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5 Hilarious Standup Stories (Part-3) | Kevin Hart | Norm Macdonald | Dave Chappelle

Feb 27, 2020
making sure Hank doesn't die and between you and me I think she's doing a job and I said why? Didn't she get vaccinated and she said "I think it leads to autism" and I asked her what medical evidence do you have that it leads to autism and she said "Jenny" and I said "don't even say McCarthy, don't even say that because that's not doctor". The evidence is Jenny McCarthy and I have nothing against the woman, she is a comedian and the playmate, they are my two favorite types of people, but I don't get my medical advice from them, it's one of my things and she was, but his son is autistic and Fui, is he really him or is he just Jenny McCarthy's son?
5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle
We were expecting a member of the men who fall from that woman and she said what does it matter that no one gets smallpox, no one gets polio and it's very frustrating when they say that because you like crazy vaccines and I said also my mother had polio, that's TRUE. dead gun polio my mother can include polio in any conversation you will have dinner with my mother and to go ah maybe eat some chocolate cake because I couldn't when I was young I had polio I think my mother secretly loves the fact that she had polio because polio does a lot of heavy lifting for a personality anyway, so we fight, fight, fight and I didn't win, I can't win every argument.
5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle

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5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle...

Hank's not getting vaccinated so cup two three weeks later we're doing the second legit season and I do a medical oh thank you I think we were the only ones who liked it oh yeah we're doing the second legit season and the network is trying to insure me for eight million dollars because that's what a season costs so what I have to do is what they call a studio physical and they're insuring me in case I die because the show would have ended if I died or also if he had some mental problem and just started stabbing people that would also be a problem.
5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle
So it's like a three-hour physical, like running on treadmills and psychological tests, so I'm running through this treatment with all this stuff, I mean, it's a tube coming out of my mouth and I get off and the doctors tell me. something happens and I thought I'd bring it into the conversation and said, hey, it's not that important to vaccinate children, right? and she said only if you want them to live well. She didn't even look up, did she? Since you guys let me put it this way, Mr. Jeffries, I wouldn't let my kids play with an unvaccinated child, so I figured that's all the information I need behind Kate's back and this is super illegal and involves falsifying your sign 3 times.
5 hilarious standup stories part 3 kevin hart norm macdonald dave chappelle
I reserve tank to receive all these vaccines in one day, which the doctor did not recommend, but now I am a busy guy. He was about to go back home to pick up Hank and take him to get his shots. Now I knew Kate was going to be home with Hank, so I knew we were ready. have the biggest fight ever, now you know when you are about to fight with your

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ner, but they don't know that you are about to fight with them, so you have the advantage, so what you do is you. I think horrible about that person all day, so in case I cry, you can enjoy now no matter what happens in my life.
I will always say that Kate is the kindest human being I have ever met because of her kindness. I can't blame her. She just is. a good soul she only sees the good in people will never say a bad word about another human being and that's why it's strange so I'm driving home I'm trying to think bad thoughts about the kindest person in the world and it's really hard so I'm in my car like Kate, who do you think keeps the house right? She left that plate in the sink, that was a nightmare. I remember I know it was me.
I did it when she cleaned it and that allows me. and that's there, so I went back to her steam, here we go, okay, we continue playing, I get home, she is sitting lovingly playing with our son and she looks at me and says: Hello, honey, hello, dead, honey, me , she said, what's wrong with us? I'll tell you what's right, thank you for getting vaccinated today and there's nothing you can do and I pick up Hank and she starts screaming that she won so he's really attached to his mom and he's like Mom, Mom, Mom, like you Mom couldn't help you now. to the parked cars I throw it in I'm doing it and the license plate comes out of the seat she starts slapping me on the back and takes me off like that she falls dramatically to the ground I look up and two of the neighbors are outside In their houses, they're essentially telling me Watching a kid get kidnapped and my girlfriend beaten up, and I'm already too far gone, so I doubled over and drove back to your house, Griese, and I got in the driver's seat and got out of there and Kate's on her knees and she's screaming okay, but if she becomes autistic it's up to you and I thought but she considers it a victory so anyway I drink, I cough, I give him all the shots, I take him home and he's definitely autistic, now is the time.
It was like night and day like the kid before the shots of the kids after before the shots he was his lively son and then after I brought him behind me sitting in the choir and I was like ah oh no no no no no no Kate going to I realize this and then I did everything I did when I knew I was in trouble. I'm lying, so I gave Hank a baby bjorn. He's just hanging on me like he's hanging on my chest because he couldn't let me have anything. It took a long time. with Kate because Kate would see it right away you know, I know what you're thinking.
He couldn't go on like this forever, but he had a plan. What he was going to do was right. I was going to stand near a door that I knew Kate was going to pull through look what you did right, so anyway I'm making light of a situation that was horrible, man. I mean, it's good to joke about it now, but if I can at the time I was distraught. I didn't sleep for three days I couldn't eat my brain was in a loop I was so wired I couldn't I was just rocking back and forth like you artist kids he could sell his phone kid or two so anyway cut to three.
Days later I go to the doctor to get the results of my physical and Hanks hangs up on me and the doctor comes in and asks me: how are we doing today, sir? Jeffries and I said it's not good, it's not good, did you tell me to vaccinate Hank? you said vaccinate the child, well but this is not good, he used to be a good child, look at this child and she says can you calm down and she said no can I? I can't calm down because I haven't slept for three days and I'm kind of wired and my brain is on a loop and I can't turn it off because my kids are tickets on my phone my artsy kids are on my farm my autistic kids are on my farm my artsy kids it's on my phone my artsy kids it's all my fault and she looked at my c

hart

and said now you know you have a tendency to overreact because you're on the spectrum you what beats you I know you have little empathy for others you don't listen when Others talk and you don't make eye contact.
I've heard about eye contact. She says that she has nothing wrong with Hank. He's just high. You gave him everything. his injections in one day which I didn't recommend now it's true the next day Hank was back to his

norm

al self there's nothing wrong with Hank but it turns out I'm autistic oh no and I don't even know if I think the spectrum is very broad, like 1% Ben Carson's or something like that, so I don't know, I think a lot of times they just diagnosed us with personalities like I was a bit of an idiot, but it's strange, I was 36 when they told me. which is weird when you find out you're autistic at 36 because it's big news to me.
I'm going to call everyone I knew and tell them and no one was surprised. I called my mom and left. a message on your voice machine like this mom, you have to call me again I have the most important news hour and I remember you and when you are getting married and I said no, I'm autistic this time everyone knows you're autistic, no It's bad that when I was a child I had polio

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