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Frankie Boyle: I'm Excited To See You Hate This | Frankie Boyle Live Comedy | Audio Antics

May 14, 2024
my young black king R up man,

this

is all year round and my young black queen is there, it's gonna be a long time coming if you don't turn up the volume, it's not fun, you're not hello, your black power, how are you? I am from here. I'm from Glasgow, a city where people think hepatitis B is a veteran, a very different city to Edinburgh, there's a much lower crime rate. In Edinburgh, far fewer people get stabbed, but Edinburgh has a tragic side, there are many more. people there who need to be stabbed oh I should say if you're not from here there will be a lot of swearing in

this

show swear words are different in Scotland in Scotland the word is just a warning that there is a noun in it I think From what I laughed the hardest last year, in fact, I fell to my knees laughing at this.
frankie boyle i m excited to see you hate this frankie boyle live comedy audio antics
I went to see a personal trainer in Glasgow, that's not the joke. I went to see a personal trainer who had a mustache. Now, when I say this to the English public, they never quite understand it, but don't we know? Any Scottish guy with a mustache is psychotic. You may like gram sunis in the past. They all talk as if they are trying to repress some kind of terrible memory. This guy actually told me this right when Mr. Boil. I can see in your food diary that you ate a bag of chocolate money yesterday for dinner.
frankie boyle i m excited to see you hate this frankie boyle live comedy audio antics

More Interesting Facts About,

frankie boyle i m excited to see you hate this frankie boyle live comedy audio antics...

I didn't realize you could be fired by a personal chainer. It's strange getting older too when I was a teenager ejaculating was like a firework or exploding. Now I'm 47 years old, when I ejaculate it's like Tim Robins is escaping from Sha Shank. I grew up working class and always in a relationship, so now, being middle class and single, I find myself thinking things I've never thought about before, trying not to. to come to the good sofa I really care. I think I stopped caring about my appearance when I realized that the reason women didn't have sex with me was because of my personality.
frankie boyle i m excited to see you hate this frankie boyle live comedy audio antics
In fact, I recently donated my body to science after it was rejected for necrophilia don't disdain necrophilia is the only truly victimless crime watch some of this show it's going to be grim right people have the wrong idea about me they think I'm depressed or something like that I'm not depressed I don't wish I was I was dead I wish they were all dead Would I make a fuss over comic relief this year? I've always felt that comic relief should be done by paying, you laugh, on the basis that you watch it, you pay something every time you laugh.
frankie boyle i m excited to see you hate this frankie boyle live comedy audio antics
Mrs. Brown's boys do a sketch and end up with Chad 3 million, but there was a scandal because Stacy Dly Instagrammed a photo of her with a Ugandan boy and MP David Lamy. He said, "Well, this is an element of the white savior complex, I think so." Because the colonial power in Uganda was Britain, so we sent Comet Leaf there and come on, these people have nothing because we took it. People say why don't you send black celebrities. Well, we don't have a black version of stye, hence the representation. It's so important that Edis Elba can't do everything, that the guy gets mad at the man.
Furthermore, as things stand here now, if we sent Edris Elba to Uganda, she would definitely not be allowed to return to Britain. Look, there is a colonial side. For the British charity, it's true, look at Yemen, right? We are the number one supplier of weapons, bombs and expertise to Saudi Arabia that they used to bomb Yemen to cause a famine in Yemen at the same time we are the number two supplier of Aid to Yemen and why not life gives you Yemen, you give it you give help to Yemen. I turned 47 last month. My P told me: You know?
Biggie Smalls would have turned 47 this year if he hadn't been shot. No, he wouldn't. I haven't gotten over the invention of pizza dough. I don't want to become one of those old Mooney Scots, although you know what I mean? This happened to me. It's true. I was taking a nap in a park. One day in Glasgow, because my career was going particularly well that year, and an old man approached me. You know what your problem is? You are inaccessible. I'm not an agis, although certainly not sexually, cover me and scratch the foil off the card and throw me away.
In bingo, I think old people get upset because they don't get the same respect that old people got when they were younger. That's because the old men when they were younger had fought against the Nazis. All our old people have fought against their gay marriage. and type two diabetes has advantages too obviously you know the man and the uncle were married for 52 years and you know they died within hours of each other because he nailed all the windows shut before setting the house on fire which who thanked the elders. Because of Brexit I now know that it is very fashionable at the moment for people to leave.
Everyone who voted for Brexit is stupid. I really don't think everyone is stupid. I think they are simply people who voted to end immigration from Europe because they don't like Pakistanis, imagine when you have been an immigrant in Britain when people on holiday tell you that you need to integrate more, pointing out An image of egg and chips on a menu is simply endless. It will never end It will never end It's like you jumped off one of the towers on September 11 and just before you hit the ground someone opened a manhole cover. I actually want a hard Brexit now I want to know what happens when we run out of antibiotics, oh I bit my tongue, bye bye everyone, let's have a no deal Brexit and find out how many people with ashar are pretending, that guy who owns weather spoons, Tim Weatherspoon, he is a big supporter of Brexit, said he was going to stop. selling champagne out of weather spoons, listen mate, no one drinking out of weather spoons is celebrating, okay, and while we're at it, we can get back to writing men and women on the doors of toilets and pubs because I'm sick of trying to decode a rabbit in an HP hat, you make a snap judgment on a monacle-wearing kitten and suddenly you're on the sex offenders registry, that's a nasty cough you got there, buddy, okay, I can throw water on you from here, okay , my uncle had that. exactly the same cough and died of cancer they gave him three weeks to

live

he died in a week he got married to die like a dolphin but you know what he didn't do he didn't go out at night and ruined at least other people's entertainment May was, I want I mean, he had to go, right?
Towards the end she had all the authority of the Do Not Tumble Dry lab. I mean, she always had the charm of a war crime, but towards the end our body language was gone. I didn't realize it was possible to limp with both legs, so now we have Boris Johnson, an evolutionary dead end of the honey monster, a Ben bag of albino body parts, a cross between the Incredible Hulk and a horrible fried egg, it's the prime minister. the Prime Minister is not just the worst person for the job, he could be the worst mammal and let's not forget how these people are created, they are created in the public school system, that is where they lose their empathy, they are forged in a crucible of hierarchical sodomy, which is why they don't get along the last time the cabinet came face to face it was on the back of a crying Foster.
By the way, I'm not one of those people who think there's a pedophile ring in Westminster. I think it's probably more of a q, what's good for me about Brexit is these, um, I'm looking forward to these free market conservatives who have spent their entire career saying oh, let's let the market decide, the market will take that decision, let's see what happens once the market is exposed to shortages once people can't get food anymore once they can't get medicine oh, the market seems to have decided to drag me out of my front door screaming oh, the market seems to be hanging me from a lamp post by my ankles oh, the market seems to have decided to slit my throat and give me a cheerful farewell Halal, so I don't believe in compassionate conservatism.
I think compassionate conservatism generally extends to their MPs occasionally allowing prostitutes to wear knee pads, look at Jacob. SM, is the passionate comp so strange and elongated that it's like his mother is too elegant to dilate properly? The reason I don't like Jacobes Morgan is that he has this for reasonable reasons, right? And yet we know that he voted against same-sex marriage. I know he thinks gay sex is forbidden by the Bible, where is any of that in the gospel? Who was gayer than Jesus? Jesus is one of the most homosexual characters in all of fiction.
He says in the gospel that he wrote and asked even if you don't believe that he hung out with leprous lepers, are you really seeing that he's going to have any qualms about seeing two men kissing? Jacobes' argument HM Jesus would not have wanted to see a man with another man's hand in his hand unless he had dropped it. What if a Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is trying to put a Lep back on and accidentally jerks him off a little just as he is checking to see if he is back on? I have to check if he is back on.
It is not like this? It's not even an accident. Really Jesus has just been thorough, you know he has experience in carpentry, he's going to do a good job with this, right? What's going on? Then someone should ask you. Could we contaminate this? If you're ever in the audience, a question time. I want you to do it. Ask this for me, a question for the entire panel, but Mr. Reese MOG in particular, yes, the Scottish gentleman with the mustache in the back, what if our Lord and savior Jesus Christ is trying to put back a reading?
He accidentally jerks her off a little. What's going on? so sir, the public demands anas, so I don't trust Jacob is M, it seems he owns the laboratory that Michael Gove escaped from. I always think Michael goes, it looks like he would have pornography on his computer, that's so strange that it's legal for an amputation. comforting a lobster, he's definitely the creepiest looking one, right? It looks like a haunted ventriloquist's dummy carved from the UT tree, Operation Utree was named after it. It's like someone tried to cheer up the kids in a cancer ward by drawing a happy brain tumor oh and that was too much for some of you okay it's good to know where the line is childhood cancers from now on we'll stick to brain cancer Adults, don't worry, everything will be fine, explain where life is, right, this is true.
I happened to do a gig a couple of years ago in Belfast, technically it was for Shen fan, right, it was an Irish language air festival or something, so I understand it well when they announce that he's been there. There's protests, there's picketing and stuff like that in the street, right, uh, and on a pretty deep level, I don't care, so I thought, well, I'll do it anyway, but when we got off the ferry we ran into these two guys. . who looked like a pretty successful heavyweight boxer I said who are you you were I'm here as an advisor and my support Act of the time he's a great cheerful character he said what would you say if I said you look kind of like us? a little more than an advisor and I would advise you to keep quiet I know, I know that we have limits here.
I'm going to talk a little bit about

comedy

and I know it's not the most important topic in the world. right now I know that the dying people on the planet say that the best thing you can do for the planet is to go vegan. I don't believe it. I think the best thing you can do for the planet is to become a cannibal if you eat alone. someone else, you've reduced your carbon footprint by 100% if you really want to make a difference, eat a pilot when I started doing

comedy

, the most famous comedian among comedians was Bill Hicks and his most famous routine among comedians was never do an ad or you're off the arts list forever and I loved all of that and then as I got older I started doing corporate shows and I really

hate

d doing them so maybe about 8 or nine years ago I decided Well, I'll do them when They ask me, but I'll just give the money to a charity and I felt good about myself.
I probably didn't achieve much, but at that point in life I could see myself keeping that money away from Michael McIntyre, but you know, then. I thought you knew that if you did that and felt good about yourself, why not just make an ad and give away the money? You know, because they offered me ads. I was offered an advert for Scottish Blend. I admit I can't imagine what that means. The ad could have been like people who drink, kids, you understand these people, right? And those who are offended by comedy will probably always be with us and I didn't care until one day it occurred to me that most people are offended. for jokes watching porn like almost all of them there is someone right now watching torture porn I hope no one makes a joke about a swimmer's nose and then you find these other people who defend the comedy correctly and say oh this is a matter of freedom of speech, it's not a free speech problem, it's an artistic license problem, you can talk about it because it's not real on some level, right, I mean, there will always be people who won't do it right, alwaysThere will be people who will do it, I think so.
I'll find out that if two blocks really brought a crocodile to a pub, there would be Carnage, but it's not real, so we joke about it. I think people sometimes get confused with how they use humor in their own life and what's more. people use humor as a form of Pol lightness is to break the ice this is not that they are sentences that end in a very surprising way it is difficult to surprise people politely excuse me I am very sorry, boo, I received a lot of criticism a few years ago makes some jokes about the paro olympic opening ceremony and I've never seen why you wouldn't make the exact same jokes about the paro olympic opening ceremony that you make about the paro olympic opening ceremony, they are literally the same occasion and the jokes made sense, no They were just a joke, so the one the newspapers

hate

d the most was the Saudi Olympic team, they are mainly thieves, which has a true point, it is about Sharia law, there is nothing worse than going to bed thinking you have tweeted some funny jokes about the Paro Olympics opening ceremony and waking up to find that Channel 4 will never work with you again and you've received several hundred.
Angry Tweets in Arabic I don't care what they say, there's nothing scarier than Arabic plus an exclamation point, what was the other one they hated? Oh yes, the British Olympic team holds the world record for the high jump, but to be fair, they were also helped by the Taliban. You're right, not everyone has to like the point, but the point is that, between all these distractions, Britain was still fighting two wars, so I don't like people lashing out at jokes at the same time. I don't like people who attack jokes at the same time. Speaking of political correctness, I think it's lazy and I think it sometimes encourages people to dismantle things that protect them, so I'll give you an example.
A guy I spoke to a lot in Glasgow was homeless and an alcoholic. I guess that's why I talked to him because I was an alcoholic, in fact, the newspapers, when they attack me, still write that they put the alcoholic Frankie to the boil. It's a really strange way to attack someone by mentioning the time in life when they were happiest. The way I only get this in London, do these people ever go? Don't give him money, he'll only spend it on beer and Fs. I always assumed I'd spend it on Bean FS. I've never given money to a homeless person.
I thought well, I hope he's putting that in his head, so I was talking to this guy the last time I saw him and I told him what he would say is his biggest problem in life at the time I wanted to say, do you know my biggest problem? Problem, Frankie? it's all these snowflakes in the media, it can't be, it literally can't be that you're sleeping rough on glass streets, your biggest problem is the actual snowflakes, so I was thinking about all this recently, I was just watching Netflix. I had food poisoning a couple of weeks ago so I was lying on the couch trusting every fart as much as an email from a Nigerian general and I watched Ricky ja's new special and now he talks a lot about trans women.
I have nothing but love for trans women. I have nothing but love and support for trans people in general, but they themselves would admit that it's a very controversial topic that people try not to talk about and Ricky J is obviously a very powerful guy in show business. So no one who had the best years of their career ahead of them would tell you what they thought of that routine. Rage of maybe 15 minutes ago where he's doing well. If a trans woman can say that she is a woman, I can say. that I'm a chimpanzee I'm a chimpanzee and my genuine reaction was that it's not much stranger than R Jes saying he's a comedian I mean, look, we know R Jes, he's a brilliant actor, he's a brilliant writer, he's not a comedian simply because Rage Jes identifies as a comedian.
Am I supposed to say he's one of them? His political correctness has gone crazy and he also loves animals. Brilliant, wonderful. Talking about loving animals. I suspect, so I watched the whole picture of A's show and felt a bit like Fred, a ladder watching a guy with tongs fall down an escalator and then I watched Hannah Gadsby's show, Nette, it's a really great show, you should watch it if you get a chance, she talks a lot about comedy and her main point is that she feels that she herself, as an oppressed person, has often used her comedy to let the audience feel too light, which has many Really good points.
I think the problem with

live

comedy is that it's simplified stuff, it's hard to understand the truth when I have to get a lot of laughs regularly and sometimes I think I'm going to try to understand the truth here or I'm just trying to tell funnier lies, so For example, I think she simplifies some things on her show, she says, Stand Up Comedy Works. creating a tension in the audience that is then pierced with a punchline. I don't think mine works like that. You know, I think for me the tension comes in the punchline. My uncle always said: do something you love and you will never work.
The day of your life he used heroin. The tension builds to the punch line and the build-up line is almost supposed to be reassuring. People really say: right? They say that you only regret the things you don't do. I don't. I don't know who said that first, but he's someone who has never broken two cork screws trying to get an unlubricated pair of scissors out of his ass. The tension reaches the joke when I started doing monologues. I used to compare comedy clubs at Glaso in Edinburgh. Stand Comedy Club mainly and usually one weekend and at the time comedy gold in Scotland was doing the voice of Ned, what's all that you're talking about?
People loved the stuff about Neds and I'm sure I'm not innocent, right? I remember I had a line about the type of women who announce their pregnancy by switching to mental, but it was that voice that people wanted. Let's see, if you were to tell the truth about that voice, I don't think it could have been contained in a comedy show. It's not a weekend, it's that voice over which probably comes from the fact that their mothers raised them in single parent families and that's the tone of a woman's voice with anxiety and she's trying to raise her children to some kind of security while compartmentalizing his own upbringing of horrendous neglect and abuse anyway it's time for his titular act, let's come here, so sometimes, well, I write things down now and go, am I really rebelling there or am I just conforming because Does our society work with people in accordance? about racist police, they don't select for racism, there is no proof where they go.
I'm afraid you didn't pass, you answered several questions correctly about the history of MOT Town, they give you a conformity test so I just nod with structural racism and sometimes say to myself, well, am I conforming, as I compared it in I've been living at the Apollo for a couple of years, which is kind of a conformity in itself and at that point you're supposed to make jokes and all that? These celebrities in front of you and one of them is this really brilliant boxer who I really admired, who followed her whole career and I wrote this joke that I was very proud of about her being in the Olympics in women's boxing.
They fought in two-minute rounds, which was good because if it had been three-minute rounds I think I would have ejaculated my own pelvis and you know, I really laughed when I wrote that. I thought it was funny because you would never say that to someone's face. Do you want to and then as I walked to the shore I thought people say that kind of thing? People say that kind of stuff at school, especially me, people say it now on social media. So am I settling here and what am I settling for? a deeply sexist society life is different for women in Britain, right, women have to evaluate men before dating them because men are dangerous, men are violent, that's why women are obsessed with podcasts from True Crime, are investigating the relationships that men have.
We don't have to evaluate women, which is why we can objectify them so quickly on some level. We don't really care that a man can see a woman with a bad cold and all I think is that he would put out that flame, but he looks, look at this. spills over into real life, we could argue about how much, but now we become like men's rights activists, you know, campaigning for everything, they campaign for the anonymity of rape suspects, presumably they don't want them to lose their advantage of surprise or something, so now sometimes you know, I'll write something.
Well, I can't get that out of the society it happens in and haha, that's objectively funny and then I thought, could I make those jokes if I played in a more gender equal society? I do one concert a year in Sweden where I really let myself go, maybe like Valentine's night, once a year in Stockholm, I just run on stage and go, you only use a condom if you're going to let her live, the Swedish people are standing. applauding there are tears of laughter and emotion running down their faces their work is very misunderstood. I think the absolute intersection of misogyny and British racism was the case of Shamima Bagum.
If we were truly a compassionate society, she would have been brought back but forced to finish school. Yes, this essay about what you did on vacation last year. If we were really talking about Redemption, she would be getting a makeover this morning right now. First, let's stitch your clitoris. Look, I'm pretty interested in The reaction to that varies, right? I think that's why we just talked. Look, when I write those jokes now I think they're funny, but sometimes I have a kind of empathy. Normally I think you're probably missing out. the real joke then as the real joke probably has something to do with the British State trying to get someone involved in a war in the Middle East which has everything to do with him it's like the Pope throwing away his AR Kelly CD I'm a quite shy person in real life. um, I'm a pretty private person.
I don't make much eye contact, and yet I'll lock eyes with a dog I've been thinking about. Get a dog, move on, why don't you get a rescue dog? Get one of the rescue dogs. Yeah, why don't you marry someone who's been to prison? Because he is in the head. Oh, should we get a cute puppy? I don't want to. something that's in the head, let's leave it next to this while we sleep and maybe eat our faces, let the rescue dogs be pedophile puppies that have grown up, they should all be euthanized, okay, I really don't think so, No?
I really don't think in any way that I think having a dog says anything about you, it says that I'm so lonely that I could pick him up. I don't care if people have a dog, it's when they have a second dog because the spaniel sees it. Through them, let's hope this Labrador is a little less critical. I have one of those iPhones that unlocks with facial recognition technology. I think the trick is to set it up in your face, so if your phone gets mugged at least they'll help you. I have to masturbate you first, I have to be careful online, don't I?
Last year, a malicious sexual predator took over my Facebook account when I suddenly remembered my password. There is always a time for everyone. Does not exist? There is always a moment when you lose your childhood innocence for me I think it was the moment I realized that Santa's sperm tasted exactly like my dad's the tension reaches the joke if I hadn't been a comedian I think the job I wish I had been I wish I had been a bman, that's the only job where you can really scream all day, isn't it? I was there. I'll go get it and bring it back. to the Ben L there is another one, you take that one and I'll go up in the Ben L.
I'll drive the Ben L a little forward so you don't mind the nonsense. They could do that work in complete silence. Could you have a meeting there? beginning of the shift every day they go, let's agree that when we are there today we are going to collect all the containers, put them in container L. I will leave you one last tip in my announcements. never trust the super rich, what's the first thing they do when they get rich, buy a yacht, have they ever been on a yacht, it's like staying in a two star hotel and skating SKS, the only reason anyone I would like to have a yacht so I can kidnap children, sell them in international waters and dispose of their bodies, and that is what everyone who owns a yacht does.
I don't care who JK Rowling is. I must say, for legal reasons, that JK Rowling is not, and kill. children in international waters, as far as I know, that's what's happening there. SE levels are not increasing, it's just the weight of dead children. The sea is not even salty. Do you know that there are now hotels for the super rich that are so exclusive? that when you call on the phone and ask for an extra pillow that is actually a code word that is actually a code word for a prostitute imagine that you call on the phone and ask for an extra pillow and a prostitute appearsnow you have two prostitutes and only one pillow to suffocate them with "let's have it once" for all their lovely, hard-working staff, thank you, no.

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