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Gewalt gegen Frauen: Verliebt, verlobt, verprügelt | WDR Doku

May 11, 2020
A semi-detached house somewhere in Germany. Daniela and Eduard secure doors and windows. Without fear. Alarm goes off, continue. Then you choose your door contact. Smoke detector. - And let it ring 5 times. *Beep* Fear of Daniela's ex-husband. She became more and more aggressive and more aggressive. At some point she just attacked. I hit my stomach, I hit the furniture. I strangled myself. Daniela is not an isolated case, on the contrary. Violence in relationships, especially against women, is still part of everyday life in Germany. She apologized every time. She's very sorry and she's getting better and she didn't mean to do that.
gewalt gegen frauen verliebt verlobt verpr gelt wdr doku
I believed him at first. Victims often remain silent for years. I also felt ashamed and swallowed it all. I endured it for a total of 14 years. In the 2018 crime statistics, around 114,000 female victims of intimate partner violence are recorded. It is estimated that the number of unreported cases is much higher. We act as if these were isolated cases. Said casually, as if something was wrong in the respective families. Not at all, something is wrong in our society, in Germany. Why do so many women not dare to report? What needs to change for the violence to stop? Subtitle: WDR mediagroup GmbH on behalf of WDR Daniela does not feel safe alone at home.
gewalt gegen frauen verliebt verlobt verpr gelt wdr doku

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gewalt gegen frauen verliebt verlobt verpr gelt wdr doku...

The experiences of violence in her previous marriage have left their mark. After marriage things started. She could no longer hide the true self from her. She wanted to call the police. She then took the phone out of my hand and covered my mouth so she couldn't scream. Because our walls were relatively thin. And she continued to choke me. Daniela has been living with her new partner Eduard for a year. She told him what happened in her marriage. Unfortunately, it was just everyday life for her. And from the beginning she wanted me to know what was there, what was coming towards me or towards us.
gewalt gegen frauen verliebt verlobt verpr gelt wdr doku
We were open and honest about it. A few months ago, Daniela's ex-husband appears in front of the house. An argument breaks out and Daniela calls the police, who forbid her to stay here. There is nothing else she can do at the moment. That's why Eduard now makes the house safe. He did bad things to her. Why should she trust him not to hurt her anymore? That's why I do things like that. Camera and surveillance so that she can no longer access it so easily. Why can't the State better protect women like Daniela? According to statistics, every day a man tries to kill his wife, partner or ex-partner.
gewalt gegen frauen verliebt verlobt verpr gelt wdr doku
You can do this every three days. In Germany, 122 women were murdered by their husbands, partners or ex-partners in 2018. Often because they want to leave the man or they have already left. Their own four walls, where women believe they are safe, can be a dangerous place. And the murders are just the tip of the iceberg. A small two-bedroom apartment on the outskirts of town. Petra lives here, alone, withdrawn. She almost did not survive her husband's recurring violent outbursts. Today she can talk about it. Anonymous. Her name has been changed for security reasons. The first attack was rape.
After that there was peace for 2 years. And suddenly there is a slap in the face from her. And then that increases. It just so happened that she came home and I reminded her that she had forgotten an appointment. That was already too much. Then she just attacked. The last years of marriage are the worst. Petra has to receive treatment for her wounds several times at the hospital or with her family doctor. Bruises on the face, bruises on the stomach, broken nose, concussion. She doesn't want to accept help right now. Everything starts quite normally. Petra studies mechanical engineering and manages construction sites abroad.
There she falls in love with the staff chef, who comes from the same area as Petra. They get married and have 2 children. There were a lot of feelings there. I wanted the wedding. That's why I'm attached to it. They were good times too. Nowhere is the risk for women of being hurt as great as in relationships. Of the approximately 140,000 victims of intimate partner violence last year, more than 81% are women. The largest study conducted in Germany to date found in anonymous surveys conducted in 2004 that one in four women had suffered physical, psychological or sexual violence from their partner or ex-partner.
The study estimates that only about 16% show up. A 2014 European study confirms these figures for Germany. The scientist Monika Schröttle wrote this study, for which 10,000 women were surveyed, commissioned by the Ministry of the Family. In Germany it is clear that all social classes are equally affected. Also equally affected by serious violence. And all age groups too. It must be said that a large part of people do not say anything about it to anyone. Not that most of your friends know that. Many people may have a strange feeling and think that something is wrong. But many women, especially those from higher social or educational levels, often don't tell anyone because they are ashamed of themselves.
Daniela has a consultation appointment at the domestic violence intervention center in Landshut, northeast of Munich. Hello. - Greetings, come in. Four and a half years ago, when she was 20, she met her future husband, fell in love, got pregnant and got married. She punched me in the stomach. So all these attacks. Then, like the little one, there were constant attacks. She didn't just do this in front of the boy. Was the child always there? -Yes. How has this affected his daily life? I was on paternity leave with the little one for a year. Yes, I wanted to go to the doctor too.
He didn't allow it. I have to stay home all the time and be careful if I tell anyone anything. Have you changed since then? How did you experience yourself? I became very withdrawn, so... ...I didn't reject my friends in front of me, but slowly I really... ...cancelled contact, so to speak, just so no one would notice. It's been like this for 2 years. After her parental leave, Daniela returned to work in geriatric care to support the family and care for the child. She becomes increasingly isolated and feels responsible for the breakdown of the marriage. She tried to blame me for everything.
This away from yourself and towards others or towards myself. At some point you think: maybe it's really my fault. But it takes time until you realize that you are not to blame. Only little by little her husband shows the other side of her. And she learns that he has been sentenced to probation several times for minor crimes. Nothing penetrates to the outside. Daniela's family also had no idea about the violence until the end. My experience is that many of these men have a second side. That's why it's not obvious to anyone, I really don't tell anyone, not the authorities, not the offices, not the neighbors, that this man is an intruder at home.
And he exercises mental or physical violence. Absolutely not. Yes, and that makes it very difficult for women because nobody believes them and doesn't take it seriously. Her son is now 3 years old. I stayed for the child because I always imagined such a happy family. And somehow everything will work out. He said it, he'll stop, he'll do it, blah blah blah. It was a mistake because it was of no use to me and even less to the little one. Most women only go when they themselves get sick and realize that it is harmful or that their children will also be harmed.
Or when they realize that it has nothing to do with them and that they are not to blame. Because perpetrators often try to make women feel that if they were different, it wouldn't happen. Just don't destroy the family, that's also why Petra endures violence. Until she finally sees a way out, she will be in treatment for several weeks. The 13-year-old daughter briefly stayed with another family and the 17-year-old son went to boarding school. Petra decides to flee to the women's shelter. She had also previously hired a lawyer. She had given him the medical certificates. She said she wouldn't write to your husband until she knew you were safe.
Because the attacks were so massive that she was simply afraid that I wouldn't survive. So I did that. I went to the women's shelter. I called and asked if there was a spot available and I was lucky there was a spot available. And the next day, when she left for work, I grabbed my suitcase and set off. My children didn't know where it was either. Simply for security reasons. Angelika Hirsch has run the Arbeiterwohlfahrt women's shelter in Landshut for 27 years. She took in Petra 10 years ago. Women who come to us always say they need an immediate solution.
When they live in a violent environment, full of fear, where I don't know how the man will get home. When I am constantly in a semi-conscious position, he slaps me, yells at the children, yells at me. And they live in that atmosphere. Once a month Petra meets with former residents of the women's shelter. They also want to go unnoticed. Anything they ask us: Why do we last so long? I think part of it is a bit of fear of failure, what will others say if you break up? And yes, what about the children? Shame, of course.
I haven't talked to anyone about it. And that for years. Why don't you talk to someone? Because the couple seems completely different to the outside world. And people think he's nice, charming, and that can't be right. You are simply afraid of being totally relegated to society. That you have financial difficulties. That's often the question they ask from the outside: What did you do to make him react like that? Did you provoke it? This is a question I get quite often. I worked abroad, in a senior position. And yet it happened to me. I could never imagine this when I was a teenager.
I played competitive sports. I showed everyone where to go, I showed everyone where to go at work. And then this happens to me: in Landshut there are two women's shelters with a total of 10 places. Women only flee here when they see no other way out. Life is tight, all the rooms are occupied. Angelika Hirsch has to reject up to 5 women a week. The situation is catastrophic. You always have to imagine when women have the courage to call us. So you hear, it's not just us, but maybe she's calling... We can't verify what we hear from women. ...she has already called 2 or 3 other women's shelters and they keep telling her they are full.
There are currently 350 shelters for women in Germany with 6,800 places. Currently, one in two applications for admission to a women's shelter must be rejected. Well, I certainly think there is a lack of political will because... Now I will say that it is because women and children have little lobby, also in other areas. And because committed women, that is, from all political parties, cannot impose themselves against, let's say, their party colleagues. There are different degrees of willingness to 1. face it. 2. Accept that the problem is bigger than you think. And 3. then also spend money on it. That is something that should be on the agenda, that there are such big differences.
And if we have white spots in certain places, then we have to name them. So we also have to say to the state government: What do you think? What should that look like in the future? What should be improved? We are also discussing this here at the ministry. This is, as you can imagine, a big task. Are policymakers at the federal, state, and local levels taking this task seriously enough? The numbers speak against it. Since the beginning of 2018, the Istanbul Convention, an agreement of the Council of Europe to combat violence against women, has also been in force in Germany.
This also results in the much-discussed legal right to a place in the women's shelter. I think it definitely has to be a realistic demand that we are working on in the future. It is very clear to me that we cannot do this today or tomorrow. The question is always: what goal are we working towards? What country do we really want to live in? This requires federal regulation. That's the overall goal, so to speak. The federal government sets the framework. States and municipalities are responsible for financing and on-site implementation. For this reason, a joint round table has been held since September 2018.
And there is a federal action program. The federal budget foresees around 35 million euros for 2020, mainly for protective facilities. This represents 0.00972% of the planned spending of the entire federal budget of around 360 billion euros for 2020. One can always say that this is a drop in the ocean. This is more than ever on this issue at the federal level. We have to start there and implement it well and fight and defend it. The old principle that I also learned at the federal level applies: pervasiveness creates acceptance. The two women's shelters in Landshut also receive more money from the Bavarian Ministry of Social Affairs.
For 5 more shelter places for women. They would need twice as much. Like everywhere in Germany. In some rural areas there are no shelters for women. Daniela repeatedly documents the violence of her then-husband on her cell phone. When she strangled me, I took pictures of her neck and the choking marks on her. The bruises on my chest where she hit me. As for my nails, she cut my false nails. So hit him with all his might. In fact, he continued like this forever. He never stopped. She continued to get worse and worse. In any case, it was a big mistakenot having pulled the cord before.
That was a very big mistake. That I even allowed this to happen, that one person could destroy me mentally. After an argument, the man leaves the apartment they shared. The same day, Daniela reports him to the police and is prohibited from contacting him. Basically, it's hard to go to the police the first time, report the whole thing, tell everything. That is the first obstacle. The second obstacle is going to court. If possible, this is protection against violence, that is, blocking contacts after protection against violence. You have to tell everything again, present everything again, provide evidence. This is the most difficult course.
Cell phone photos support her statements. Additionally, police found a stun gun and a handgun during a home search. The prosecutor's office is investigating. Petra also contacted the police about 15 years ago when things were particularly bad. She doesn't come out of it much. She then hit me so hard that she broke my nose. So I filed a complaint. The result was that she was banned from entering the house for 10 days, but she lived in the neighboring entrance of the restaurant. So she swims 100m away or anything like that. There was also no court hearing. And from then on I never contacted the police again.
Daniela filed the complaint against her then husband a year and a half ago. Since then, she has repeatedly sought advice and help from Poing police. What can she do when her ex-husband is at the door? (Man) Police Poing, hello. - Hello, I have an appointment. A lot has changed in policing in the last 20 years. Especially since the Protection from Violence Act of 2002. It protects victims in their homes. Police have since been able to remove a violent attacker from the apartment and prohibit contact with him. The protection of victims is the central objective, and this is carried out by properly trained domestic violence agents.
How are you? - If so far. Christine Fritsch is one of them and she has been responsible for these cases here in the department for 10 years. It definitely used to be the case that a domestic violence victim was treated the same as a robbery victim whose purse was stolen. Now this is treated more sensitively and really intensive discussions are held and follow-up care is provided. Allocation to counseling centers, etc. The entrance to our house is completely video monitored. What if I see someone on camera and I really can't understand who she is? Can I call the police?
Of course, then call the police. 112 or me. It is better to call for free 10 times than once when it is too late. OK. Unlike many others, she did it from start to finish and stayed consistent. My experience is that criminal charges are often dropped. Because the criminal accusations initially filed were withdrawn by the injured parties. And also that crimes often cannot be proven because, for example, there are no visible injuries. This means that a decision is made in favor of the perpetrator and then the process is suspended. There are no national statistics on the outcome of criminal proceedings in cases of domestic violence.
But individual surveys show a high recruitment rate. At the Frankfurt Prosecutor's Office, 80% of the cases processed were dismissed in 2013. In around 13%, a disciplinary order is issued and the perpetrators are sentenced to a fine without appearing in court. Major procedures only occur in 5% of cases. A similar picture emerged in the Berlin prosecutor's office in 2016. Around 87% of cases of intimate partner violence against women are disposed of here. Almost no women report it and hardly any procedures are opened. The result: almost no perpetrators are punished. Leonie Steinl of the German Women Lawyers Association has an explanation for this. Law and jurisprudence always reflect social conditions.
And especially in criminal proceedings we see that gender stereotypes or other thought patterns related to violence against women play an important role. That is, during the procedure the investigating authorities ask the affected journalists if they are sure they want to file this complaint. If they are aware that they can also destroy the life of the accused. "You know what they're doing to him." This is very problematic and a major obstacle to effective law enforcement. It is also common for investigations to be closed because women withdraw their complaints. Or because there is no evidence and statement against statement.
That is why there are examination centers for victims of domestic violence, which are usually based on forensic medicine. Chief physician Sibylle Banaschak works here at the Cologne University Hospital. She records every detail of the injuries, she can evaluate how they occurred and thus she provides evidence that will stand up in court. What we forensic doctors are good at and certainly do more often than any family doctor is documentation that can later be used in court proceedings. It does not matter if it is criminal or civil law. We do complete documentation, are experienced in describing injuries, and can take photographs.
Which can then be used in future research. We are completely objective and factual and we are not on either side. A great help for victims to obtain justice in court. But financial and human resources are scarce. In Germany there are 34 clinics for victims of violence and almost none are open on weekends. And in some cases women have to cover the costs of the exam themselves. If they come with the police, the police also bear the costs. If a woman comes here privately, in most cases in North Rhine-Westphalia she has to pay. This is not because we don't want to, it is also a requirement for us.
And that is, ultimately, a political question. It would be nice if there was a simple solution for documenting injuries. Wherever you say it is good, it will surely be stored properly. And if anyone needs it, it is there. But it also has to be financed. A forensic medical examination costs about 150 euros for women who attend on their own initiative. The Istanbul Convention establishes that victims of domestic violence can document their injuries confidentially and easily. Prosecution could become more effective through evidence that can be used in court. Women could feel more confident and report more frequently and successfully.
In Daniela's case, the Public Ministry filed charges against her husband in January 2019 for bodily injury and illegal possession of weapons. Six months later there was a court hearing and the man was sentenced to 4 months of probation. He has several previous convictions. In fact, I was always of the opinion that those with criminal records... He was also on probation. Then he will no longer receive a suspended sentence. But he was given a suspended sentence of, I don't know, 4 months. So that's it... Yes, that's the way it is. That's a trial, that's how things are. My God. Lawyers repeatedly report from practice that they see a significantly lower penalty for the same violations in intimate partner violence cases.
When domestic violence is punished more leniently because it is domestic violence. If the process is paralyzed and the like, this will have a devastating effect not only on those affected, but also on society as a whole. Because it suggests that domestic violence is a private matter and not a structural problem for society as a whole. Knowledge of actions, taking responsibility for what they do. The court can sentence violent offenders to participate in a therapy program. In Cologne there is the perpetrator project “Being a man without violence”. Most perpetrators of domestic violence tend to justify and trivialize their actions after the crime.
By closely observing the crimes here and their impact on the women, children affected, and ultimately the perpetrator himself, this also leads to the perpetrator beginning to think differently about his behavior. None of the participants in the program wanted to give us an interview. Each of the elements represented here represents a victim who has suffered violence. When a typical group therapy circle sits 8 bullies, there are usually 50 blocks in the middle. Because we must remember that each perpetrator leaves many victims. Domestic abusers enter new relationships very quickly when a relationship ends. And children are often involved too. So it really has to be said that when a perpetrator stops being violent, he avoids many victims.
Even if the perpetrators' work is not effective in all cases, it is a success if it is effective in some cases. The effectiveness of the work of the perpetrators has been demonstrated in the United States. In Germany there is no national evaluation because there are no funds available for it. And therapy programs for offenders only exist in large cities, although the Istanbul Convention also requires more such programs. In Cologne, the project is currently financed only by the employment office for preventive purposes. Domestic violence also limits victims' ability to work. We hardly have areas in Germany where it is really financed adequately or comprehensively.
What the perpetrators' work needs is fixed funding through employment funding. Then there are the possibilities of network cooperation and more assignments through the judiciary. This would be a very important signal to society that domestic violence is taken seriously as a crime in Germany. And perpetrators are primarily referred to these programs before the process is stopped without any consequences. The court did not require Daniela's ex-husband to participate in an anti-violence program. She is still afraid for herself, but especially for her son. My biggest concern is the little one. Because he has insane anxiety attacks. Also, when she remembers him recently and talks about him, she doesn't sleep at night, for example.
He is also very affectionate, very emotional. Therefore, in the summer she requested sole custody. But the family court follows the recommendation of the youth welfare office and orders that joint custody be maintained. She receives power for everyday decisions; The father can see the child every 14 days accompanied by a guardian. Interrogation with Daniela's lawyer, Michael Kirchberger. I feel like I'm in this fight that never ends. I do and do. I do not know what else to do. Of course, it was a very long and difficult period for you, but you achieved a lot. There is enormous room for maneuver, especially in child custody proceedings, in the areas of custody and visitation rights.
The only criterion on which courts must base their decisions is the best interests of the child. Only if I have demonstrably experienced violence against a parent, even if children are affected and present during the physical attacks, do I personally see that the child's well-being is affected. The youth welfare office in Freising is responsible for Daniela's case. The secretary did not personally meet with the minor, neither with the father nor with the mother to give her statement before the court in the custody procedure. The director of the Office of Youth Welfare, Arabella Gittler-Reichel, cannot comment specifically on this case.
She only on general issues such as parental rights and child welfare in cases of domestic violence. Parental rights are enshrined in the Basic Law and are therefore a very valuable asset. The youth welfare office can only intervene if the child's welfare is seriously affected. This means that when children, for example, suffer violence or when they are mistreated, any type of violence is understood. So, there must be massive situations. Daniela considered that the violence in her marriage was a “huge situation” and a heavy burden for her son. However, the youth welfare office recommends joint custody to the court.
Can a battering husband be a good father? In any case, it is seen that children experience this violence. It is not a normal situation. It is also a criminal offense to commit violence. And here everything must be done to ensure that children are protected. This is clearly seen as a significant deterioration in the child's well-being. And is that a reason to reduce or exclude custody and visitation rights? Yes, if the situation continues like this, there is definitely a reason for it. Then you have to discuss with the perpetrator what a good interaction could look like and under what conditions it is possible.
If so, what is expected of him, what does he have to do? For example, working on yourself, doing therapy or counseling. And think about how things can continue in the future. Daniela now has to take her son to the Child Protection Association every 14 days so that the father can see him there under supervision. The child has recently been receiving psychological treatment. Therefore, we must keep in mind that a father who hits is not a good father. Although he only hits the woman and not the child. Because a child always notices it, whether he sees it, hears it orSorry, it doesn't matter.
So, we already have facts that say it quite clearly: experiencing domestic violence is a threat to the well-being of children. However, in practice it doesn't look like that. Also here in the women's shelter the situation of the children is always the most important issue. You don't just think about yourself, you also think about your children and all the consequences of destroying their lives and feeling guilty about so many things. In the end you no longer know what to do. As a mother, you don't want to separate your children. Because then I imagine you're making the problem even bigger.
I endured another 5 years because I wouldn't have been able to take my son. As a mother, you don't leave your children anywhere, especially with an abusive father. When Petra went to the women's shelter, the children remained in a boarding school and with the foster family. The many years of violence turned a person who was self-confident and told others where to go, especially at work, into a person who no longer spoke to other people. She didn't dare me to go out on the street. I didn't use public transportation. And every contact with strangers was simply a danger.
Petra now has a good relationship with her adult children. Now they have their own families. She only sees her ex-husband again at her daughter's wedding. Of course, it would have been fairer if he had been punished for it. I hope that today not so many things have to happen before the State intervenes. That the police and all the authorities are so advanced that the authorities also know that a woman will not go because she cannot get nail polish. But because she was mistreated. Petra wants to change something, wake up society and inform. That's why she spoke at an event organized by the university and the Green Youth in Landshut.
The longer this goes on, the more self-confidence disappears. And she had a different excuse for each injury. I drove 250 miles to my parents' house for Christmas with a broken tailbone and said I was too stupid to sled. Because that's also behind it, then I blamed myself for failing. I always thought, the main thing is that the children are well, I can handle it. In the meantime, with a lot of therapy, I must say that I have managed to return to a somewhat normal life. With your own apartment, with work, with social contacts. I worked hard for this.
I'm fine now. And now I'm at the point where I'm saying I can go to events like this and tell stories. Petra is still in therapy. The health consequences of continued intimate partner violence have been shown to be serious. What needs to happen so that women in our society are finally better protected? In principle, all ministries would have to work together. The Ministry of the Interior would also have to intervene because it is a security problem. The Ministry of Education would also have to support, for example, research. The Conference of Ministers of Education and Cultural Affairs should ensure that greater violence prevention takes place in schools, especially with regard to domestic or sexual violence.
Because in the end we want to see violence against women reduced, less. And it's not that we continue to have new victims of violence and men who basically don't change much. Daniela tries to leave her old life behind and build a new one with her partner. She has recently divorced. I am very happy not to say anymore that he is my husband. He is my ex-husband and I am very proud that he is my ex-husband. Because he doesn't deserve the title "my husband." But concern for the child persists. That is why Daniela will once again request sole custody.
The only thing I would like is for us to be a normal family and have peace and tranquility. We want security. Security and peace. We really don't want anything else. Security and justice. Domestic violence against women is a crime and not a private matter. Only silence protects the perpetrators. Nobody can want that. Copyright WDR 2019

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