Jimmy Roasting The Audience - VOL. 1 | Jimmy CarrJun 05, 2021
what's your name ma'am what's your name it's not on tv i can see you what's your name come here now what are you doing Camilla i guess it depends on the guy i'm just messing with you just look good dressed for this kind of show this kind of filth maybe you said we were going to go see a stage show in london's west end you were brilliant you probably didn't even say you probably went to mars own london's west end a stage show disagree oh a little class so him finally and then you this and you're going to tick-tock no, how do you two know each other? you don't look young she look i can't help it it's a sura i love to fight you just turned around to go very well you don't do yourself you have something with you that you did has a little bandage on his face yeah what do you know, they cut a growth on your face, sexy.
Wow, it will. you look better you know i like the little thing it's very made up you could make up a better story than that ok it's got to be a better story so i had to grow our you'll ride the back excellent that's good to hear because often when i go to shows comedy and i go to them all the time i love going out to see stand up comedy although if i'm sitting in the back i'm a little disappointed i always get my ticket. please i'm miles away but of course there are advantages to being right in the back you get more of a theater feel of people coming together and sharing a sense of humor what a wonderful thing great spirit is british musical and also if you're right in the back this kind of thing won't happen, me your mother, that won't happen to any of you.
I have nothing but respect for their mothers, they are decent hard working women, their monster owes me ten. I'm kidding Oh her Athena bluff I'm your real daddy giving no one knows who your real daddy is faizon me your mama I'm sorry this is so awkward hello sir she's brilliant in bed and Jake well I'm sorry I don't remember what, that's what's bothering you, not the fact that I, your mother, the fact that you don't even remember, my mother is a Scottish Lady getting a call I imagine the drugs will be here any minute, huh? TRUE?
She turned it off and it rang anyway. Well, I don't believe that story. a late alarm to come and see me I will come to see me and I'm late you're not the one I booked for the interval I come to sit down what's your name Adam I like sir what's something like this cystitis what's wrong with you what do you do for a living Alexa you do a lot of things because I think I saw a card advertising your services you're new in town Lord God don't let me guess you're an aspiring presenter wow well I'll tell them when I tell all the aspiring presenters I don't want an American please I love my job , sorry I'm just no, simple I just know a few people wearing masks of my face in what can only be described as a freak incident.
What if you have a magic mask? Could you hold it? people can see how weird it is, you know what the old thing is about mice? I was looking at you for a count of sounds that seems familiar. That's something about waiting. I usually shave when this happens. Well, thanks for scaring me on the DVD. record I appreciate it so much you're crazy bin what's your name adam claire and what do you do claire depends on the guy it's probably a one night stand you really let your hair down what do you do for a living you're a student ah hence the time free to make comedian masks face who are you here who is your friend she gives you a special friend special friends do you sometimes wear the mask and wear a belt and pretend who has gone further? from far abroad or may be Island ri Now that I know Canvey Island so I know you haven't come a long way from home.
You just brought it. You came with him. He is not a good champion. Anyway, the area where you were, what is that? It was at Dover that they castrated you before you had a chance. Worried about sounding silly? Say that. Well, I put on a ridiculous voice that should fix things, right? a sailor imagine my surprise at your high pitched voice someone has been involved in that kind of mischief someone has had the two boys one girl threesome you have been involved in that kind of mischief sir you know willing to say what was three boys it was his brother what I thought, what happened, so poor Thomas, he saw that he started drinking and it just happened that he got hit, what did the guy miss?
I'm looking at him sir and I guess he's never been with a woman but you made up a story ok it's just the two of you t here you look pretty young how old are you you're 18 you're really adding six years to your age because you think it might being an idiot you are 18 but you have growth hormone probably in some description not even your genuine on 18 i got how young an 18 year old looks so wrong to say it is bad enough no and your boyfriend how is he what your brother well don't check him there and stuff your shirt is kinda trendy it looks like he's covered in cum we should time him it's a bit embarrassing isn't it he has bladder problems maybe some kind of infection alleviated or no, we'll ask him when he gets back, that's a lovely word. those imaginal weaves Oh clearly not let's have a round of applause for the various ladies yeah yeah that's probably enough looking around some of them haven't really put in any effort there's an incredible amount of pressure on women these days to be beautiful and slim and all I can say. it's just that we've got some very spunky girls here this ning eve with some cool stuff so there's some awesome looking women here tonight and some right dogs you know you are.
I'm kidding, no one here is impressive. Has anyone heard a Sheehan vajazzle? for ma'am you had a heart because you were embarrassed to ask for it were you embarrassed to ask for something spectacular with someone putting glitter on your fanny but you win for anything embarrassing than adorable and it was for a special occasion or you just thought why don't you pour Pylea reasons basic hygiene your boyfriend could chip a tooth it was definitely a problem vajazzle not a liverpool vajazzle which is just a euphemism for herpes what do you do i didn't ask you what you do you have a diving school in indonesia wow i mean i've heard some fanciful stories that pedophiles say they are a sex tourist they dislike what kind of diving sounds cool girl well done i was going to dive in indonesia last year but i read this online t said you can you can have something with someone married on who is married , yes, what is the longest time? the right one sorry you thought you already had a kid and now you got married go home get out of my house well that's a lovely thing oh well congratulations thanks for coming Wow you know you married that guy he seems like a great guy that's awesome and clearly he set the bar pretty low from the start where are we going for our honeymoon we're going to see jim he can't lie sighs it's not important it's what you do with it would you be okay with that ladies there's a lady there who she likes a big one and she doesn't care who it's quite possible that you just whispered and they caught an echo.
It's just that I've always thought that the size of an expression like that is important. It's what you do with it. Put it in the mouth and in the vagina, how? That's going to be a total waste of time. Are you two a couple? Do you mind if I ask how the hell that happened? What were you thinking? You do not know. You do much better than that. just a little it's a different league well done is it that money or personality or low self esteem on her part lovely little mix of all three is someone from across the country you're from London where you're from Doncaster and you're down here just for the lights you'll be back and you'll tell people oh i was inside it was like a cave but it was like day in the night i couldn't make head and tail sails yeah they are like mangoes well done. it's lovely to have you new zealand how are you doing over there? you still got that problem with sarah man and he's all carmy hello just go hello again who are you from mrs dartford you celica man where are you from mrs darphus hi sorry thats like some horrible 70s racist joke hi to you what s lo Sorry, you're from Sevenoaks, but you said hi, that went unused.
Why are you talking? So, I don't understand who said that. I really don't know what it's like after 43 years I think it's an extraordinary commitment especially in this day and age which is quite something but I don't know if it's the same for you because I've only been together with my girl for 10 years but things get They've gotten pretty predictable in the bedroom now, when I put my whole bag of balls in her mouth, she'll almost certainly wake up the same. don't panic they have tried everything what is your relationship with them how do you know them are your mom and dad while I wait for the image of your dad having tea with your mom I don't know whether to look your parents in the eye again I don't I don't think you can drink tea in show business, they say.
Never work with children or animals and nowhere is that more true than in pornography. No one likes looking at sick and degrading porn more than me and a friend of mine who runs a diving school. dance for me, cute boy, look at your boy, what do you mean he's your partner or he's not? he is your friend? you look so embarrassed they are fat friends oh i see what is howry martin every 2005 so they are not going out but they are friends that is fantastic can we just take a moment to let you know congratulations to that man ? of work a lot of work has gone into he apt to buy a cosmopolitan for a couple of years sorry and they will know you were a shameless gentile the best thing about it he convinced you yes no I don't need a relationship it's so old fashioned that I should be able to stay with whoever I want to sleep with and you should too as long as it's only me when I say yes there will be a lot of jokes it's not every day I get to talk to a scum I don't know where the mark is that's until i overdid it that's mine you just did it that's juvenile that's sorry for those of you who didn't see it will be on the dvd available in all good car boots Vicky's response to that, yes she has been called the scum - oh that's not good in anyone's book and I apologize for that unreservedly but did you really need to do that? hello thanks for visiting my youtube channel keep watching some jokes and moments from the last few years they get paid so much bye good people on youtube
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