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Brewstew - Riding Bikes

May 30, 2021
Okay, so when I was a kid,

riding

a bike was a big deal. Everyone in the neighborhood had a bicycle. Now I personally had a mountain bike. But not just any mountain bike, it was a big mountain bike! He looked like he was made for a 6'5 lumberjack. Please note the size of the bracket. I had to use a trampoline just to get on the damn thing. Now, most of my friends had BMX

bikes

. Everyone thought they were pretty nice because their

bikes

had pegs on them "David, your ass can't even jump, who do you think you are, Matt Hoffman?" "Is your ass going to knock over some handrails or something?" Then we had my friend Michael, who had the most horrible bike I've ever seen.
brewstew   riding bikes
He was there

riding

around on a 1920's bicycle *squeak as Michael rides* "Who wants to get beat up in a race?" "Michael, no one is going to compete with you on your stupid Charlie Chaplin bike." Now, the four of us We walked around our neighborhood most of the summer. To us we were like a shitty little biker gang "Hey, we're like a biker group" "How about you call me Tomahawk?" "Michael, I'd rather shit on broken glass than call you Tomahawk, you know that?" "Well, shouldn't we have a name or something for our bike gang?" "Yeah, let's call ourselves something tough, like...
brewstew   riding bikes

More Interesting Facts About,

brewstew riding bikes...

Like Scorpions" "How about Panda Bears?" "Yes, Michael, let's be the Panda Bearz!" "We got some leather jackets and everything" "Sounds very intimidating, doesn't it?" "Hey, what are you guys, the Hells Angels? That sounds pretty gay! We're the Panda Bearz!" We'd be walking around the neighborhood We got our fake tattoos and our candy cigarettes David was also wearing some broken sunglasses he found on the street We'd see who can make the longest skid mark on Michael's driveway There would be dozens of black skid marks Everywhere Michael's stepfather came out: "What the hell are you doing in the driveway?" "Damn, Michael, you're going to get a 10 in your ass!" We would have all the girls in our neighborhood checking out our nice bikes. "Yeah, this bad boy has 21 gears and I have no idea how they work" "Yeah, I'm practically at the X Games, what time did I head in?" on the Great Wall of China" "Last summer my stepdad found this bike in a river." We set up a little ramp in the street so we could go 3 feet into the sky.
brewstew   riding bikes
Michael was trying to get off the ramp on his shitty little bike The damn thing thing would explode on impact Like a whole summer Michael didn't have a bike So he had to ride on David's pegs Well, riding on pegs is like sitting in a bitch's seat in the biker world No one wants to do it that "Very okay, let's go to the park, get on the pegs Michael, you're riding a bitch" "I don't want to ride a bitch!" "Get on the damn pegs, Michael, ride bitch and you'll like it!" After a while, He started riding his sister's pink Barbie bike.
brewstew   riding bikes
They had like a training wheel and shit. We didn't want to be seen in public with him. So we'd ride like 50 feet ahead of him. Just pretending like I didn't know who The hell it was "Hey guys, wait for me!" "Uh, why is that retarded kid on that Barbie bike following us?" "I have no idea." Now, one particular day, we were outside, we hit the street and we were running around each other. . One of our friends, Tommy, shows up on his bike. And he's with this kid, Jonathan. Now, we didn't like Jonathan very much because.. Well, because he's a jerk.
There's no other way to put it, he was just kind of an idiot. And Tommy was just hanging out with him because he had a Sony Playstation, which makes sense to us "What are you guys doing?" Do you guys like a biker gang or something?" "Yeah, we're the Panda Bearz!" "Wow, that sounds pretty gay, we're the Scorpions." "Damn, Michael, I told you, the Scorpions were a best name" "So you guys like running or something?" "Alright, we'll do a 1 on 1 race, to the end of the street and back!" "Who will go first on your team?" " Wait a minute, Michael, what the hell are you doing on his side?!" "My name isn't Michael, it's Tomahawk!" "Damn it, Michael, come over here on our side!" "No, I'm switching team, Jonathan said I can play on his Playstation" "Ah, you're a bitch, Michael, damn it!" "Alright, someone help me with my bike!" "Michael, I'm kicking your ass" " Get on your stupid Barbie Dream House bike, let's go racing!" "Thanks for joining us on 13 O'clock News!" "This just in, there's a drag race on Burton Avenue!" "We've got Dan Peterson on scene, Dan, what do you have for us?" "Well, Tom, it looks like it's the Pandaz versus the Scorpions" "It's kind of like a shitty West Side story here." "That sounds awesome, Dan, can you tell me Who are the competitors?" "Well, Tom, it looks like a little boy on a giant bicycle versus a transvestite on a Barbie bicycle." Then we started running and flew down the street.
I'm changing gears whether I want to or not. Michael pedals that little Barbie bike like he just robbed a liquor store But the thing is, this girl's bike was never designed to go faster than 9 miles per hour Michael is flying down the highway Well, imagine his surprise when the chain breaks and he flies through the air, breaking his face. on the sidewalk Then I see this happening and I do what anyone would do. I keep going, we're in the middle of a damn race! Michael's butt could have been shot with a rifle and I wouldn't have even stopped for a second.
He's on the floor, there's blood everywhere, he's crying *baby crying sound* I go back to everyone else and I'm like, "Yeah, you guys can suck it!" "This is Panda's property! Bamboo boyz for life!" "Uhhh, where's Michael?" "That's a good question, isn't it, Jonathan?" "Where is little Tomahawk after all?" "I'll tell you where he is" "He's limping on his bike Barbie lifted with a cat back home, that's where he is!" He still has tears in his eyes, his face is all bloody and shit. "Damn, Michael, what did you do to your sister's bike?" "Now they're going to give you 20 in the ass!" https://www.

brewstew

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