Every Single HECKLE! | Jimmy CarrMay 30, 2021
what ladies and gentlemen this is what i do for a living i think jokes in my head and then i tell them so they like it sounds a little tragic to me what i said was that it's not working this is as good as ever gallows i'm not coming to his work and not the sailors in his mouth, where is it? You ain't working man give us a wave what you doing sir tea? an annoying one i get is one i have created a joke right through the punchline and someone says
everything is invariably the same so its words erlan where is olin not my bete noire its just a little annoying where is alan who is in your house your dad I think we all knew including him I think we all knew Wow, that was a trap.
I could feel you going to grab, oh, and then some brave soul in there said no. Now I keep one for the team. i have kids it was kind of sorry why
jimmywhat you contributed something you said go ahead
jimmyok ironically slowing things down you often do that just avoid people on the street walking past you above or not Doesn't it tell you to continue? When is the comedy about what's your name sir? What is David's name? What is his favorite color? David. Blue seems the fairest way to deal with your David. There are so many things I could say. six is fine and you told me when is the sitcom he says if you want him back you'll have to scrape him out of your mum's tea these things don't lie david these things online im kidding she swallowed a lot was i bullied at school no sorry but I'm a thank you, we all are.
I'm having fun. I'm going to open this can of pop that's incredibly safe for a man in some sort of hoodie. What do you do for a living, sir? in high school in ireland and what you want to be when you grow up i'm sorry you want to be a lawyer so you know you're a you're going down i met you here with tonight you're lonely so far we know you're lonely and you're a little different than enya Frankly, what's your name, Mr. Chris? you chris feel free to join in anytime you want the more aggressive the better frankly sorry shooter just a rock just black out yeah you know you got plans go don't you?
Someone pays you 2250 to tell you to leave, why? Don't we have plenty of Amnesty to interrupt the three minutes or can you just fill your boots if you have something abusive to say? Bob you actually have Tourette's that was funny boom boom we should shut up the rudest words you know any other interruptions well sorry Peter Kay was sold so you had to come here. I'm lucky, I bet he wouldn't. Unfortunately, I'm not Peter Cane, my girlfriend, well maybe we're a good double team, err, my girlfriend is your ultimate sexual fantasy. famous and i say bye and famous what's your point is your girlfriend as your girlfriend i'm not going to change if that's ok can i just clarify that you're a beautiful lady no disrespect where i had called i had to leave it and the only way to getting to him was through you.
I also like the shape. I suggest your girlfriend wasn't good at looking up and you clapped. you enjoy it i enjoyed it yeah it's great to go on without you do you have a moment oh my gosh? Tell me more. I'm sorry. The best thing about Alton Towers was that we robbed a fruit machine. That is an amazing sentence. I'm sorry Mr. talking to you i went to allentown sanding your walls of complaints ain't enough to need i love the way you're using now an expression of you you stole a nice town nice machine you stole a machine for free come on we're friends y'all know i'm a boy, you're a boy, we steal things from food vending machines, what's your name Mr.
Daniel? Nice to meet you Daniel, what do you do unless you're the cleaner? Investigating this place for about a year and when it's the big job this is good I get paid extra if this ends up in Crimewatch why do I laugh like a sexual predator I like the way there is a sexual predator sounds better in your accent than anyone else sexual predator i dont know why i laugh like that its one of lifes mysteries in the same way as why you dressed as a gay lumberjack like big thick logs yeah how BIG is my well im not sure if you mum would be comfortable discussing it but she's talking about who will you see that heartbreaking story in the mirror newspaper last year they ran a campaign are you showing off to the other kids are you pretending you can read a heartbreaking story do you mean it's on page three what did it i feel so i'm ok for fruits and veggies thanks i guess that's what he's talking about so you'll hear it was a night off for someone yeah i think if i'm not mistaken that's one of Victim Stein's theorems you take the blame off his mother I'm not from Perth so I may never have to make that decision you know you sell you come from a very broken home old fashioned that way which is his mr several i think c and yeah i figure why is it only there that
everyone maybe put up with he knows what hotel well its pretty fancy so i'll have to be your house i don't think they'll let you in now , they have a policy on that kind of thing and even though I'm not paying you it looks like I'm how old yes grandma we're in a hurry how lazy is that how old how old are you or would you care to tell us how old? you're how old well i'll guess how old you think i am you think i'm 12 well you shouldn't even have those kinds of thoughts about me why do i look like hitler? nein nein nein who said many others sorry i have a big nose what are you i mean literally i dont have a big nose its a weird hat its like an insult you heard someone else used you.
I have a big left. that will work better with the comic with a big nose what's your name sir thomas what are you doing thomas you are a student what are you studying math math shots are you in school thomas i don't know if we should continue this more because it's time to have want to get ready at school you have a big nose and oven any other interruptions oh what was that that sounded good gone what was that what was it i'm a pedophile i was just talking to him me i haven't done anything let's give it up ladies, some around you, that's probably enough looking around, some of them haven't made any effort, you haven't, so, yeah, ah, blessing Mungo, no lie, I saw your comment. i haven't made much of an effort well there's some cameras and some lights i don't know what you had in mind that's what could come to your work and not the sailors from your mouth it seems like a very strange thing of a It's a man Pretty hard for Glasgow to say whether or not he has tried very hard.
I thought he would be better dressed. It's a little Prison Rape coming for you. You've probably heard of who's the most famous person I've ever met while I'm not out on the lawn, he's got a pretty awesome one that I don't want to brag about, but you know, you know, you know, no, you know how towns have jerks, yes i met the jerk all over the Glasgow one of the biggest counts in the world yes a newlywed to him guys again that will only happen in Glasgow you call someone and his wife says yes the sex always it's bear in hotels, have you noticed ladies yes sex is always bear in hotels why? is that because it's with a prostitute because you don't have to look sorry because you don't have to clean the sheets how are you? she that there's a hole maybe later oh I don't see better the sex bomb yes sir I always think you know you're doing something bad sexually bad in a good way when you think we better drop a towel before that happens .
We think you always know we're up to something. yeah i've never done this before it could end badly i don't even know if you're gonna make it but good luck love what i'm sorry posh prick prick seems a little harsh what sir what's your name , Mr. Myles Myles, do you think I could be a little fancy Oh, Myles, what's your favorite color? Blue seems the fairest way to deal with this, a blue number between one and eight miles four hmm Oh it says if you've come as a you've won ooh cool little fact for you Obsessive Star Trek fans are known as virgins Don't me like it when the tabloids are homophobic because that's a very important part of our culture the tabloids when they get it wrong they send a very bad message remember last year when they kicked out a footballer which is a terrible thing to do anyway they are out of this soccer player? and in the course of the article where they described this guy being gay, they described consensual oral sex between two adults, here two guys sucking each other off, they describe it as a joke, how demeaning it is for gays to be described that act of making love.
I took it as a joke and it doesn't work from the other point of view either because I like to think of myself as a joker but I don't think I ever said I got you don't forget your balls that's you you. i really care what about you sir you are from new york what are you doing here do you mind me asking you to do something you moved here for work what kind of job do you do i mean i am not suggesting i need to see your papers but what you are going to bring to the party to blame for everything, go to Yuki, I'm sorry, if it wasn't for you, we'd be speaking German, how little you know about our language skills, there's no way we would have learned it in 60 years.
Who has a side parting? You're going to kick yourself when I tell you I'm beastly for easy easy let's just think about this 'Cause bestiality a lot of people just dismiss it as terrible let's look at both sides let's say you're a cow and that could happen you sound crazy no , let's imagine you care, actually you haven't hurt the cow, cows are huge, you. I'm not going to have a problem with your little one, but you know, but you probably just stress on animal days, he's probably thinking about what he's doing, on the bright side, though you've had a great time and if you have a baby with a cow. it will be a little tall it's like bullseye just putting it in terms will understand yes dad what's the worst present you ever got birthday anniversary christmas valentines what's the worst part of you we've ever had we've had a cool see what what that was say a little louder i don't like what's ok a chair wouldn't what's your name what what sorry Toby Toby do you mind if I share with the group thank you very much indeed Toby that makes it so much easier because there's a Interrupted a good interruption funny interruption but we have to do a he ck we'll drop it now god i would love it if i could just let it go but i can't rule but you don't mind me sharing with the groups that makes it so much easier we can go to the old school.
Don't panic sir, I have this. I'll have to put it on the waiter. Toby's mom is so fat that she is a disgrace. Toby, his mom, is such a chunky monkey. stairs i thought eastenders finished true story sir what did you say you have to scrape it off your mom's teeth people with tourette's what motivates it that was originally about suicide bombers i toned it down for you
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