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Стендап "Не на ТНТ". Сольный концерт Соболева Ильи 2018. Russian StandUp

May 01, 2020
I... came at a time when she got carried away. Actually. That was before... before I got married. We're in a club in Krasnoyarsk, we're all boom-boom... Down his pants: "What do we have here..." FUCK! (screams) SHIT! Damn, where's my watch? Hey you! Come on, fuck…” And it's: (squeals) “Fuck! Bitch! Damn, it's like picking berries... There it is, shining... (screams) No, it's a fishing lure..." You're looking for your lost watch, your glove... Yeah... When you're together, you're couple... It's easier because you are always in contact! Personally, my wife and I planned this. Always. So there are no surprises.
2018 russian standup
You're like... And it's... "Fuck..." I tell him: - When? She says: —On the 19th. - What year? So there are no surprises. "Oh so good! So soft!" And there we go. Good? Do you have that? You... not yet? “I'll go find you! After all, we're not married yet!
2018 russian standup

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2018 russian standup...

And often they are peeking. Sometimes it's so uncomfortable! One time I was writing something, doing my best... And this guy looked at me like, "Man, that's not funny." Oh yeah? Well then. Are you fucking with Zoshchenko? Who did she travel with? * — Soviet author and satirist “It's not funny!” That's what that guy said! I mean… And for these know-it-alls who are always watching, I write in big letters: “What the fuck are you looking at?” And it really works! You're writing, he's looking and he's like, "What the fuck are you looking at?" They say: Once I was traveling, writing about dances...
2018 russian standup
And an old woman sits next to me. She is so adorable! I won't write “What the fuck are you looking at?”! It's too much! I removed that line. And I think: "She doesn't look." I'm typing, and one moment I look over and she's looking at the screen like this and reading. And I wonder, what was she thinking? I mean really, what? Imagine: you get on the train, a boy next to you is writing... “Balls... are... Sometimes they are difficult to shave. You know, a hair hides between wrinkles, and it's... Women's lips, if they were like the skin of a bat...
2018 russian standup
Shit! She'll be thinking like, "Who is he?" I mean, obviously a lawyer... an animal rights activist. That's fucked up! Yeah, maybe a diamond miner in Africa... Anyway, she left, and as she was leaving she gave me a note. She gave me a note like, “Read it at home.” I said, “Okay…” And she left. Anyway, I get home, open the note, and he says, "What the fuck are you looking at?" Thank you very much for listening, guys. I'm very grateful, I really appreciate this. I'm glad you came to see the show. I've been writing this material for a long time.
This happened in Rublyovka * with a man you know, but I can't say who he is. * — prestigious high-end residential area on the outskirts of Moscow with extremely expensive gated communities. It's a true story, so listen very carefully. So, this very rich old man who lives in Rublyovka was dating and living with a girl. A beautiful young girl. And often, when we see these couples: a rich old man and a girl... we think, like... Is it love? Who knows what kind of relationship that is. She wanted to be as close to her fortune as possible, so this is what she did.
When she was giving him a blowjob...
And that's... That's great. Thank you so much! I really enjoyed the show. And like I said, Mr. Black is coming for each of us. THE END

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