5 Hilarious Standup Stories (Part-3) | Kevin Hart | Norm Macdonald | Dave ChappelleFeb 27, 2020
secret the fact that she had polio because polio does a lot of heavy lifting for a personality anyway so we fought fight fought and I didn't win I can't win every argument Hank isn't going to get vaccinated so two , three weeks later we're doing the legit season 2 and I'm doing a medical oh thanks I think we were the only ones who liked it oh yeah we're doing the legit season 2 and the network is trying to reassure me for eight million dollars because that's what a season costs. So I have to do what they call a study physical and they're making sure in case I die because the show would be over if I died or also if I had some mental problem and started stabbing people that would be a problem too, so it's like a three-hour physical I'm like jogging on treadmills and psych testing so I'm jogging with this treatment with all this stuff I mean it's a tube coming out of my mouth and down and the doctors tell me something and I thought I'd just bring it into the conversation and I said hey, it's um, it's not that important to vaccinate children, is it? and she went only if you want them to live well she didn't even look up that's serious since you guys let me put it this way mr.
Jeffries, I wouldn't let my kids play with an unvaccinated child, so I figured that's all the information I needed, so behind Kate's back, and this is super illegal and involves forging her signature 3 times. the doctor didn't recommend it but i'm a busy guy now i was about to go home to pick up hank to take him for a shot now i knew kate was going to be home with hank so i knew we were about to have the biggest fight from the story now you know when you are about to fight with your
partner but they don't know you are about to fight with them so you have the upper hand so what you do is you I think horrible about that person all day, so in case i cry you can have fun now no matter what happens in my life.
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5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle...
I will always say that Kate is the nicest human being I have ever met because of the kindness of her. a good soul she only sees the good in people she will never say a bad word about a There is no other human being and it is strange so im driving home. I'm trying to think bad thoughts about the nicest person in the world and it's really hard so I'm in my car like Kate who do you think she's getting the house? well she left that plate in the sink, that was a nightmare. I remember that I know it was me.
I did when she cleaned it up and that's enabled and that's right there so I went back to her steamy here we go good games on me She comes home she's sitting lovingly playing with our son and she looks at me she says hello honey, hi he died darling she said whats up we will tell you whats ok thank you get your shot today and theres nothing you can do. She and Hank start yelling that he's won, so he's so attached to her mom and he's like mom mom mom like your mom can't help you now.
I got to the parked cars. she comes out she starts patting me on the back and pulls me off of her so she dramatically falls to the ground. I look up and two of the neighbors are outside their houses. Basically, they're watching me kidnap a child and beat up my girlfriend. at your house griese i took the drivers seat and i got out of there and kate is on her knees and she screams good but if he becomes autistic it's up to you and i thought but she considers it a win so anyway i take all i get him all his shots i bring him home and he is definitely autistic now he was like night and day like the kid before the kids shots after before the shots he was their lively kid and then after i brought him behind me sitting in the choir boy and I'm like ah oh no no no no no Kate is going to figure this out, so I did what I did when I knew I was in trouble.
I'm lying, so I put Hank in a baby bjorn. on my chest because I couldn't let him have anything, it took a lot of time with Kate because Kate would see it right away, you know, now I know what you're thinking. He couldn't go on like this forever, but he had a plan. What he was going to do was right. Kate was going to come by look what you did okay okay so anyways I'm taking lightly of a situation that was horrible man I mean it's nice to make jokes about it now but if I can at the time I was distraught, I didn't.
I couldn't sleep for three days. I could not eat. My brain was in a loop. I was so connected that I couldn't. I was rocking back and forth like you kids artists. He could sell his phone. later i go to the doctor to get the results of my physical and hanks hanging on me and the doctor comes in and says how are we doing today mr. me and jeffries said no good no good you told me to vaccinate hank you said vaccinate the kid ok but this is not good he used to be a good kid look at this kid and she says can you just calm down and she said i can't i don't calm down because I haven't slept in three days and I'm kinda wired and my brain is in a loop and I can't turn it off because my kids are tickets on my phone my artsy kids is on my farm my autistic kids is on my farm my artsy kids is on my phone my artistic kids it's all my fault and she looked at my c
hartand said now you know you have a tendency to overreact because you're on the spectrum you what wins you over I know how you have little empathy for others.
You don't listen when others are talking and you don't make eye contact. I've heard of eye contact. his shots on a day I didn't recommend now it's true the next day Hank was back to
normal there's nothing wrong with Hank but it turns out I'm autistic oh no and I don't even know if I think the spectrum is very broad , like 1% of Ben Carson's or something like that so I don't know I think a lot about times we just got diagnosed with personalities like I'm a bit of a jerk but it's weird I was 36 when they told me it's weird when you find out you're autistic at 36 because it's great news for me I'm going to call everyone I knew and tell them and no one was surprised I called my mom and left a message on her voice machine like this mom you have to call me back I have biggest news hour and remember you and when you're getting married and i was no i'm autistic this not everyone knows you're autistic it's not that bad when i was a kid i had polio
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