Funniest Jokes on Hitler | Louis CK | Ricky Gervais | Norm MacDonald

I am a Hitler hated as a scam is not Hitler Hitler spring for Hitler he was the ringleader old men are both whose names are extinct they killed that day at noon nobody cools his son that Adolfo today there are no small adults who go to school Brad and Angelina, but you should know that you don't hear the teacher making the record Brad here Angelina here Adolf here I do it quickly so one can take a picture of me doing that no, but people make excuses for him people say oh he was stupid , he got carried away easily, didn't he mean that?

What do you mean? He didn't mean that. He's okay, oh no, he's influenced by the political philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, right, because Nietzsche wrote this article. I'm talking about a Superman, he said. Not all men are born equal and Hitler misunderstood this and went too far and thinks you are a great scholar, you have done this job and you get a call from the Fuhrer and if you are okay, Nietzsche, yes. Yeah, well, what do you want because I just read your book? What do you think you love? I love all that Man and Superman. They are not all the same.

He kills all the Jews. I'm sorry. They are not all the same. So he kills all the Jews. I did not like. I read that between the lines I, I didn't mean, that's terrible, everyone has been given, yes, they have been killing Jews, do they have what I have even among the Jews?, yes, some, how many six million , six million, that's what I won't do. more leave it leave it at six that's terrible I won't do more stay for dinner well I will but be careful in the future I will do it are you writing another book?

Well, I will, but I'm afraid to tell you. I win. Do nothing What is the name of a new book? My new book is called The Gypsies. We need them? There is one country that worries me, although not Iraq, Iran, North Korea, the only country that really worries me is Germany. I don't know if you're history buffs or not, but at the beginning of the last century, Germany decided to go to war and who they went to war with, the world had never tried before, so they estimate it would take about five seconds. for the world to win, but in reality it was close, then about 30 years pass and Germany decides again to go to Oran, it chooses the world as its enemy and this time they have that guy, they have him like they leave him, I'm guys.

You're going to dignify him by saying his name, but I think you know I've done it, but you think that at that moment the world will go away. Listen Germany, this is the deal. You know that you will no longer be a country in the meeting. You keep attacking the world for your Mars. I don't like arguments. Some people like to argue. You know, they think it's like an art. I do not like. I think it's because really ordinary discussions can get really dramatic very quickly. I was recently talking to a friend and I told him.

I didn't think he believed in the death penalty and my friend told me oh so you're telling me that if you saw Hitler walking down the street you wouldn't kill him that wasn't what I was telling you but Okay, let's talk about this topic completely. new. What would you do if you saw Adolf Hitler walking down the street? Well, first I wanted to know what my friend meant, did he mean that I see a guy with a military suit and a mustache because then I would assume that someone dressed like Hitler is not going to kill that guy.

I'm not going to kill an actor and ruin Indiana Jones 5 just because I don't understand the costumes, what do you mean by that? I walk down the street and see an old man who I think might be Hitler based on my memory of what Hitler looks like. I'm not going to kill that guy either because I'm often wrong. I'd murder him and then people run around and say, Wow, you just killed an old man and I'd say he looked like Hitler and they say, Yeah, a little look. All I'm saying is that the wars started again.

Okay, Isis's big butts caused a lot. of problems, many wars and you know, Cleopatra Helen of Troy, who else, um, Hitler, Hitler had agreed, ask, okay, let's see where it goes. No, Hitler. Hitler had a big butt. It is an unpleasant fact of history, but we have to face it. The Nazis had big butts because of the marches, that's what a tone was for your buns, they're so firm and tight, what's your secret, oh you know, just diet and goose-stepping, this is my thing, All fields to burn, oh, that's when you know it's working? I don't know if many Nazis did that, but maybe they should have good Nazis, that's what I'm saying, it's a phrase you don't often hear, good old Nazis, don't listen.

NASA people are very helpful if you're in my line of work because you know, it's the only group of people you can really stick with, no one cares, no matter why I say it, but Nazis, it's very unlikely that tomorrow I will receive a letter, a tweet or an email with something that says dear Craig, I am a Nazi once very absurd is this negative stereotype of Nazis because even if you don't see it, I have upset you, you are nothing, even even the neo-Nazis, NiO of course refers to you, the neo-Nazis, yes, yes, yes, well, what is it?

What's new about you, why do we march up and down and hate ethnic minorities? That's not you, that's the same as the old Nazis. You wanna be noona, so you gotta bring something new to the party, dazzled by that swastika, sir, let's see some heels. I bought those boots because these guys definitely have non-Nazi views. Nazis are useful if you do what I do because you know there are only two groups of people you can talk about with any degree of safety, everyone else is very, very susceptible. and I don't mean touchy like mr. Magoo bully who used to live next door to me but I have to worry while he laughs at my pain you bastard and click.

I have some change in my pocket. He is a charming man. Now everyone is very, very sensitive. They are all very, very, you can't. Talk about anyone, there are only two groups of people you can talk about with any degree of confidence. The Nazis and the Canadians. That's all. Nazis become circuses. joke Canadians say oh yeah, that's right, it's our job to be honest. Canadians are just happy to be included. This is like he's talking about us. I know, I know we're on our way. I'm not kidding. I'm not comparing Nancy. Canadians and they are not the same at all from the fastest Canadians, charming and charming people, Canadians, a beautiful, kind and civilized people, until you give them a hockey stick and then you lose your mind.

I don't know why the Canadian army's ball was tanks, guns and bombs and you should just give the guys hockey sticks and go there, they're guys, the Taliban have the puck. You know, I read somewhere that Hitler had a grandson who was a convicted child molester. Imagine being the shame of the Hitler family. Is there anything worse than being the Hitler, who the other Hitlers don't talk about, you know, I read Mackenzie Phillips' autobiography in her book. She says that when she was a child, her father would get into bed with her every night and have sex with her.

This to me was amazing. I can't get my daughter to hold my hand we cross the street we're running through oncoming traffic and the trucks are whizzing by and she's walking away from me and this guy is fucking his daughter every night I don't know how does it I guess that's more trust than me and I'm not saying I want my daughter to have sex with me. I just want you to know that Barbie Dreamhouse was not free. You could show some appreciation. He's one of those guys that just makes you hate him because you know we have a friend that you hate, you can't break up with your friends, you know he always starts conversations that I don't want to have, you know he's like, hey, what would you do if you had a time machine, you know what I wouldn't use it, I just left it at my house, put a drink in it, yeah it's a machine, you never wanted it, I'm not interested, I'd use it to go back 30 minutes ago and punch you in the face before of you asking me that's one time so he's doing well this is what I would do because of course the point of asking me is to look at me while I say my and then the head says his so he said if I had a time machine, he would have killed Hitler as if he came back and killed Hitler.

I love that he thinks he could kill Hitler just because he goes back there and he goes up and kills the guy and I was thinking that's a noble purpose. by a time machine I would do it but I would have come back then but I wouldn't have killed Hitler I would have raped him that's what I thought because I think that would have been enough I think that would have stopped him from doing everything that if he had been raped by me he would never have done none of that man we should invade Poland not just take a shower I don't feel low self esteem and you know don't tolerate rape obviously you should never rape anyone unless you have a reason like you want someone you don't like will leave, in which case option you don't have LCA, you're supposed to have an orgasm in his body if you don't rape, oh man, what the hell?