Jeff Dunham - Marriage is like Alcatraz

typical comedian I have to have help I have a friend up here I think he already enjoys this guy because everyone knows someone like that you know something like that in your own family or where you work please help me welcome walter good night Walter shut up you know where we are , yeah I know where we are I don't give a damn I want to get out of here we doing to go who the hell cares no but you like it here in Montreal none Claire bon jour whatever that means but you don't like it do you like Montreal yes they drink a lot here yes yes Budweiser is considered a soda yes Last night I was in a bar sitting next to a guy he saved 15 beers before he started acting like a jerk he didn't try to keep up with him still come on man I'm American no I need beer to act like an idiot shut up I don't want to stay I want to go now I don't care I didn't worry I went last weekend no I don't want to talk about it that's very nice Walter and his wife went on their second honeymoon yes how to eat a gum you already chewed look they know what I'm talking about Walter understands that your wife is in the city yes she is in the city super having a good time old man she always has a good time it pisses me off you have been married how long 46 years that's right remember the most happy time of your life yep i was 47 years ago ok you seem a bit grumpier hey i dont know what it is maybe too much on too much bran which should get you raking in normal hell.

I am about three years old. ahead of schedule we are going 46 years of

marriage

what has that ever done for you look at my face walter you make fun of your wife so much you know she could be gone forever one day she stopped bothering me did you ever cheat on her damn if you know after

marriage

It's supposed to be forever oh it's taken too long so I guess there's been a bit of arguing a bit what you arguing about her not liking it because I never put the toilet seat down again? what do you tell him learn to float what else he doesn't like I don't know always pick my nose and I'm driving that's a man's right damn why do you pick your nose when you're driving because my ass is hard to reach too Walter marry marriage is supposed to be an institution yeah like

alcatraz

you can't compare marriage to prison yeah i guess you're right the warden doesn't max out your credit cards so that happens she used some of that useless crap you know what she bought me the other day?

What kind of hair spray stuff did you use on our chihuahua? You turned him into a shih tzu. Walter. Do you think about getting old? to go as my Uncle Ned, how's that in peace and while he sleeps? Unlike the passengers in your car, sit down, sit down dammit, you got a ticket and then the union engineer? it's changing dead hamsters look good did you have kids yes i have kids if you got it for fathers day card he said i wasn't really his dad that's awful no that's what i ordered yes nice stupid ing you know what i wanted get me what tattoo did you get one no what if you had oh it would have made me a beautiful woman's face where would you put it on my wife's face yes my wife's company would seek reincarnation do you believe in reincarnation yes? think about it if it happens who did you come back hands what would you do would you come back as my wife and leave me alone Walter how is your love life meaning sex yes none none none i thought lovemaking got better with age? let's get to it marina good friend bald men are better lovers i don't know i never made love to a bald man ok what the hell is wrong with you stop looking at me like that mr walter whats the difference between just sex and make love? 50 Money, look, I don't want to get personal, but how many times a week do you and your wife make love times a week?

I have to use a decimal to answer this question. I mean, what keeps you jumping? hemorrhoids, oh, so it's your age, hemorrhoids are a problem, no, they're a hobby, what do you think, look, Walter, what do you think about when you make love and stay awake? at the airport those treadmills have a huge because americans always say things that there is not so much proof for years they say things like we are number one