How Five Simple Words Can Get You What You Want | Janine Driver | TEDxHardingU

I

want

to see something cool, yeah, in my right hand I'm holding a tiny little paper cup of ketchup this tiny little paper cup of ketchup

what

most people don't know is that less than 1% of these little ketchup cups reach their maximum. potential and that is a made up statistic to get your attention in all seriousness these little paper cups of ketchup when you go to get them how many do you have to fill with ketchup so one or two I am adding that this is a participation part of the program 3 /5 a tray

what

most people don't know is that there are little folds in this patriotic paper ketchup cup that if you open it it can become three times its size we are in your life do you have untapped potential? hiding in plain sight maybe it's not hiding at all maybe you know your own potential it's just that you didn't do anything about it because you don't

want

to challenge the status quo or maybe because you just want to know how to be like everyone else in a different way or because you know you thought that you were doing the right thing at the time and didn't speak up and now your car payment is expected to be more expensive than you thought it was going to be because you didn't try to push through. folds that are right in front of you or maybe because you just didn't know what to say, do you ever have one of those moments where you think I feel like I could have gotten what I wanted if I had known what to say.

Have you ever had those moments? Today we will change that script. There are three

words

to get what you want. I teach these

words

to people around the world and I will share them with you today so you can start getting what you want. those three words are decided those ly words you know the ly words typically normally normally normally then the ly words and the last one is the most powerful persuasive ly word, which is the word because and we should explore these three words and help us remember For them he created a cheeky little expression for us is decidedly because it changes what was decidedly because it changes what these three words were decided the words ly and because it can change everything for us if we know when to listen to them and what to do once we hear them now I'm going to share with you a couple of stories and we are going to have interactive exercises, we will do our own little studies here, we will see how these words appear in our lives and How come we are missing these folded paper cups in our lives and we don't hear them what is happening to us and what do we do in those moments?

I am the oldest of three children. I have two younger sisters. My husband is him. the oldest of three children, he has a younger brother and a younger sister, when my husband and I got married we all thought, both ourselves and our families, that we would end up with three children, that was our dream from the beginning, so we came. from a family of three we are going to have three after giving birth to Angus, we realized how wrong our dream was, it was not going to happen, we struggled with infertility for seven years and I am not alone, statistics show that according to the CDC is about Eight million women are struggling with fertility and carrying the baby for me.

I had three miscarriages. One of the miscarriages happened in a room similar to this on a stage speaking in front of 1482 people on stage and I remember where I guess we are. I'm not giving birth to any more children, so I remember thinking the dream was over and then I discovered something called an egg donor. I had never heard of such a thing and what it is is an anonymous egg donor, a woman who donates her eggs. and we can get them and compare them to my husband's DNA and then I will carry the babies. Could this work for us?

This is the path we are going to take. We weren't sure, so let's go. We're all excited, we raise the money, it's quite expensive, you know, we had to borrow some money from my parents and we go to the infirmary and we see the fertility nurse and we say, okay, this is our plan and if you had been With us, she would have done it. I heard her say that the doctor decided, based on us using an egg donor, this would be the protocol and she showed up with this giant Macdaddy needle, so it looks like something you'd use at the Olympics, like doing a pole vault or something.

So. This and I mean, literally, she had already done it in vitro with small needles like for diabetics, but this monster, are you kidding me? And I saw it. Yes, have you ever had an experience where you made one of these facial expressions? You said like that. Yeah, you just hold your breath and your cheeks puff out, that's what happened here and I looked at her and if you had been with me you would have heard me say, What's up with that? What's up with that needle right there? She's, oh, you're going to need to take this twice a day for the month before I got pregnant and every day during the first trimester I started crying.

I knew immediately that our dream had once again been crushed, we would not be having any more children and the reason I knew that had nothing to do with it. with the needle or the fact that I needed to take two of them at one hundred and sixty days of my life but I had to take them at exact times during the day now let me back up I'm retired from the federal police I worked for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Weapons of Fuego for 17 years, my father said that I turn my hobbies into a career, drinking, smoking and shooting.

I don't do any of those things anymore and I worked for the ATF for 17 years. I wrote that my specialty was firearms trafficking. analytical interviews and then I created courses on leadership and wrote a couple of books that translated very well into different languages ​​and I tell you this because this means that as a consultant, today I go out and consult with companies on how to find the Untapped Potential hidden in the folds of your employees, how can we find that untapped potential that is right in front of us? I fly more than a hundred trips a year, that is, more than 250 flights.

All I can imagine is this like a macdaddy needle like I'm in line. in England going through security and I said oh, it's two, three,

five

, let me pull down my pants and put a giant needle in my butt or thigh. I was devastated until I took a second and rewinded what she told me. she told me it was the doctor decided decided does not mean executed in decided means there is another way decided is our first of our three words decidedly because it changes what was decided is our first word decidedly because it changes what she said we decided that she just gave i a little paper cup of ketchup which is for an experiment we all go shopping together and we get twelve items at the supermarket and we put them on the conveyor belt but I decide to put one thing in the back, they are a very expensive facial lotion it's just ridiculously expensive so We have twelve things.

I decide to save one. How many do we buy? Many of you will think eleven in your heads and I hear some people shout eleven, right, you say, well Janine, you said there were twelve. put one back so 12 minus one is 11 I didn't say I put one back even though I said I decided to put one back when someone says the word decided it doesn't mean it runs on I can say I decided to put one back and then I changed my mind and decided to buy it again at the last minute. Maybe you're like my husband and you say okay, this is ridiculous, you're like playing with semantics here in the words, if you decide to do something, Jeannine, it means they do it, if they decide not to buy it, then they wouldn't buy it, so Let's do another experiment, here we go.

How many of you do I want to raise your hands? How many of you have ever made a New Year's resolution to do something? like you made a new resolution on earth you decided to quit smoking you decided to lose weight you decided to go vegan you decided to ask this was the year you're asking for a raise you decided to have more kids you decided to get married you decided to get out of whatever how many of you ever time in your life have you made a New Year's resolution raise your hand keep your hands up now I want you to put your hand down if you didn't execute that decision at the time you expect it to be executed what happened I thought you decided to do it life happened that's what happened well you decided to do it it sounded good at the time everyone else was deciding things and then life happened decided doesn't mean we executed there was a study done at the University of Scranton and what they found is that anyone who decides to do something as a New Year's resolution only 8% of us actually follow through with that decision we make only 8% of us go Back to the supermarket, where does this word live?

Decided. What I discovered is working with corporations around the world. I was always asked a lot more about how I find and harness this hidden potential. They asked me about the motivations. They said things like, well, how's my client or my patients or my employees? Do you know how they are motivated to dedicate their time and energy to making decisions? Decision making and motivation kept being mentioned a lot, so I did what anyone would do in this situation. I googled to see if I could find the answer and I found a program at Columbia College in Chicago and it was a decision making program that linked body movement to how we make decisions and I took this year long certificate program and now I'm what's called the decision profiler and what I learned is that while we make drastically different decisions, what we all have in common is that we all go through the same three stages of decision making, so let's go back to the grocery store .

In these three stages of decision making, we all go through this, so the first stage is research, this is when you are in the supermarket, you look around and try to understand the terrain so that you can Or you are researching, you are looking at the labels or you're exploring and you're looking at what's down here versus what's down here. This stage of decision making is called research. That yellow box in the orange box. This is where we reason. that is, I'm going to take the wheat bread now I'm going to take the, I'm going to buy the Italian bread.

No, let's get the organic milk. Well, let's not get milk, let's get almond milk. This is where you reason. this is where we stand firm this is where we determine lives and evaluate lives here what is important to me what I am willing to stand up for what my priorities are the And lives in this orange box of reasoning the last step is the result blue box this is where you buy the food and you literally leave the supermarket is the result the decision has been made well the yellow box and the blue box are interesting what we are going to talk about today is that reasoning of the orange box our three words live in the reasoning that they are companions fourth decidedly because it changes what was.

I decided I would never do drugs if you're a human resources person or if you're a recruiter and you asked Potential Employee, did you ever do drugs and they say I decided in high school that I would never do drugs. Please don't write that they never used drugs. Just because someone decided to do it doesn't mean they weren't snorting cocaine. in the car to get some energy for the big interview, what if you ask your boss for a raise and your boss says, hey, listen, after reviewing our budget, you know we decided we just aren't going to be able to ? to give you a raise this year you know what that is that's a paper cup of ketchup right there your boss just told you that if you fight for it you can get it and the last thing you want to do is find out that everyone else who has your same position fought for it and they got it and you didn't.

Here's my rule of thumb before you decide whether or not these words are fake. We'll get into it in a second. I say this. I believe God created the Earth and how many. days, seven days okay, so God creates the earth correctly and I think at the end of him creating the earth, he does one of these, not wrong, not wrong, so for me what I'm saying is at the end of seven days from me on that seventh day, as it is ending. I say to myself, am I going to applaud and say it's not bad or am I going to say I wish I had opened that opportunity?

I wish I had pushed the boundaries a little more, a little more decisively because it changes who I was. let's look at the words ly now let's look at the words ly in the supermarket here we have two pieces of me image a and image B image a says 100% natural grass fed and grass finished organic meat image B says typically 100% natural grass fed meat grass fed and organic what meat you buy if you buy meat correctly how many people buy let me see your hands honey people buy B B it would be weird frying would you see this in a store maybe you'll like it my friend - Paul from Seattle who said friend you have to set an example different, you would never see typically organic meat on a label, it's illegal, you need a different example, like Paul, that's my point buddy, my point is if you saw this in a grocery store, you'd think this.

It's ridiculous, right, say it like it's organic or it's not, but when we hear things like this, how come we don't stop and say, wait a minute? That's ridiculous, we don't usually hire outsiders, we usually don't Not long ago, she ate thesalary up to that point, promotions usually don't happen until the 18th month in the position, so we hear all these lying words and say, oh, okay, I can't apply for a promotion right now, oh, okay, I can. Don't ask for a raise or a parking spot if you see these words here ly, that's a paper cup, all you need to do is push the boundaries a little to get what you want.

I want you to imagine the word determined in these words ly. normally normally normally basically I want you toImagine them like this, have you ever had an unexpected visitor come to your house? Although it's funny, right? Your living room is a mess, your bedroom is a mess, and you have a surprise visitor who just shows up and takes it all away. that garbage in your living room and you throw it in that closet and in your hallway as fast as you can and the door starts to open and you close your closet door, but it only closes 98% because there is a golf umbrella sticking out or a shirt or a sneaker so right now it is open 2% in your bedrooms or in your house you have a closet you are someone in your house who leaves it like that all the time it is closed 98 percent two percent always open there is something that sticks out what are these words ly and decided they are just small folds like in the paper cup of ketchup here it will not be easy to open it you have a 2% chance of opening it but for me my period is at the end of Within 7 days, Am I going to clap my hands and say I did a good job today?

My next question that I asked myself before I opened the closet door is: if I don't fight for what I want now, will this affect anyone else in my life so if I'm asking for raises it could affect my husband if I'm asking for more money for my employees or more benefits that's going to affect my team that's going to affect morale if it's going to affect someone else then I'm more likely to try to cross those boundaries and open the closet door to get what I want. This is a guy named Bradley Brad owns a business in Las Vegas.

He conducts virtual training. His name is Lightspeed. He has a video online. blog and I asked him if I could play this clip from his blog to show the audience here at Harding Harding University and he said yes, so I want to thank Brad for allowing me to play this is a real life negotiation, this is legit, guys, so you'll see Brad, who's the owner, downgrade the salesperson and you'll hear a woman who is a potential client and client of Brad's and she'll say, Hey, how does this work? Do I have to buy the system and then you give me ideas?

Can you give me ideas and then buy the system? Tell me what you hear so we can go over how we're going to set this up before I sign or not, you have to sign first and then review it to get a group. of people here to start working normally you have to sign it, what did he say? That's that paper cup. I want you to imagine every time you hear these words, wait a minute, that's weird. I want you to look at the person next to you or behind you and here is our experiment. I want you to say how many children you have if you don't have children.

I want you to say you don't have children, but I want you to put an L word Y in front of it. I want it to sound like this. I usually have three children. I don't usually have kids, so go ahead and tell the person next to you with an L Y word. Doesn't that leave you confused? Hey, normally I'm a mother of three, but. You are your next thing is what to ask a question are you a blended family? are you divorced? You lost a child. Are you thinking about adopting him? It creates that uncertainty when you hear or decide I want the alarm to go off as if someone is saying I don't normally have children.

I want to sound the alarm to say that there is more to the story here. are the paper cup here decided is the effort it takes to get the paper cup to open the soda sword because I mean undecided the word because it is the little tool that opens the ketchup glass because it is the most influential word in the The English language this is how it works when we use the word because ends at this stage of reasoning because is the roommate two decided in the words l and everyone is best friends are best friends do you have a because friend in your life how many If you have a friend or someone in your life who can make you do something you don't want to do, you know who I'm talking about.

You have someone in your life who can make you do something you don't want to do. I want to see some of you pointing at the person next to her Three nights ago was my 30th high school reunion and I've known about this for six months. The invitation was online. My friend Carrie Chasen, she's my friend because, because you made it to the top. school reunion, I say, no, no, I'm not going, I didn't even like high school, it's not happening, so good, she's relentless, sees the closet door 98% closed, two percent open and she's constantly relentless, wants to open that ketchup. mug constantly so guess what email facebook private message two weeks ago i got a hand written card im from boston originally i live in the dc area now yeah i don't even know how he got my home address he sent me a written card by hand and it's like dear Janeane these are other things I admire about you a sludge about you that's why I want you to come to the high school reunion because it lists a lot of things she called me did you get my card?

I tell her, yes, her. Your comment? I'm going now and I haven't come yet. Guess what happened two days before the union. She's lighting up my phone like a Christmas tree. Your mother died of breast cancer at age 66 and you know this is our 30th. You won't be back until you're 40. Next time we only need you because you know this time it's 10 more years. You know your mother loved. Partying like it made me feel guilty and you know what I did, I bought a $600 ticket when I could have bought it six months earlier for 200 dollars and I went to my high school reunion and had a great time because Elda Carrie Chasen is In our lives these are those people who opened the door, saw that opportunity and lent them less.

You have children like that. You have several children. You know the boy. Hey, can we go get ice cream? It's very cold outside now. You don't need ice cream. It's March. It's ridiculous, can we go buy ice cream? Mom, no, it's absolutely crazy, it's really cold outside, there's snow on the ground, so that kid, you know, which one comes to you, we can go get the ice cream you like, okay, come on, everyone thinks, they saw the other children think. that's the favorite that's not the favorite that's the irritant that's the irritant that's going to ask non-stop until he gets his way until he opens that cup of ketchup do you know what I'm talking about? that is the word decided that is the word decided decisively because I will end up reasoning decisively because it changes what was.

I have what is called the becoz challenge. I have my clients any time you hear decided or the words to use it because I got an email from one of my clients that said Janine. This is what happened, they are a human resources processing company and the client had to choose their health insurance plan, so they called and said, "Hey, okay for your insurance plan, what would you like?" and he said "Oh we decided that we will wait until next month to choose our plans, she listened to what he decided and then he said because we usually don't even talk about it at home for another month anyway, he heard the word ly typically , so guess what he did because the challenge said, listen Mike because you had a fire this year and because this created uncertainty with your employees because you're in a temporary office space, don't you think it might be a good idea to consider choosing your plans sooner rather than later because when you do it will create certainty and your employees?

Will I know that everything is business as usual? No. Mike said what a great idea. I didn't even think about that seven minute phone call that she used. to get what they want, what she wanted. I teach this to law enforcement and CIA agents teach this around the world if you use these words you can get what you want this is my favorite story about ketchup cups. let me introduce you to my three children and my husband this is my husband Leif my oldest son Angus and our two little ones our baby Charlie and Jack see when the nurse said decided the doctor decided I said well, you know what?

Because I travel on all these planes all the time. This is not an option for me. Is there another option? She said: Yes, these hormonal pills and I told her well, how do they work and she is fine. Janine usually has to be 35 or younger to take the pills, and I said, wouldn't she agree? I am not a typical patient. She said yes and I'm going because I'm not a typical patient and because I travel a lot and because I now have the money to pay this other way, would you be willing to ask the doctor if he would make an exception?

She said, "I'll give her my best and she came out and lo and behold, I had to open my ketchup cup up to three times the amount, so I have three kids, now my dream has come true, so let me ask you this when we get back Let's see and I hope we do what will be your favorite Ketchup Cup story. My name is Janine. Thank you for playing with me.