Election Night - SNL

♪♪♪ >>> THIS IS "ELECTION NIGHT IN AMERICA." >> I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS IT'S GOING TO FINALLY BE OVER. >> I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL SEE. TRUMP'S ALREADY GOT LAWYERS TO FIGHT THE RESULTS. >> YEAH, DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT OR I WILL LEAVE. >> GUYS. WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT. LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE A HISTORIC NIGHT. >> YEAH, YEAH. IT MIGHT AN HISTORIC NIGHT. BUT DON'T FORGET IT'S A

BIG COUNTRY. >> MY FRIEND AT "THE HUFFINGTON POST" SAYS SHE WIN BUSY 5 POINTS. >> I DON'T KNOW, MY FRIEND AT SLATE SAYS SHE'LL WIN BY 3. >> OH, WELL, SHE'LL WIN THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE FOR SURE BUT I GUESS THERE'S A NIGHTMARE SCENARIO WHERE HE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE. >> REALLY? THAT'S YOUR NIGHTMARE SCENARIO, HUH? >> BECAUSE OF SHIFTING DEMOGRAPHICS THERE MIGHT NEVER BE ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT IN THIS COUNTRY. >> WORD. YOU

EVER BEEN AROUND THIS COUNTRY BEFORE? >> AND WE PROJECT KENTUCKY WILL GO TO DONALD TRUMP. >> WELL, OF COURSE HE WON KENTUCKY, THAT'S WHERE ALL THE RACISTS ARE. >> ALL OF THEM ARE IN KENTUCKY? >> OH, SHE'S GOT VERMONT. >> OH, SNAP, VERMONT! THREE ELECTORAL VOTES! THAT'S A POWER GRAB. >> OKAY. THIS SAYS FLORIDA IS TOO CLOSE TO CALL. >> OKAY, NO, IT SAYS TOO EARLY TO CALL. THERE'S ONLY 1% IN. >> I'M JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND CALL

IT. FLORIDA'S GOING BLUE. TO LATINOS! >> TO LATINOS! >> WELL, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO WIN OHIO, WE KNEW THAT. IF WE CAN GET PENNSYLVANIA, FLORIDA, AND NORTH CAROLINA, WE DON'T EVEN NEED OHIO. >> YEAH. IF THE INDIANS SCORED FOUR MORE RUNS, THEY'D HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES TOO, DUDE. >> I'M GOING TO GRAB A XANAX FROM THE BEDROOM. >> OKAY, GRAB ME SIX. >> YEAH, I'LL BRING THE WHOLE BOTTLE. >> LOOK. EARLY RETURNS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO

BE REPUBLICAN. BECAUSE REPUBLICANS GO TO SLEEP EARLY. IT'S JUST A FACT. >> I TALKED TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAW AT CBS. HE SAYS TRUMP'S GOING TO WIN FLORIDA. >> WELL. I GUESS LATINOS DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT YOUR TOAST. >> HEY, GUYS, WHAT DID I MISS? >> LARRY, TRUMP MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN. >> HA HA HA! I MEAN, OF COURSE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT. >> WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY ARE WOMEN EVEN VOTING FOR HIM? >> YEAH, I

DON'T GET YOU LADIES. I MEAN, THE COUNTRY'S 55% WOMEN. I MEAN, IF THE COUNTRY WAS 55% BLACK? WELL, WE'D HAVE TONS OF BLACK PRESIDENTS. FLAVOR FLAV WOULD BE PRESIDENT. >> OKAY. ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS COME BACK AND WIN WISCONSIN, COME BACK AND WIN MICHIGAN, COME BACK AND WIN PENNSYLVANIA. >> SOME OF THE COUNTIES, THE URBAN COUNTIES, THEY'RE SO -- BLACK PEOPLE VOTE LATE! >> YEAH, LET'S HOPE THERE'S 100,000 OF US IN GREEN BAY. THOSE BROTHERS LOVE THE

PACKERS. >> YOU NEVER KNOW, GUYS. ALASKA'S STILL OUT THERE. >> WE'RE NOW CALLING ALASKA FOR DONALD TRUMP. >> OH MY GOD. I THINK AMERICA IS RACIST. >> OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY GREAT GRANDFATHER TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT. BUT HE WAS LIKE A SLAVE OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW. >> I -- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHY AREN'T PEOPLE TURNING OUT FOR HILLARY THE WAY THEY DID FOR BARACK OBAMA? >> I MEAN, MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE REPLACING A

CHARISMATIC 40-YEAR-OLD BLACK GUY WITH A 70-YEAR-OLD WHITE WOMAN. THAT'S LIKE THE KNICKS REPLACING PATRICK EWING WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. >> AND DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >> YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT. IT WAS A HISTORIC NIGHT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. EIGHT YEARS ARE GOING TO FLY BY. >> YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE WHITE. >> BUT WHAT ABOUT UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS? >> THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE, COME

ON. YOU ACT LIKE EVERYBODY TRYING TO PICK THEIR OWN STRAWBERRIES. >> THIS IS, THIS IS CRAZY. I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE YOU CAN'T GET AHEAD NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO? >> OH, GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW. I'LL PUT MY THINKING CAP ON FOR THAT ONE AND GET BACK TO YOU. >> NO, COME ON, YOU GUYS. GET SOME REST. YOU GOT A BIG DAY OF MOPING AND WRITING ON FACEBOOK TOMORROW. >> THIS IS THE MOST SHAMEFUL THING AMERICA HAS EVER

DONE. >> HA HA HA! >> HA HA HA!