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45 MOST SAVAGE Ricky Gervais Golden Globes Jokes (Updated 2020)

Feb 27, 2020
speaking of all you perverts, it was a great year, it was a great year for pedophile movies that survived r.kelly and left Neverland in Pope's shadow. I don't care, I don't care, you probably know me as the creator of the office, no. You don't think Steve Carell knew that? Oh, he's brilliant, isn't he? Steve Carell is incredible as the bumbling office manager. Where does he get his ideas from? Let's pay hundreds of millions of dollars and put them in every movie, if I can't be bothered to go to the movies to see Steve in action then just watching it might be Thursday here on NBC, honestly I like a drink as much as the next man , unless the next man is Mel Gibson, our first host is beautiful, talented and apparently Jewish.
45 most savage ricky gervais golden globes jokes updated 2020
Mel Gibson told me he's obsessed with please welcome Scarlett Johansson. You could watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching the show, which is a show about a man who wants to commit suicide because his wife dies of cancer and it's even funnier than This spoiler alert second season is on the way, so In the end he obviously didn't commit suicide like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up, I know he's your friend, but I don't care about Joy and Trainwreck, no, not even the names of Charlie Sheen's two favorites. prostitutes the movies of our next two hosts their best friends by the way wanted me to tell you that and if you forget they said they would tweet you and Ramona basically they are there they come and scream we threw their best friend it's like never would have had a friend before, please welcome Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence, at least Jeffrey Drum did it in a dress, what a year he has had, oh, what an actor, what a role, no, every day he has to put on all those women's clothes. and hair and makeup and letting people film it, that takes balls, so I don't know how she does it.
45 most savage ricky gervais golden globes jokes updated 2020

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45 most savage ricky gervais golden globes jokes updated 2020...

Not really. I've seen his balls, they're huge and long. He did put it in her bra, right? Think about when you push him back and let him hang out like a bulldog. Nobody knows. I love Jeffrey Tambor. I don't know if it's because he's a great actor or because he reminds me of my grandmother. Let's get on with this first. NBC replaced me with Jay Leno once in Hollywood which lasted al

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three hours Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and at the end his date was too old for him on a serious note just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work they have performed this year cosmetic surgeons talking about the walking dead congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who was going to marry the beautiful Crystal Harris, 24 years old, at the age of 84, when asked why she was marrying him, she said because he lied about his age he told me he was 94 oh come on don't worry wait and just don't look at it when you touch it ask them our next presenters are two of the funniest people in america.
45 most savage ricky gervais golden globes jokes updated 2020
She stole the show on Saturday night. Live then went on to create, write and star in her own show Ella 30 Rock. His acting career wasn't going so well if I'm totally honest, who got his big break when I cast him in a remake of a show I created, I called the office, he's now leaving that show and killing a source of income for both of us, please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey and the ungrateful Steve, listen, if you win tonight, remember that no one cares about that award as much as you do, okay, don? Don't get excited, it's embarrassing, okay, that award is not an insult, it's not worth it, it's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and take a selfie with you, okay, that's it everything I have. three I have three Golden Globes too, so I can put a doorstop on them when I usually hit thieves and when I'm at the bedside - it doesn't matter why it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, I won it fair and square, It's just the right shape and size is nothing, yeah, so just to be clear, it was a joke about me pushing gold balloons that I earned up my butt.
45 most savage ricky gervais golden globes jokes updated 2020
The next host is an award-winning actress with special powers in Die Another Day, she used her powers. seduction to conquer James Bond in A few years ago on this show I made a joke about Mel Gibson getting a little drunk and saying some nasty things, we've all done it. He wasn't judging it, but now I find myself in the awkward position of having to introduce it. he again listen, I'm sure it's embarrassing for both of us, okay, and I blame NBC for this terrible situation, now blame, we know, Mel Banks, listen, I still feel a little bad about it, right, Mel has completely forgotten, apparently that's what I want to drink. say something nice about Mao before she leaves so oh yeah, okay, here we go.
I'd rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby, please, Malcolm, now Gibson, yes, I love seeing Ricki once every three years because he reminds me. to have a colonoscopy yes, well, if you had left your drink, you don't need to leave it here. I'll make you sleep differently, son, a little bit, listen, yes, can I ask you a question? Go ahead, I think everyone wants to get out of this I don't know that's the guy who said it it wasn't me all the female remakes are the

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important thing there is a female remake of Ghostbusters there will be a female remake of Ocean's Eleven and this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don't have to spend too much money on the cast, so shut up, I don't care, but the actors are not only loved here in Hollywood, but I loved them all over the world because they are recognizable you can be anyone, you could be in the third world, okay, and you catch a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better, okay, you could be a little guy, a little boy, a little Asian boy, with no possessions or money, but you get and you see a photo of Angelina Jolie and you think that mom, if you win, go up, except Giuliana Ward, thank your agent and your God, and that's it, our next host is a beautiful and talented actress, born in England, she came to the United States and has taken hollywood by surprise the star of the nominated movie the danish girl please is a guy eddie redmayne one thing you can't buy is a gold bow officially i'm not doing this again anyway but if you bought one mantasy it would be phillip Burke I love this next host, he's great, he's the star of Iron Man, two girls and a boy, Wonder Boys, sorry, these porn movies, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Bowfinger, really, yeah, the Academy, come on, ha made all those movies, but many.
Everyone in this room probably knows him best from facilities like the Betty Ford Clinic and the Los Angeles County Jail. Let's welcome Robert Downey Jr. Jennifer Lawrence made headlines when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood and received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were street marches with nurses and factory workers saying how a 25-year-old could live on 52 million. but there were plumbers all over the world oh poor girls Oh Rocky now but joking aside of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job and I would like to say now They pay me exactly the same. like Tina and Amy did last year, now I know there were two of them, but it's not my fault if they want to share the money, is that their stupid plate?
Yes, it's funny because it's true, the Hollywood foreign press considered The Martian a comedy. and he even nominated it and so Matt Damon is here tonight so it worked out great, to be fair the Martian was a lot funnier than the pixels but so was Schindler's List. It's just a movie, what can I say about our next two hosts? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose films have grossed more than three and a half billion dollars at the box office. He has won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in films such as Apollo 13, Forrest Gump's Castaway in Philadelphia and Saving Private.
Ryan, the other is Tim Allen, it was a great year for 3D movies, Toy Story, Despicable Me Tron, it seems like everything this year was three-dimensional, except for the characters in The Tourist. I feel bad about that joke, okay, no, no, I'll tell you why. I'm jumping on the bandwagon because I haven't even seen the tourist who did and, but no, he must be good because he's nominated, so shut up, okay, and I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going around that the only The reason the tourist was nominated was so the Hollywood foreign press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, that's nonsense, that's not the only reason they took bribes too.
Come on, you know, our next movie host like Hudson Hawk, look who's talking about the color Mercury Rising. night fifth element war of hearts please welcome Ashton Kutcher's father, Bruce Willis, there are many important films that were not nominated this year nothing for Sex in the City - no, I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects It would be for the team that touched up that poster, great job, girls, we know how old you are. I saw one of you in a bonanza episode. He is the star of the funny comedy. The Martian. Oh, I almost died.
He is also the only person to whom Ben Affleck has not been unfaithful. please welcome Matt Damon shut up you disgusting pill taking sexual deviants come on I want to do this monologue and then hide okay not even Sean Penn will catch me snitching it will be a night of partying and excessive drinking or whatever he calls it Charlie Sheen. breakfast Wow, let's get this straight. What he did was pick up a porn star and paid her to have dinner with him. He introduced her to his ex-wife, like you do. He went to the hotel. He got drunk.
He got naked. He trashed the place while she was there. locked in the closet and that was a Monday, what did he do on New Year's Eve? The Golden Globes are shown all over the world. It does not take into account color or creed. It doesn't just celebrate talent. Celebrate the difference. Crush prejudices and stereotypes. A stereotype. What I hate is that all the Irish are just drunks, swearing, friends, razors, please welcome Colin Farrell, our next presenters are young and thin, with hair and teeth, they are lovely to look at, they which is better because they will present the Best Foreign Language Award.
Film a category that no one in America cares about, please welcome Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, who are also not nominated. I love you Philip Morris Jim Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor to straight actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists and probably my lawyer. helped me with writing that joke, they're not here, it's okay, when Brad and Angelina see our next two adorable hosts, they'll want to adopt them, please welcome Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong, now Caitlyn Jenner, for Of course, what a year it has been. if she had become a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking barriers and destroying stereotypes, she didn't do much for female drivers, you can't have it all, Danya, no, at the same time, a post from Hollywood said I would host.
It means that some movie stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of, as if movie stars stay away from the chance of winning a

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shine, especially their movie company has already paid for it. What's with all the divorces? What's going on? I mean, Arnold. Oh, Maria JLo and Mark Antony Ashton and me Kim Kardashian and some things no one had ever remembered he wasn't he wasn't around for long 72 days a marriage that lasted 72 days I've sat through James' acceptance speeches the longest Cameron The Catholic Church is furious with the film as it exposes the fact that 5% of all its priests have repeatedly sexually abused children and have been allowed to continue working without punishment.
Roman Polanski called it the best dating movie ever.

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