Every Insomniac Ever

Oh, Ben, what are you doing? Shut up,

insomniac

. Ever? Come on, I just slept for 15 minutes. Yeah, oh well, I'll get off the phone at 11 and I can still get a good rest. Okay, it's after 11, but not yet. I'm still tired, so I'll stop at 12. That's still a good amount of time to sleep, yeah, okay, I'm almost done with this article. Oh, what is that? Oh, that's spicy. Okay, I'm done with that Twitter argument. What time is it? Oh my god, good. better stay up all night I'll do it better tomorrow

ever

y oh what time is it?

Well, if I'm going to be awake, you might as well clean my apartment or something, I should stop taking ambien, what's sleep, oh. Sh, I forgot to call Jack today oh God, he's going to think I'm a fool. I am a fool? I left Sarah's ninth birthday party early, but it was my fault. I vomited. It's my fault? Yeah, I tried melatonin, I just have the thing I have the hardest time sleeping at night and I don't know what it is, it's inexplicable anyway, I'm going to talk to you later, I'm going to take a nap, oh wow oh I'm done to sleep for two hours, that's crazy, I'm still tired, even though I'm going to go back to sleep, can't I sleep?

Oh great, I have to wake up in three hours. Yes, no, you're not very well. It's true that I can be a collection of clothes and shadows in a corner of your room. Do you really want to do it? Take that chance, yes, that's right, hide under your covers, little one, I just want to sleep. There are still orcas living in captivity and no one cares. It is very sad. Can I take in an orca that will stare at my ceiling for hours? It's fun, ah, warm milk, this should. Do the trick, how can I forget that I am lactose intolerant?

My only dream is to have dreams. Listen, I know it's really hard for you right now to not have any dreams, but I'm doing the best I can. Ok, I'm sorry. Really. I need friends ah I'm finally going to sleep and it's time to wake up I'm sorry I'm so out of it guys, I slept like two hours, you guys are so lucky, I barely slept an hour, you actually slept lucky. I would kill for I slept half an hour I didn't even sleep at all last night oh guys you think I meant last night. I've only slept two hours this entire week.

Yeah, well, I've been awake for probably 80 hours at this point. I think it's cool, all the owls in my neighborhood have swarmed my apartment seeking my wisdom on how to stay awake at night. Freddy Krueger is better than this. You should check my ex's Instagram. He went to Joshua Tree with her. How come I just fall asleep? when I have to read an important textbook, it's an amazing idea, oh yes, yes, yes, oh my god, I'm so smart. I'll wake up in the morning and think I'm an amazing, cute cat, but with more legs. I know what time it is oh god again no maybe a little news will lull me to sleep and that's when the terrorists hijacked the burning yacht and took it to the orphanage for diabetic puppies merry christmas and good night well I'll n

ever

sleep alone again I'm kidding I can't sleep well I can do this I've meditated my mind is calm I've had tea you're going to sleep except for that memory from fourth grade when I peed my pants and Alyssa Bernstein called me and I lied and told her I had just been baptized that morning but the priest was in a hurry and decided that it was just as effective to do it on clothes or that time I forgot my lines during actana, goodbye, little bird and After a full minute of silence, the only thing I could think of to murmur was goodbye, little bird or that time in digging busters when I was with Danny and I threw up on this keyboard machine, but I wanted to play it cool and act like it was.

No big deal, so I kept playing and rolling the ski balls through my own vomit or that moment when I thought it was time to start the day, let's play the meth or lack of sleep game. Ah, I'm too hungry to fall asleep, but it's so bad for you to eat right before bed, you know? I can have something light, yeah, like a classic little late-night snack, that's what I'm going to do, okay, so I'm just going to have three olives, that's it, now that I've activated my stomach, I'm just going to be hungrier, like this. that maybe I eat half a pickle, those two things were so salty that I need to balance them with something sweet, a piece of cake, yeah, that was a pretty small piece of cake, okay?

So I know I'm not being very healthy so I have to balance it out with something like protein like a ham ooh, whole hand yeah okay this is becoming less of a snack and more of a full meal and we know it's not It's good to eat. before I go to bed, but wait, if I treat this as breakfast while I sleep like it's an eight-hour nap, then we're golden, oh, that's the perfect time for dessert, a slice of cake, ooh, I should really finish that one half a pickle, it's strange that he put it. Why do that?

I'm a bad roommate. What day is it? Honestly, I don't even know if I've ever had a remote dream. I don't even remember having a dream. I've been taking so much zambian it's outlandish and ambien together and I'm still going crazy Hey, do you guys think maybe bragging about not sleeping is a little weird and doesn't sound right like someone getting half an hour of sleep last night

every

night?

insomniac

always good brown skin spray I know I wasn't supposed to have a second cupcake but I didn't know she had cats I didn't know the cats would be in the cupcakes go to sleep I dare you oh my god that's genius It's gotta rock well that was we're all tired I think each and every one of us is tired right now that's the only thing that brings the world together if you want to see more nice asses we got it so check it out take a look, it's somewhere.

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