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Chris Rock ROASTING People

Chris Rock ROASTING People
now you gotta watch when you sit everybody can't sit 50 Dench I'll roll you can't sit jay-z their knives everybody gotta watch out for you got the Olsen twins over there so then you got to put our Kelly way up there if you bit enough money I will read your mind you will read their mind I will read their mind in the audience you've never met these

people

a lot going on in his head he's thinking uh I don't even let black

people

in my house I can't believe I let one in my mind this guy's funniest guy no hardest worker I know I mean next to Michael Strahan Michael walks downstairs garbagemen like get some rest I really like to fight for jobs I hate the feeling of suddenly being like oh well you know Kristen can have it because she'll just because she can I am you know what I mean I don't know what the hell you're talking you need a job okay everybody's better than me though the parts for a Mexican yeah Jana got mad Jana said she's not coming Jada's go boycott acid Jacob boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties I wasn't invited the kid on the show plays you was a young man he plays me as a young man plays for me as a child no right you know he's a good child actors weird how I found him I was I was riding by the Neverland Ranch right Trey's got headphones so now everybody else trying to get headphone pity sync guy headphones Rick Ross even has headphones as I drag out beats Rick Ross has...
chris rock roasting people
diabetes we cross gonna be the first rapper to die breast cancer they said no just see Smollett jokes what the hell was he thinking from now I never won't know just your Jesse from now on don't even get the you know mode that you is respect so you'll get no respect from me guys right Jennifer Lopez here tonight Jennifer Lopez that's right that's right she came with two limos what the how fast Jennifer oh yeah girl you don't think your ass enough I see Jennifer on TV thinking of mom and dad in a hackney-coach Thank You Oscar thank you that's my foot ass go solo to the actors the star of the show Jennifer just the Commodores the asses Lionel Richie he both have you have beautiful children including daughters how do you think you guys are going to be as the father of the bride nothing great is right now she's yours how you doing God you sound like an old-ass man at my age the warranty begins to run out yeah I don't know things going bad and

people

say well dear do you feel all right otherwise no I feel like hell well more or less I don't know that it would hold up in court you know rich man you can just go home wife's no manager I don't feel so good why am I gonna drive back to Connecticut yeah to a mean woman I'm gonna stay here let's talk in the cave baby well not tell me about you I know the last time you were here you're just about to go on a world tour or just finished a world tour how do you do that how about...
chris rock roasting people
tour Dave you ever get sick when you're out there on the

rock

do get sick Dave and if my wife is mad at me I just add on shows yeah not much I can say backstage fired all the cute girls you got a bunch of fat old guys it's horrible then the vibe is just hot I'd say some some of those guys who started look pretty good when

people

act like they're not mad they lost but I remember one year when our Halle Berry won the Oscar Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide she shouldn't want to any actor Oscars for her great performance on the show I let him watch his own I don't understand there's a growing up daddy oh yeah the Gotti show give a damn TV show Network executive was like yes the murderer guy this children should have a TV show what sponsors advertise on the gaudy shows yes Nabisco is proud to present this next murder is provide submit Wiens oj go have a show and the last thing I need is to lose another job to Kevin Hart okay I don't need that cab cab right there can make movies fast every month plan Oh stars don't make movies that fast you have to know all the movies I've watched some of them you know some of them many clunkers anything you like it on there good there's some good one yeah yeah what are you trying to get me the same man any clock any one ended in my movies that goes without saying but anything anything hey you didn't move into I died I know I know I did we went straight to audio my favorite show in the house is...
chris rock roasting people
being Bobby Brown yeah cuz it's because you watch it go hey Whitney's messed up too and they just keep the one reality show they let the camera just roll yeah they don't cut off nothing you know one day I saw them just doing a they ran out of crack and they started doing a crack dance so the crack would start raining from the sky fun to be doing a show in new york new york new york the home of the crack priest that's right we got a crack priests in New York talk about the priest was recently caught smoking crack while writing the sermon sermon sound like created crack it is why would you want to be a black why would you do that I don't call call my real name little dirty bastard that's right yeah we got a black

rock

y this year yeah some

people

call it Creed I call it black

rock

et and that's a big that's an unbelievable statement that I mean cuz

rock

ing takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes so Iraqis a science fiction movie the biggest news this year of all of all the black news was Donald sterling the first black man he ever met he got for

Chris

tmas the idea the two daughters are they girls Dave and they do girly things Dave so does a lot tea parties and just girl crap there that I have to pretend to enjoy right but you also enjoy it really you know with the boy you still got that one yes I do philippi I'll make it all right after the show cuz you more easy yeah no I still have the boy did you happen to...
see any of the press conference today with Tiger oh my god this Tiger thing man did you know I wake up I'm groggy and I see it so I didn't see it I haven't know exactly what I was looking at I see this biracial man behind a podium apologizing about sex and I'm like oh Lord did the Kardashians don't got Obama