Ellen DeGeneres' 86th Oscars Opening

thank you so much thank you so much welcome to the

oscars

uh for those of you looking around the world it's been a tough couple of days for us here it's been raining we're fine thank you for your prayers I'm happy to be back I hosted seven years ago and I I feel very honored and flattered to have been returned so quickly. Things are so different now, last time, for example, when I was here, Cate Blanchett was nominated. Meryl Streep was nominated. Leonardo DiCaprio was nominated. Martin Scorsese was nominated. different there are some first time nominees here tonight june squibb is nominated for nebraska at 84 years old she is the oldest nominee she was wonderful in nebraska i tell everyone you are wonderful in nebraska the movie you made wonderful we have other nominees for first time lupita nyong'o is here amazing amazing uh amazing performance in 12 years a slave she is from kenya she is kenyan and uh barcad abdi is here he is nominated for captain phillips he is from somalia he is a sommelier so he knows a lot about wine and that's awesome who is captain wine now who is captain lion now the real captain phillips is here tonight and the real philomena is here tonight and i have to say one of the most amazing liza minnelli impersonators i have ever seen in my life my whole life, really, seriously, good job sir, I mean, that's really the theme tonight is heroes in Hollywood and we need heroes now more than ever.

People around the world are going through difficult times and movies offer us an escape. Movies inspire us. I'm not saying that movies are the most important thing in the world because we all know that the most important thing in the world is youth, now we know that the most important thing in life is love, friendship and family, and if people don't have them Well, then they usually get into show business, so we're all big here, one big scared family, that's what we are, but I want you to know that I love you and I think you're talented.

I do and I think you should think. consider yourself winners, not all of you, but the people who have won before, should consider yourself winners and I know what you are thinking, Ellen, it is easy for you to say that you have been chosen as the host and that is the highest prize. thank you, thank you, but let's try to focus on you tonight if we can, seriously, the work you've done is incredible and I did a little research and between all the nominees here tonight you've made over 1,400 films. 1,400 movies and you've attended a total of six years of college.

I'm kidding, kids stay in school. I'm sure these people went to college. I mean Amy Adams. Did you go to university. No, it's okay, who cares? amazing actress, you're not one but two nominated movies tonight that you were in, that's it, so what's the word for this? selfish. I guess I really think it's a banner year for movies. Oh, of course, one of the nominees is her. and by her I mean meryl streep meryl has been nominated for an oscar a total of 18 times no, it sounds good, but if you do the math between the dresses, the hair and the makeup, that's hundreds of thousands of dollars, in a few In other words, Meryl can't afford to be nominated again.

It's a lot of money, I'm listing all these people as if they are competing with each other and also have talent. I don't want you to think of any kind of competition, it's a celebration, although who are we kidding? the hunger games i mean there are cameras everywhere you're starving jennifer lawrence won last year it's the hunger games jennifer by the way I'm not going to mention what happened last year when you were you know it's ridiculous I mean something like that happens and it's embarrassing and then people just talk about it and it's just you know for those of you that don't know what I'm talking about when last year she fell while she was climbing tripped I don't know if she got caught in the dress let's show the clip because what happened I'm kidding I'm not going to show the clip I'm kidding I'm I'm not I'm I'm not but just and you know the thing when he fell out of the car tonight when you were getting out of the car, no one needs to know that I'm not going to mention that she fell getting out of the car like an orange cone, you tripped or something if you win tonight.

I think we should bring you the oscar I don't want to take the risk can we do it right can we make it so no one wins or loses look beautiful, everyone looks beautiful tonight Sandy, you look beautiful and Kate, you look, everyone looks beautiful, I'm not going to say who looks more beautiful, but it's clear it's jared leto, i mean, he's the prettiest guy, he's pretty, i mean, he's nominated for best supporting actor and matthew mcconaughey is pretty too, by the way, but he's different . rough dirty a dirty pretty like a dirty city not good dirty not bad dirty both nominated for the dallas buyers club a very important movie deals with a serious issue of people having sex at rodeos don't do it it looks attractive but speaking of sex at the rodeos bruce stern is here tonight i had one i just needed a transition i have no idea a little history on bruce his grandfather was the governor of utah his great uncle was a pulitzer prize winning poet and his godmother was eleanor roosevelt and here you're among us tonight what went wrong jonah hill is nominated for his incredible performance in the wolf of wall street which honestly i have to say you showed us something in that movie that i haven't seen in a long time well we should get started.

It's going to be an exciting night. Anything can happen. Many different possibilities. Possibility number one. 12 years. A slave wins best movie. Possibility number two. You are all racists.