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An Actual Review of Titanfall 2

Feb 27, 2020
*sigh* Okay, look. This is my first time doing this and... I really don't know what I'm doing. See, despite the fact that these videos are called "real

review

s," I call myself an artist above all else. Now, that statement might as well be written in the Spirit of St. Louis given how airborne it seems to be, but regardless of what I consider myself. And after sitting here for hours shoving various writing utensils on my forehead, I've come to the conclusion that it's not much fun to love something without irony. I can't even fall back on my secondary title of

review

er here because aside from a few things here and there, I found very little about Titanfall 2 worth criticizing.
an actual review of titanfall 2
So instead of squeezing those criticisms out and leaving them dry for every comedic quip I can think of, I'd like to propose a compromise. To make up for the honestly disgusting levels of praise I'll be giving Titanfall 2, I'm going to bash and insult EVERYTHING ELSE. Now, the two perceptive people in the audience may have noticed that I said "everything else" and not just any other game and that's because I mean EVERYTHING ELSE. That includes you and me too, which is essentially an insult, but hey, I'm not one to shy away from easy targets. And if you don't agree to this compromise, I hate to break it to you, but by the fact that you're watching this video right now, I already have.
an actual review of titanfall 2

More Interesting Facts About,

an actual review of titanfall 2...

So why don't you close the tab and go back to licking the frosting off some cupcakes? So adults can sit alone and listen to a cartoon retarded owl masturbate to a video game for 12 minutes and wonder how. the shit things got to this point. At this point, it seems almost unnecessary to say that Titanfall 2 was an extremely pleasant surprise, but for context's sake, I still feel I must explain how pleasant it

actual

ly was. I had no intention of BUYING this game. Let alone review it. In fact, the only reason I ended up buying it is because I received over 500,000 comments and messages telling me to check it out, all of which coincided with an email from EA offering me a code for 20% off. addition to the current one. 30% discount on the holiday sale.
an actual review of titanfall 2
So I guess you could say "the planets aligned" if you're kind of into a fetish for overuse of phrases. Only in this case, instead of cancer being cured or the universe making a Jesus again, I buy Titanfall 2. And some idiots said that miracles have happened Pffff Fuck you Billy you fucking idiot. Once the game finished installing, I sat down to play it and didn't get up until I'd already watched all the end credits, made several questionable online purchases, cleared my browser history, and tweeted about the fact that I switched. my mind about checking it out. And now that this scenario has been properly established, I feel like I can finally get into the review.
an actual review of titanfall 2
When only just over 2 full minutes into the video. Well done. *slow awkward applause* I'd like to start by talking about the biggest change that sets Titanfall 2 apart from its predecessor, namely the single player campaign, and namely the fact that this game

actual

ly has one. Now, the decision to turn the first Titanfall into a multiplayer-only shooter and still charge full price for it seemed incredibly bold and incredibly stupid to me from the day it was announced. And take note, kids, because upon discovering some kind of blizzard-based apocalypse, the general public will not agree to spending a lot of money on a game that will invariably become inaccessible over time.
And after playing the Titanfall 2 campaign twice, I honestly wonder who the hell put the bum, eating stationery, behind the studio in charge of that decision. Because Respawn has shown here that they are not only capable of making a good single player campaign, but they are more than capable of making a great one. I just hope the poor guy doesn't scratch his knuckles too much on his way out the door, because with the repeal of the ACA, I don't think he has the dose to treat that infection. Now, because I didn't intend to review this game at all when I initially played it, I ended up having to play the entire campaign a second time in order to record the footage for this review, and in doing so I realized one of the things smarter about the way the campaign was presented from a storytelling perspective.
Unlike most games whose stories revolve around a small group of characters, Titanfall 2 develops the emotional bond between Cooper and BT through its gameplay rather than relying entirely on dialogue and cutscenes, a choice of design so subtle that I really missed it entirely. my first game, a testament to how well it's implemented or how late I am, probably a combination of all three. See, the levels are arranged in such a way that Cooper and BT are often apart and have to do things to indirectly or directly help each other. There are several instances where Cooper is separated from BT and must fight legions of enemy soldiers in order to reunite with him, but unlike most games, instead of you being completely separated during these sections, BT will help you out by revealing and, sometimes, guarding Cooper from enemy soldiers or other dangers.
Also, due to the discrepancy in size and mobility between the two characters, there are several areas that only one of them can traverse, making each mission literally impossible for either BT or Cooper to complete on their own. . All of this is used to help communicate the character's story told throughout the campaign, that BT and Cooper's time together is causing them to develop a codependent relationship. It's a show-don't-tell method that can only be achieved through video games, and it's refreshing to see it done so well here. Granted, I might be reading too much into this and it might have been a decision made entirely for gaming purposes, but intentionally or not, it had a very positive effect on my experience playing through the story and appreciation for life. so fuck off, the game gets points anyway.
So about that story, if the execution of the character's story was as subtle as I've described it, it would be safe to assume that the story itself is great, right? No you fucking staple eater, have you been paying attention or have I not put enough owl png on the screen for you? The plot makes no sense, Cooper is practically a self-inserted Mary Sue, the villains are from the gritty reboot of Captain Planet, and the overarching story has about as much depth as a YouTube comment criticizing an open-world game. And it's amazing because the writers at Respawn are very aware of all of this.
This is a game about gruff guys and ladies in giant robots fighting with swords the size of your school bus on an alien planet for control of a magical glowing macguffin, not exactly fucking Shakespeare, and probably would have been a mistake . to take it 100% seriously. Suggestion damn suggestion. Titanfall 2 knows exactly what it is: silly, cheesy, goofy, action-movie fun, and it actually goes beyond that to deliver a story that, while definitely flawed and clichéd, packs some surprisingly powerful emotional punches. Something that would probably feel incredibly jarring and out of place in a lesser game, but due to the obvious amount of care and affection put into the way it was written and designed, it all totally works.
The most important takeaway from this is something I think anyone writing a story should do their best to remember: stories are a lot like jokes, because the quality of each factor depends entirely on the way it's delivered. A bad joke told well can cause a great laugh, while a good joke told poorly will often make everyone a little uncomfortable. It's no different when you're writing a story, because a mediocre story told well is infinitely more interesting than a good story told poorly. Now, let's put all that fag narrative bullshit aside and talk about the game's bread and butter.
From a gameplay perspective, a lot of what makes singleplayer work is the fact that the core mechanics in Titanfall 2 are really great, but I'm going to cover that shit in a hot minute when I get to multiplayer, like this. So as far as the single player goes, I'm going to focus most of my attention on the levels themselves. You see, Respawn is a lot like most girlfriends I've had in my life because they seem to have no interest in masturbating. If you were to sit down and list all the cool and unique ideas Respawn had for levels, you would have an exact list of every level in the game.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that there isn't a single level in this game that doesn't introduce its own unique twist on the already excellent sandbox of Titanfall 2's gameplay, either by the way the level is presented or by introducing new mechanics entirely. . Now, naturally, some of these mechanics are much less interesting than others, and sadly I don't think they'll become the best; in fact, the final level has one of the smoothest tricks, while the coolest level in the entire game happens before the halfway point, and I'm not actually going to show any footage of that level in this review because if somehow You've managed to get to this point without getting spoiled by its mechanics, so I want you to experience it for yourself.
I'll just say that, aside from a few flash games, this is the one button indicator that has gotten me closest to finishing. As far as I can tell, the only arguable downside to this established approach to design is that it resulted in the campaign only lasting about 5 hours, but if I'm being honest I don't fully understand the fetishization of game time that so many game critics seem to enjoy. . Personally, I'd prefer a 5 hour game worth playing twice over a 10 hour game barely worth playing once almost any day of the week, because as far as I'm concerned, the length of something en It's not a very accurate indication of quality, which I'm sure won't surprise anyone.
Cock joke, thesaurus, cock joke. Now this all leads me to finally being able to talk about multiplayer which, after all, is what this series was initially intended to sell on. And... Okay, look: even though I personally think saying "it's like X but Y" is a pretty lazy way of criticizing something, I've found that it's almost impossible to talk about the way this game is played. not to mention at least recent Call of Duty titles; So if being a big baddie in Call of Duty is going to make you sad again, then you should probably go ahead and leave now.
Also, the funny thing about that is that the comments on that Call of Duty review I made really confused me, because despite not remembering turning them off, about half of them seemed to be off anyway. Who knows, maybe YouTube detected the title and managed the comments accordingly. Regardless, the reason this comparison is almost unavoidable stems from the fact that from a basic mechanical perspective, the two games are almost identical on paper; Which is strange, given that one of the pieces of paper is covered in fancy calligraphy with some pretty embroidery around the edges, while the other is covered in racial epithets and is currently on fire.
I guess it serves to underscore my earlier point about how important execution is, so take notes you liberal pricks. Now, as I said, the similarities between these two games have been discussed ad nauseam, so I'll try to be brief to try and avoid repeating what everyone else has already said. There's probably a pun on an owl, but I'm on my last run through the script right now and honestly can't be screwed to think of one. To put it as simply as possible, I think the biggest thing Titanfall 2 has over Captain Picard's Online Journal is the fact that there seems to be a much stronger sense of unity in terms of its design, and let me explain what What do I mean by what?
Running, wall running, sliding, punching, and shooting would all be pretty easy to confuse in a vacuum if you hadn't played either game. The differentiating factor, and the reason why I think Titanfall 2 is better, is that Respawn uses these core mechanics as the foundation on which everything else is built, while Infinity Ward seems to have implemented them, shrugged, then started. to break the shit older Call of Duty games together in the hope that everything would magically fall into place. I'm being hyperbolic, shut up. Every mechanical and design choice made in Titanfall 2 perfectly complements the core game. The big, sprawling maps, for example, play off both the sheer scale of the Titans and the fast movement of balls to the ceiling of the pilots, while also containing enough tight-knit areas that pilots don't feel completely defenseless when outnumbered.
ByOf course, some maps do this better than others, but even the worst maps do a pretty decent job of giving pilots some safe spaces. Also, the quoted "core" game types for Titanfall 2 are designed in such a way that they give the player a very real feeling of being a super soldier. These game types rely on points rather than kills being earned from killing enemy players and Titans, as well as the various enemy NPCs scattered around the maps. It might seem like a small detail, but the addition of this extra element works wonders at making you feel like you're making a difference in a much bigger battle, unlike the way Infinite Warfare makes you feel like you're in some sort of Bizarre Handicapped Battle Royale or the way Battlefield 1 makes you feel as insignificant as you really are.
It's a big part of why I think most non-NPC game types don't really work, the notable exception being Last Titan Standing, and speaking of titans: performing any action that rewards your team with points will also fill up a small meter on the bottom left corner of the screen, and once it's full, you can summon one of the different Titan classes, which are conveniently separated into a few different categories: There's the Titans for FPS game fans, the Titans for in love with first person shooter games. "V" key and the Tone for subhuman filth. Personally, I almost exclusively use the Ronin, half because the Leadwall feels like it's shooting midsize SUVs and half because none of the other Titan cores can even come close to the level of joy I get from repeatedly hitting someone in the head. with a giant sword, probably because it invokes the same feeling I get every time I write analogies.
Much like the Titans, the pilot classes can easily be separated into a couple of groups; those are the grappling hook and the others. This is not to say that the other tactical charges are bad in themselves, besides wall A, of course, the proverbial tone of tactical equipment, it's just that... Okay, look, if you're going to give me the ability. Tobey Maguire to get me out of a sticky situation, I'm not exactly going to be motivated to use anything else. Now, it's worth pointing out how impressive it is that Respawn was able to make you feel like an unstoppable force of nature on your Titan without making you feel completely powerless going up against them.
It's also worth noting how confusing this is when you think about the fact that these are the same people who thought sentry turrets that can kill pilots as fast as enemy players and quadruple their health were a good idea. But as hard as they try, the pilot sentinels, the Tono, the A-wall, the... fucking Tono... None of these can tarnish the experience to the point of considering not recommending it. So, I guess to wrap up this absolute shitshow of a review: If you don't have Titanfall 2 and everything you've seen on screen or heard coming out of my retard has seemed a bit interesting to you, then I highly recommend it.
I recommend that you buy it. It's one of the best-designed AAA experiences I've played in years, and if you don't want to buy it at full price, you should at least keep an eye out for a sale, because even if you don't think this game is worth your money, essentially I can guarantee it is. worth your time. Yeah, that's a bit of a boring note to end the video on, but what the hell do you want from me? I don't have the writing talent to make a positive review funny without a trick, I sure don't know how to turn a recommendation into a joke.
Hell, this game is so good that the only complaint I feel 100% justified in leveling against it is the fact that it sometimes has a bad habit of stuttering in multiplayer matches; and even then, from what I've read, this seems to be an external error sometimes caused by running the game on Windows 10, so if your computer's antivirus is strong enough to have protected you from that piece of malware in person should do it. a-aces-ces. mal-malware FUCK ♪ Talk about Jake Bardin ♪

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