Everything Wrong With Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them

You can't fool me with that fake musical. The Movie Out John Williams did not compose the music for this movie and this is just the first of several times I'm reminded of how much better the original movies were. Welcome to the wonderful world of Harry Potter now with 100% less Harry Potter. Will this new series also be the best called S of the prequels or will it be Star Wars? It'll take four more cash cows in the future to realize that maybe these wizards shouldn't have revealed their position, so clumsily, if they were looking for an evil dark lord on a foggy night, I mean, seriously, it's like they're not even prepared for this kind of power as Scooby-Doo makes his way into this castle.

I'm not one for sensationalism, but I should. t G Grindle Wall The Dark Wizard Strikes Again in Europe gets more than just a regular cover headline. It seems to be important enough to squeeze out the culture and sports sections that still feature prominently alongside the pygmy pincushion case and also tell stories through newspaper headlines. look guys i know you probably had budget constraints since you only needed 7 b723 m 431,500 multifamily that switch flipped until you reached safety the haircut the way he was shot from behind like the first grindlewald shot the fact That Graves didn't even bother to change the first two letters of his last name and his utter disdain for wizards isn't a dead giveaway that Graves is actually Grindlewald, but we'll spend another two hours pretending that's not the case. .

Fantastic drers and

where

to

find

them

. Excuse me. Just try to get to the bench, why not

find

an easier access point to the stairs? So there are definitely easier ways to get to the stairs than the one you just chose. Also, why did Mary L choose the bank steps to do it? evangelizing, was there an anti-unicorn Proto-trust already underway outside City Hall from the perspective of this creature trying to get out of the case that contains an entire world? How do you know

where

the exit of this case is and if space? What's in the suitcase is so huge because of the magic, why does the creature so desperately want the suitcase and

everything

it represents to get out of it as well? n is the only mother who sees this Niffler even though it is in broad daylight and there are a crowd of people looking directly at it, hey sir, hey buddy, new leaves and almost ready to hatch a magic egg in the bank, providing an early indication that he is the worst Magical Animal Wrangler in the history of the Magical Animal Wranglers, why would Tina know to follow n to the bank, she also saw Niffler and did nothing because He definitely doesn't know who you are.

Damn, this bank has the most oblivious school I've ever seen, not only does no one notice the rodent that's conveniently stealing everyone's fish. I missed two grown men who appear without batting an eye. The film attempts to introduce Baby Groot without Marvel's approval. How the hell did he know they were transported here? How did you know they? Call

them

Muggles, so the British called them Muggles and Americans have apparently never heard of Slant. What are you doing in New York? Anyway, there is only one Appoa Popkins breeder in the world and he lives in New York.

We later find out that this is a lie, but why wouldn't it need a cover story? He goes to Arizona to free a magical bird. It is illegal. You do not know. Don't know. The movie doesn't know. They then enter the Wallworth building which secretly houses a completely different magical building. where magical people do magical things, these wizards could have cured all cancer, but instead, most of their energy went into creating a magical space vortex. There is a lot of suffering in the world, but I want to be able to hold bricks of gold in my wallet, can we make that happen?

Holy shit, how are you supposed to differentiate between low and moderate zero threats? They are almost the same color. This is a poorly designed warning system even for a US government institution. Major research department. I have a section. 3A Even if it is a wise old Goblin, why would an elevator operator know the codes for different levels of crime? He doesn't terrify any companions and when the noads are afraid to attack, this is what happens when you create a nation of uncreative fools in your movie. they say no match, a complete punch and they all sound like their tongues are competing in an equestrian event to form sentences and look, I'm putting the blame squarely on JK Rowling for making me think badly every time I hear people say this Also much like the central conflict of every X-Men movie, why do magical people care what happens if humans find out they exist?

Can't they just kill them all if they attack or at least be able to survive the brunt of any kind of attack? Already in Aur, the only reason Tina was allowed to attend a high-level presidential meeting is to get some cheap exposition out of history that needs very little exposition, a good shot and

everything

except how many messages are long just because the Wizards are too lazy to make their own files, they seriously made the decision that making sentient origami pets that can destroy each other from time to time is the best course of action, the movie steals the Satchel Switcheroo gimmick from Home Alone 3 Sorry, damn grandma, Jacob has a photo. from your grandmother right above your bed, good luck bringing a cow home with that happening, although it probably helps with the resistance, pick up your leaflets before you get food, kids, Miss Barebones, Home for Exploited Children, we interrupt this movie of Harry Potter for something that was surely in Star Wars, the ghost of Menace or John gter or Avatar apparently with this and Jupiter Ascending edig M really loves being in movies where unforgettable destruction occurs and somehow, every person in the area that was witness to it can forget and also has the ability to reconstruct. physical buildings, something that was taught in wizarding school in the early 20th century, according to this movie, any wizard can do it, but I didn't see those Harry Potter kids do this even once.

I know there are pretty backwards laws about relationships with non-humans. -magical people, that you shouldn't befriend them, that you can't marry them, which seems a bit absurd to me, I'm sure he has a point, but are you telling me that Britain had progressive laws in the 1920s? or did I see that imitation? The game movie is

wrong

, the director said let's have something invisible, let's steal and eat an apple, that will make them seem even more invisible, absolutely no one sees this except the animals, crazy subway riots, this movie has basically been skipped . about what the main plot of this movie is and we are almost at the end of the First Act, our main character is someone who carries exotic animals in a magic suitcase and that suitcase, by the way, nothing about what he has done or what he carries . it really seems to solve a problem presented by the main conflict and in fact this movie seems to be two movies in one so here you go, crazy, why don't you put that in the trash where they all belong?

A completely unnecessary insult becomes a great plot device because, hey, we have to develop the script that is based on a textbook, magical clothing is practically no different from everyday muggle clothing, you're legit, yes, but I always have problems with your friendly British, that's Britz, plus Legl is someone who can. Read the mind of someone who's never been introduced to the entire Harry Potter world before, probably because, like Time Turner, they all got burned in some fire or something seriously. I can't just do a simple AIO spell or something to recover this magical error. Right now, sit down, Mr.

Commander, I'm not going to poison you, new, and Tina are extremely indifferent to the urgency of finding the many dangerous

beasts

running rampant in New York City. The advantages of being an obscurial, my vision only showed the immense power of the child he or she is no more than 10 years old I saw this child very close to your mother Graves Vision conveniently gives you all the details about the obscurial, except the part more importantly, let's also talk about Visions Visions in movies are the worst thing ever right, they give enough information to fool the person who has the vision, this guy was so amazing with visions, surely he has the power to realize that the Guy standing right in front of him is the person he was looking for for dragonpox when we were. children, but at least they didn't get hobbit rabies or troll menitis, no one has died a dignified death from them.

This is the best food I have ever had in my life. Jacob, who was right at death's door a few minutes ago, seems perfectly fine here. proving that the power of strudles and boners is even greater than normal sorcery. You and I will have to get up early tomorrow morning to find my niffler so Newton knows there are much more dangerous creatures escaping considering the condition of Jacob's apartment, but he's focused on his damn niffler what's a niffler? Do not ask. It's a platypus-style creature that likes to steal money. Jesus, it's that difficult given the other one he saw.

It's ridiculous. Tina would make the nfler discussion off limits. I thought you might like a hot drink. Me too. I thought you might like to see this spoon stirring drinks to show how lazy magicians are, so he's the real reason I came to America to bring Frank home in The Wilds of Arizona. Okay, I understand I had to travel to New York from England to get it. to the United States, but why didn't he immediately go to the train station and begin the journey to Arizona? How does Frank, the CGI Eagle Colossus, live the high life in Arizona?

Wouldn't other people see this guy and want to exploit him or hunt him down? I know I know all about magic, but I had to physically walk up to their kennel and the creatures that came out did so by climbing over the top, so how did they get the discount with Buck's beak through the box opening in the first place? place? The montage of all the

beasts

with n giving the background of them is incredible so I'm tempted to remove a sin but then I remember that this comprises only 3% of the film's running time when it should be almost the entirety, so send it.

Oh, I'm sorry, no, no, don't do it to defend yourself. Early N begins their pattern of giving information about the dangers of these animals only after they have shown the dangers. There is no way that n alone would be able to feed and maintain all of these creatures. constantly, in fact, why isn't he using magic to do something around here before? Queenie was using spells to wash clothes. Bubble drop, are you kidding me? n keeps an obscurist, the most dangerous thing in this universe is Satchel, they will make him forget you in an instant it was Biv means he would let you wake up and all memories of magic disappeared movie Wait 46 minutes to define a term that has been used approximately 94 times so far, this is a funny moment, but if there's one thing we know about nipple it's that he doesn't care about being seen stealing shit, he should be standing in that window with his nipple penis out giving two fingers of nipple to anyone in Finesse Street, we saw this open a damn safe with its magic before, but now it's I have to break glass to get into this store.

This scene is a pretty funny physical comedy and doesn't have any ridiculous musical accompaniment. In fact, it has no music, which makes it even more fun and that's why I'll eliminate the sin I just gave for the shit. Glass breakage that is still there by the way. I never thought I'd say this, but the movie steals a scene from Angels & Demons. Damn if he can, I mean why didn't he do this on all the motherfuckers he could use this on all the motherfuckers why would he have to use something like this? Because your skull is susceptible to breaking under immense force and yours is not.

If the girls heard this from their apartment then all of Midtown Manhattan should have too but not a single person shows up in the park to investigate Eddie redm professional actor ladies and gentlemen this is also something too even if the rumet smells the sex juice and hears something new doing the mating dance he can still see well but where the entrance to the zoo goes the case is the little one from n workshop who definitely wouldn't fit in it, you can't use his magic to explain this whole movie even when They had that huge magic tent and the Goblet of Fire, there were some rules, ladies and gentlemen, meet New York Senator Henry Shaw. oh yeah, remember that story about the in-laws with the newspaper and the John Voits and whatever, yeah, me neither, who makes campaign speeches in the dead of night, we saw Newton Kowalski go to bed a while ago minute and they had some adventures on the empty streets of theNew York City, which suggests even more passage of time, but apparently you can get a bunch of rich white people out at 2 in the morning to watch campaign speeches.

Madam President, I'm sorry to interrupt, but this is critical, Tina, once again. He wants us to jump right into what has to be a well-secured presidential meeting, aren't these damn wizards? I guess this is the dead politician, but apparently the community wizard doesn't have better visual aids than the ones in The Hunger Games, wait, why? What the hell did they lock up Tina? She handed them over so we could have an obviously expository conversation while we were imprisoned. If such young wizards and witches sometimes tried to suppress their magic, they developed what was called an obscuralist, it is an unstable and controllable darkness. force that explodes and attacks, this is how the obscuriales are created.

They are told not to touch their wands or they will grow hair on their palms or go blind. Also this means that an obscurus is an obvious metaphor for ANS teenagers becoming so bad. It causes irreparable damage if so, they should have just called it an emo band now that I think about it, dark would be a

fantastic

name for an emo band, which makes Ela stumble oIt's very funny of you, mostly it just likes to be referenced and N was always kind enough to do that wherever he went, so releasing a group of dangerous creatures here was just another accident, right?

What would he deliberately do to expose a magician to provocation? war between the magical and non-magical world I'm not one of the Grindle Wald fans. The original title of this film was X-Men and Where to Find Them. Oh really. Grindle Wald is Magneto and this is essentially X2 again, so you were guilty. of a betrayal of their fellow magicians and are sentenced to death. I know Graves is struggling to circumvent the system, but shouldn't one or two of the Witches behind them suggest that there be some kind of wizard court to approve this? Just do it immediately and by immediately I mean drag it out for several minutes while giving them ample opportunity to escape.

You know, while we're at it, this movie also has a lot of Minority Report in it. Colin Frell Samantha Morton visions of future prisons that are a kind of purgatory is not that difficult in the world of cinema, whatever this punishment is and he has to wait for Tina to go over his entire life story before he himself has to go through it incredibly complicated. The magically secured door is no match for a swift kick from a gome mge's burly creeping death wave conveniently leaves a gigantic opening right where Tina needs to escape. Leaving the manufactured tension for the Escape scene is manufactured and sacred.

What kind of relationship is this? This is just a child. It still bothers me that Grindlewald knows so much about the obscurial and is so close to the real host, but has no idea that it is the flash that your grandfather kept pigeons. Someone is raising pigeons for some damn reason on the roof of an apartment. CL we have to catch. all your creatures are still missing someone uh no, there are two and for a supposedly super detailed creature keeper it's a strange detail that can be missed huh. I wonder why Queenie didn't do this at the beginning of the movie when Tina asked her to get dressed and she decided. going with the same look as muggle dressing with a bit of magical technique, holy Dan Fogler, is by far the best thing about this movie and this moment kills me so I once arrested half the people here but apparently You're totally fine with this because no one is fighting with Tina ah recognizable CGI Goblin Ron Pearlman something invisible has been wreaking havoc on Fifth Avenue geez why did they have to pay this guy something for information and then they wouldn't have news of something invisible or other that would be pretty big news, maybe they should have asked around the city and gotten some clues before trying the Goblin gangster, although the obscurus is out and proud, at this point we still have time to show another being, because even after an hour and a half of the movie still can't decide what its main story is.

Also, Narac says to check Macy's and that invisible thing is not only there, it's openly shoplifted in front of the window. It's almost like it's not a conflict at all. Demig Guys, Ghosts in the Undoes his invisibility when alone, although it would be much easier to remain invisible in order to foresee the most likely immediate future creature. He has the skills of Nicholas Cage next and the movie thinks that impresses me. OK Big say, so grow to fill the available space. We've seen these things a couple of times in this movie and no, this hasn't happened until now.

We need an insect and a teapot. Did this movie just become Alice and Wonderland? Damn, no one remembers the AIO spell when they try it. to reach something I'd be using that all the time well that's more or less correct creatures Mad escape ensues everything goes back to normal new bosses to Arizona what we still have that dark story to tie up and a Johnny Depp Cameo by the way this suitcase , hushi, oh there's no leader, the strange thing I've heard about that family is that this franchise basically does what the Hobbit did, where everything leads to Voldemort because the public can't accept a prequel series without seeing it. the origin story of a sort of Darth Sauron, you know what I think it is, but if not, here's a sin anyway, anyway, it was a long time ago, have we sinned?

Anyway, it was a long time ago, cliche before, if we did it, I bet it was a long time ago so it got really close if you could read minutes the most annoying thing you could do is finish someone's damn sentences during the morning is only the best wizard school in the whole world I think you will find that it is the best The wizarding school in the world is Hogwarts look if this American school has someone who teaches something and does not have a teacher who ignores his students it is already better than Hogwarts you're a squib Credence your mother is dead that's your reward sure grindle Wald is but why unleash this tirade on Credence before his sister discovered she could still use his help?

Credence was super angry at the graves, but flew past him to wreak havoc instead of killing him, presumably because he knew it's actually Johnny, Death, I see. This obscurant doing all this damage on the simple side of the nomads. I'm thinking about the forgetting spell and the construction work I did earlier and realizing that there is nothing at stake in this final confrontation. He is more powerful than any dark one I have ever heard of. You know, Nud is supposed to be a creature expert, but suddenly he knows everything about the obscuriales because the plot needs a convenient expert witness if I don't come back to my creatures, oh, that's a big responsibility. about someone you just met yesterday doesn't have fellow Beastmasters who are imminently more qualified yes they are generally dangerous to humanity but this dark one is actually more related to property damage oh cool another wof like the second part of Deathly Hallow.

I wonder if this will also end with an all-powerful wizard trying to physically kick someone to death even though they have no idea where Credence is going. The police hilariously choose this street at random to impose an armed parade. That thing killed my son. I want the Justice movie to keep trying. to make John's story null and void, take pictures, you know, just because a person is forgotten, how would that affect the pictures? It shouldn't be okay, so these makusa asses are exposed as hell, the guy who will be revealed as Grindlewald is definitely trying to kill here, so why not Hakuna Matata?

I mean, with his ass, do you realize what you've done? Probably not much, if I've learned anything from the Harry Potter movies, the only way your character is truly dead is if you're Robert Patson attacks the evil xmov for the third time in this movie, he's one Jude Law away from being The Imaginary from Dr. Parnassus 2

fantastic

Baloo Let's also talk about grind wal's plan, apparently despite constantly winning, he needed to infiltrate the US Magical Congress and become a A powerful leader in sight everyone had the resources to find the obscurial, but why did he need it?

Yes, Credence was powerful and almost Grindle Wal has been killing people left and right without any help. This is so unnecessarily complicated and obviously a setup for a surprise. which makes the last hour completely ridiculous if he had a vision of this powerful child, why not just go to Samantha Morton's house and kidnap all the children, do this rilio spell and find the obscurial that way or a million other ways not? It doesn't involve being part of a magical Congress, you didn't tell the rogue beast in the suitcase not to escape this time and they kept their word as this discounted Phoenix flew out of there, instant oblivion, okay, so this is the rain that It will make everyone forget about the magic they just saw okay, it will work for everyone who is outside right now, but this movie will make you believe that those in their apartment are forgetting too and that is something this movie really believes. that he will let it pass and the wizards and witches will be in charge of fixing everything. once again proving that this movie is Jupiter Ascending under a different title, but how do they know where all the damage is?

There are certainly buildings that will be lost in the setting because it is impossible to know the full extent. I also wonder about some of these people. Inside being hit by the rain, we're supposed to believe everyone saw something they shouldn't last night? By the way, no one from the magical government decided to make sure they went ahead with Oblivia, this guy easily could have not. and sworn to secrecy, of course, so what does it matter if a guy claims magical people exist? Isn't that guy considered crazy? Jesus, is there a more useless feature of an all-powerful than turning it into an umbrella?

Please take these eggshells as Guarantee F, your baker, thank you. Take this type of guarantee. Doesn't this break the non-magical magic code? Wow, you waited until now to wrap this with twine! I'm out of here. I will take care of it. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the credits roll, seriously, the damn credits roll, wait, this movie says that despite being made to forget everything he's ever seen, Kowalski still has traces of those memories somehow. H, I don't think I like her, I guess Queenie. I cast a spell on all the people who were in line just 30 seconds ago, she shot the customers of her, they are magically delicious, come on Wendy, let's try to jump the mountainous brush, which tree are we meeting today?

We've found the witch, we can burn, uh, the mile. walking on the M walking on the M I'm kneeling and praying praying Lord is my pastor and so on and so on the step this is what we call an orgy of evidence you know how many orgies I had as a homicide police how many none the bank should be protected , Mr. Kowalski, you get nothing, you lose, good day sir, what are you, some kind of investigator, what kind of investigator are you, what kind of suicide squad, please sir, I want some more, let's be honest , this Whiting World here has never exactly been known for its healthy eating.

You ever stop eating, but if you're a Fantastic Beast fighting a weirdo with a magical zoo in your bag, I think you have room for some snacks, dude, you hate that your box is perfect for snacking for a bunch of reasons why. the ones you want to go crazy. Come on, let's get crazy, they ship to your door, they come in handy portable bags, and best of all, they're healthy, I'm sorry right now, if you go to Naturebox.com/tyler, that's so many thrills, three free whole snacks you can obtain. my favorites, sourdough pretzels with cheddar cheese, something like that or try the new mini strawberry lemonade star fruit juice.

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