they want to go viral, that's what they want, so they call from Fredo and they are videotaping and they're looking for a reaction so they can get views, that's a move, yeah Fredo made me laugh, it's a really funny line, but saying that is like the n word, African American guy that no one owns.

Fredo, stop, it almost made it funnier. He was watching more fun. It's so ridiculous if you watch The Godfather. You couldn't think of anything but Kris's promotion when you watch that scene. No, I think I'm calling out of fear. When he appears on television, I say it like a fritter with a cargo ship. His brother is the governor of New York. The older brothers look surprisingly good. I'm very impressed with how his brother responds to this, although with him. I know I understand that there was a moment when the one who wasn't sure if they could really shut down New York or not, but now you know the way he's responding, that's the way he behaves, he's very well-liked. he's a sensible person, like the way he carries himself, yeah, you know, I like him and I don't know if I don't know anything about his politics.

I don't know anything about what he does, but at least you can figure it out. From the way someone handles a crisis, how they behave, you deduce whether you can trust them or not, if they go crazy and seem to behave very well, it's like that's very important just for the morale of the nation in a way. strange. That's why a leader is very important because when someone is a true leader and even though there will be people who hate him, people who are angry with everything he does and that will always be the case to be the leader of the free world, right? if they can in some way or another change the way we feel about ourselves, change the way we feel about our community, like give them, there are pep talks and a really good presidential speech, a really good one, just get to that point of feeling good and bring everyone back. and it really has a tangible effect on reality, it can really ruin reality and that's what people don't understand about why people get upset because people can't speak well, it's a big problem, you know, to the People like it, why are you kidding me? about Joe Biden because he is a big deal, he is in the biggest draw in the world and he can control all the thermonuclear weapons and the entire economy and everything that is done within the United States of America, a guy ready to do whatever have to be able to to speak very well you want that job he's just part of the job he's inspiring people it's one of the things Obama did better than any of them you know you can say whatever you want about Clinton he had some good speeches too I think Obama was even better Because he was measured, intelligent, eloquent and strong, there was something about the way he spoke that inspired confidence, whether he was right or not, whether he made bad decisions or not.

I don't think anyone can do that job. I don't think it's a death sentence? I think it's for all of them. I think they go in there and it's a tornado of things that they have to control, things that they have to pay attention to the things that they are responsible for. hundreds of different moving pieces around the world all these moving pieces all these pieces and you are supposed to be the only one making the right decisions about all of them and choosing the right people for both the pandemics and the economy. about just one, do you even understand one?

Yeah, and then international relations on top of that, you have to go to North Korea and now we're in China. It's too bad, there's too many things to juggle, bro, it's crazy, that's why we signed you up. I know, I wonder, I wonder if that's where we're going back to is a Reagan like, did you see Matthew McConaughey's speech? No, I did not see it. Oh, it's good, yeah, well, it's Matthew McConaughey. 90's like this is our dream UNK, it's one of our dream hunks for Sean, man he just sits there and it's just for that Texas accent about the red lights and the green lights, here's a yellow light on this one Moment, we're doing well and just me and myself.

Come out, I got, I feel like, I sat up in bed, I know it's like I'm going to work out, man, that's right, right, we can do it right. I think for people like you, me, they will be fine financially. It's not that scary, it's a different thing, but for the people that we are with financially, it affects them a lot, there have to be really important decisions made to help those people because this is not a situation that people don't want to work in . a situation where people cannot work because of an invisible enemy killing their loved ones.

If there's ever a time when America has to come together, this is the time and I think we're capable of doing it and I think if we do the right thing and come out on the other side, I think we'll be stronger, I think we'll be stronger and not in not discarding the losses and the people who will be missed greatly. loved ones, no, I'm not even trying to diminish that, I'm just trying to tell people that that will survive, we're going to understand what it's like to go through real adversity together for the first time in a long time as a planet, no. only as the United States, nor as Germany, nor as Japan, nor as Iraq, do we know the whole thing because it is everywhere and the whole thing together is a gigantic problem for everyone who survives and for everyone who survives, regardless of however bad it is. it gets or how good it gets, whether it transforms and changes or not, the people who survive we have to learn from this we have to learn we have to learn in every way and we have to learn how and I'm learning I'm learning right now about myself me personally, how I am changing the way I see the world.

It all has to go back to being able to do shows when I want and do stand-up when I want and travel wherever I want. I want to go and not worry about the killer, but it all has to come back to that because that's what I'm used to. You know, you know the history, you know how the world works. There are countless examples of civilizations that no longer exist and were eliminated. by plagues or natural disasters we are very aware of this, but none of it is ever recorded and we never think that it applies to us we never think that this is this is this is the one we really need to pay attention to, no, you see them throw everyone away the beach people as an alibi said Santa Monica the leg we are near the beach you people on vacation are down there just tanning and hanging on my girls I wanted to go for a walk yesterday and I went I think all the idiots who are on a hike, the The issue is that this required us to act quickly and I believe that the human race is gigantic and it is so large that the number is so spectacular to get us all to coordinate together.

I think it's like an impossibly long time. battleship think about a battleship, it's a hundred times bigger than a normal battleship, just a battleship, you think about how fast that thing turned, it will be so slow. I never thought about traveling with that speedboat, so you can know that it is if We are on a battleship so difficult to turn and I think the human race is like it is impossible to imagine a battleship. It's like a battleship a hundred thousand times bigger than any other battleship. It is so large that it takes up about 1/10 of the ocean. big this battle and when that has to change it's like you just turn bad, it's us and I think this required us to turn and it's like an iceberg there's a giant thing in front of us something hit us this change in a virus that jumped to humans and we have no immunity to it, that's how it's like our battleship doesn'twas going to turn fast enough for this and we didn't have adequate preparation for something like this because we didn't even see it even though we knew it was possible, we didn't see it happening to us, we made some preparations but I don't know if we ever found out if the government really whether or not he stopped this pandemic office and closed his pandemic office, is that true?

I remember we were trying to watch that the other day, digging into that wasn't fun, something changed, I don't know how to close the thing, it's an interpretation, a kind of discussion that, like I don't know, uh, I was trying to dig into it until PolitiFact and all kinds of websites like the ones we have it took us a long time to find a good answer worth sharing so I didn't, I don't know what you thought when you were what you did. When you read it you think, what specifically were they saying? There are definitely different people in the place and one of the things I read along the way was that there was like a meeting about possible pandemics with a team of people in an office those people are no longer there although there could be people who have replaced them because of the number of people who have changed in the administration, so the people who are in those places now were not in the meeting, so they never received those notes basically yeah, but that's the same thing that happened on 9/11 they're like these were all warned like it's interesting to see a good retrospective actually in action where you say I have this for this comedian this very funny comedian who doesn't do comedy anymore a woman named Andy Smith, in early February, texted me saying that I thought I had postpartum depression.

I was like she, oh, she's lost her mind, she's a shame, she was so funny, she had a kid, she must be going through a divorce and she said, "Hey, I've been translating." these chinese documents this flu is going to get a lot worse than anyone thinks we have to stay home you have to start spreading the word you have a podcast like me so you thought she was how many weeks did they stop right now she just sent me a text message the last The night she was on February 15, she wrote Hello, I'm home, classes, Hello, it's me again.

I've been googling to translate the exit situation of this virus for weeks and stop traveling. Tell everyone to stop right now. I know, I know. I will go out. Can. I don't read with glasses here, look at these guys, yeah, try blind. I am the same. They will leave. Are we really going to stay until they wait until they say so to tell us to stay off the streets? That's where we are today. Hmm, that's going to be a little late right, honestly, everyone should call in sick on Tuesday, what are they going to do? Suit up guys, come and see if I'm lying, it's cool, really, it's probably the most American kneeling protest ever paid. negative and probably our last chance to legally return power to the people who are forcibly dragging us back in SUVs, perhaps they are already in a secure bunker on the hillside.

I hope I'm sorry for the depressing complaint. Sending this to all the smart people. I know four of you because all my stupid friends I don't understand strategy or intuition stay home learn to knit learn to knit a mask I wish we could all stay home and rush to save ourselves and then I wrote the day in my March special note, a month later i wrote oh you were right and then she texted me a bunch of meds to get my butt stabilized and by the way not to write her off she was a hilarious titty comedian why did you stop to stand up? -Shut up baby, she oh she has a major problem with Schumer and Nikki Glaser, like legit this girl was kind of the one she was plotting with, he's a tough man, she was wrong but she would fight hard for one last comedian named Adam Hunter. like suck it, burn it to the ground just because she, that's what she is, she's a man, she's a good guy, she's a great guy, he's a great guy, he and she appeared on the screen.

Oh no, yeah, but she's wow, she's a wild man, she stole. Jim Jeffries sunglasses are like a really wild girl, but she sent them to me. I've been like this for a long month and I was just like, oh postpartum, she's crazy, poor girl, they're saying these senators have closed-door meetings that had this closed. meeting at the door that was in January there is a little bit of beloit that I follow on Twitter, he was the one who sent it to me and he had a series of tweets about it that documented it, presented it and you read it and you say, oh my God, it's like if they really did it.

Do you know or is it again, go back to that thing like what are you supposed to do? Are you allowed to start talking about what this is coming up with? If you're a senator and you find out something like what your responsibilities are. Were you given a mandate and what can or cannot talk about? For example, if they sit you down and have a crazy meeting where they tell you that the sky is falling, what can you say? Do they tell you? when you're allowed to say it like, how does that work? Black Twitter says this was a distraction because there's a comment that hits us oh Jesus yeah our bus drivers are black and he said you know what I just want to make life suck right before the big time. one hits how kunti that's cool Mike you know what now that I'm thinking about it maybe it wasn't Peter Attea who said I don't want to pay tribute to him for this in case I'm wrong who said that people who are around more often he seems to get sicker, it may have been something I don't want to see right now, but let's take that away, but if that's the case, that's it, it's so different from anything else, it's strange.

What's weird to me is how some people seemingly have nothing wrong with them and other people just get rekt like we're talking about the same thing, what is this thing I had? Really? Yeah, oh, I just realized it a couple of days ago. It was the sickest I've ever been in my life and I thought, I mean, I write it down like I thought I was going to die, was that during December something very common happened in the United States or was it mainly abroad, it happened, I was talking To draw my podcast happened around 2009 in December November December is when we had an outbreak in the United States in the United States, my cousin had it, dr.

Drew is telling me about his

experience

and I thought it was crazy and I said, "Oh, the sickest I've ever been in my life" and I told him. So I checked my Instagram to see my Facebook pictures and I looked, that was December 2009 and Wow man, I have h1n1, was what I tell you when I say I've never felt like this when you don't let go of your brute, you breathe but you don't You get oxygen to your lungs and my wife doesn't. I didn't understand it, my wife didn't understand it, my children didn't understand it, my mom didn't understand it.

Wow, I was with all of them and then my wife and I got on a plane and I drank and that's what happened to me. I drank and I went into Mexico and I was, I mean, without a doubt, the sixth sicker I've ever been, I mean, gasping for breath, I couldn't feel comfortable vomiting chills, it was the worst chest infection, I mean, I thought that was always written. I took it away: walking pneumonia and then we were talking about it and I was in December 2009, that's exactly what I understood. Wow, one had a really high mortality rate among 40-50 year olds, yeah, so what's crazy?

There is no word fatalization. made up I was right mortality rate is what I should have said but I was thinking you can't even say it that way it's funny, it's funny how saying something wrong the wrong way immediately makes you the most interesting and complicated thing you can say ever, but then you said and then you like the fatalization of everything, like what did you say, fatalization, fraud, it's like when you used, did you ever use a wrong saying, I went, I threw, I peed in a movie in Hollywood and I use the salt of the earth Like they're dirty people, this is the real salt of the earth, you know, who do you want to stay away from, oh no, that's it, it's not funny, but that's how easy it is for us.

We cannot understand the wars were fought over salt, they literally fought for war, for wars, they fought wars, killer sea salt, yes, for salt, salt was so important, salt was everything because salt It allowed you to preserve food, you could eat fish, meat and everything. These different things you can cover with salt and the salt prevents the growth of bacteria, so you can keep things even at room temperature much longer covered in salt than if they are exposed to real air. 100% yes so salt of the earth was like something incredibly valuable well we really used that evil it wasn't that long ago man people were having wars over salt this whole situation has forced you to think a lot more globally and transcendentally, but as if downwards.

Those two words always go together, but like you, it seems like a double verb. Look, I want my daughters were watching a movie about the Great Depression yesterday and I was like, oh, that seems like a real thing, yeah, now it is, if the world. It seemed like that would never happen to us because it would never have happened to us economically because as the economy goes down it then comes back because the same amount of people need the same amount of rights so you have to do things and it just comes back yeah , sure, the same amount of people are willing to work, see my people healthy, the same amount of physical resources needed to do it, okay, let's figure out how to do this again and then people make and sell and things keep moving . this is different this is more disturbing than anything we've ever seen because it's something no one suspected and all the consequences of a global pandemic no one ever thought oh no the whole world would have to stay home and no one would ever work. one thought, never, ever, in a million, no one thought no one wrote a script about that, but then some people have to work well, like grocery people, health care people and firefighters, other people didn't have to work, the only thing that's good, so we're just kind of putting a band-aid on it, but everything will still work out, it'll still work out if they get it, if they put it there in contact with people all the time, they'll be the bridge. between people and the disease because not everyone can just stay home and it's almost like we have to go door to door with people in protective suits to deliver food, stay home everyone, I'm staying home for two weeks, like this.

It's going to get to a point where if it keeps coming back, they keep instituting stricter inculcation measures, like we just got off to a good start and we already are, we can't have public meetings that more than ten people can't attend. in a restaurant you can't do a stand-up show you can't go to the movies so all those things are done the gyms are closed all these things are closed this has never happened before and everyone stays home well, if that doesn't happen It doesn't work, what continue to increase? Know? What if five months later they realize that what we've done is instead of letting this disease affect everyone, it will spread rapidly now it's like it's slowly leaking to everyone? the affect still affects the same number of people it still infects the same number of people that means they don't know if that could happen or not, they hope it doesn't happen, but it could break out again, that's another part of worry, they worry that it could blow up again, that's one of the things that's crazy, yes, uncertainty, yes, exactly, that's the number one thing because we all want to pretend that all of this makes sense even though we are temporary life forms that They started even though the star that powers the solar system has a finite lifespan and things have changed a lot, even though all those things exist we still want to pretend that the world is going to be the way it is now forever.

I think this is not good. for us and that people are going to die and people are going to get sick, but they could be the survivors could

experience

a change in understanding of what it is to be alive, what it is to be a person, what this life is. No, it's not about fame or money or getting your point of view accepted by everyone or you know, arguing with the left or arguing with the right, it's not that life is people hanging out with each other and staying alive, that's what it is you've interacted with people like we're putting up the fence in our front yard some people walk down the street it's cool that they say hello yes people say hello people appreciate each other a little more you're scared, the guy told me the other day, hey man, how are you?, I said God, how are you putting up with it, I didn't even know the guy, I said, good eye, how about you guys, really cool, I was like a crazy? toothache in the middle of the night the other night, I had to go to Rite Aid and it was open and I was so grateful, you know, you take it for granted, we go to Rite Aid and I started driving there and I go, they're probably not there open like we're in lockdown yeah I pull up and they're open for ladies sitting there with gloves and a mask.

I buy an amber saw and go. I thought as if I had never said this. I'm going, hey, thanks. like, thanks for being awake in the middle ofreward. I thought I entered the LA Marathon and Tom says why did I say I'm going to run a marathon and he says "you." I don't have to do it, I don't know why you're doing it and I said because you guys said I couldn't and he said, no, no, we don't care and I said, "I'm going to do it the way it was." I lost, yes, I ran the Los Angeles Marathon, I remembered, but there is an attachment I have to whatever focus I go on.

I do it for specials that I put so much into, it's really unhealthy, but it's not like that because that's how you create something great like when you do a special I know how much energy you put into it you think about I was obsessed obsessed why am I going with this special I thought I don't want to be the guy who does the same special three times in a row I want to grow I want to want to create I want to show how my big white whale was like that Starbucks deal I do where I go See that mention your name?

Yes and I'm going, that's for me and this is over. Thinking I was a guy walking into a bar, it was like there was a No More on an old school joke in mind, the way I tell stories, yeah, and it defines me laughing at jokes, but call my friends , it was like my favorite joke. ever written love without obsessions unhealthy man it's not healthy to be a normal guy it's not that he's not healthy I don't agree with that I just think it has to be balanced I think it's healthy because you know it like that A little bit when it came out it was amazing and I needed you to know it and even all that obsession for it to grow.

That's how a little bit is great, we have a little bit that you really enjoy. I really break down when you get there and people really laugh. difficult, it's difficult to make one of those and I think it's worth giving in to that obsession so that the audience can experience a very well-crafted and really rocking prank, it's fun, there's no other way to do them, man. I can't, I don't know any other way, man, I don't think there is any other way. Every special I've ever released I've always hated immediately afterwards. I can't believe there are people like this shit you hate. m it's over Josh Potter said to burn and from our ancestors one he gave to our boy says Haman I loved you special and I really went he brought me a weapon that's amazing and Josh Potter means he's like you're amazing and I'm looking at the moment I said, Tom, did you think it was amazing?

Because we all thought I was amazing and I was like I was real, man. I know you hate him because you see him too much. God. You have to realize if you are watching a special. over and over and over and over again the whole surprise went well so you're just analyzing the mechanics of the parts and maybe I did this better in the first show but that one is better in the second hmm but you're not experiencing what it is no knowing where you're going, the audience is the only one who experiences it, so it's very difficult for you to understand it and then the one thing I always say and I'm going to say it again because it's true.

You're not going to say you're in the audience watching a special. You will get one hundred percent. If you're at home watching Netflix, you could get seventy. I don't think you'll really get seventy. probably at sixty it's probably 60 percent of what it's like to be in the room because, as a human being, there's something about laughing in a room full of 2,000 other people laughing and you're all your own little buzz, you like to turn up. to the stage, you take your shirt off and they say, yeah, and everyone It's like that, it's a big part of what stand-up comedy is, it's like doing it.

A lot, you almost get a reference point, it's like Google Maps when you see it in real life, on YouTube or something. or watching on Netflix is ​​like Google Maps because it's not like being there like you're standing on the ground and you're like oh this looks different on the ground like you liked in you're like, okay, the mountains this way and I was like. looking at Google Maps. I couldn't send text messages. I'm looking down on this thing. That's what it's like when you're in the audience of a comedy club. It's like being there instead of watching it on Netflix which is like Google Maps, it's so much better than not being there Maps is great, you can go visit the rainforest, just look inside, spread it out, pictures, the ground is seen from the Heaven, but it won't be like going to the Amazon.

That's one of the obsessions I have. with my last one, not this one, the last one was knowing what I had an experience with TIG. Notaro take Notaro, the man taught me one of the most important lessons I've ever learned and standing up we made a premium mix together and she went first and she for the first time in my life I probably sucked a cock like literally suck a dick was so bad on stage and she will admit it, she will admit it and I went up afterwards and I murdered 1,300 people I murdered. I watched as the recording was destroyed. because her jokes were incredible, she played for the room, she played for the people in the audience, good people on television and I went, that's very interesting.

Here I am like raising my voice like what's up UCLA like everyone at home like dude, mark your down I learned so much after watching TIG that I decided not to play for the people in the room, play for the sake of playing for them in the room, but make sure Keep in mind that you are doing this for a television show. I do not know if. She intended to do that on purpose or not, but man, I saw her put on that premium mix that she murdered and I bombed on TV and I was like, yeah, don't come in and say, what's up?

Jacksonville, I wouldn't see you killed. in person but bombed on TV on TV because my energy may have been too harsh in person because it was 13 other people who talked you into bombing on TV, you can pull out that premium mix game, but you did well in front of the crowd in front of the crowd, but he was playing too loud on the microphone, we could have done it. I just had a good cock sucking joke from TIG Notaro. I was trying to slide it. They simply congratulated him. Thanks Sarah. I wonder if people will care less about politics. right, oh yeah, I think since Jamie and I were talking about gender pronouns, you don't really call me whatever you want to call me as long as yeah, yeah, oh, this would be nice for each other and we'd relax, I think That's part of who we were. going through as a culture, well, the outraged culture is because there was nothing real to fight against, no, it was nothing real, that was a real problem unlike any other era of humanity that is full of conflicts in problems: the just a look at guns gun control that's not that's not a conversation anymore the window is okay oh so many leftist people lining up to buy guns now Oh all yes, including my friends' wives who used to wear bad if they even heard about her weapons, they would get angry and now they ask the husband to go get a gun, no, no, about what kind of gun, what do you have, where do you keep it, something like, wait, wait, friend , that's it, that's off the board, yeah. that's off the board if people listen once the cooling goes out that's when you see what happens once the power goes out that's when you see what happens we live in a ridiculous way we live in a way that is only sustainable If it's super fragile the system stays in place.

I mean, it's robust in terms of supporting millions and millions of people, but it's fragile in the sense that a gigantic solar flare could wipe it out. An earthquake could wipe it out. something crazy surges, you know, an asteroid shower that hits the Earth wipes out everything we were on. It's not sustainable, we are only sustainable under certain conditions and a big part of those conditions is the electrical grid. I wonder how much it's going to change the way people behave, I mean, gardens, chickens, rabbits, like you know, we should have a community, a little glimpse, a little patch of garden in every community you only have one area, you know that you have it, five houses, a vacant lot for five million, brilliant, right, a vacant lot the size of a lot that a house would be built on and then you only grow vegetables and even have chickens.

If you are vegetarians friends, listen to me, chickens, it doesn't hurt you when you eat your eggs, it won't hurt you if you are, if you feed them right, your eggs will be nutritious, they are real. easy as long as there are no coyotes around that is my number one problem I have is that the coyotes would target the chickens but other than that you would just let them out in the yard they would find bugs and worms to eat and then their eggs are delicious and you don't hurt them and they prefer to be in the chicken coop they go to the chicken coop for safety you lock them there you let them out in the morning they are as if they were my little friends it's the best thing what your wife did in my entire life affecting me I was convinced that my wife will buy chickens because you get healthy food almost every day you get several eggs we had a high point we had 22 chickens and we would get like 10 eggs a day every day 10 eggs and I would eat 6 eggs for breakfast really good, delicious, rich in nutrients, Rich in protein and no one gets hurt.

I once got double yolks, my favorite in the world. The problem is that if you want Miller chickens, then you're going to have to have a rooster Roosters or they scream in the morning they wake everyone up they make your neighbors angry everyone wants me to do the hen that lays an egg it's loud yes, it's David telling my mancave doing a podcast was Tommy and the chickens, that's all really aggressive, since where are we from? something like that, where every day an egg comes out of you that we can eat. It would be so ridiculous because chickens can also eat their own eggs and you have to prevent them from finding them. that really yes, yes, yes, if they find out, they will start pecking eggs, especially eggs that are not theirs, yes, you know, if an egg falls and breaks, you have to be very careful that the chickens don't find out because once.

They fight, look, they're little dinosaurs, bro, oh yeah, little dinosaurs, you know, one of them tried to bite my youngest daughter when she was very little at the time. I mean she was someone from the neighborhood, she was four or five years old when her chickens started pecking. her toes her toes and my how my wife was oh, she probably thinks her toe is a worm. I'm going, no, he's trying to eat the baby. The chick is trying to eat the baby. He doesn't think it's a worm. How come you don't believe me? I'm a word, she just thinks that thing is slow enough and young enough that she can eat it because chickens can tell when things are vulnerable.

Man, have you seen chickens with bites before, oh yeah, have you ever actually seen them? life or the mouse uh no, not in real life I've seen it several times the rats go crazy on me in our chicken coop yeah, well those chickens will turn on that rat, they can catch them, they can catch that in the corner, They will break it. he aside, yes, I'm not thinking about hunting rats with my pellet gun, well, rats anywhere you live in California, where there are hills and people, you are infested in fruit trees, yes, fruits. Weaver North tree in our backyard and it's infested just in trash cans in a regularly trash cans outside yeah and ways inside things find a way to get into your house oh I live in Encino and had a place that I was renting that was totally infested with rats, it was a disgusting man, there were big rats here running around inside the walls I also set a trap once and I came out I saw that there was a rat and I was getting lazy so I went back to bed I'm like that I will clean in the morning I left in the morning the rats had eaten it the rats had eaten the other rat it was also a big rat friend a big fat boy like a pregnant squirrel like a fat rat a big rat and this rat trap killed him I was like holy I was tired so I left him rat there I left in the morning to go see I was like, oh, have a menagerie in my house at that time, we thought about it.

I have rats eating each other in the garage. I have a feral cat that I'm locked in. a room with I have two pitbulls I have a cat with furry balls I had surrounded him with strange animals I think about I remember hearing you talk about those times when you come home and the dogs would have thought about something that happened twice they came home and the dogs they tore each other apart it was horrible what was just a female that i got that i got from the pound they cut me because of Bryan Callen Bryan Callen called me it's like dude you gotta see this little pitbull puppy he's so adorable you see you go Let's see, you'll fall in love with her, you have to go see her, he was at the Los Angeles Animal Shelter, Mike, damn, I'm fine, so I went down there.

It was a you know, so I went down there. and I saw this little thing and she's stuck at the Los Angeles Animal Shelter, at least at that moment the place I'm thinking of, I'm not sure if I'm getting the name right, it was a no-kill shelter, so They operated on donations. keeping an animal alive for a long time, so she had been inside this place for several months and was really a little weirded out about being in jail for so long. I don't have much human contact and someone I brought her home and petted her and loved her, she got very aggressive with the other dogs to keep them away from her because she didn't get enough love when she was younger so now that she's finally getting love, love wasyou might need to bring in César Millán. for this one I ran into César Millán the other night you have to run into him it's destiny where he was I stopped you from being a future episode of his show what man oh yeah I can't do that Bert that's ridiculous where was that mammoth?

César Millán, where were you? That is a good question. I must have been somewhere and like some kind of event. I don't know, but you need me to help you groom your dog. Yes, this dog is all over the map. Dude, it's 3330. Are you sure? yeah, oh, we've been doing what we've been doing for three and a half ridiculous hours, this is incredible. I'm so glad all this craziness we can still do something like this, yeah, social distancing, yeah, we're just not doing it. go out more and I hope you at home listen and stay safe and Bert Kreischer Hey guys, available right now, let's break the Internet please, available right now on Netflix, go there and enjoy and that's it.

Bert Kreischer on Instagram Bert Kreischer on Twitter Do you already use Twitter? Yes, yes, do you pay attention to bad people? No, I read it without my glasses so I can see what I just love his tweet. Well, thanks brother. I love it in two minutes. Always thanks. Always fun. Goodbye everybody. see soon