Husband's Lying And Sneaking PurchasesMay 01, 2020
Jessica is with us in San Diego Hi Jessica, how are you doing? How I can help? And Christmas, right before Christmas, my
husbandcame home and said, I bought a Christmas gift for the kids. It's a dirt bike and I said, in shock, how much did it cost? and he said, well, it's only $30 a month, so you know, and I was very upset, we had an argument and then on Christmas Eve he brought it home from the store and said, do you want to see it? I said yes and he had a dirt bike. and a quad and I told him what is this quad and he said well you were so upset about the dirt bike.
Didn't I tell you I had a clod too and then the kids didn't like the dirt bike so he bought a bigger one. Then he decided he wanted a quad to travel with the kwid so now we have three and I'm really frustrated because we are $15,000 in debt and now we are spending all this money on other things we have. my
husband's student loans and we are getting our tax refund so I'm wondering what should we use for the tax refund what should we pay it doesn't matter you'll still be out of money yeah how do you handle it.
With this central problem, what is the central problem? You're not on the same page, he spends like he's in Congress and you're the only adult acting like anyone is upset about it. And how are we going to solve that? I've been ignoring. This is not a responsible thing to do, it's probably not a strategy, ignore it. Oh, getting it, how long have you been married? 11 years. Okay, here's how this goes after 30 years of training people. This ends in a divorce yes. It's not fixed because you will reach a point where you will go to Mount Vesuvius and there will be no way to call you back, yes, because if you have any self-esteem at some point you are going to have I'm sick of being lied to and being financially drugged all the way down and you're going to declutter and I don't want that to happen, so we have to make a preemptive strike on your marriage problems, that's what we have to do now, how can we?
Do that, we have to determine how many times this kind of thing happened in 11 years. Let me ask you, every once in a while, like once a year, not necessarily the last one I can think of is we just had our fourth child and we had a Volkswagen Passat and a van and we changed the van because we needed a van for everyone. the six of us and then my husband was going to drive the car to work because the car was paid for with the truck, right? He also has a motorcycle and we agreed that even though he really wanted a truck, we wouldn't buy a new one until they paid off his motorcycle and then he wouldn't buy it a few months later.
Yes, we have a truck now. How old are you? He's 34, he's emotionally operating at the level of a 14-year-old when he does that kind of thing, and that's why it's frustrating that you feel like his mother and you have a child who misbehaves. I'm right? Okay, yeah, when he breaks up, he does things like that, that's how he has to feel and somehow you feel lied to and cheated on because you were lied to and cheated on. The
lyingparties called what we call financial infidelity where people lie about money things because there is no quality process where we can make decisions together because they are worried. about you gouging out his eyes and you're worried that he's going to break up the family and then you know there's no communication, there's a breakup and then people just get arrogant and do what they want to do and that's what he's doing, like this the bottom line is this If you can't sit down and have a very serious conversation with the TV off and the kids in school or the kids sleeping at night and say this is affecting our marriage, your bad behavior with money and that it's not let's be on the same page is going to continue. to cause us problems I'm really losing respect for you as my husband as a man this is I'm scared because I don't know what stupid thing you're going to do next I feel lied to because you've lied to me and we You have to work on this and if you don't get an answer really positive the next day, you should call your pastor or a marriage counselor and sit down with them, if he doesn't want to go, you should go anyway. because you need someone better than Dave Ramsey on the radio to guide you through this and because this isn't on a scale of 1 to 10, it's about an 8 right now, but what will happen?
And again I have seen this because I have done it thousands and thousands of times with couples if it is not solved you will go from an 8 to a 12 suddenly you will arrive I already had it, I'm done and it doesn't matter how many times he apologizes it doesn't matter how many times he says it. Whatever you want, you'll finish, it won't make you back down and I've seen it before. I warn you, if that doesn't feel right, it doesn't sound like you. because it's not you today but this is going to reach a certain point and your fear and your disgust and you're like a respect is going to reach a point where you're just going to clear and I don't want you To get there, I want you to turn the corner before that, so if you two can't figure it out and start a positive direction in a conversation, then you need a coach to guide you in that direction.
That's a good marriage counselor, there's no It's a shame my wife and I went to marriage counseling, there's nothing wrong with that and you get help and someone tells you how to talk to each other, how to respect each other, how to love each other well and how to work together on making life decisions and you have to put it into action does it make sense to you when I say that or are you going to do it? Yes, it's fine and he's a good man. I didn't say what a gay man is, yes. I said when he does those things he acts like a little boy and you have to take the mommy position and you wanted a man, you didn't want a boy, well now there are other times he's manly and he's a good guy and everything is good. but from time to time he goes off the ranch and does stupid things that it takes the family two or three years to recover from because he acts like he's 14 years old.
There is nothing morally wrong with buying a truck or going out and buying three quads. There is nothing wrong with that. don't do that and go into debt and don't do that to much of your family don't lie to your wife and don't do that and set the family back years in their financial progress that's immature that's 14 years of that's what I'm talking and then that's not what he's doing that he's not a good man two other times he's a good man worth saving I'm not trying to put you on the line. Trying to get you to work on this so you don't do it, honey, that's my plan and I think you can do it.
I think you can change this, but honey, how does this promise you if you continue with the current strategy of ignoring it? blow up in their faces and they're going to say every kid in Tennessee told me that because I just did this is the Dave Ramsey show Hey guys thanks for watching if you enjoyed this video click the subscribe button to get the content more recent. and check out these other great clips from the show.
If you have any copyright issue, please Contact