Jeff Bezos is a Cartoon Villain

lex luthor dr evil voldemort

jeff

bezos

what do these four people have in common? That's right, they are all attractive, but one of these people is very different from the rest and she is

jeff

bezos

because, like Pinocchio in that puppet movie, I can't. I don't remember the name jeff being a real boy, but despite being a real boy, jeff bezos has become one of the most

cartoon

ish and

villain

ous people that ever lived. Now, before I go any further, I can already smell the wave of feedback coming in from Tech Bros and Ryzen Grind. people how dare you badmouth jeff bezos you're just jealous you saw that picture you saw that picture with the amazon sign he built it out of nothing you're just jealous calm down it's ok i'm an idiot i'm a youtuber and i'm dumb in that order because i'm not an expert but there's one thing i consider myself an expert at and that's talking about people being very weird you could say it's a big part of my job and jeff bezos is so weird he's trying to appease r like a

cartoon

villain

and he's not even trying to hide it so that's what we're talking about today before we get into that huh for the people who don't know jeff bezos he is the founder of amazon and he is a big rich boy thats me believe his official title in the company jeff bezos big ole rich boy title in amazon huh i googled it and thats wrong i made it up So I wanted to keep a tally, a list of traits that would have an evil villain that jeff bezos would also have. who now has each trait doesn't have to be inherently evil it just has to be something that looks like a villain in a tv show or movie or comic book and you'd be surprised if there are a lot of them just listen to me well give me give me a chance, so the first exchange on the list we're going to start off with today has been making the rounds on twitter a lot if you've never seen jeff bezos laugh and you think i'm being petty by starting something like this shut up shut the fuck up and listen to his laugh it'll make you change your mind don't write a comment here's the laugh that's really good for a guy like you actually i wish it was after i'm dead see that's not just an evil laugh that's the most evil laugh i've ever heard from a real person before imagine telling a joke at a party and getting that laugh as a reaction I wouldn't just look around and say hey I'm not a henchman in some kind of doomsday scheme going on here Yeah I'm just a normal guy he'd start to worry I had like a crowbar with a trap door under me and he's just amused that I'd crack a joke before I plunged into a chasm and I fell in spikes now some of you are probably thinking eddie maybe it's just an awkward laugh it's just the laugh the guy has is you're being a little naughty ok let's look at that laugh with a little bit of context i want to introduce you to a clip of jeff bezos trying out high tech gloves that allow him to control robotic arms Take off those gloves before he has any ideas you can see.

That bullied high schooler's villain arc on his head goes: I'll get 'em, I'll get 'em for laughing at me, if you let them any longer, he'll be smothering Spider-Man by the end of the year and you. he might be thinking okay, maybe he's just at a tech convention and having fun with this cool tech, well what if I told you it's an Amazon convention? It's his convention and even though he doesn't have these gloves, I'm sure people would be up for it. sell them to jeff bezos if i was such a rich world and had a ceo it would be like i can't let this clip get out this is a little too true but he doesn't care he doesn't care how it gets out at all because that's how powerful it is , he just doesn't care and if you're also thinking maybe I'm still being unfair I found an article reporting on that and this is what the article says after the gloves came off one of the viewers asked bezos how to it felt strangely natural he said he is doc he is daca and lex luthor and he is not even hiding it i am so scared of this man please dont give him robot arms he recently divorced i dont know what he will do depending Of the list that I look at and when I look at it, Jeff Bezos is around the first, the second and the third. richest person in the world at all times now being that rich would already give you an evil villain trait but it's what jeff does with his money that gets him there too amazon is amazon but he also owns a space company and a newspaper.

You can't be so rich and bald and go to space and not look like a cartoon villain and it only adds to that that he owns a very prominent newspaper to write good things about being rich and bald and going to space once he does his cape. space let's see articles published in washington like maybe a laser pointed at earth could protect us from bad guys maybe jeff is a hero he also recently made a custom built yacht because his other yacht wasn't good enough and it really looks like like you look at the ners plan and it said give me a bond villain boat look at this when i was buying yachts.

I considered having one built just for me. There's something about sailing the seas in a ship that you yourself were a part of and it speaks. to your liking in a way that a ready-made yacht simply can't and that's exactly what i did and it looks like jeff bezos felt the same way too the founder of amazon just commissioned a 417 foot or 127 meter yacht the yacht is 417 foot long that if you stand up vertically it's a 38 story building let me tell you again it's a 38 story building it gets no more bonus villain than a construction yacht are you kidding half a billion dollar madness and it will undoubtedly be one of the most luxurious yachts the world has ever seen the crazy thing about this yacht is that half a billion dollars isn't even a lot of money to him and before the bezos stalls swoop in and go eddie he doesn't actually have 171 billion dollars that he can't spend that he's worth it so what can he build an army of robots with his money if he wanted to?

Yeah that's rich enough to be listed as an evil villain trait project y-721 also includes a support ship with its own helipad since the main ship can't have one thanks to the masts the helipad looks like being an addition purely for his girlfriend lauren sanchez who is also a helicopter pilot and bezos himself has been taking flying lessons it was weird at the time because bezos apparently loathed helicopters but he probably decided to give it a try so he could fly with his girlfriend who is probably the richest divorced thing i've ever heard in my life i personally hate helicopters but the new girlfriend loves them so she had a helipad set up on the yacht i got a license too as a friend that's the richest divorce thing What could you do.

I feel like everyone knows you know about his wealth, but the next trait is probably the most damning of all. bezos is bald sorry its not cool i dont hate him n bald men i love bald kings but look at jeff also bald in the 1990s im sure he was probably a jerk back then too but he seems like a pretty friendly guy look at him now this is a different bald this is a complete lex luthor dr evil transformation and with jeffy b it even comes down to the smallest things he does i'll just rattle off a couple right now huh Did you know that he ate an iguana?

I didn't do crazy things when he was writing this. He ate an iguana and you might be thinking that he is a traveler, he is a cultured man, what if he offered it to him? and he didn't want to be rude, well why did he take this photo? What is this photo? Jeff looks like a lizard who promised that iguana that I will become a human and eat you there are also weird things like something that surprised me a lot that bezos is a fan of lizzo and on top of that he made this tweet I just took a dna test It turns out that I am one hundred percent and if it were the letter it is that but he said one hundred percent lizz The biggest admirer of or accompanied with this photo.

I just don't understand how this man operates. It's so weird. It's so weird. But a very recent one, obviously, that I mentioned before. not exactly space huh i'm going to find it and put it on the screen whether there is space or not i didn't do enough research before i hit record and jeff as the villain of the movie decided he was going to try and take out a cowboy. hat after going to space which annoys me because this was going to be my new look and then he goes to space and now it's the bezos hat this was going to be the burback hat this was going to be the new look the yikes shirt and him and the burback hat hi ma'am look how natural i look with the mustache hey miss give me a whiskey stat see how natural i look i'm a born cowboy they made that anime of me burback cowboy, that's so stupid, but right after he came back from space, he did. he's in an interview because he had grander space ambitions than going to the edge.

This moment motivated you to delve deeper into the cosmos. Hell yeah, I don't get how he can come back from space after funding it himself and making that laugh. and people say i trust that guy i trust him 100 per cent not even a bit of a feeling where you are like him he reminds me of a couple people i've seen in the media before i just can't believe it every time i see jeff bezos being criticized i see a bunch of people pounce and try to defend him and it's like he's not even trying to hide from you that he has evil villain qualities he doesn't care about you he doesn't need you to defend him so stop and he's too inherently wrong buying a 500 million dollar yacht that's a 38 story building while your employees are pissing in bottles that's just what a villain would do and you know i want a career in mainstream entertainment so yeah jeff bezos somehow find this video, hey man, i was just kidding about all that stuff, you're great, jeff, um, i can't wait for you to rule the world, i was just kidding, you know, superman, the guy sucks, you should kick it rle his ass i hope you kick his ass i hope he doesn't win jeff i go back me and jeffy b you know i'm just kidding you know i'm just kidding dude please don't kill me okay well that's the video guys uh i don't have a 500 million dollar yacht, but I want one, uh, so it's sponsor time. on the dry Cheerios which makes me cry even more it's such a mess but then I used Morning Brew Morning Brew it's a free email newsletter Monday through Sunday it catches you up on business news in just five minutes, I looked at it today. woke up to see eh good old fuzzies getting approved let's chat for th I also learned how to ask my boss for a raise so I'll have a very interesting conversation with myself in the mirror later.

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