Bill Burr's Sports Rants | CONAN on TBSDec 28, 2021
you're a baseball fan i know you're a little bit you're a big
sportsfan big baseball fan big
sportsfan in japan okay listen now we have this problem of who gets into the hall of fame and they to the people don't like to let people in like bonds and clemens because obviously of uh steroid uh use in the past what's your take on that? Keep in mind people use roids I think they should use roids because they are using themselves as guinea pigs and it will all leak out to us one day and after they messed up they know their heads get bigger and they take that part.
I guess I mean if enough athletes you're saying steroids try themselves on steroids, they're going to find out how they do it on singers. If a singer can't sing, she can use a steroid. improve is going to improve the drug so we can use it i say by the time we are 80 they are going to have like a steroid vaporizer you can inhale and you are going to have abs i am going to have a full head of hair and you are going to be fucking a hot man 65 years old and it will all be because of these athletes and the sacrifices they make so nobody appreciates baseball now it's not like it used to be I don't like all that like when you go to a game if you catch a foul ball you have to give it to a kid Now what are you talking about, that's why kids are all soft and fat, they don't have to, they don't go to work at all, I didn't like it in the first place as a kid, I had to fight adults to try. i got one and i never got one and they shut me out and that was totally acceptable in the 70s and 80s yeah so now i have to sit there take a line in my hand have that puffed up and then oh i give it to a kid, no Declining ratings Do you think the NFL has a problem?
They are beginning to say that they are losing audience. Now it matters to people who care about football. i'm watching it they just got too big they just turned into poppies they had everyone wearing pink right there are always jets flying support the troops katy perry is dancing right they just took it too far what i love about sports it's a great way to profit from the news and just watching a game and walking away from it now it's like all these causes are attached to it like I'm watching the world series and I'm in the middle of watching the world series and out of nowhere they have this moment of facing cancer I'm watching a ball game and all of a sudden everyone stands up holding a sign of someone they know is dying of cancer or died in the middle of the game it's like what are you doing trying to watch a game here you know there isn't a moment and somewhere look I know someone I know someone who has died of cancer I would never go to the movies with you and in the middle, press pause and be like or by the way,
conan, what I know this guy, he died of cancer, it was horrible, I could have picked him up off the sheet with two fingers, it was horrible, enjoy, by the way, I was picked on when I was nine. a super bowl party yes no super bowl party no super bowl party if you're a real football fan you don't go to super bowl parties because they're a bunch of losers who don't see it all year and all they do is talk during the game and then they shut up during the commercial and then the game comes back and they're like, oh how you think that one caught? me through the game and you just know i ended up fighting someone so you just object to them having a party in the middle of the super bowl like you know they have a middle yeah i dont like it its the biggest game of the year and They turn it like this I don't know what it is I don't know what it is anymore It used to be like a small band in high school Yeah it played a little song and then that was it and now it's just yeah they're all throwing t-shirts into the crowd , I really sound like a grumpy old man, but I just want to watch the game, right?
It's just going to be me sitting alone and yelling at my TV. How much football do you watch a week? Monday game and then Tuesday I watch one of the three I recorded Wednesday I watch another then watch Thursday night game then Friday I watch Sunday night game Saturday I watch college football it's fine and it's ok it's ok because i have a simple male brain that can just sit there and just enjoy it i can just enjoy it so your wife watches any of these games with you she has the complex multitasking female brain that's why they can't be happy , just them just they're always like what's that lizard? that they can see two things at once that's the way they are so they got the shoes they want and then they see other women walking and going oh look at this skinny here she thinks she's cute right and that's what I've got?
I've learned oh god you know what makes women happy nothing nothing makes them happy and that's why they're slowly taking over the NFL because they ignore that we can sit there with a pizza and a drink like that. like us and have fun so you're saying that you because you're happy that you think that your wife and women in general want to be jealous of that they don't want their own they don't want their own they want ours I don't know what it is and I think it's because we're happy we're just sitting there enjoying a good time without them it drives them crazy and they just have to go in and mess it up. i still watch o.j simpson highlights i do i'm a football fan he's one of the top five running backs of all time you can compartmentalize but he's all of that when he walks into a restaurant they go marinara killer it's not just he won too the heisman trophy, he had 2,000 yards in a 14-game season.
It's like people are very comfortable. I think anyone when he walks into a complex thinks that when he walks into a restaurant someone yells husband trophy. two i dont like how they interview coaches too when they go half like half time yeah since they are running like they think they should be able to focus on the game they shouldnt have to talk for someone like a skater parker you say yes you know you're down by 14 uh what are your thoughts is it like what do you think my thoughts sucks i'm worried about my job i'll probably have to sell my house my wife is leaving me i need to score more points on the other half which are you, why am I talking to you?
You ain't even into football yeah did you play at the high school level? No, you probably took journalism, yeah, get out of here, what about her? i'm doing my biggest worry in sports was i watched cleveland play a home game in november and it was 71 degrees and the pitchers were sweating and all that no that's not a good thing people this is the golden age warm up so grab it stick your arm out the window before the hellfires come um it's always good to get a crowd going that's when you know you're in trouble in the NFL when you just stand there I don't know what It means that. we have to get it right we didn't get it right we are going to work to try to get it right so next time we have to get it right i am ashamed for my actions i am ashamed for the league ashamed of anyone on the same continent as me you did not do well we have to get it right ne Next time we go to work to get it right, start with that and then the next day the guys at sports radio, you know, the and the guys who connect all their thoughts to it like they're coming out in the first quarter and they were all over the place those guys jump on it what did you say where is where is the league what kind of message what message are they sending like i don't know it's like what message are they sending do you think i'm going to see this a guy he hit a woman and then i'll do it alright alright alright i wasn't going to hit a woman but then that guy in the ravens did so i guess it's alright they have a real problem it just drove me crazy the month. i have a real problem in the nfl compares to what plumbers are electricians society in general there are a lot of great people who play football the league is going to be good a lot of new england fans are mad because brady didn't catch that super bowl pass he should have established that he should have extended his whole body and gr You said it you know how much fun that was when in that play you actually saw his age you know if when he's standing in the pocket he looks like 25 the second he starts running it's like Dude, I could kill this guy like you saw him last year. last year when he threw that pick six when he dove to take that guy down he looked like someone threw a dead body out of a car like his arm moved and that was it but he's standing when he's in the pocket he looks like an astronaut yeah these guys will live forever yeah like a dick or something yeah i go to a big college football rivalry game every year this year i went to miami university vs florida state and passed it alright crazy fans but uh you know i made sure when i saw florida state it was a road game because i actually like florida state but that tomahawk chop thing drives me crazy and has nothing to do with it Do with the Native American thing, it's the fact that they do it every like three seconds they form a huddle and all of a sudden the band starts playing into the crowd and they never get tired of it.
It's like the band knows a song. Americans didn't even do that, you know, white people came up with that in the 1920s when they were first pretending they had sound in movies like, how do they sound? I don't know they have something else in this setup so just go that sounds good put some blush on her face even if I was the biggest fan in florida state even like halfway through the first quarter I'm tapping, it's like, can we put another song here? the point, yes you did. I was talking to my friend the other day about what they would have to do to get him to stop staring.
You know I love soccer. I'm still going to watch Sunday I don't approve of the man's actions but it's football I have to watch it this is all I have
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