Funniest Thing You Can Do With A Squeaky Toy. Brad Bonar - Full SpecialFeb 27, 2020
that when you can leave a little mark I think they learn faster true true they remember it longer lasts longer and you finish it you just have to do it once you burn a cigarette you don't see your dad's chair anymore true true, I still won't sit in the chair my dad's chair I remember that row in the back on the right and then we didn't tell my mom if you're in the back seat because my mom had that suite that catches up with me. I remember sitting in the back seat can she can't reach me here Wow I think she might dislocate her shoulder balancing that
thinglike that and if we were talking in the back of the truck that stopped my mom either because we didn't have to wear seat belts oh yeah we're yelling in the back my mom was hitting the brakes kid that car was going through an intersection ever so slightly to the front and this was hitting us because that's how it was back then right?
I know, I know, it's scary to have kissed three guys and one girl, that's what I have three. us boys and a girl used to have meetings trying to decide which one to get rid of because that's hard once you have them to decide right three points older kids my namesake I'm Brad jr. he's Brad the third the girl got the girls she was the only girl the youngest boy he's the baby right he will always be the baby so he was always that kid in the middle that it's the one we he was always the one who was cool all the time i think he knew he was kidding of course if we were going to get rid of the girl oh my god girls it's all it's drama it's all like that and it starts when they're little my daughter is all grown up but when she was six six years old her first tooth is loose she is what is so excited because she knows that once that tooth comes out who comes the tooth fairy well and there is no
thingthat girls like more little girls getting things is there well you don't grow out of it, no, that's where it starts, isn't it, with the fucking tooth fairy?
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funniest thing you can do with a squeaky toy brad bonar full special...
That's so for three days she's moving and that tooth finally comes loose and she runs in and leaves. They won't stop until you say what they could be two inches from your face making eye contact they won't stop like a what she goes to get an envelope and a pen six year old girls are so bossy it's alright I swear she's sister is going to write this tooth fairy i want jewelry not money at six yes ladies think that's funny don't you think? A couple of years later, my daughter decided to decorate her room for the 4th of July, so she got these little American flag stickers and decorated everything she could in her room, top and bottom of the headboard. from the bed. her bed little american flag stickers from top to bottom the rail of bart's bed the foot of her bed she went over her dresser her window her mirrors her door every place she put one on the end of the doorknob little american flag stickers because it was the fourth of july and she wanted to be patriotic those little stickers at the time had cost me 37 cents each at the post office those don't come out again we could have mailed it and the bet on the Fairy from the Teeth they have enough postage to m I know, and then come the teenagers and oh my gosh, that's just for the applause, who is or has been the father of a teenage daughter. they haven't they're fine you'll appreciate this crap the rest of you are going to think we're all bad people but you're going to
fully understand this you'll
fully understand having a daughter having a teenage daughter makes me feel like a bad parent like I've never felt with my children because I have been angry with my children, right?
I found out my kids did something stupid or broke something and they came into the room and I see him and I'm mad at him. I have had that emotional exchange with my children. I have never hated them. Do you see her laugh? Oh, you think we're bad people, but look at all of T's parents. I know exactly what I'm talking about because they can make you hate. they sometimes just have that ability and then my ex wife and my daughter used to ride bikes together and i'm not talking about exercise ok ok you know where i am and that's just you don't know and it's a father you don't even want to know About your little princess having that time that I don't even want to know.
It's like I remember the first one. He was having her first. You know. I don't even like to use the word. I'll put one at the end of a sentence so you know it's done, but I don't. I don't even like to hear the word okay, we were getting ready to go to the movies, me and her mom, and and she waits. I have a run in the house one more time because Elizabeth is having her first night, and before we leave? you said hey it's late you have to be in bed by 10 o'clock we're going to be late later than that coming home you have to be in bed before we get home so we go to the movies come back and it's 11 o'clock and she's still up and i'm like hey it's late you have to go to bed that's all i said and i had to experience her first emotional breakdown oh nothing i haven't i'm covering my face trying not to laugh because i'm pretty sure laughing will make it worse we're not bad parents it's just it's late and you have to go to bed and she does this she goes okay i love you dad she scared me to death.
She was waiting for the demons to fly out of her right head to spin around and my blue princess was gone. I don't know. I think it's good that women have that time every month. I do. that week of the month where they just make everything clear to us right they just say no fear they make all of that clear to us that's why they call it straight men pretty sure that's how they kill but guys. it's not forever right they get to an age where you just have a complete pause on all of that right it just stops and that's why they call it men a pause there are a lot of guys right now trying not to laugh because they don't they want their wives to see him laugh that was that's funny what's your name ri Wow Mr.
Aaron could you come here? Give Aaron a big round of applause. Come here, over here, where there are some stairs right there. This will be very fast and easier. just sit well here those microphones for you it's ok you risk it all Aaron oh yes you risk it all he's the little mister is your wife or girlfriend I took a chance I'll tell your wife or girlfriend yes me I think we know who took a chance. whatever you want or just shuffle them into your hands, whatever works best for you, but don't change the order. the truth everyone has a say something gi you walk away when you lie as you get older you get better when you are a kid you are horrible at it your parents can see it everyone has something could be a tic facial history could be a raising an eyebrow a little tic could be they could go girlish let's find out what's your face tale yeah that's a poker face right there i cut the deck in half cut it in half cut the mallet in half, took around. half of them perfect perfect take the car you cut off - it's ok look at it because it's easier to remember if you look at it it's ok hold it to your chest where I can't see it it's ok you have to look again they were all written it's ok he's going to screw this up, right? about your card every time i ask you a question you have an answer no but i need to know in one sentence i can't just have a monotone no so i'll ask if it's a red card and you'll say no it's not a red card does it have sense?
I'll ask you if it's a black card and you'll say no it's not a black card every time you say no let's try and see if I can make out your facial tics and when you lie when you tell the truth so you look ahead okay I have something with me that helps with the asking don't worry about what's going on back here just find yourself and look ahead okay this is kansas city he will ask you questions about your car yeah lee we're in utah wow that's a lot of white that It's a lot of white people right there I'm a little scared e
specially this one I know he's going to take a chance on you though it's okay so he'll ask you questions are you ready for this Kansas City I'm Andy okay you feel weird talking to a fool in the head huh, I'm used to it, it's okay, you're ready and you're ready, how is it?
No, I'm not ready yah-tchi yah-tchi it was it's a black card no it's not a black card it was a red card no it's not a red card black it's not the outer box no I don't have a problem a small vein burst in his front it was a club no it was not a club it was a stay no there was no spade no why everyone lied it was a face card no it was not a face card the Jack Queen King one of those it was not easy question to know what it is was that a 10 or less no, that was no sir six is shorter was not between a six and a deer was not was not higher than a six was a six was not not a six sometimes this is very difficult hey tonight no no it's not tonight it was a seven no no a seven it was a seven no me i got it right you have to find out i got it right kansas city is going to guess what the card is if he gets a big round of applause for Aaron in Kansas City, if he's wrong, we'll put them both in the trunk, oh, that's good because it gets lonely in there, you like puppets, it will be b well, you'll be fine. let's guess what it is i think it was a seven of clubs it was seven o'clock let's take a look seven of clubs you can stay that's also a round of applause cheers for kansas city thank you thank you white people i have a true story i was in , can you keep that, no it's all sweaty now I'm not I'm not going to stick it in there now Sad sir I've been to Yreka California and even nowhere Yreka California is yes that's uh Northern California and I i zoomed in close enough and i stood on this comedy show it was a sold out 50 person comedy show because that's all i would see it was this the bar wasn't as wide as it was between these two pillars was it?
Who is this skinny little bar and it was long and narrow and I got on stage I was 6 inches tall and the audience was as close as this bar stool and I get on stage I go where your mic stand is they said we don't have microphone stand microphone I go I need a microphone stand because when I do magic I need my hands free they go yes we don't have a microphone stand I go. I'd need one that guy sitting in the front row raises his hand and says my name is Mike he's okay they need him dude okay you'll have to hold the mic for me.
I'll go, I'll take it. when i do my stand up but when i do my magic i need him to hold the mic and so i can the part of my show i have one of the sheriffs from town on stage with me and i have my puppet but what happens is when the puppet starts to speak he's fooling the microphone in front of the puppet and then he shakes it back and forth and goes back and forth no one in the audience even picks up what's going on well he's got it so far I have to lean over I'll probably go hey you you realize I'm the one doing the voice right he says oh dammit slip with the scrotum lady now in Albuquerque that's easy never live that the rest of your life never live that guys han been too much fun i could do this all night but it's time for our grand finale y'all ready for the grand finale the closing what?
That's your name here. What's your name Ashley? Come here, give Ashley a big round of applause. you can see the cards are all different from each other they are all different so i don't want you to feel any pressure for me like i think sometimes people feel the magician made them choose that car and i don't want you to feel any pressure well you take whatever whatever card you want out of here ahead any any any ok she's easy it's going to matter i did ok ok i didn't mean it like that come on ok ok just random that's what matters right now he just yelling that she's pregnant, I don't know what, that way I don't give you a speaking part, okay?
See this is what happens when everybody gets a trophy okay that's what happens they just think we're cool I'm just going to yell things I paid to get here you didn't pay a p rice you paid like ten bucks I paid a price higher than that to be up here, we're not the same right now, okay, take this pin, sign your name on the front of the card, the covers are already out of the video on the front. go and then put a date and time number in case there is an emergency ok I'll take the pen ok Ashley now if you tell me when to stop while I'm flipping through there right there stick your card in there. your fingerprint right on the back all right hold on your thumbs up let me see your perfect thumb i'm going to find his card by his fingerprint very difficult not impossible but very difficult very good usually when i do this there is thunderous applause not yet yet thanks for that a plot you're a good audience bye her fingerprint here we go that's still not good that stinks isn't it good, hers is good I smelled bad before I had for him her. her for a puff it's ok it's nice it's like it's like a little woman smell it's very good ok it was ok from the smell of her thumb i'll find her card and when i do there will probably be thunderous applause from the smell that's not that there isn't sign yes pets at homeYou also don't think it's right for the taste for the taste of her thumb I'll find her card and when I do there better be a thunderous applause for the taste here we go it's your card that your shoe pretty Anna says there it's my femoris cheers you they have been absolutely wonderful thank you thank you very much
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