Amy Schumer's Not-So-Romantic Paris Visit

You were supposed to be here last week and at the last minute that morning you canceled because you had a fever and you were sick. Yeah. You were going to have healers come over. How did it work? I have cupping marks on my butt. Did it work? Yes, it worked. Does the suction cup work? They were really good. Suction cup work. Wow. And I'm not talking about you know, I mean like, with the cups. Yeah, I feel a lot better, but it turns out that if you work really hard non-stop for 15 years and don't take a break, it's not good for your body.

Yeah. I didn't know. Your body. I came here before I hit the road 10 years ago. Yeah. It was like it's going to be good and you're like mm-huh. And you tell the truth, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard to be on the road, because you're in a different hotel room all the time. That's why I said that everyone should start coming to me. They just come to you. And I have a show. Then they would come to me. This is great. Because touring is more difficult. She's smart, you're smart. I'm stupid. Yeah. That's good. You bring everything to you, the seasons.

Yeah, everything, these are all the gifts. These are all people who are like sacrifices. That's a plate of onions, I think. I don't know that's good. Yeah, so congratulations. You are in love, you are happy. You have a boyfriend since the last time I saw you. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. He is very lucky. I think it was a bit because of my appearance here last time. He saw my outfit and said: I want to be involved in this. Really? Yeah. Did you have an outfit that was skimpy? she was skating in front of hillary. It was that, that's right.

Obviously he was like hm. dating app? Yes, we met and I think neither of us was looking for anything. But we really liked each other right away. And I liked it so much that I thought I would make it wait. And I did it. throughout dinner. No, we didn't go to dinner. But he was awesome. We have been very honest with each other. He was like up front, he was like, look, I'm a realist. I know for a fact that I have no diseases left. Have you never been tested, Ellen's audience? Sorry, I know it's the holidays.

But we just had our anniversary, that's very nice. Yes. Thanks, we need it. It's still early, we're still, like, lying. None of us had ever been to France because we're both trash. Right. And so, we were like, let's go. And so we went and it was like we wanted to be

romantic

. It is an intimidating city. And then we had one of those hotel rooms where the bathroom, when you're in it and someone says, you hear it loud throughout the room. You can hear everything. And we both got violent food poisoning. Violent. And so it hits him first.

And he's there alone, blah blah blah. And then the way he manifested in me. It's basically I was there like. How do I say this? Something like a machine gun. And I knew that it was all over. I'm yelling at him It was great hanging out with you, I wish you the best of luck, you're going to meet the best girl, but I knew it. I knew it was over. Who can make it through that? And then I thought, I'm just going to be the one with that ending. And he's going to go back there, put his head where I was and then- Less than a year, we're together.

But then he hears me go! And I grab the trash, and I had to, so it's all over. I was like the source on Friends, you know, basically. And that's when I learned never to throw up in a wicker basket. Happy holidays, guys. That's when you learned. My God, my God. We're still together.