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Bob Mortimer: Local Legend | Would I Lie To You?

May 18, 2024
I knew there were different types, they live on concrete, um, and they can actually live off concrete, that buildings are made of concrete, yeah, Bob, they, they, they have a hard thing. cockroaches live in concrete the pinch to go behind the refrigerator or the stove or to turn off the light what was the size of these Egyptian cockroaches they are long and thin they slide right in that is my that is my profile on Tinder is King Cockroach


suggest a champion of the Cockroach rather than an opponent or indeed their leader yes you kept the cockroaches away like the pi Piper no I didn't, what happened was I got an expert from Cambridge University. um called broccoli high kicks again I changed his name the report from him to me was can you somehow argue that this is contrary to Public Health?
bob mortimer local legend would i lie to you
He confirmed it um he went to court, everything is very clear now that we went to court, yes, Ronnie ometz was the housing officer, the strange thing is that you haven't changed his name, right? and what was her name Barbara Lighthouse Barbara Lighthouse brought a clear J of the cockroaches with her and poured them on Ronnie's tortillas, of course, of course, he was very scared, wasn't he? I don't know what to do, at that point Barbara Lighthouse said I think I already explained, you know to the housing officer? This is what I live with, so the council agreed to rehome the Cockroach King the next day, what are you going to say?
bob mortimer local legend would i lie to you

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bob mortimer local legend would i lie to you...

DAV. I think it's so strange that only Bob could make it up, so I think that's true, that doesn't make sense. Say if he says only Bob could invent it, then he could have invented it. That not only Bob can invent it that way. It's so convincing, yeah, so we're in trouble, right? you're saying that if someone else had said it it


definitely be true because they couldn't have made it up. The only person who says it is also coincidentally the only human being who could have also invented it. Yes, what a terrible set of circumstances you think. en Do you think it's true?
bob mortimer local legend would i lie to you
Yes, let's say it's true. Let's be true. Okay, now Bob, truth or lie. He was telling the truth when he was a teenager. He used to terrorize my neighborhood with a game I made up called Robbery and Bush. What were the rules of theft and bushes. Can I first say that my memories of this are a bit sketchy and always useful for this game? abandoned handrails, they just exist, even as you poetically describe the aging process, another part of your brain is making up the rules of a fiction and Shrubbery is a game that I played in my youth in my teenage years at um on the Lakes Estate in Middlesboro.
bob mortimer local legend would i lie to you
It would probably be 14 or 15 um. I hope that's all the information you need, so the question is: is this true or do you have any Recs about what this game entails? Yes, of course, in which case I am satisfied and there is no need to say what the rules were. There should be a gang of you. Normally he would be with Stabber and Bagger. Well, I didn't realize you knew the Hobbits, since Neil in general, Jerry Dung's son, of course, didn't take his father's. name I hated it I hated it so much and but and and Gary Cheesman would be there the reason they called him cheesy is because his mom used to give him a cheese, you know, a slice of cheese, yeah, to take with him when we were around the shops and that's because she wanted because she thought he was good for the places she wanted surely it's because of his last name Cheeseman no Sur that was part of that, you know, Gary Cheeseman was a big boy, yeah, a very big headed sniper dream that they used to call, it's so kind.
The thing is, he's a cute L and he was a he. I love these points in the show where we say Bob, let's all gather around Fireside, you can tell us Stories from your youth, so the rules of the game, of course, you don't rules of the game robbery and strawberry bush, but relatively simple, you had to drag yourself to the back of someone's house and watch the family watching the count or whatever they're doing, yes it's getting a little creepy now, yes I know, it's night. at night, yes, then the family was backlit by domestic lighting, beautiful, yes, and then you would find one where the curtains were open, yes, you would go to the back of the garden and then walk slowly towards the window on the right. try not to disturb them and you sang more and more increasing your voice the volume as you go, we apologize but we are in your garden and then little by little you get closer and closer to the window and as soon as you were I saw that it is when the strawberry enters, which was what they didn't allow you to escape through the front of the property.
You had to cross all the fences because you are a teenager. What you're really hoping for is someone to make noise or tell on you. that everyone has to go run all over the garden that's the part about the bushes that's the shubber what's the part about the theft the theft is we always felt like we were stealing something from them privacy their privacy their dignity So you go up the garden says louder and louder we ask your forgiveness we are in your ask your forgiveness we are shouting how loud you could be hearing impaired people we ask your forgiveness we are in your garden before they realize yes this The game can't have lasted, I imagine long before people criticized you and no, it was just one of the games we played, it could be a robbery and bush night, there was another night when we used to have fruit. from a fruit vendor's cart and throw it into the air and let it fall on our heads something tells me you play a lot B next time next time don't use melons Cheeseman was very good at that, so what do you do?
I think David, my concern is that the details are so completely believable and sound like they're real, that if it weren't actually a game, I'd spend a ton of time looking through people's windows. Honestly, yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I just believe it, you're going to say it, Tru, yeah, okay, so robbery and bushes Bob, truth or lie. He was telling the truth. I once set my house on fire with a box of fireworks. David MIT and was this on purpose it was done out of ignorance how old were you I was about seven I want to know where you grew up where a seven year old can buy a box of fireworks I bought them at the store near where I lived in middlesbor it was a box for two and six of standard fireworks that was the brand standard brand that sounds exciting standard fireworks a normal level of excitement will be Ender for a bonfire night that you will forget but it says standard but then it is that's standard for a firework So you're at home and you're seven or eight years old.
I'm seven and I'm alone, yes, alone, yes, and it was what in one of the fireworks, I think it was the Sparkles, it said that it's not suitable for indoor use, which at that point. age makes you think, ah, that means they're fine, could you just not read the word, no, when you were obeying, you thought it wasn't the brand, oh lovely, I love that it's not branded food, isn't it? for human consumption you know that logic that says well people have obviously tested them indoors and found that they are not suitable yeah so I won't use them indoors because I want to live.
If you look at a big firework, it won't say no. suitable for indoors, it's obvious, right, but they chose to put in flares, so what happened? I let the sparkler and sparks go into the fireworks box, a standard box, set them up and carried the fireworks box. Now they are starting to turn on the light in the kitchen and I threw them in the kitchen I thought it would be more appropriate I think you are right the kitchen of all the rooms is the most suitable for fireworks, isn't it because of the oven, the gas, the What stove is there? fire naturally in the kitchen yes, there is a lot and there is more, it cleans more with less cloth, so what happened and then they went off in the um?
How was the sound? Was it bing? No, these were just standard and, you know, I remember it like I do. I'm here now, cleaning the Scorch marks off the floor and thinking my mom is going to kill me, yeah, so I'm going to be in big trouble, then I came back into the living room without me knowing, yeah, I one fell and it was. The room was completely engulfed in flames. It seems to me that if you're home alone at 7, your mom is pretty chill anyway. Son said. Would you sit here and watch these fireworks at the Bingle?
So you lit the sparkler a spark entered the standard box yes the box starts working you go uhoh I must take them to the room most suitable for the fireworks the kitchen no need to go beyond the kitchen to the outside yes mom said that don't go out, it's okay to know that it's good to know that there was at least one rule in your house what time of day did all this happen this happened in the middle of the afternoon oh dear he didn't really benefit from who put out the fire I went to the door next door where the lady was.
She lived better, God bless her, she is about 80 years old and I knocked on that door, she told me Al is on fire and she said: you know? I thought it was like that. So what happened? She then called the firefighters, they shot their water horses all over the house, yes, even ruining it. the rooms weren't ruining them, yes, you know that before they put out F it was already ruined, right, you are making this house wet, it was beautiful and the water is the water damage that destroys the house, isn't it the fire? the fire if they used their boots to put it out honestly the enti that's all I was in a I was in a family of four kids and we were homeless where where B keep the light not just saying where all the other kids were while you were alone with the fire, why did you free yourself?
They were guarding fireworks at other people's houses. So when you say you were homeless, how much of the house did The Inferno claim was gone? whole house, whole house, whole house? burnt house burnt down so how much did you leave in the living room? The fireworks in the kitchen have only caused a few burns. What did you leave in the living room? And every once in a while, don't you feel stupid for saying standard fireworks? Yeah, I'm telling you, stupid inside flare, if you don't know what you dropped in the living room, is there a chance it's just a coincidence?
No, it could be that it wasn't your fault. That's what I told the press. Your fault. press what press who who who who did you talk to the


press them because they came to the house while it was burning yes, you know, they had hats in TR bees cutting with those little pieces of paper in the notebook where they called things like scoop McLean I think His name was Ron Waffle, sorry, Ron Waffle, it was him, the other Ace reporter at the Gazette was John Caramel, it was one of them, Caramel and Waffle, honestly, the question is do you think Bob's been telling the truth? well, me.
I thought it seemed very plausible until we heard about the caramel and the waffle. I think he thinks he's telling the truth, but I think what happened at some point he saw a movie where this happened, he saw the background of it and now he's convinced it happened to him I think it's a lie. In a way he was going to say it meant to be true, but that sounds really horrible. I don't think so. I think it could be true. Well, I think it's true. I think it is true. I'm going to go for TR, yeah okay Bob, did you tell the truth or were you telling a lie?
He was telling the truth, oh yes, it's true. Bob once set his house on fire with a box of fireworks.

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