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Everything Wrong With Ender's Game In 16 Minutes Or Less

Everything Wrong With Ender's Game In 16 Minutes Or Less
47 seconds of logos philosophical reading 50 years ago in duration it was only through the sacrifice of our greatest commander that we avoided total annihilation it was forever known as the Randy Quaid maneuver also his one ship crashed into that ship and the battle was over if it's not that it's water or germs we really underestimate aliens that have conquered space travel don't we I am one of those recruits awesome because if you're not we're talking about a really short movie I'm not telling you he's the one having either one you miscalculated you trajectory relative to the incoming asteroid don't lecture me Wiggin we were told just a minute ago that this program recruits the smartest children so what did they see in this typical cliche movie bully if the plastic show up in this thing I'm out that's bone hurt a bit what does the end

game

Ender

s

game

telling him it won't hurt when it clearly will I know they want to see how he'll respond to getting kicked out of the program lying to him about the pain of this procedure come on you find out in a minute that the two bosses are watching this all go down and not stopping it even though someone definitely could have been killed scanner monitor now that's right no I watch you now but presumably you bully dicks all still have monitors which means someone's watching you right I thought you had to be smart to get into the school and we'll get in trouble for this but he...
everything wrong with ender s game in 16 minutes or less
shouldn't he should get a medal in the mom and dad spend all that money on a third now is up the program too I've read the book so I know that third has derogatory connotations probably to the point the polite society calls it the T word but I'll be damned if this movie ever explains it I mean if you really wanted to stop what was happening couldn't you've just broken one or more of those panes of glass in the door also this movie's been going for seven

minutes

and it's made up of 80% ass-beating so far please state your name you mean they couldn't call first final step in our evaluation is always to see what happens when the monitors removed okay she should finish this by saying with admiration and you son nearly kick the guy to death that's not what he did it's why he did it it was tactical a strategy to stop future attacks so you must have been really certain that the bullies would confront him afterward in order to get that information huh you've got what a few hours to make that determination before he goes home and you can't monitor him anymore also it's almost like Harrison Ford took his branch rickey character from 42 and just continued it here he wants the guy who's got the guts not to fight back the others eyes see the last person on board this ship it's not like they recruited him while all these other careers we're waiting rank you late out of my control this is the most egregious example thus far of...
everything wrong with ender s game in 16 minutes or less
the you're late problem in Hollywood screenplays there is no authority relationship between these two and literally no consequence for the tardiness just mind

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chatter to fill time and what kind of name is that what's your name names bean your name is bean and you had the audacity to mock another person's name you beam you can dick God you suck the society has solar panel launch rockets and genetic prediction abilities so other than zero gravity why would the battle school need to actually take place in space why can't you train these fools on earth and even simulate zero gravity with your future technology antigravity vomit anti grab a vomit there's only one kid on this launch with any brains at all so far and that's Indra Wiggin this is what the military refers to as painting the target as isolation can never be broken they must never believe anyone will help them what why does your neo commander need to be isolated you are literally guessing but passing it off as fact considering you've never done what you're trying to do oh look it's a smart ass while I understand that they're reacting this way because Harrison Ford singled amount don't all these kids know the pain of being bullied because of their intellect what they challenge much like he was don't they know

everything

is a test at this point I don't have to ask to be by the door speak your name Andrew Wiggins so they left him this last bunk by the door but somehow...
everything wrong with ender s game in 16 minutes or less
saying his name into the voiceprint thing at this bunk unlocks it and all the inside the lockers gonna fit him perfectly but if you're looking for a shoulder to cry on use a pillow do I look like a joke it's not we're all these already in some sort of military academy before they made it here this isn't boot camp they know better if you're found in an area not designated to your g

ender

I will personally do to you North Carolina welcome to battle school a great responsibility rests upon each of you and it comes with great power oh wait get up tonight kids in battle school are subjected to the beginning of

Ender

s

game

also is this video of the guy who blew himself up edited like a Hollywood movie did they find feeds from everywhere like the people who made Chronicle did let's move it along geez you've got ten nights ten

minutes

is barely enough time to even wake up I know this is some kind of military or whatever but the entire movie they keep waking people up ten

minutes

before important about ninety percent of a face ship if you're going to go to ninety percent why stop there do you need to let in air if you're gonna leave part of it open presumably for air why not just shield the eyes and call it a day like it like they're a bug to be crushed under our feet I just realized this movie is a lot like Starship Troopers or that Starship Troopers is a lot like this book or something I'm not sure there's ass in here but I'll have...
one just to be sure this is amazing I can't move at all now sounds dope you're flapping around like a bunch of drunken ducks sergeant explain the

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yeah let's insulting recruits before you ever give them any idea what the was going on you get one point for hit to a limb sick for at all some of it and this

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will somehow prepare you to pilot massive space warships against other massive warships just go with it man yes I know they're looking at leadership and tactics but still tons of easier ways to observe that kind of if either side gets one cadet through the enemy's gate unharmed that army will win regard

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of points already scored so it's like the snitch in Quidditch and it makes

everything

else you do essentially worth

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great

game

dear Valentine so this is battle school email raishin and no one ever adequately explains how mazer rackham actually defeated the entire fleet

ender

would be amazing at cinemasins and it's kind of crazy that this incomplete story got this much traction over the years without a great many people questioning it wait a minute didn't

ender

make a buddy when they were in the antigravity chamber or a minute ago is this a thing nerds who shown other nerds sorry now being blocked all communication is being temporarily held back this seems like something they would have been told like the first day what benefit is there not to tell them I feel like the scene was put in so that Harrison Ford could get his...
mandatory I'm certainly seen in and fulfill his contract you will never salute you push up shadowing shadow we have only three passing scores on the deep-space navigation test now the problem was simple I'm confused as to how these other smart kids got into the program if they couldn't solve this simple problem if getting through the first leg of the training is so difficult to get into battle school how three people pass this test I mean seriously this is the type of thing that threatens an entire movies credibility when dicks like this can get into an elite school that the movie has tried so hard to tell us it's impossible to get into that occasional break in whose sent fist I love how this classroom apparently has a class-wide anonymized chat application running on all these computers it's working their plan to make enter into a leader by berating him punishing him and blocking his emails to home is working yay everyone lights under now and the shining is still cool welcome to

game

s and recreations Jesus don't they have headphones at battle school holy Christ that's horrifying why would a

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developer in a

game

where your actions are supposedly to choose one of two cups even program in a combination of buttons to allow this was there no option just to eat the cheese I'm sorry but you can't play baseball like this any kind of well struck ball will hit the ceiling immediately and later we find out the battle room is open 24/7 why not...
play this

game

and the awesome antigravity chamber since nobody who runs the ship gives a what you do with the free time also bonza must have thrown quite the fastball for dink to be this late on it and hit it straight to

ender

who's constantly making dramatic entrances in this movie quick study I may be clear I intend to trade you ASAP trade we this training center inadvertently creates some kind of sports league is baffling he's in charge of a squad even though he's still just a cadet but he can as a cadet immediately trade away another cadet the boss is personally assigned to his squad is this like a sign-and-trade kind of deal here is he worried about the salary cap I think how did enters custom team uniform make it here before he did he played the

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they decided to promote him and he walks straight here the uniform department in this place deserves a phrase for how on topic they are why does she even do this like yeah maybe she's just trying to be nice to the newbie or she like likes it but since Bonzo told him to do nothing when they get into the chamber what good is his practice does she know

Ender

s gonna be the special that defeats Lord business you don't practice with her in fact you don't practice at all I realize you need antagonist in a movie but this guy's bully boner is absurdly big that's the Dirk Diggler of bully boners wake up me spend a horse battle with leopard in ten

minutes

ten

minutes

I'll grant the fact that...
salamanders are predatory animals but they don't exactly strike fear into me when I hear their names are you telling me this hyper violent society that fosters violent cadets is going to end up on salamander for a plane mascot the movie will send this for us but what an extraordinarily stupid maneuver this is I mean your solution is to make one big target where the opposing team doesn't have to be all that accurate when they shoot I mean this movie isn't beloved or anything but it's stuff like this that made it passable I'd take action scenes this clever using actual thought and tactics over 99% of the action scenes I see in movies today but also one session with a girl and suddenly he's spinning spacesuit Jesus with the gunplay also also the salamander team was like 22 and out the only reason they're losing right now is to give Endor a reason to show up and the only reason the movie gave them an unbelievably perfect winning record is to somewhat justify the bully boner late he was watching the action that closely from there you can't see anything from there why not use video monitors instead of glass windows really far away could she want him anymore somehow allowed to happen by all the adults in this place who spy on everyone all the time with cameras I'm getting a little tired of how intentionally ignorant these adults are with the bullying that goes on at this Academy talans hi she doesn't look anything like Abigail Breslin video...

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substitutes for a dream sequence where we're sure to see Voldemort at some point yep confirmed I don't his psycho brother end up in the

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he's obviously feeling so psychologically the only reason the

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is doing this as we later learn is because the stupid aliens are trying to use telepathy to communicate with him a video

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doing this is impossible so the scene for this is that she casually chalks it up to psychological pricker instead of a goddamn miracle a software is better we've only seen him in the battle room for official matches once we have however spent a lot of time on a stupid video

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where a white Walker makes him drink poison and his brother is still a dick would you have a habit of upsetting your commander his commander actually hasn't habit of being a douche dragon army sure I've never heard of a dragon army we discontinued the name four years ago no dragon army ever won about I mean did you ever get those uniforms to anyone who could win a battle is it because you're superstitious about dragon army or because you never put people in those uniforms who could succeed you know the Red Sox and Cubs operated just like this 486 and 108 years before they realize there was no curse just teams that weren't capable of winning sir because we already have the uniforms you Harrison Ford's character whose name I refuse to learn you those uniforms cannot possibly fit everyone on whatever team you're putting together stop...
trying to cover up the fact that this facility has the fastest and most capable seamstresses alive operating under a dark shadow secrecy I can't be expected to do all the thinking in this army can I be wow isn't that amazing these misfits they gave endure just happened to be people he knew from his training squad but his best friends even awesome ankle pal well whatever gets Hailee Steinfeld on my team is a good thing but like hope that ankle is okay geez look like that hurt you know if you get under a sheet on this window he doesn't have to get woken up by moonlight and sunlight every 45

minutes

let's see how they hem the formation what kind of logic is that this is your very first

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is dragon army right they don't know what to expect at all but surely they think you know some formations since that's part of the

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right we should storm him and crush him yeah we hold our positions he has to come to us not according to the rules of the

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it's a point based

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un

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someone breaches the other side scape otherwise its points based on leg shots and torso shots I was paying attention and his team has shot 12 of your soldiers and you've shot one of his ander wins on points with all these kids getting hit at once and becoming a mobile would they still be able to hold their positions in this formation salamander 122 he matches in a row and after this one match dragon goes to first place why would they even in second place did the move to...
cut all the times that they played before this I mean yeah we saw them briefly training a few

minutes

ago I guess but were they in actual competitions I'm not saying put cameras in the showers I'm just saying this facility has live feed video surveillance of its cadets but somehow let's every single bullying and beating occur with zero interference my father trained horses I've raised yearlings since I was five years old I know a thoroughbred because kids and horses are so similar I've had a lot of fights though and that's just in the last hour the training begins first thing tomorrow morning I'm confused as to what we've been doing so far sergeant tap I'll show you to your quarters because he's the guy you and the viewing audience are familiar with he's really the only guy we have to do whatever job he does not gaudy sir I've already seen this I want to know what happens after oh come on

ender

you're a smart kid you know me as a Rackham didn't drag you into the video room to show you the same video this is the director's cut after the explosion clear

everything

was incredibly still and I wrote the script Independence Day on the way down then they started falling out of the sky oh yeah there's nowhere near any of the thousands of ships that should have crashed into me like a bad Dave Matthews Band concert what animal is the formics most often compared dance which have a cruel so the aliens are hive minded and...
that's why all of them died after a maser killed the Queen seems like a species this advanced wouldn't have such a glaring weakness in their defense but that's how you make killing aliens when you should have no chance in hell easy indy500 Petra is trying to fob in what when did she get trained to do that it seems like a healthy coincidence to me play out drones give me for hyperbolic formations with 90-degree offsets okay since when do all these people know all there is to know about this simulation the last we saw

ender

he was conquering a futuristic version of laser tag and learning basic military strategies but now at the drop of a hat he and his buddies know all the capabilities of this thing maybe I missed a training montage how can they be effective if they don't get any sleep sleep deprivation is part of your training I'm not sure that actually enters the question of one more simulation and I may have to go to war what happens when it's no longer a

game

real war is different or is it dumb what if they could talk to us they can't talk a hailee steinfeld why empathy to think like a former nothing he's done so far demonstrates this but whatever suddenly rapidly approaching the climax movie neezy sir it's graduation day why would you wake up your most valued recruits in this way why not just give them a time and let them set an alarm what is it with this movie and waking people up moments before important events well that happened I...
have no idea what it was but it happened he's abandoning his entire fleet he's in command there's no stopping him not considering the reveal we're about to get it's absolutely stunning that the people in charge don't tackle

ender

during this maneuver this is gambling the entire fleet something that they know but

ender

doesn't know also is there any indication as to why they needed kids to do this and even if they believed kids were better suited because of their video

game

capabilities or whatever why were there restrictions on having a third trial seems like a society that goes all-in on children running the military would ask parents to have as many children as possible here's the phone Ben Kingsley a screenshot from the Corps distinct ring you've won all future battles destroying them see here's where the movie fails if one is read the book and knows how the story ends then the entire movie is a lot and one knows it and it can't help but keep one from truly experiencing and enjoying the run it's the rare example where books twist is so great that the movie ends up being pretty much made solely for the people who never read the book but that being said it's a great reveal this should stand as one of the greatest reveals no matter the medium so we will remove five cents the comics access the

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for me their thoughts my dreams all mixed together yeah why I know

ender

is special but there's no reason to think they knew...
about him and they never tried it with other candidates because Viola Davis told us those images had never shown up in the

game

before and if what they were trying to communicate why did they do it with a mix of dreamy imagery to the point that he couldn't discern a real message okay okay maybe it was a first Rana and they needed to iron out the kinks and then the humans deleted the

game

before

ender

could go further seems like telepathic communication should work with in a confusing video

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mixing up the message Oh a format Queen stayed behind on this planet after all the other formats retreated to another planet and managed to live long enough to keep a future Queen and the survival of the species intact and luckily discovered a child who could interpret the video

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sequence as communication deus ex Formica only through the sacrifice of our greatest commander that we avoided total annihilation you chose one all right thank you smile squeeze it turn it what's

wrong

with this country my money you taught me that evil defense contractors had it noble causes did not politicians are bought and sold like so much chattel our problems multiplied you are the weakest link go back I think you're gonna find yourself one smiling I'm coming up with 32.3 three repeating of course percentage of survival I'm all better and we usually do already guys the Genesis effect matter is reorganized with life generating results