Funniest Jokes on Hitler | Louis CK | Ricky Gervais | Norm MacDonaldFeb 27, 2020
hitlerhated like a rip off ain't
hitlerhitler hitler spring for hitler he was the old ringleader both those names faded they killed that day at noon no one is chilling his son that adolph nowadays no little adults going to school a lot of Brad and Angelina but I know you don't hear the teacher doing the search Brad here Angelina here Adolf here I do it quick so you can take a picture of me doing that no but people excuse it people say oh he was stupid he was easy to fool, he didn't mean that, what do you mean, he didn't mean that, okay, oh no, he's influenced by the political philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, right, because Nietzsche wrote this article.
I'm talking about a Superman, he said. not all men are born equal and Hitler misunderstood this and went too far with it and thinks that you are a great scholar that you have done this work and you get a call from the Führer and if you are ok Nietzsche yes well what do you want because I only read your book what do you think love him love everyone that Man and Superman they are not all the same kill all the jews sorry they are not all the same so kill all the jews i did not like that i read between the lines i did not mean now that is terrible they have been given yes they have been killing jews do they have what i have even in jews?
I won't be staying for dinner anymore, well, but be careful in the future. Will you write other books? Well, but I'm afraid to tell you. I will not do anything. What is a new book called? my new book is called the gypsies yes we need them there is a country that worries me even if it is not iraq that iran that north korea the only country that really worries me is the country of germany i don't know if you are history buffs or not, but at the beginning of the previous century, Germany decided to go to war and who did it. going to war with the world has never been attempted before so you imagine it would take about five seconds for the world to win but actually it was close then about 30 years go by and Germany decides to go to Oran again it chooses as their enemy is the world and this time they got that guy he got him leave that guy the guys are going to dignify him by saying his name but i think you know i've done it but you think at that point the world will go to listen to germany here's the deal you know you're not just another country in the match you keep attacking the world for your mars i don't like arguments some people like to argue you know they think it's like an art i don't like it i think it's because the arguments really Ordinary things can get really dramatic really fast, like when I was talking to a friend recently and I told him I don't believe I believe in the death penalty and my friend said oh so you're telling me if you saw Hitler walking down the street you didn't. would you kill that was Not what I was telling you but okay let's talk about this whole new topic what would you do if you saw Adolf Hitler just walking down the street?
First, I wanted to know what my friend meant. Did you mean I see? a guy in a military suit with the little mustache because then i would assume someone dressed as hitler i'm not going to kill that guy i'm not going to kill an actor and ruin indiana jones 5 just because i don't understand costumes what do you mean i'm walking around the street and I see as an old man who I think might be Hitler based on my memory of what Hitler looks like am I not going to kill that guy either because I am often wrong?
He would assassinate him and then people would run up and say wow you just killed an old man and I'd be like he looks like Hitler and they'd be like, yeah look around a bit, all I'm saying is wars have been. started again okay Isis big asses caused a lot of trouble many wars and you know Cleopatra Helen of Troy who else e um Hitler Hitler had agreed to ask well let's see where that goes no Hitler Hitler had a big ass that's a nasty fact of history, but we have to face it, a lot of the Nazis had a big butt because of the march, that was a tone. because your buttocks are so firm a tight one whats your secret oh you know just diet and goose step this is my thing all fields to burn oh thats when you know its working I dont know if many nazis did that but maybe they should have good old Nazis that's what I say that's a phrase you don't hear often good old Nazis don't listen the NASA ones are very helpful if you're in my line of work because you know that's the only group of people that you can really stick with. no one cares no matter why i say it but nazis its highly unlikely that tomorrow i will get a letter or a tweet or an email for anything that says dear craig i am a nazi once very absurd is this stereotype Negative of the Nazis because even if you're not watching I've bothered you you're a nothing eva n even the neo-nazis the NiO of course means you're the neo-nazis yeah yeah yeah well what's new on your?
Why do we march back and forth and hate ethnic minorities? a noona so you gotta bring something new to the party dazzled that swastika lord let's see some heels on those knee high boots I got it because these guys definitely have non-Nazi reaches Nazis are only useful if you do what I do because you know there's only two groups of people you can talk about with some degree of safety everyone else is very very picky and I don't mean picky like the bully Mr. Magoo who used to live next door to me but I have to worry about the rate of laugh at my pain you bastard and click.
I have some change in my pocket. He is a lovely man. Now everyone is very, very sensitive. talk about anyone there are only two groups of people you can talk about with any degree of safety nazis and canadians thats it nazis go to the circus you bother nazis and canadians because canadians have noticed that they are very intelligent. joke canadians are like oh yeah that's right it's our job to be honest canadians are happy to be included this is like he's talking about us i know i know we're on our way i'm not kidding i'm not comparing nancy's the canadiens and nothing the same no from the fastest Canadians, lovely lovely people, Canadians, a gentle, civilized, beautiful people, until you give them a hockey stick and then you lose your mind.
I don't know why the Canadian army ball was tanks, guns, bombs and you should j Just give the boys hockey sticks and go there. They are boys. The Taliban have the puck. You know. I read somewhere that Hitler had a grandson who was a convicted child molester. the other hitlers don't talk about you know i read mackenzie phillips autobiography in her book she says that when she was a little girl her father got into bed with her every night and had sex with her this was amazing to me i cant not i make my daughter hold my hand we cross the street we're running through oncoming traffic the trucks zoom by and she's walking away from me and this guy is nailing his daughter every night i don't know how he does it i guess That alone is more confident than me and I'm not saying I want my daughter to have sex with me I just want him to know Barbie Dreamhouse wasn't free you could show some appreciation he's one of those guys that just makes you hate him because because you know we have a friend you hate you can't break up with your friends you know he always starts conversations i don't want to have you know he says hey what would you do if you had a time machine you you know what i wouldn't use it just the I let it rest in my house, I put a drink in it, yes, it's a machine. before you ask me that's all one use to it doing well this is what i would do because of course that's the point of asking me is to stare at me while i say my and then the head says its so it said yes had machine time, he would have killed Hitler as if he had gone back and killed Hitler.
I love that he thinks he could kill Hitler just because he just goes back there and walks over and kills the guy and I was thinking that's a noble purpose for a time machine. I would but I would have come back then but I wouldn't have killed Hitler I would have raped him that's what I thought because I think that would have been enough I think that would have stopped him from doing all that if he had been raped by me I never would have got nothing out of it man if we invade poland dont just take a shower no you dont feel low self esteem and you know you dont tolerate rape obviously you should never rape anyone unless you have a reason like you want someone not to let you in which case option no you have ACL you are supposed to orgasm in his body if you dont violate oh man what the
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