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i became a housewife that should be in prison

i became a housewife that should be in prison
all right so we're checking out the only game where you get to play a 1950s

housewife

who sacrifices the innocent blood of her husband in order to appease the elder gods it's the call of karen more karen thulu's damn it don't let the octopus in your house you get any ideas about sea life on the run the octopus represents those bastard copies up north i'm interviewing today joanne hello charles i'm excited to be here who the hell's joanne now what's a good christian woman like you doing out of the kitchen and on america's airwaves the call of karen is a game where we are treated to immediate misogyny but literally we are going to deal with the elder god as a

housewife

i'm i'm serious this is where we've gone in gaming now in 2020 and i'm very satisfied with it you can see our beautiful house where i am the homemaker and by the looks of this picture completely thrilled to be married we have such wonderful

housewife

reading material here such as definitely a book and one thousand gelatin recipes does cthulhu like gelatin also how come i have a cross hair on the screen i can already tell i'm gonna be like beating the out of cthulhu with my swifter or something oh wait never mind a trio of butcher knives are on the table and i clearly have a young child named francis maybe i won't be battling the gods but i'll be battling my family instead francis francis honey come out mommy needs to make sure the ginseus are still...
i became a housewife that should be in prison
sharp all right well i guess i have to make breakfast is this breakfast for me my family or the supreme evil ones does cthulhu actually eat eggs what the hell's in here wow i've got a trio of frying pans in case i screwed up the first time holy oh this game has fantastic physics doesn't it yeah yes there's nothing like having a glass of wine it's 6am oh yeah you can probably fit a child in there all right let's start on our

housewife

ly quests here we got eggs bacon and what the hell is that look at the size of this thing it looks like a friggin flotation device made out of meat can i just cook the bacon strips right on the cooktop oh hold on can i oh i'm i'm just curious yeah see most people don't know this but the best way to cook your bacon without burning it is to cooking it on top of three different pans add some egg add another egg no it's good i'm just gonna add all the eggs i'm serious game if you'll let me i will cook every single thing in this goddamn refrigerator oh all right this one's for the husband gray still plays going for the three yes you stay in that pan or i will beat your egg ass whoa what how come this one piece of bacon decided to defy gravity where the hell do you think you're going come here you delicious slab of meat get on there okay that is every single piece of item i can oh it's not actually cooking the bacon anymore there's now so much stuff in the pan it's not even...
i became a housewife that should be in prison
counting condiments like what kind of condiment what the hell there's no way that my husband is mortal he'd be dead after all this sodium all righty just add a little bit of salt just a little bit of salt a little bit now you may be seeing yourself gray why does your salt look like cocaine that's because that's what salt looked like in the 1950s all right dash of pepper and we're ready to plate this monstrosity now you never want to grab the pan on top that's dangerous what you want to do is grab the pan on the bottom i think most of my eggs and bacon ended up going straight to the ceiling grab your plate make sure you get the eggs with a little bit of earth spice on it that's what we call the dirt on the ground and that right there is a young woman's day completely done now i just have to take a fork take a fork to it okay so this is kind of embarrassing um i plated my bacon and egg so far away that i can't get the fork to interact with it but i'm pretty sure i can find a way around this jump carry con yes francis i made your favorite meatloaf sandwich i can't talk i gotta go now i'm gonna miss the bus oh okay well i love you love you too you little dick and when do they ever say thank you what the hell so i just woke up um to complete another day of

housewife

chores and what the hell is this as if my job as a mother wasn't hard enough now i have to deal with floating essay papers from my eight-year-old son did my couch...
i became a housewife that should be in prison
just change texture was that supposed to happen that was right before wasn't it uh we're breaching the we're breaching the fourth wall here it might be time to lay off the morning wine thanks for letting all the books down finally cthulhu i just i just noticed that definitely a book was written by a writer oh oh the eyes of the elder one are watching me i guess i can't kill my son until he comes home from school i hope he doesn't actually pass his spelling test because then i'll feel kind of bad when i slay can we put the chair down please cthulhu isn't really sucking out the souls of the non-believers he's just being a dick this is a completely accurate representation of a woman's life in the 1950s the husband's out working and i'm at home dealing with extra planar beings if you ever wanted to know what it smells like inside of the astral body of cthulhu it smells like burnt toast bake the meatloaf was that the meaty flotation of ice inside of the fridge hey can you put the oven at 450 this refrigerator regenerated the bacon and eggs it's the best refrigerator ever made i like that the game realized how much i could screw around with all the bacon and eggs so i'm not even allowed to touch it anymore however it did give me four meatloaves so let's just no do not cook that yet no no it's not why is it baking though i have a feeling that wasn't supposed to happen but i have a feeling a lot of stuff in this game was...
not supposed to happen all right so you want to bake all your meatloafs together throw a little wine glass in there oh a little broken glass cooking at 450 for about 10 seconds apparently this doesn't look like a meatloaf it looks like an oversized protein bar bring it to the table do i set it on anything or do i just throw it on the table hey stop screwing with my freaking bookcase it's where i keep all my gelatin recipes i swear to god if the world ends before i finish this dinner i'm gonna go pissed apparently that fork didn't want to be part of this slice it up you didn't specify what to slice up francis dinner's ready open the door francis is in there he's like what's that scratching sound inevitability get out here i love that in order to cut the meatloaf i have to jump on the table like an animal got it sure sure breakfast time baby what do i have to cook breakfast in zero g now is thanks hold on stop it like my job isn't hard enough without you screwing around does the amount of salt you put on your meatloaf say something about how good of a white you are tune in after the break to find out oh i'm an excellent wife who's the best wife it's me vacuum that grime what kind of grime the grime of infidelity the grime of nego what the hell what did cthulhu wipe his ass on my carpet what is he not house trained what the hell oh damn this is like an mib looking vacuum this thing can clean anything hey francis open the door you...
don't have to open it very much just like two inches actually never mind apparently the very tip of the vacuum can just phase right through the door come here oh holy hell all right that's definitely not normal what do you mean this is the 1950s no reason we can't start dropping lsd 10 years early great i have to find all the forks that have been telekinetically thrown all over the damn house what is this like a cthulhu disco ball slice it up gladly keep an eye out for anything strange and don't forget what was that was that last part breakfast time again huh it's everybody's favorite time breakfast time hey today's program is brought to you by i love how cthulhu's powers don't even tune down now just the stuff just stays floating oh damn it my bacon stay stay can i get a little bastard all right so far so good i'm like halfway there all right little s salt little pepper so when it says take a fork to it do i just have to hit it with a fork yay got it bye francis hope you have a good day at school have a good day at work dear great cthulhu's ectoplasmic wiener goo is all over the ceiling now and clean up this chair here holy i really did clean up the whole chair sucked it into the back clean up all the bacon and eggs and the meatloaf too oh yes being magazine is here mail order silver bullets this whole time i thought these mail order magazines were stupid but now going outside without being haunted by the specter of death oh sweet...
part of the dinner dash is already done because all my cups and plates are levitating into place don't you talk back to me i love that this counts as setting the table everything stuck moving around all right francis if you can't eat your food while it pulsates menacingly you don't get any dinner all right if i just throw the knife at the meatloaf i think it'll work now it's a little high nailed it you like meatloaf i can't tell if that's a yes or no breakfast as you all know is the most important meal of the day except of course for the most important meal of the universe where the old ones descend upon humanity and eat the sun oh broadcast is telling me that isn't a standard meal in most american households you better not eat the sun that'll take away most of florida if you can't step outside without immediately getting melanoma it's not florida enough all right i had a dash of spousal neglect there we go oh i could drive it jimmy's mom says that woman

should

n't drive jose hi honey is that what timmy's mom says yeah i got something else to tell you though young child why don't you come a little bit closer what the hell is this this is not what i ordered i ordered silver bullets silver bullets and an extra pair of socks i saw that your lawn was looking more drab than usual and i thought there's a gal who's got el eldredge demons in her here's a book that might help powers of the nether realm consume me...
yes oh am i actually summoning cthulhu no i didn't summon cthulhu i eldritchly empowered my vacuum cleaner oh we've beaten intradimensional asses now yeah karen starbucks is sucking up all your cthulu juice that sounded really bad throw a pencil at the paper and see what ideas flow all right demon speak go oh shh where the hell the pencil go damn it do i get another pencil it means so much to me that you reached out especially with your extraordinarily busy schedule i'll be sure to send over some fresh brownies once i get the chance brownies made of karen's fury where on earth did the pesky meatloaf what the hell was that moving in the corner of my eye holy the meatloaf's alive ah get away free use the holy water from the closet to set it straight catch it and trap it on the counter hey meatloaf if you're hungry i've got a disrespectful child over there go get them yeah go get a meatloaf this is my closet it's holy water in a spray bottle holy the amount of salt cloves of garlic wooden steaks this is amazing all right little meatloaf i got something for you you little beefy bastard come here got it i have exercised the meatloaf demonic meatloaf i found the way to beat this mini game with the damn floating food you put the plate on top of the pan and then you just cook the stuff in the pan and appears on the plate honey have you noticed anything odd lately come to think of it if your meatloaf was a little dry yesterday it's all right...
i'll pick up pizza tonight i'm gonna kill my family your bullets are here right click while holding them to suit up your vacuum why do i have to shoot the bullets out of my vacuum now this is what i'm talking about i don't know when i'll need it but better safe than sorry it's got a trigger hell yes podcast what do you mean they're not a sponsor the stars are right the stars are right it's right here the today 50 off this constantly inverting gravity is starting to piss me off no my eggs timmy found a weird bat lizard by the creek we're gonna go poke it with a stick timmy don't go poking bat lizard cthulus with you messed with the wrong karen demon books gate yeah does this vacuum have full auto sure does i can actually shoot outside the house it's time to end this all the tentacles are coming into the house you screwed up cthulhu when you decided to try and abduct me instead of my child now you're gonna pay wow this thing got souped up big time all right cthulu i'm here to cook bacon and vacuum and i'm all out of bacon and you too francis ingrid oh i just kicked my door off the hinges right between the eyes defeat cthulhu where are the eyes technically oh never mind it's like an epic cut scene there's a lot of effort that went into this you think you can summon your eldritch demons upon oh hell wait did i win did i karanize the evil that's complete sure i did it's a new day the sun's out but i still...
have my vacuum that means it's time to become a single woman again honey dinner's ready oh damn it i'm still missing the door and thus karen vacuumed out the souls of both her husband and child and lived a fantastic life i have no idea what i just played anyway folks i hope you enjoyed the call of karen until the next time stay foxy much love