Amy Schumer Hilarious Acceptance Speech | Glamour UK

I'm not nervous, um, I don't live here, so, uh, Jennifer, you made me laugh so much, I just like it, damn, uh, thanks for getting pregnant and you're beautiful, and thanks for recommending me. Clips um and uh I love that Ellie says, thank you for loving real people and she's like a super model, um, like ugly little guys like you found us. She's probably 160 pounds right now and can catch a cock whenever she wants. I want that to be the truth, it's not a problem, it's not a problem, you said we could take our time, right, I don't have any, um, someone on the straightened carpet said, do you feel out of place? and I said no, of course.

No, I look very glamorous. I didn't lose my two front teeth until I was in fifth grade, which is late, and that same week I got my period, which is early, so I was like this Jackal. lantern with tits walking around like it's trick or treating and uh, and I had one of those moms that said you don't need to shave above the knee, so just a werewolf, just Christopher Robin, down here and uh, and glamor , thank you. You're so much, Joe Glamour, you've been so kind to me. Any comic in the room knows that when a comic has a photo shoot, she's like, "Oh, cool, can you hold this like a plastic dick over your head?" and we are going to like it. shoot um like it's real, get out of there in your head and you're like, oh, thanks, yeah, and uh, right, they're like, oh, you're going to be like a dumpster and you're like, oh, thanks for inviting me, but Uh,

glamour

, you're the first magazine that was like smiling and I was like, where's the dick? and they said no, just be you and um, glamor has given me a lot, glamor has given me a voice, no joke.

Uh, the first time I told this story about me going home with a college freshman guy and I think well, going home with him is being really nice, I thought he was calling me during the day to hang out, but then it turned out that I had been out all night and I was in a blackout and um and I told him that story like I lost self-esteem and then I just found and said no, I'm not going to apologize for who I am and I'm really going to love the skin that I'm in and I'm not going to fight for another version of myself and yeah, and I and I make fun of women's magazines a lot because they're just great food and you know. some of them make you feel bad for just being born with a are like they make you feel that new car smell and you're like hanging a pineapple off your and you're like okay, okay, um, like true.

Some of the guys don't even remotely smile and you know what I don't live here. I don't care tonight. I had one goal and that was to be able to take off my underwear at the end of the night and have it. I don't look like I blew my nose and don't look upset, guys, because your underwear looks like a coal miner wiped his brow at the end of a shift. I am very grateful to be here. I had never been here before. our family vacation was like TOA and uh, I want to thank Joe, I want to thank glamor, I want to thank my publicist who left, oh hey, I think that makes sense, I can't believe it hasn't happened yet and my my uh, my little sister, Kim, who we do everything together and we made this movie and it's about the secrets that I've left behind and, uh, man, I really want to thank Goldie Han, who I loved and made me laugh so much and Be This Beautiful , vulnerable, funny and a boss, he's just been very inspiring, um, yeah, I feel like I've burned every bridge possible.

Okay, thank you very much.