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Bill Burr making Bert Kreischer Laugh | Bill Bert Podcast Funniest Moments | Binge Media (PART 1)

Jan 02, 2022
How many times did you have sex before going wild in bed? Oh good question, it was more like how many women did you date before you met a wild one and showed you how wild she was. I can't wait, tell me about that girl. i don't think she can why do you know why it's imaginary no i'm not going to someday i'll tell you oh i went from zero to mach 2 i'm going to spend time with her any time you want her to talk. I'll tell you all about it. Oh, I remember I was with a girl.
bill burr making bert kreischer laugh bill bert podcast funniest moments binge media part 1
It was good, it was a great experience because he was willing to do it and then what happened? That's when I got hooked and was able to have this good vibe with every woman I met who wasn't going to judge. It's something huge. You don't judge someone as to what she wants. try or whatever and then i would release them. You can't talk now, but she hadn't. She had a phrase for when she used to. thirsty to rub your mic that's what i would call it not for them i wouldn't oh but you just created this environment and then they felt like oh yeah we were um we were devious i had a girl the first time i had sex with her we ended up dating but the first time time i had sex with her we are nearing the end.
bill burr making bert kreischer laugh bill bert podcast funniest moments binge media part 1

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bill burr making bert kreischer laugh bill bert podcast funniest moments binge media part 1...

By the way, did you ever think that she would whisper that in your ear? it's nearing the end she says do you want to cum in my face and originally i wasn't there but i guess now i do want to be the only guy who didn't and so you took it as a dare and then the next thing you know it's my thing and then you go to the next girl and she says what you do you're like oh sorry i'm just i'm just i'm just i speak the language of the last person so i'm trying to translate it to you it's a bold move man it's a move bold, where you go and you ended up, oh, i thought it was cool to wipe it off with my sleeve.
bill burr making bert kreischer laugh bill bert podcast funniest moments binge media part 1
I'm sorry, do you hate me? You hate me? dont come in my face i mean nag nag nag nag im on the corner of the bed naked beating them yes they are i love competition whats going on now is people who dont want to compete want to get things without competing not directly at all scopes, yeah, I'm talking about white women, they have my, that's what I'm talking about, they don't want to compete, they want to break into something, oh my gosh, you still have my award in there. crying my wife was watching the emmys how about you have your own show and they gave you a little statue you're still crying what else can we do to make you happy it's amazing people of color i get better i don't understand being a white woman in the united states it's not that hard like that can't be can't be man the metoo move has killed my wife she won't suck my dick on her knees ever again it will never happen again because your stomach is pushing down on her neck her face is tilted back like that on her front is like diving into an eight foot pool on the bottom and not cleaning your ears i feel bad for your wife oh me too uh i came home drunk this is like standing behind a city bus this cigarette is so aggressive this is like looking for some little kids hopping in the back looking for a free ride this is like your dad caught you smoking cigars he says yeah you're gonna smoke this one now you'll never come back smoke dad i get it keep smoking it no cell phone cameras no one will ever know uh i was inside uh rome ok one day with my wife and we went to the vatican to do the sistine chapel tour Yeah, so there's a way to, I don't know, we go through the whole thing and we're sitting there, we walk in and we're looking at whatever and we're standing in the line that it took forever.
bill burr making bert kreischer laugh bill bert podcast funniest moments binge media part 1
I told my wife I was going to go. You know if I lived here I'd open a bar across the street called The 17th chapter she says what I have 17 chapel she guesses what I don't know 616 chapel 17 chapel it's like having the hole 19 oh my god but I think it's just her I look at myself oh my god like oh my god I'm raising with this oh my god I don't do all I can say I did all I could say was this I just wow no it's not and then and it was fun then I went in I went in and I looked straight up and i didn't even like it it's not even that big it's like it's the size of the side of this dick it milked It should have taken a lot less time I'm telling you they're getting paid by the hour no I got a lot of those I got a lot oh jesus don't kill us man though i can imagine you're the room before that you're like 15 16 i always was like this i thought i was a chapel 16 oh what's what's the flaw with that knee you love my wife she is beautiful but what is the defect she has a body jlo friend she she's beautiful b But what's a flaw you see in her sometimes and you go but now I love the physical, anything I can't be without. what matters most to me is the look on his face when he can't hide his contempt for me oh that's the worst when i know he hates me which is

part

of being married when you go through a time where the person you love she was dumb enough to marry you she hates you and she gets this look on her face and then I'm sitting there you know the co

media

n I so need to be so I'm trying to pull jokes and stuff since I'm driving down the street and she's sitting there like she's just saying yes, like she's got a look on her face like she's got two more stops on the subway before she gets off and like I'm hitting on her like that and it just kills me and women are so smart i know she knows it kills me so i think she even heightens it so i love it when Leanne cries like when she cries she looks so sexy so you deliberately like to say mean just to make it organic look at those pants co rtos oh look at those shorts here you look rich boss going to a fair oh just like rich foss doing a noon um people are the same they want to find love they want to feel safe and they want to go get a sandwich which is basically what everyone are or whatever the kebab whatever wherever you are live i lived i lived with two lesbians in new york and i was just out of college i knew nothing about anything oh god diverse i can see how you two get good i took off my shirt what did i say and then i come on no thats not right i paid half my rent technically why am i paying half if you should be a third

part

y and a third party if im paying fifty percent then they went crazy i thought i would come home and they would be wrestling in sport s bras alone and it was just that they fell in love as regular roommates which was annoying how this baby wants eggs baby likes eggs he just says the same thing and that was like that moment thank you for cooking for us now no don't mention if i like this kitchen it's fun but i like the conversation i like it makes sense yes yes hey we can keep counting the number of times you rub your nose or touch your hair whatever anything else that's completely disgusting is so gross boy i can't handle this now can i can i can i go over to get you a paper towel can you blow your nose i feel like it was my little daughter here yeah tom takes over of this wife while I wash my hands? it's crazy what's going on seems like a weird time you know i'll tell you bart i think you have your finger on the pulse this is definitely weird this is not normal hey burt you know you know what separates you stand up comedy from other people it's his ability to get to the root of what this is, we all dance around it while we all dance around it,

bert

, just get in there, you know, I mustn't have thought that for four months, god, you're right,

bert

, this It's a weird time, sorry man. we're trying to teach jesus trejo how to swim no in the rio grande you're not here we tried it we tried it in a pool yesterday and then we took him to the rio grande with a life jacket because it's shallow the rio grande it's just like it never gets deeper than four feet where we were um but the guy who teaches a grown man to swim is scary because panic muscles are no joke oh yeah so if i were going to try to teach a grown man to swim the first thing i would do a little bit shallower it would make them comfortable with their heads underwater so just pretend you're in control stand to the side close your eyes then go under the blue bubbles let's work up to about 10 seconds . 15 to make you comfortable down there maybe get some goggles where you can see and then all you have to do is like plant your face and you'll float don't move just hold your breath anytime you can put your foot on it I'm sure that's not the way to do it I'm sure we've got a couple of lifeguards going to be like um first of all uh way to make middle aged men choke on that misinformation that you

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