Encryption: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Encryption is the best way to prevent people from reading your email, short of including a subject line. forward forward forward forward hilarious uncle walter joke no one's reading you may not think much about

encryption

, but it's pretty fundamental to all of our lives, almost everything you do nowadays a code is used every time you log into a Internet service like Twitter or Facebook and sends your password every time you log in to Internet banking. All this information is protected by an

encryption

code. That's right. Encryption can protect the things most important to us, our finances. information health records dick pics trade secrets classified government records dick pics our physical location the physical location of our penises credit card information dick pics and pictures of our penises and it's not just our data many things have computers now even cars and

last

year hackers showed a Wired writer how they could disable your car on the interstate, turn off the engine, so we're turning off the engine right now.

I turned on the emergency lights but he was still stuck in the right lane with no shoulder to escape to. He's panicking, yeah no he's panicking, you turned off his engine on the highway, doesn't it look like hackers have played so many video games? They've forgotten that cars are real objects that carry living people, but while they can keep us safe, it's important. It should be noted that encryption also has a downside: it has become so ubiquitous that it makes it impossible for law enforcement to gain access to certain information, or as FBI Director James Comey says, the technology has become a tool of choice for some very dangerous people and unfortunately the law has not done so. has kept pace with technology and this disconnection has created the significant public safety problem that we have long described as going dark, yes, going dark, it's a term that sounds deliberately sinister because you wouldn't be so scared if they just called it a bad boy, goodbye and You may have recently heard about this dark issue involving a particular work iPhone belonging to Syed Farook, the San Bernardino gunman who with his wife killed 14 people

last

December.

The FBI needs Apple's help because the phone's security settings would lock the device if a password is entered incorrectly too many times, it may even erase all data on the phone. The FBI wants Apple to upload software that allows its analysts to bypass security features and take as many shots at the passcode as necessary. Yes, the FBI has a dead terrorist. cell phone they can't access runs a newer version of Apple's operating system where the data is completely encrypted and can only be accessed by unlocking the passcode, even Apple currently can't access the phone, so the government essentially demands that they come.

Apple is currently challenging that order in court, arguing that it should not be forced to undermine the security features that protect its encryption, an argument that some have found troubling. I think Apple leaders are at risk of having blood on their hands, how the hell can you not access a phone? I just find it baffling any system that allows a terrorist to communicate with someone in our country and we can't find out who he is. saying it's a stupid wolf that's the angriest Lindsey Graham has been about a cell phone since her name was automatically corrected to furry grandma stupid phone learn my name I'm your stupid boss so stupid this issue has even been raised in the campaign election with predictable results, what I think you should do is boycott Apple until they give you that security number, how do you like it?

I just thought about it, boy, I can't, Apple, oh, I love it, give me another one, Israel, Palestine, I make it fight those fake ones. sumo suits made being president is easy, but I will say that this is a rare case where Donald Trump's outrage is almost understandable because Apple's refusal to help crack a terrorist phone can seem difficult to defend, especially when, as John Miller of the NYPD, you think so. incredibly simplistic there is no explosion there is no safe company there is no fault there is no apartment there is no door that cannot be breached with a legal order from the US Court well point taken but it was penetrated to the best choice of words there the government needs be We can penetrate you at any time if we feel that you need penetration, we have to be able to penetrate you quickly and effectively here and now.

Why is everyone so nervous about this? But this is not simple, it is a hugely complicated story with massive implications and once we get to the end, you may not feel the same as you do now because, in that man's point of view, an encrypted phone is not really like a bank or a safe, if you penetrate a safe, you have only penetrated that safe, but a code. to open one phone could be modified to open many more phones, a fact that is not lost on Apple CEO Tim Cook, I don't think anyone would want to build a master key that would open hundreds of millions of locks, even if that key were in possession of the person you trust most, that key could be stolen, the only way we know to get additional information is to write software that is the software equivalent of cancer.

Well, on one hand, giving your phone cancer sounds bad, but on the other hand, The Fault in Our Stars would have been amazing if Shailene Woodley was playing on a terminally ill iPhone 6s, damn she won't let you go Hazel. I'll be holding down the power button and the home button simultaneously forever and To be clear, Apple hasn't been completely uncooperative, they've already given the FBI the information they could access, including Farooq's iCloud backups about six

week

s before the attacks, but they refuse to create the cancerous program the FBI wants, not because they can. It can't be done, they say it would take six to ten engineers up to four

week

s to do it or you know a standard appointment at the Genius Bar, but Apple is worried that once they create that program they won't be able to keep it 100% secure and the FBI . and its supporters can be strangely dismissive of that issue in ways that indicate they either don't fully understand how the technology works or they pretend not to do what the government is asking Tim Cook to do: Did you design it? you can design your way out of this for this.

One time, if you figure out the formula and open this phone to the point where we can test codes with it, you can break that formula, cross it in the chimney and throw it away. Oh come on, you know Apple isn't writing. their code on paper next to a fireplace they are a high tech company, not Lord Grantham and as for the idea that Apple can throw away the formula after the FBI uses it once no one seriously thinks that's going to happen happen, Apple says if it complies with authorities' requests it could arrive for another phone an hour later opening a Pandora's box Apple officials pointed to the Manhattan district attorney who says it has 175 iPhones with potential evidence of serious crimes, including murder, which can't exactly open, there are more than 175 more phones.

In line only in New York, so this will surely set a precedent. He thinks of the government as if it were your dad. If he asks you to help him with his iPhone, be careful because if you do it once, you will do it 14 times a day. and anything that happens in this case will have ramifications because ultimately the FBI wants Apple and the entire tech industry to always have their encryption weak enough so that the company can access customer data if authorities need it. , so today the iPhone could be an Android phone. tomorrow and to Blackberry the day after tomorrow, assuming the next day is in 1998, and you might be wondering, but look, if there is a guarantee, these companies really have a choice, to which surprisingly the answer might be yes, they do, the government is currently. citing the All Warrants Act of 1789, which essentially requires you to cooperate with investigators if they ask you to do something, but the courts are divided on whether it applies in cases like these and there isn't really any more recent law that cover this area, which is not entirely an Accident because we have been down this road before the government took on encryption two decades ago and in the early 90s they even came up with what they thought would be the ideal solution: the government will pressure the private companies to use the so-called Clipper chip in their systems. computers that would allow authorities to monitor encrypted messages now that the clipper chip was theoretically perfect your information could be encrypted but the government would have an access point when they needed it it was like giving the key to your house to a trusted neighbor you can trust Mike, he's just I'll try on your underwear if absolutely necessary there was just one problem with that chip, a computer scientist and hacker named Matt Blais discovered a way to disable the government access feature to the chip and eventually the whole project was abandoned and By the way, there are over ninety sets of words that a hacker named Matt Blais should be up there with the conversations with Furby's hand and Grammy award winners milli vanilli, but thanks to the Clipper chip fiasco and the strong pressure from technology companies, the government backed down and eventually abandoned. the push for a perfect tailgate but decades later they seem to have convinced themselves that it can be done.

I think Apple's capabilities are remarkable when it wants to. I think Silicon Valley is full of great people that when they were younger they told us. your dreams are too hard they were standing in a garage somewhere they were told it can't be done thank god they didn't listen I hate to hear talk like that it can't be done I mean think about if Jack Kennedy said we can't go. to the moon that can't be done, he said something else, we will get there in the next decade, okay, listen, I love that optimism, but for the record, there are many things we can't do even though we have been to the moon .

For example, we have yet to master time travel or discover why Hulk Hogan dresses for court as if he were a pallbearer in a boa constrictor. These still elude human understanding, and to some extent the government's faith in Apple's magical powers is the company's fault after all. Their ads have linked them to Einstein and Gandhi and they sell the more mundane aspects of their products as the world changes. This is the iPhone 6s. Not much has changed except that it responds to the pressure of your finger. Now you can change apps like this. Pay in more places. like this and the color blue looks like this it's rose gold it's amazing oh no it's not rose gold it looks like someone vomited a salmon dinner all over a pair of dirty ballet slippers but ads like that obscure the real truth about Apple which is What lies beneath their shiny rose gold surface, like any other software company, are incredibly susceptible to hackers who constantly find holes in their security features.

Right now, you can buy boxes like this on eBay that can hack you into an iPhone running some versions of iOS 8 or lower. watch this YouTube video showing how they work, just plug the cable into the screen, adjust a few settings, let it cycle through the passcodes and eventually you're on an Apple, understandably, doesn't want us to think too much about the terrifying glitches of Security are one of those three-word phrases they absolutely hate to be associated with, like corporate tax evasion or factory suicide networks, also when Apple argues that if it is forced to have access to everyone's encrypted data your customers, you can't 100% guarantee their security, most computer scientists agree or like Matt said, the guy who hacks the Clipper chip said it when I heard that if we can put a man on the moon, we can do this .

I'm hearing an analogy almost as if we were saying can we put a man on the moon. the moon, well, surely we can put a man on the Sun and that is a rational scientific view. Just because a man can walk on the Moon doesn't mean he could also be walking on the Sun. Named sunrise recently in Smashmouth's New England Journal but look, but look for the sake of argument, let's assume that Apple could have access to your data encryptions, repeatedly assisting law enforcement, and always keeping the bad guys out, which, again, experts believe is impossible and still won't solve the FBI's darkening. problem because if you really want to keep your communication secret, there is an app for that.

The encryption debate has proven to be good business for a Telegram startup, amessaging app that encrypts messages end-to-end has surpassed 100 million users and that's the point, people. Those who want encryption will always be able to find it - if it's not Telegram or WhatsApp, it could be one of the more than 800 encryption products out there, almost two-thirds of which are made by companies that are not easily covered by US laws. ., like Silent Phone or three myrrh tea sandwiches or giggle or mail meal Now granted those last two aren't real, but the point is that they will be in five minutes if the government forces the others to weaken their encryption and That might not be the only unintended consequence of the FBI's actions.

Many countries around the world, including Russia and China, are watching this debate and will presumably expect similar access because, as you know, Russia and China have such a high regard for privacy. like the horny teens in '80s sitcoms and, considering all of this, Nathie's tenuous legality. The FBI case the security risks of creating a key the borderline impossibility of perfectly securing the key the international consequences of creating a precedent and the fact that terrorists could circumvent all this by downloading anything that is freemar is enough to influence the most strident case of opinion -On the point, remember Lindsey Graham, mr.

This is stupid just this week, three months after she said she was in a hearing with Attorney General Loretta Lynch about this issue and this happened. I think for us the issue is about a criminal investigation into a terrorist act and the need to obtain evidence, but it is not that simple and I will end with this. I thought it was that simple. I was with you until I started receiving information from people in the Intel community and I will say that I am a person who has been moved by the president's arguments that we said and the damage that we may be doing to our own national security, it is a miracle, Lindsey Graham has known the concept of nuance and this is a man who once warned that the world is literally about to explode, so you're not dealing with someone who likes to dabble in gray areas and look, there's no easy side. in this debate.

Strong encryption has its costs, from protecting terrorists to drug dealers to child pornographers, but I think the risks of weakening encryption even a little, even just for the government, are potentially much worse, and although I'm on Apple's side on this one, I think they would help both their customers and the government understand this much better if they did. a little more honest about security in their ads hello we're Apple this is an Apple iPhone it comes in rose gold it's awesome this is an Apple customer hey Siri find vegan sushi mmm sounds good and these are the engineers who make our products, hey, hey.

Guys, we can help you communicate, celebrate, pay for everything, but here's something you need to know: we're just one step ahead of hackers at all times. When you idiots lose your phone, your information doesn't end up in the hands of guys like Gary. I'm Gary, thanks for losing your phone, hey Gary, because if Gary can get in, he has access to pictures of your food, your bank account, pretty much everything, now I can masturbate to pictures of your family, okay Gary, and when we found out that there is security. fails, this is how we react, yes, that's right, so when the FBI comes to us and asks if we can undermine our encryption without compromising everyone else's emails, texts and skate videos, this is our answer, are you kidding me?

We're engineers, not magicians, are you sure? You're not magicians, yeah, pretty sure, okay, listen, Apple's not perfect, you need proof, we made the Newton, we made that Mac that looks like a toaster, we actually thought the Apple Watch was cool, wait, this isn't cool, oh, we played a u2 album. on their phones, they know that the one they've been fighting to remove, that thing keeps coming back, huh, and they can't even make our battery last less than a day, why exactly have they tried turning off location services and sending emails and adjust the screen brightness so you can forget we asked, the point is best case scenario, we can keep hackers out of your stuff for about six months before this happens again.

I am back. I see someone has been to the beach, so he's still enjoying himself. Our products only know that this unstable building could collapse at any moment. Apple join us as we dance madly on the edge of the volcano.